Making It Through (7 page)

For the second time in a week, Max showed up at my door, surprising me. This time, I was grateful that no one else was around. I really didn’t want to try and explain Max to anyone else. He stood on the front steps, looking his usually-perfect self in fitted dark jeans and a baby blue golf shirt, which accentuated his
flawless
skin. After a moment of ogling, I managed to find my senses again.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him, confused. “Were we supposed to study? You didn’t bring any books.”

“That’s because we're going out today. I’ll wait here while you get ready. Go on, get moving woman. And wear something blue; it’s a good color on you.”

What a confusing man Max was at times. I changed and had returned in a couple of minutes.

Max drove us to a nearby city parking lot. “Where are we going?” I asked. “Shouldn’t we really be studying?”

“Ever heard the saying that all work and no play makes Mady a boring girl?” He chuckled.

“
I'm
pretty sure it didn’t go exactly like that, but yes,” I answered,  smirking.

“All right then. Today,
we're
taking a break. You and I both need to get our noses away from those books for a while.

Max
led
me for a block, until we reached the subway. “Uh, why the subway?”

“Mady, a little trust please. I wouldn’t lead you astray. You know that, right?”

I sighed. He was right. “Yes, I know that.”

We hopped on the train for a couple stops, finally exiting at Union Station. He
led
me through the station and down a long pathway, finally ascending to street-level a short time later. I knew the area, but I still wasn’t sure where we were heading. We walked for a couple blocks further, before Max linked his fingers with mine, and wrapped his other hand around my waist to pause our progress. I looked at him in question. He motioned with his guarded eyes, and I followed them, looking up to see the stadium looming over us. Oh, hell no. I couldn’t do this.

I felt my head start to spin. I tried to back away but Max was holding me firm. My breathing began to labor, my palms instantly sweating. No, no, no! This was something I used to do with Matt. I wasn’t ready to deal with all this! Why would Max even think this was a good idea? The panic bubbled, threatening to overwhelm me.

In my ear, I heard his soothing voice. “Mady. Come back, Mady, you’re going to be fine.”

I felt him lead me towards a nearby bench, where we sat for what could have been hours, but which was probably only a few minutes, all the while, he whispered soothingly in my ear.

Once I had calmed, he gently turned my face to his. “Mady, I’m sorry. I knew this was important between you and Matt, but you have to know that he wouldn’t want you to give it up because of what happened. He would want you to keep loving and enjoying it. We can go home if you really want to, but I would love to be able to cheer on our team together. Not to replace Matt; I would never want that. But maybe I could help build some new, positive memories with you.

I took a huge breath, pausing a moment before exhaling. “I’m sorry for my freakout. I’m not sure why
you're
still sitting here with me. You didn’t sign up for all this when you agreed to be my tutor. Even as my friend, this must be a little much.”

“You’re worth it.”

I laughed halfheartedly. “
I'm
moody and miserable, and
I'm
sure
I'm
a joy to be around. You really are too good a friend for me. I guess I’m trying to say, thank you.”

Max looked at me, a troubled expression crossing his face. Just as quickly, it was gone.

“You’re welcome. All right, so this is the moment of truth, Mady, are you up to give this a try?”

I looked at the foreboding stadium, looked back at Max, and nodded. “Okay.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. With a small smile, he
led
the way to our gate, and pulled tickets from his jacket.

As we made our way inside, Max insisted on stopping at the snack bar.

“Want anything?”

“No, it’s
okay
, I can get my own stuff. You go ahead.” He rolled his eyes at me. “Woman, just tell me what you want. This was my idea, I insist.”

A few minutes later we were seated in incredible seats, only a few rows back, on the home team’s bench, right at mid-field. The smell of nacho cheese wafted from my lap as I took a moment to absorb my surroundings. The teams were doing last-minute warm ups, and the crowd emitted a low hum of excitement.

“How on earth did you manage these seats?” I asked distractedly. I looked for the band I could faintly hear.

“Both being football players and die-hard fans, my buddy and I decided to each get a season ticket and then take turns using them.”

“Sounds like a pretty good deal.”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Turned out perfectly today, in my opinion.”

The game began, and the crowd got pumped up around me. The excitement was usually infectious, but my heart still hurt to be there. I tried to focus on the plays being made on the field, looking at the sidelines between plays to see which players I recognized.

Midway through the second quarter, Max hopped up and excused himself. “I want to grab another drink before halftime. You want anything?”

