Marine Ever After (Always a Marine) (8 page)

Thirty years old and pregnant.

She chewed the thought of what it could mean over and over in her head.

“Okay, well, let’s talk pros—you’re healthy, you’re young, you’re physically in good shape, you have no major health concerns to worry about.” Sunny-side up really wasn’t the doc’s style, but Lillianna gave her points for effort.

“The cons, I’m single. I work terrible hours. I love my job. And this wasn’t planned by any stretch of the imagination.” Clasping her hands together, she studied her nails. They were blunt, clean of polish and rounded from regular filing. She didn’t have time for manicures and pedicures. Hell, half the time she didn’t bother to shave her legs. If it hadn’t been for the wedding, she wouldn’t even have put on cosmetics all those weeks ago, or a dress, or ended the evening in bed sexing it up with a hot guy in a uniform.

Of course, without the wedding she wouldn’t have met him either.

“Lillianna? This is a lot to absorb. Maybe you should go home and talk it over and see what you want to do….”

“No, it’s okay. Because I’ll go home and chew it all over again and come to the same set of conclusions—unplanned doesn’t mean unwanted. I don’t think I could ever have a baby and give him or her up. Yeah, not me.” Biting her lower lip, she shook her head. Nothing about the situation was ideal. Nothing.

She’d reached for the phone a dozen times to call her mother and stopped. They wouldn’t be disappointed or judgmental. But they would want her to contact the father.
The father
.

“Okay, well, abortion is one option….”

“I can’t have an abortion, Trish. I know it’s an option and I had one before. No, I won’t do that….”

“That’s not in your medical records?” Trish frowned and slid her glasses on to check the chart on the computer.

“I listed it, but I used a clinic near my college campus. It was a long time ago. I got drunk at some frat party and one thing led to another. I got pregnant, knew I couldn’t have it and—well it’s different now.” Lillianna scrubbed her palms against her face. “Okay, let’s break this down. It’ll be twelve weeks in four days, so—I need prenatal vitamins and what else?”

How the hell do I call a one-night stand and say, ‘hey, remember me? By the way, the condom broke and in about six months we’re going to have a kid
…’

She barely listened to Trish as she outlined the prenatal care. A lot of things would have to change…she needed a support structure. The hospital had a daycare, but she wouldn’t want a newborn there, and then there was the delivery and the time off right after the baby came.

“Also, if you have the father’s medical records….”

“I don’t.”
I can get them, maybe. But then…ugh. One bridge at a time. I have time
.

“Okay, it’s fine. We’re going to work this out.” Trish wrote a prescription. “And I want to see you next month. We’ll schedule your appointments. We can do your first sonogram right now and make sure everything looks good with the baby, the uterus and make sure all our dates line up. Let you hear the baby’s heartbeat and get a good look at everything.”

“Thanks, Trish.” She had no question about the dates. None whatsoever.

The doctor rose and put a hand on Lillianna’s shoulder. “Congratulations, Mom. You’re having a baby.”

I’m having a baby
. Tears sparked in her eyes and she let out a watery little laugh. “I’m having a baby.”

***

“How can you not tell him?” Jodi stared at her. “He’s the father.”

“He’s a guy I hooked up with for one night. He’s career military. The last thing he needs is a call from some chick he met at a wedding letting him know that life as he knows it is over.”

Lillianna wasn’t sure whom she sought to convince. Herself or her boss. But Jodi was a lot more than a boss, the fifty-year-old woman had been a mentor and a best friend.

Salt and pepper sprinkled her close-cropped hair. Deep lines softened the corners of her eyes and peeked out from the corners of her mouth, which was currently turned down in disapproval. “Honey, that is about the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. For a smart girl, that’s just dumb. So you two had sex, does that mean you have to do all the work? And a man has a right to know—and the chance to stand up.”

“Don’t look at me like that. Telling him makes it even more real than it is. And it’s not a conversation to have on the phone—or in an email. I don’t even really know him, do I want to be tied to him for the rest of my life?”

Jodi gave her a very indelicate and unsympathetic snort. “Love him or hate him, you are tied to him—especially if you’re having his baby.”

