Meant to Be (RightMatch.com Trilogy) (4 page)

“Because I’m not.”

He watched understanding dawn on her face. She bit her lip. “Um, how old are you?”

Squeezing her hand, he said simply, “Thirty-four.”

Her jaw, literally, dropped. “You can’t be. The site is only for people over forty. I never would have gone on after Ava signed me up if it hadn’t been for people my age. Did you lie to the owners?”

“No, honey. I am the owner.”

“You are? You said you were a computer specialist. You designed things.”

“I do. I did in the past for companies. But now I need to work from home and my brother’s a venture capitalist. He financed the site twenty months ago.”

“Why do you need to work from home?”

“I’ll get to that in a minute. What’s important is I tell you why I lied.”

Letting go of his hands, she leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. He didn’t need his site psychologist to read her body language. “Okay, go ahead.”

“I was lonely, Beth. I’ve dated off and on, but the bar scenes and sports groups like Joey belongs to weren’t my thing. I never found my soul mate.” He lifted his chin. “Until you.”

“Isn’t that a bit premature?”

“No, I knew it before I even came down here, but after being with you for nearly two days, I’m totally sure.” She just watched him, and he couldn’t read her expression. “In any case, because I was lonely, I studied the profiles people created on my site. Joey and Spence found their wives on it, as well as hundreds of other couples who have found matches. I zeroed in on you because you were so appealing.”

“Appealing?”

“I loved your combination of sophistication and shyness.” He smiled. “It’s even more attractive in person. And I had a sense you were adventurous—or at least you wanted to be.” Here he chuckled. “I discovered I was right about that. In bed.”

She blushed, closed her eyes and said, “Oh, God, don’t remind me.”

Now
he
was confused. “Why not remind you?”

When she opened those pretty hazel eyes again, there was sadness in them. “Where would you like to me start, Cole?” Hmm, a hint of anger in her voice.

“Anywhere.”

“Number one, you’re eleven years younger than I am.”

“I realize that. No big deal.”

“It is to me, and I’ll tell you, my kids will feel the same way.”

“Why?”

“Oh, come on. You can’t be that naïve.”

Her accusation rankled him. He’d had a nice life, had been protected in many ways from the harshness of it by his intellect and his good looks, but he’d shared Joe’s and Spence’s tragedies. “Must be I am, because I don’t see the problem.”

“We don’t have anything in common.”

“Sure we do. We found that out online. We like the same activities, restaurants, books. And we have a similar philosophy on life. Remember when we read that book on happiness together? We agreed on things that would make us happy.”

“Cole, we’re at totally different stages in our lives. Can you imagine going out with my friends? They talk about retirement, vacation homes, college for their kids. You’re nowhere near any of that.”

“So, I can listen. Comment. I may be young but I’m not an idiot.”

“What about
your
friends? I’d have nothing in common with them. They’d party, talk about pursuing their careers, having kids, which I’m
way
past.”

He’d lost contact with his friends from work and had bowed out of most relationships he’d been in before he had Ellie.

Tell her about Ellie. Get it all out.

He couldn’t. He thought she’d be mad he lied, not angry about their age difference. Especially after this weekend. His plan to proceed didn’t include this reaction.

“Cole, did you hear what I said about your friends?”

“Truthfully, I spend most of my time with my family. My brothers and their wives are about your age.”

Giving him a very hard stare, she said, “I won’t have any more children.”

Tell her.

“That’s all right by me.”

“Why?”

Tell her.

Cole felt like he was standing on the sand at the ocean, with the ground slipping out from beneath his feet, the water about to pull him under. He saw everything he wanted in a woman slip beyond his grasp. So he said, “I just don’t. I’m fine the way I am. What’s your next excuse?”

She slapped her hand on the table. “Even if I agreed with all you said, that doesn’t affect the fact that you lied to me. Boldly. Viciously, really.”

“What was vicious about it?”

Jesus, was he deliberately misunderstanding? “Damn you, you made me fall…” She stopped suddenly and her face blanched.

He knew why. Again, he reached for her. “Finish the thought.”

“No.”

“Then I will. You were going to say I made you fall in love with me.”