I shook my head. I turned back to the game; I really did enjoy football. Someone beside me cleared their throat. I turned toward the sound expecting Max, but instead I came face to face with some other guy sitting in Max’s spot. “Hello, I’m Pete. It’s nice to meet you.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. What did this guy think he was doing? “Hello.”

“So, I noticed you when you sat down earlier. I was thinking maybe I could get your number, and I could call you sometime.”

Now both my eyebrows raised. Really? I was trying to formulate what would be the best way to tell him to get lost, when I heard another voice.

“What do you think you’re doing? Are you messing with my girl?” I glanced up, and relief swept through me as our eyes met.

Pete did not look happy. “Your girl? I’m sorry, I didn’t get the impression that she was taken.”

“Why, exactly? Because I haven’t mauled her in public? I happen to have more respect for her than that. Now, get moving.”

Pete was a thing of the past, and Max sat beside me.

“Thank you,” I mumbled.

“For what?
I'm
happy to fend off the unworthy for you. You deserve better. Here, I got you something.”

Max reached into a bag in his lap and pulled out a baseball hat with the team's logo on it.

“You bought me a hat?”

He shrugged. “It was nothing.”

I fixed the hat on my head and leaned over to hug him lightly. “Thank you.”

Max grinned at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders in response. I went back to watching the game. At halftime, I noticed Max glancing at all the fans leaving their seats for snacks and such. The man who had approached earlier, Pete, and Max were eying each other. Max’s arm tightened around me slightly. I nudged him with my elbow. “What gives?”

He looked down at me and smiled. “Not a thing.”

I shook my head. “Pissing contest?”

That made him laugh. “Something like that.”

Our team was down in the beginning of the fourth quarter by a field goal, and everyone was on the edge of their seats. The stadium announcer asked for everyone to give it their all and scream out the team chant.

Max looked at me. “What?” I asked him.

“Oh, you know what. Come on, let’s hear what you got.”

I shook my head. “I think I’m good. Thanks, though.”

“Do you mean to tell me you would rather keep quiet than contribute to the magic that happens when fans cheer for their beloved team?” He placed his hand over his heart. “That is sad.”

His face changed then. Max’s eyes became sorrowful and his lip quivered. It was then I realized he probably got away with quite a lot as a child. I let out a loud sigh. “What's sad, is you trying to guilt me into doing it. Fine.”

Everyone around us was chanting loudly. I took in a deep breath before shouting at the very top of my lungs. “Arrrrgggggooooosssss!”

“Atta girl!” Max shouted.

It was such a silly thing to do, but it lightened my heart just a little bit.

Max tapped my thigh, bringing me back from my thoughts. He pointed at the screen, and there we were. Oh God, we were on the Kiss Cam on the Jumbotron. I had always thought that kissing on the big screen for everyone to see was a ridiculous and completely embarrassing activity, and I always prayed to never be shown up there.

In the live moment, I was stunned. But Max jumped into action, making a show of kissing me firmly on the cheek. My cheeks heated, and thank goodness, the screen changed to someone else. I pulled down the brim of my cap just a little and
sank
into my chair. “Of all the times to get caught on that camera,” I muttered to myself.

Max chuckled beside me, enjoying my embarrassment.

When the game finally finished, with our team victorious, we made our way from the stadium in a sea of other fans. Max wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me from the current of people. “We might as well wait a few minutes. The subway is going to be jammed.”

He walked us over to a nearby bench and sat. “Did you have a good time today?”

I looked at him and smiled. He seemed worried. “I had a better time than I expected to, and I’m grateful. Thank you.”

“You persevered today. I’m proud of you. Thank you for putting some faith in me
and
yourself.”

We sat in comfortable silence for a while, until the crowds cleared, and then we headed on our way. I had survived, and it felt pretty damn good.

Max texted me daily, and not just daily, but like a million times a day. Half of the time, it was pure nonsense, the other half, he managed to keep it to arranging our next study session.

Can I come over to your place to study tonight? Scott is having people over. Might not be the best place to study.

That set me on edge. While things had been pretty quiet in the house over the last couple days, it never lasted very long. But studying was better than not, and so I texted back.

You are taking your life in your hands, entering the war zone, but sure, why not?

Be over in a little bit.

Max arrived with a pizza in hand and a backpack over his shoulder. I led him quickly up to my room where I knew we would have the best chance for quiet. He looked around the room quickly before he hopped onto the bed and lounged against the headboard. I sat at my desk, my feet resting on the edge of the bed.