“Wow, way to be on my side in this.” The older nurse’s disapproval stung. She was the first person besides her OB who even knew Lillianna was pregnant. She lacked the courage to tell her parents yet. She tried to excuse it that they were settling in to West Point after a fairly encouraging visit to Belgium and that she would tell them later. Certainly before the baby came.

But she had five months for that.

Telling Jodi proved the more practical option. She needed to shorten her shifts a little. Her exhaustion levels never improved. The doctor teased her that she might be carrying a boy—they burned more calories and took a lot more energy. Or at least so she claimed.

They would be doing a sonogram in a few days. At least the nausea seemed done, which helped because Lillianna ate everything in sight. Hunger pinched her spine and she bounced up from the bench to grab an apple out of her locker.

“Of course I’m on your side.” The senior nurse’s voice gentled. “You’re one of my best ER nurses, practical, grounded, and dependable. This—is not you, and that’s not fair because you’re allowed to have a life. Life is messy.”

“Everywhere except the ER.” It was their mantra, a code to live by. Messes came to them. They cleaned it up. Life might be messy, but not in the ER. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”

It took a few days after the news sank in and the morning sickness passed for her to realize she wasn’t upset. Shocked? Absolutely. A little embarrassed. Definitely. But excitement threaded her nerves each time she touched her tummy or noticed some subtle change.

And they were all subtle changes at the moment. Except for her boobs, which hurt.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I wanted to start training you for a supervisor position, groom you as it were. We’re going to cut back your hours on the floor as much as I can within reason. You can run labs, regulate patient flow, process charts, and handle the rotation of the student nurses.”

Lillianna lifted her brows. “You know that suspiciously sounds like a heck of a lot more work.”

“Yes and you can do a lot of it sitting down. It’s less hours on your feet.” Jodi rose and gave her a quick hug. “But the student nurses are a pain in the ass and that’s your punishment.”

She couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing and squeezed her in return. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Eat, and get back to work. I’ve got stuff to do. Keep me in the loop, okay? We can get through this.” She didn’t wait for any response, hustling out of the locker room.

Glad for the reprieve, Lillianna wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes. Her mother used to tell her everything happened for a reason. Believing the thought helped.

The buzzing of her phone dragged her back to the present. Pulling it out, she stared at the screen. Rebecca’s name popped up with a simple message.
We have to do lunch. Get some time off or I’m coming to find you
.

Her good mood evaporated. Could she see Becca and not tell her?
No
. If she told her, wouldn’t she tell Luke who would tell Paul? She’d put off telling him for four weeks.

Do I really have the right not to tell him?
Guilt nibbled at her. She looked at the message again and typed.
Lunch Saturday? I have to talk. Private
.

She didn’t have to wait long for Rebecca’s response.
Where and when?

***

“A baby? Oh, my God.” Rebecca stared at her, wide-eyed and smiling. And then she behaved like a proper friend, leaping up and squealing. She threw her arms around Lillianna and hugged her. “I’m happy for you....” She pulled back abruptly. “I am happy for you, right?”

“Yes, you’re happy for me.” She didn’t even try to contain her own grin. They collapsed together in another long hug. “Thank you for being happy for me.” It was the first time she got to squeal about it.

Reclaiming her seat, Rebecca leaned forward and grabbed her hands. “Okay, tell me everything. Who is he? When do I get to meet him? When are you due?”

“Um....”
Tackling the hard stuff right away
. “You know him.”

“I do?” Her former roommate blinked. “Who?”

“Paul Torres, I met him at your wedding.” She braced for her response.

“Torres.” Rebecca frowned, as though trying to place him. “He must have been one of the Marines who came in for the wedding. I don’t know all of them, I mean I met them, but….” she made a face. “I didn’t really have a chance to talk to everyone that much. But I saw you dancing with your escort, one of Luke’s groomsmen.”

“Guilty.”

“That’s wonderful. Urk.” Rebecca made the leap and if it weren’t so serious, Lillianna would have laughed at the instant expression of ‘urk’ on her face. “Was it a four weddings and a funeral kind of hookup? Lots of hot sex and no phone calls after? Oh, I swear, I’ll have Luke kick his ass.”

“No.” Lillianna squeezed her hand. “He didn’t seduce me…well, he did, but it was a pretty mutual seduction, and he didn’t call me because I didn’t give him my number, or a note, or anything else for that matter. I left before he woke up.”