“No, I wasn’t. Nobody falls in love in two days.”

“We’ve been talking to each other for six months. Our emails and IMs were the highlight of my day, every day. You said the same was true for you.”

“I thought you were being honest with me!”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t. If that’s what you want—an apology, you have it in spades.”

Shaking off his hand, she stood so fast, the chair tipped back and hit the tile with a resounding crash. “Is that what you think I want?”

“No? Then what? I’ll do anything you say to get you to forgive me.”

“I want you to be forty-two, like you said you were.”

He didn’t respond to a demand which was impossible to meet. Her heart began to ache, deeply. “I can’t change that, Beth, but you can change how you feel about my age.”

“No I can’t. God,” she said running her hand through her hair. “MJ and I have talked innumerable times about falling for a younger man being our worst nightmare.”

“Why? I don’t understand.”

“Well, for one, we couldn’t keep up with someone in his early thirties sexually.”

“You kept up pretty good this weekend.”

“Don’t patronize me! I have stretch marks from my kids. Crow’s feet around my eyes.” She looked at his face closely then. “And you don’t have one single line or sag. Oh, God, maybe I’m partly to blame. I overlooked a lot of things when you got here.”

“Like?”

“Your body, for one. It isn’t like Peter’s was in his early forties.”

His eyes must have flared with the anger he felt bubbling up inside him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you have any idea how jealous I am of Peter? Especially right now?”

“What? Peter’s dead.”

“But you’re still a part of him.”

“Of course I am. I always will be.” She gave him a piercing look. “Someone older, with more life experience would know that.”

He shot out of his own chair like a bullet and grasped her shoulders. “Now who’s the one who’s being patronizing?”

She swallowed hard. What was she doing? Forcibly, she calmed herself. She cupped his face with her hands and gentled her voice. “Look, Cole, the last thing I want to do is hurt you. But some facts are immutable. And one is I don’t want to compete with young, nubile females for the rest of my life. Especially when I’m older.”

Now that offended him. “Do you think I’m that shallow?”

“No, I…” She shook her head. “I can’t do this, that’s all.”

He stepped back but he knew the expression on his face was far from resigned. “Okay, I’ll accept your decision if you can give me a good enough reason for one question.”

“What is it?”

“Why was it acceptable for Peter to be fifteen years older than you, but it’s not all right for us to have an eleven-year age difference?”

Beth stared at him blankly because, as he suspected, she was unable to come up with an answer.

Chapter 3

When Joey was upset, he kicked wastebaskets and punched walls. When Spence couldn’t contain what was inside him, he threw himself into his work. But Cole Porter Matheson was different. He turned to his music, as his dad had taught him to do.

He’d phoned Joey on the way home from the lake and Joe answered his cell from his home. Kara had sprained her ankle executing a special dance move Dana was teaching her, and Dana was more upset than Kara at the injury. Joe had called Cole’s father, who was only too happy to take Ellie. His dad had left a message that he’d bring Ellie home in an hour. Joey had said they hadn’t called him about the change in plans because they hadn’t wanted to spoil his weekend. His brother also asked how his time with Beth had gone, and all Cole said was “Not so well.”

So when he arrived at his loft, he headed straight for the music room.

The space had been specially insulated with an air-filtration system designed to protect his instruments and give him soundproofing. In here, he could strum one of his electric guitars, which hung on the walls, or pound on the piano and even play his sax without disturbing Ellie or his neighbors. His dad had been responsible for his musical background and for his prodigy-like ability to play a variety of instruments.

Sitting on a stool with his Gibson, staring out at the city through wide, unadorned windows, he began with a mellow tune, which usually cleared his head. But this time, the music didn’t block out what had happened with Beth. She’d kicked him out. Told him to leave and never contact her again. Truthfully, he’d been shocked at the abruptness of her move.…

“You’re kidding me, right?” he’d responded when she was unable to answer his question about the age difference with Peter. Instead, she’d ordered him to leave.

“I don’t want to see you again.”

“You’re lying.”

She arched a brow. “You’d recognize the signs, I guess.”

He’d approached her and she stepped back, avoiding him, which cut to the quick.