I wondered what he was thinking about as he observed my room. It had changed a little growing up, from pink walls to
gray
, from white furniture to rich mahogany, from flowery bedding to a solid Irish green, from dolls to books. The only thing that had stayed the same was the window seat piled with pillows.

“I like this,” Max stated waiving his arm around. “It’s warm and cozy, and what I would expect you'd like. But enough procrastinating.”

I smiled at him as I cracked open my first book to get moving. He handed me a slice of pizza, and we dove into work.

After an hour and a half of study time and cheesy deliciousness, I closed my book for a break. Max was looking around the room again. His eyes stopped at the site of my guitar case in the corner.

“Do you play?” he asked with clear curiosity.

“I haven’t played in a while. But yes, I can play a little.”

Max walked over, picked the guitar up, and handed it to me.

“You should play for me.”

Oh, God, no. “Max... no. Let’s just study,
okay
? I have a paper to start, one that I'm in serious need of help with.”

I set the guitar beside me, resting it against my desk, and pulled a notebook from my backpack. He quickly picked up the guitar.

“Come on. What, are you afraid
you're
going to suck? I promise I won’t laugh...”

“It’s not that at all. I just don’t feel like it.”

My eyes returned to my paper. Max, however, decided not to give up the matter.

“I’ll make you a deal. Play for me, just one song, and I’ll help you with your paper.”

I looked at him at length. How could I explain that the idea made my stomach turn?

With a huge sigh, I snatched the guitar from his hands and placed it upon my knee.

I played a few chords, creating a quick tune, and then laid the guitar back down. “There you go. Can we get back to work now?”

Max rolled his eyes at me. “Uh... no... you call that a song? What's the hang up? Do you have a terrible voice or something?”

He paused, seeing the tortured look that crossed my face. Immediately, he tugged me from my chair to sit beside him on the end of the bed, wrapping his arm over my shoulder. “Matt?”

I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder. “It’s ridiculous how all of the things I used to love seem to hurt me now. I never fully appreciated how much Matt touched my life until he was gone. He and I used to have some pretty wicked jam sessions.” I laughed softly. “I miss that.”

Max handed me the guitar again. “One song. Think of it as Max’s therapy session.”

I smiled up at him and nodded. “Okay. One song.”

I softly began to strum, and, closing my eyes, I began to sing.

Tell me it's going to work out fine

‘Cause I’ve worked so hard

And I’ve grown so tired.

I’ve let my guard down

Laid my heart on the line

And I’m letting my weakness show.

Everything that I am

Still no one sees

That all I really want

Is to have some company.

Each day is an eternity

No one there to fill the void

And I’m feeling terribly lonely

Searching for inspiration

Only finding dead ends

And I’m just feeling lost.

Everything that I am

Still no one sees

That all I really want

Is to have some company.

Searching for inspiration

Only finding dead ends

And I’m just feeling lost.

As I played the last chord, I took a deep breath to try and clear the lump in my throat, blinking wildly to dissolve the tears in my eyes. When I looked at Max, he had that familiar, strange expression on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

He cleared his throat before answering. “Absolutely nothing. Wow, Mady, that was really amazing.”

“It was a piece that Matt and I were working on. Seems like a lifetime ago.”

“You should definitely play more often.”

I blushed and stood to put the guitar back in it’s place in the corner. “Maybe someday. That was really hard.” I pressed my hand into my sternum, the emotional pain from my heart physically hurting me.

Max watched me for a moment before, thankfully, changing the subject. “Do you want help with that paper now?”

I nodded. “Sure.”

We both crawled up my bed to the headboard and sat there, my paper uselessly laying on my desk, across from us.

“You don’t feel like working anymore, do you?” he asked quietly.

I shook my head. “Nope, I think I've changed my mind. Maybe tomorrow.”

He drew me to his chest and hugged me hard. The beating of his heart soothed me, and I felt my tension ease, calm replacing it. Not long after, I started to doze.

I woke when Max stirred beneath me. I glanced around groggily. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“
I'm
happy to be your pillow any time you need it. I do, however, have to get going. I have an early practice tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk you out.”

Max grabbed my hand as we made our way to the front door, the house still quiet.

I hugged him tightly. “Thank you for studying with me and for sticking with me.”

He kissed my cheek. “Anytime. I’ll text you tomorrow?”

I nodded, and he slipped out the door. I felt his absence immediately. Upstairs, my phone dinged. I shut my door and crawled back into bed before grabbing my cell.

Is it weird that I miss you already?

A smile broke across my face.

Get out of my head, Max.

Good to know...

I slept that night better than I had in a while.