Man Candy (23 page)

I didn’t want to have this conversation again. Sure the evidence was pretty damning there for a minute, but I would rather die than hurt her like that. How many times was I going to have to prove myself before it would sink in?

Still standing next to the bed with her on the other side of the room, I wondered if it ever would. The gap between us seemed to grow bigger with each second that ticked on.

“Biology can’t be controlled. You’re hardwired to stand at attention for a naked woman,” she argued.

“Maybe that’s true but nothing stirred down there when she was spread eagle for me, sweetheart. I’m not every other man. Sure I can get off with a willing woman no problem, but I prefer there to be a connection there. Getting off is just getting off. Making love to someone who knows you and respects you is a hell of a lot different.”

She wavered. I could see it in her eyes and the way her body relaxed a bit. I was
finally
getting somewhere, and I was ready to fist pump the air knowing it. It was a good thing I didn’t. She could certainly be stubborn when she wanted to.

“That might be true, but I can’t help the way I feel.”

“You need to find a way past these insecurities, Riss.”

“What if you and Cassandra start getting close when you’re together? Flirting or whatever? What happens when she wants to sleep with you again?” I swear I could see the crazy thoughts forming in her brain, and I wanted the shake them right out of her.

“How did you know we slept together?”

“She told me and she also told me it meant nothing because you were into me.” Then she added as an afterthought, “If you were into me why did you fuck her?”

“I’m not answering that.
You
were the one who went back to Scott.
You
left me hanging in the wind without even an explanation. While he was warming your bed, you can’t get mad about who warmed mine.” My voice was raised by the end of my tirade. I was so sick of having these conversations.

A small voice in the back of my head was asking if it was even worth it. She wasn’t ever going to let go of the issues holding her back.

“I’m done talking about this.” I climbed into bed and turned off my light. Other than the bathroom light, the room was bathed in darkness. I stared at the ceiling with my fists clenched next to my sides and listened as she finally moved. Heading to her suitcase, I heard it unzip and her rummage around inside it. The rustling of clothes came next and then finally the bathroom light went out.

The bed dipped when she joined me, leaving a foot and a half of space between our bodies. When she rolled on her side and faced the wall, I did the same.

Strained silence filled the room as we both laid there. I’m not sure which one of us fell asleep first, but I can tell you mine was a fitful rest that left me groggy and cranky the next morning.

One step forward and two steps back. That was the pattern Rissa and I seemed to have fallen into.

The day after our fight in Denver, we were both nasty to not only each other but to Meredith, Tanner and Cassandra as well. They seemed to be casualties in our war of sorts.

A few trouble in paradise comments were made, but neither of us reacted to them other than to glare at the offending person. They wisely gave up after that. Once they were quiet, it was easy to ignore the pointed look between them, so that’s what I did.

The flight back was tense as well. Meredith offered to switch seats with me so that she and Rissa were on one side of the aisle and Tanner and I were on the other. It felt a little childish to act this way, but keeping my distance was the only way to keep from apologizing for something I didn’t think I should have to apologize for. Politeness and manners were ingrained in me, and I knew that the longer the silence went on the more likely I was to cave in order to alleviate the tension between us.

We separated at the airport, again with me going with Tanner and her going with Meredith. In the Jeep on the way back to town, he tried to talk to me about it, but I quickly cut him off. The last thing I needed was some of his world class advice.

It wasn’t until the next evening that I had calmed down enough to rationally consider where Rissa was coming from. She had every right to be upset with what happened in the room. What she didn’t have was the right to assume that I would behave just as badly as her exes did. I shouldn’t have to pay for their transgressions.

What it all boiled down to was trust. She either trusted me or she didn’t. I could live with her
learning
to trust me. I knew it was something that you often had to build, but at this point if the foundation wasn’t even there it never would be. And that was what I needed to find out. If she trusted me at all.

I waited a few days to see if she was going to come to me, but she never did. Knowing she was probably being obstinate, I tried calling her when I got home from work, but it went to voicemail. Her car was still outside her office when I had left, so I decided to chalk it up to her working late and left a voicemail.

“Hey, Riss. It’s me. I was hoping we could talk things out. Give me a call when you get home.” I disconnected and went into the bathroom to take a shower. I made quick work of washing away the day’s sweat and grime. After I threw on some clothes, I checked my phone and saw that there were no missed calls.