Again, he grasped onto her shoulders, and gently. He drew her to him and buried his lips in her hair. “Please, Beth, give us a chance.”

She didn’t respond, but he felt the tremors begin. Jesus, he’d always been a sap for crying women. She’d begged him to leave, and the wash of tears in her eyes when he’d faced her again had made him agree…

He did some complicated riffs on the guitar. The upheaval he felt inside abated with the power of the music. He played on until he heard a knock at the door. Glancing at his watch, he realized he’d been at this an hour. “Come in,” he yelled, and his dad entered the room.

Cole resembled the man, though at sixty-five, Rick Matheson’s thick head of hair had gone completely gray and his shoulders weren’t quite as broad as Cole’s. Encased in a navy golf shirt, they were still big enough to lean on, as Cole had done all his life. “Didn’t go so well with the innkeeper?”

“How’d you know?”

“You’re doing this.” He waved to encompass the room, which he knew his father could appreciate. “I could hear some of the notes of a song you play when you’re upset.” He hooked another stool with his leg and sat on it to face Cole. “What happened?”

“First, where’s Ellie?”

“She fell asleep in the car and didn’t wake up when I got her out of the seat. She’s safe and sound in her bed.”

“Thanks for taking her. Kara okay?”

“Better than Dana, who thinks the accident is her fault.”

“Hmm. I’ll call her.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, his dad waited for Cole to begin. Even when he and his brothers were little, Rick’s calm demeanor and ability to stare you down dragged numerous misdeeds out of them.

So Cole poured the whole sad story out to his father. Sure, he’d lied to his parents a time or two in high school about his fuckups, but not where anything important was concerned. And Rick Matheson had been the one to help him work through whether he really wanted to be a single parent when Johanna got pregnant. Thank God, he had.

“I knew you were lonely, Cole. But I have to say I’m surprised. You’re so…honest. You have an immense amount of integrity.”

“I fell victim to loneliness, I guess. And at first, I told myself I wouldn’t let it go on too long. That I’d chat with Beth for a while, then end it. Turns out, I didn’t.”

His dad snorted. “Spence, either, with Annie. And I’ll bet Dana convinced herself of the same thing about Joey.”

“Everybody lies on those sites.” He reiterated the reason for the bet he’d made with Spence all those months ago.

“Excuse me?”

“You remember, Dad. When I wanted to start RightMatch, Spence and I made that bet. Spence said everybody lies on dating sites and he’d prove it to me. I just never thought I’d be one to do it. But these last two years have been hard for me. Even with your help, Mom’s and the guys. I want a woman in my life and the bar scene is out of the question.”

“I understand, Cole. No need to defend yourself with me.”

Thank God for this man. Cole was so blessed.

“Maybe you should cut your losses with Beth and go on a site for women your age.”

Cole bit his lip. “Too late, Dad. I’m in love with her. And don’t say it’s too soon. I—”

“Whoa. I fell in love with your mother in seven days. Remember?”

Cole chuckled. Ellison Brewer Wickham Moretti had gone on a cruise with her girlfriends a year after Joe’s dad had died. She’d met Rick, fallen for him and come home pregnant with Cole. The rest, as they say, was history.

“So what do I do?” His voice was raw, and he could hear the hurt in it.

“You want my honest opinion?”

“Always.”

“Give her up.”

Cole was shocked. “Would you have given up on mom if she’d said no at first?”

His father’s gaze was intense and in it there was sorrow. “If I’d had a baby I hadn’t told her about, I would have, son. I really would have.”

o0o

A few hours after Cole had left her life in shambles, Beth walked into the first-floor office of Second Chances, a shelter for battered women, where she volunteered three times a week. The old Victorian house had been donated by a woman who’d been battered most of her life, finally had gotten out of the situation and wanted to help others do the same. The rooms for women were on the second and third floors. Though the quarters were cramped, they were able to house twenty-five people in twelve rooms. The Inn held twice that many.

 “Hey, girlfriend, it’s Sunday. What are you doing here?” Carolyn Wilson, the beautiful black woman who ran the domestic violence haven, asked the question.