“Was it that bad?”

“No. God, Rebecca. I’m not going to give you the blow-by-blow and before you ask, no.” She pulled her hands free and lifted her glass for a sip of water. They were tucked into a comfortable corner of a bistro in Frisco. It was a favorite of Lillianna’s and quiet during the weekend lunch hour—vital for delivering such news.

“So have you seen him at all since?”

“No, and again not his fault. He had new orders, I think he deployed overseas.”
To Germany if I recall correctly, but then I wasn’t focusing on his PCS
.

“Do you want to be in touch with him?”

“That’s the ten-thousand-dollar question.” She’d thought about it. Rethought it. Talked herself into and out of it a hundred times. “I knew him for twelve hours and this isn’t Terminator, we didn’t love each other enough for a lifetime. We used a condom, I didn’t ask him to use one, didn’t have to. He was prepared. He was prepared to avoid pregnancy. I’m pregnant. Thank you for our one-night fling, by the way, we’re having a baby.”

“So? He’s still the father. If anything, he can help you out. Financially. Emotionally. Something. You don’t have to go through this on your own. If he won’t step up, trust me, Luke can do….”

“Becs, please? Let it go. I haven’t decided whether or not I’ll tell him. I know I have to at some point. But, right now, he’s overseas on a duty assignment. He can be redeployed at the whim of the Marine Corps. You forget, I grew up in this life. His life isn’t his own. Telling him simply means he learns about a baby he can’t see. I’m not going to move to be there or change my life for him. He shouldn’t have to change his life for me.” It sounded so rational and utterly cold. Their conversation halted while the waitress delivered their sandwiches and fries.

“Yeah, no one should have to do anything, but maybe he’ll want to. Besides, you didn’t make a baby by yourself.”

“But I’m okay with it. I want this baby.” Opening the ketchup bottle, she squeezed out a helping onto the plate. “I really do. I wasn’t, I never thought about being ready or making plans or even dating a guy for longer than fifteen minutes. But now that I am pregnant? I want the baby. I want the fun and the two a.m. feedings and the lack of sleep and the for-the-love-of-God conversations…I want it all.”

“Okay, playing devil’s advocate here. What if he wants the same things? What then?”

“I don’t know. But it’s not a conversation to have from thousands of miles apart. You know, we’re also assuming he even remembers my name.”

“Oh, he remembers it.” Rebecca glanced at her plate, a flush staining her cheeks.

“How do you know? You didn’t even know who he was.” Lillianna narrowed her eyes, studying her. “What do you know?”

“I know one of Luke’s buddies asked for your phone number. Wouldn’t say why so I wouldn’t give it. Luke said he met you at the wedding and I was going to mention it and then completely forgot about it because of the expansion. So….” Guilt colored her tone. “He did want to get in touch with you. But I think maybe I got in the way.”

“Oh.” Her stomach did another flip-flop. That changed everything. Didn’t it?

“I’m sorry. Right up until this moment I’d forgotten about it and I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Rebecca shook her head and took a bite of her sandwich. They ate in contemplative silence for several minutes. “Do you want his number?”

Did she? She should. Theoretical rejection seemed easier to deal with than the real thing and nowhere near as terrifying as the possibility that he might want more. Lust kindled heat in her blood, and she squashed the lascivious thoughts. It wasn’t about his body or hers, it was about a baby.

A baby they made.

“Yeah, I do. And Becs? If anyone tells him, it has to be me. Don’t tell Luke or let Luke tell him.”

“I won’t lie to Luke, but this is your news to tell the father. Luke will understand that. And if he doesn’t…well, I’ll deal with it.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you, Lillianna. You were there for me and I’ll be there for you. In fact, I think I’m going to throw you the biggest, swankiest baby shower in the world.” And she would. Rebecca planned events for a living. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?”

Chapter Seven

Paul leaned back in the chair and studied the thrumming crowd in The Wall. Tuesday was the most popular night at the BDSM club—the equivalent of a Friday night in the states. But the weekend didn’t lack for creative culture or couples and singles getting their kink on. A public scene played out on the main stage and held some of the audience captive, but many made the rounds of the dance floor, headed upstairs for a quieter, private suite or like Paul, kicked back at a table and soaked up the atmosphere.