This time I sent her a text asking her if she was available and heated up some leftovers from the fridge.

By the time I was done eating my food, I still hadn’t heard from her so I put my shoes on and grabbed my car keys.

The drive to her house went by quickly leaving me with hardly any time to decide what I was going to ultimately say to her. I parked in front and jogged up the walkway deciding that I would just wing it and see what happened.

You can imagine my surprise when the door opened and instead of seeing Rissa, I was met with the sight of Scott. His hair was disheveled, his shirt was untucked and his shoes were off. My mind immediately went to the worst possible place.

I pushed him out of my way and stormed into the house. He tried to stop me, but a quick shove to his chest had him stumbling back a few steps.

I found Rissa walking down the stairs in a robe that showed her bare legs underneath it. Acid shot through my veins at the sight in front of me.

What the hell had I walked in on?

“Ben? What are you doing here?” she asked, tightening her robe and casting an unreadable look at Scott, who was now standing in between us.

“I think the better question is what is he doing here?”

“You want me to kick this guy out, honey?” Scott asked, wrongly assuming I wasn’t a threat he needed to worry about. I practically snarled and took a menacing step towards him ready to take all my frustrations out on him.

“Stay out of this, Scott.” She walked down the remaining steps and rounded his body, cutting me off from doing any physical harm to him. “Let’s go talk outside.”

I had no choice but to follow her as she continued to walk past me and out onto the front porch. It didn’t escape my notice that I was the one she was escorting out while he still stayed inside the house. It was completely fucked up.

“How could you?” I asked when the door shut. With my thumb pointed over my shoulder I said with disdain, “That guy?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“So he isn’t in your house right now looking like he’s been here long enough to get comfortable? And I’m not the one standing on the front porch getting a cold shoulder? Because that’s exactly what it seems like to me.” I crossed my arms in a belligerent stance. “What is he doing here?”

“He came over to make amends.”

“And you what? Decided to get more comfortable and put on a robe? Are you even wearing clothes under it?” I angrily swept my hands up and down her body.

She clenched the top of her robe in her hands. “Of course I am. I can’t believe you’d insinuate—”

I let out a humorless laugh at her words. “Me? You can’t believe me? Oh that’s rich. I’m with you all night and a woman whom I don’t even know shows up in our room and I’m public enemy number one. You ignore my phone calls and text messages so I show up only to find you with your ex and I’m the bad guy again?”

“Careful,” she warned. “You might say something you’ll regret if you keep going with that line of thought.”

“I just can’t fucking win with you. Let me ask you one question.”

“Fine.” She looked bored standing in front of me waiting, and I just wanted to take her by her shoulders and shake some sense into her.

“Do you even love me?”

Her face paled and she took a step back towards the door.

“Well do you?” I pressed.

“It’s too soon for that,” she sputtered.

“No. It’s not. Some people fall in love with one glance. Others with a touch. And some with a kiss. I know I love you.” I opened up my heart and prayed she wasn’t going to rip it out of my chest.

Her face shuttered and she gave no emotion away when she said, “It’s not true.”

“It is. Some part of me fell in love the first time I saw you. I never told you this before but I saw you going into work like a year ago and somehow I just knew you were going to be the one for me, but I had no idea how to get to know you. I never found my chance. Then I looked up that day at the signing and you were there and I realized that the feeling I had the first time I saw you was nothing compared to what it was like to be in your presence and get to know you.”

The air surrounding us felt weighted by my confession. She hadn’t known I saw her. She hadn’t even remembered the one chance encounter in the coffee shop. Maybe now she would understand where I was coming from.

“I... I don’t know what to say,” she finally spoke.

“Tell me if you love me. Or at the very least care about me.”

“Of course I care about you.”

“As more than a friend who gives you glorious orgasms?” I raised my eyebrow in question. I knew on the outside I looked calm and rational, but on the inside my nerves were a mess knowing this conversation had the power to destroy everything I had tried to build with her.

When she hesitated a bit too long, I knew there was no point in trying anymore. I had reached my limit and even though it hurt like a son of a bitch, I knew it was for the best that I leave.

“That’s cool,” I told her in a resigned tone.

I spun on my heel and started down the front walk. I half expected her to try to stop me but when I was five feet away, I heard the front door open and Scott call her name. When I made it to my Jeep, I glanced up and saw she was gone.

Wasn’t that just perfect?

*****

Clarissa

Holy fucking shit. He was having a child.

Those thoughts stayed on repeat in my brain long after Scott left my house. I guess you could say I was in shock not only by his unannounced visit, but by the information he shared while he was there.

The ball of self-loathing and filthiness that I felt when I found out I was sleeping with a married man only intensified after finding out that man was now going to be a father with another woman—one he impregnated while we were still together. My stomach twisted, and I thought I might be sick.

On auto-pilot, I walked out to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of tequila from the liquor cabinet. Twisting the cap off, I brought it to my lips and took a healthy chug. The liquid burned on its way down my throat and made me cough a little.

God this night was such a cluster fuck.

After spending way too long nursing my wounds from the argument I had with Ben, I knew I needed to reach out to him. Those were my issues and he didn’t deserve to be lambasted over them. Problem was my stubborn pride didn’t want to admit how very wrong I had been. He couldn’t help that women throw themselves at him, even when I wasn’t there. It was something I was going to have to learn to live with.

When I got home from work, my original plan was to throw on my pajamas, drown in a tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and watch made-for-TV movies until I fell asleep. Maybe somewhere in there I would come up with a brilliant way to tell Ben I was sorry and heal the breach between us.

Not only was that interrupted by Scott’s surprise attack, but then having Ben show up at the same exact time turned it all to complete shit. When I walked down the stairs and saw the both of them standing there, I wanted to die. There was no way it could end well. Especially since Ben looked ready to commit murder and Scott is an arrogant douche who would be stupid enough to entice him to do so.

Extricating Ben from the house was my way of keeping them from killing each other after Scott tried acting like he was man of the house and my protector. I never planned on letting him believe Scott and I were sleeping together. I only did because he insinuated that I would do that to him.

And didn’t that just make me the biggest bitch?

His words felt like a slap to the face, which really sucked because they were essentially my own accusations coming back at me. It was then I really realized how awful he must have felt when I accused him of the same thing.

Guilt churned in my stomach when I thought about the defeated look on Ben’s face when he left. I was so afraid that he would decide I wasn’t worth the hassle and move on, but I was even more afraid to tell him how I really felt. To expose myself to him in the most open and raw way someone could.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve was not something I was comfortable doing.

Knowing that I needed to make a move if I didn’t want to lose him forever, I found my phone and dialed his number in an effort to rectify the biggest mistake I had ever made. When his house phone went to voicemail, I tried his cell. That too went straight to voicemail.

With a shaky breath, I waited for the beep. “Hey, it’s me. Call me when you get this. We need to talk.” My voice cracked at the end of the message, and I felt bleakness settle into my bones as I waited for him to return my call.

*****

Ben

“Fuck you,” I shouted at Tanner when he tried to take my glass of tequila away.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s not the first time you shouted that at someone tonight,” he grumbled from the stool next to mine.

“Fuck everyone!” I exclaimed.

“Or that,” he added. “Care to tell me what has you so pissed off?”

“Clarissa,” I said her name like it was a disease. I supposed it was—a flesh eating one that sucked the soul out of you.

“I take it you’re still fighting?”

“No. We’re over.” I punctuated the statement with a fist on the bar.

“Since when?”

“Since I found her ex at her house tonight and she kicked me out instead of him.” My words slurred slightly.

It had been a long night filled with too much time to think and too much booze. The more I thought, the angrier I got with her. The angrier I got, the more I drank. It wasn’t a good problem to have that was for sure.

“Wow that’s fucked up,” he muttered.

“You could say that.” I flagged Toni, the new bartender, down and asked her for a beer. If Tanner wouldn’t let me do more shots, the least he could do was let the beer slide. With a wink she scurried off to do my bidding.

“So you guys are definitely done then?”

“Yep.” I turned to Toni and smiled when she placed the beer down in front of me. “Thanks, darling.”

“You must be drunk if you’re saying darling. I think this is your last one, bro.”

“Whatever,” I mumbled and took a healthy swig of my beverage.

“What happened in Denver? You two looked ready to scrapple with one another. Meredith and I tried figuring it out but we came up with nothing.”

“We found some naked chick in our room waiting for me to fuck her.”

Tanner spit his beer out and choked. “Are you shitting me?”

I shook my head in answer and took another drink.

“Did you have a threesome with her?”