Meant to Be (RightMatch.com Trilogy) (7 page)

Even if it wasn’t, she was hooked. She’d lost her heart to the man behind the door she now approached and would take a chance on a relationship with him. They’d given themselves a week of sober thought—and no physical contact—to decide, and the entire time, all she’d thought of was him. Everything else—except the time she’d spent with Mariel—had been a chore and Beth didn’t want to live that way.

She rang the bell at number thirty-one, the door opened and there he stood, looking sexy and rumpled in gray shorts and a red T-shirt. But he held a child, who she estimated to be close to two years old, like her granddaughter. The little girl had nearly black hair, big blue eyes and a heart-shaped face.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Cole leaned over and kissed Beth’s cheek. She caught the familiar whiff of baby powder and milk, instead of the sexy cologne he usually wore.

“Hi.”

The baby said, “Kiss Ellie.”

Beth smiled and kissed the girl’s head. “Aren’t you a little doll?”

“Come on in,” Cole told her, stepping aside.

The apartment was huge, but as she scanned the living area, she saw it was littered with kid things—a playpen, toys, a bouncy harness hung from a door frame. Beth was confused. She turned to him, to where he stood watching her. “She’s beautiful, Cole. Just beautiful. And she looks like you. Did I miss something in one of our emails? Is she one of your brothers’ kids?”

He said tenderly, “No, love, she’s mine.”

When Peter had died, he was holding her hand and suddenly…he wasn’t…a blackness had clouded Beth’s vision. Then, the sensation of doom had been so strong, Beth couldn’t breathe. Now, when Cole spoke, a similar cloud came over her, not as intense as it had been when she’d lost her husband, but something that was still foreboding. She took in a long, deep breath. “I don’t understand.”

The baby squirmed in Cole’s arms and she reached out to Beth. Beth stepped away from them. And Cole’s scowl was immediate.

“Come on,” he said. He kissed the child’s head. “Let’s go in your Jump-Up.” He crossed the room and set the girl’s chubby little legs in the harness, strapped her in and dropped down next to her. Ellie began to babble and bounce.

Cole looked up at Beth. “She’s my daughter, Beth.”

She didn’t move. “Y-you said you’d never been married.”

“I haven’t. I had a relationship with a very nice woman who was in med school. She got pregnant, didn’t want a child now—or ever—she thought, but I did. So after nine months, I got my little girl. Her name is Ellie, by the way. After my mother.”

At the mention of her name, Ellie squealed and pumped her legs harder in the jumper. Cole smiled at her and Beth saw the undiluted love on his face.

She couldn’t take it all in. Dropping down onto his couch—nice, taupe leather like she’d expect from a bachelor pad—she tried to think straight. This was no single guy’s den. It was clearly a family home. She simply stared at Cole, then at the child. Suddenly, the dreams she’d had since last Sunday, when they were together again, melted like snow in the sun. Cole didn’t speak, either. The room was filled with delighted baby chatter juxtaposed with incredible tension arcing between the two of them.

Finally, Beth said, “You lied. Again.”

“Well, I consider this part of the first lie. I was planning to tell you that weekend we met in person, but things went south so fast, I didn’t. Then, when I got home and talked to Dad about it, about what had happened between us and asked his advice, he told me that given all your reservations about my age, I should just leave things as they were. I shouldn’t contact you again.”

When she just watched him, he reached out and snagged one of the coffees she’d brought and took a sip. “I agreed. She’s why I didn’t call you for a week or try to change your mind.”

Well, she’d have to give him that. He’d behaved honorably there. But before…

“Let me get this straight. You pursued a relationship online with me but didn’t tell me two huge things about yourself: that you’re eleven years younger than I am and you have a baby?”

“Yes. But as I said earlier, I didn’t plan on it going this far between us, Beth.”

She swallowed hard and bit her lip.

Until he said, “I love you, for what it’s worth.”

Tears began to trickle down her cheeks and she swiped at them impatiently. She loved him, too, but his lies had been so huge, so important.

“Tell me what you’re feeling, what’s causing the tears.”

She said only, “I’m sad.”

“Don’t be. She’s the light of my life, Beth. She’s given it meaning in a way nothing else could.”

“I know what joy babies bring, Cole. I had two.” She added, drily, “Twenty-five years ago.”

He nodded. Sat staring at her and alternately giving the baby a squeeze, a toy, a peck on the cheek. Beth felt like she was watching a TV show on modern families.
Gorgeous father, darling baby, happiness all around. See it can work.

Her first impulse was to run. To get out of this place and away from this man who’d tricked her more than she’d ever realized. But her feelings for him, which he’d intentionally manipulated, kept her seated. “What do you want from me, Cole?”

“That’s simple. What I’ve always wanted. You, in my life.”

“And you think I’m going to agree?” She gestured to the baby. “With her in your life, too?” Her tone came out cold, hard.

Cole stood abruptly, making Ellie reach up her arms. “Up, Da Da.”

Scooping the baby out of the harness to his chest as if to protect her—from Beth?—he said simply, “Be careful what you say about her, Beth. She’s part of all this, and words can’t be taken back.” He glanced at his watch. “It’s time for her morning nap. I’ll give you a break to think about everything,” he added and started across the room. He opened a door then looked over his shoulder. “I hope you won’t leave. I hope we can talk this out, but if you do, I’ll respect your wishes and won’t contact you again.” Then he disappeared into the bedroom.

Beth stared after him, feeling like she just landed in Oz.

o0o

Cole’s mind swirled with a thousand thoughts as he sat in the rocker with Ellie cuddled up to his chest. Trying to calm his mind, he studied the nursery. The walls were a series of murals portraying the outdoors—the sky, puffy white clouds, green trees and grass, even a running brook throughout the whole room. The furniture was wood—a sleek oak crib, low dressers and a changing table, the likes of which he hadn’t even known existed two years ago.

For a while, he took pleasure in the room, in Ellie, then his thoughts went back to Beth. He’d taken a lot of risks in his life. He’d conceived, created and worked on a microchip that made him enough money to be secure the rest of his life. He left a company that would have paid him a huge salary so he could stay home with Ellie. He’d convinced a frightened woman, who was seeing her dreams go down the tubes, to have his child. He’d taken that child into his home—worse—into his heart, so much so that if anything ever happened to her, he was certain he could never survive. So he shouldn’t be so thrown by telling Beth he had a daughter, whom in the long run, she’d have to help raise. True, he could have waited, let Beth fall more in love with him than she already was, but just because you’ve sinned once doesn’t mean you can keep sinning. His dad had taught him that.

Ellie fell asleep but he rocked her still, thinking back on what he’d done in this whole sordid mess. He’d taken Rick Matheson’s advice to leave Beth alone to let her make her own way in life, but no man could ignore the rightness of seeing her that Sunday,
having
her that Sunday, despite his decision to operate on an integrity that had always been so important to him.

He glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes had passed. She’d have gathered her thoughts, collected herself and they could decide their fate. Feeling like a guitar string tuned so tightly it was about to break, he set Ellie in the crib, whispered, “You’re worth anything that happens, sweetheart,” and made his way to the living area.

Relief swamped him that she was still here. She stood by the window, staring out at the street. He took a moment to appreciate the gentle curve of her back, her ass, the muscles in her legs. Her hair was loose and luscious around shoulders bared by the pretty top, and his heart ached knowing he might never touch her again. He said, softly, “Beth?”

She didn’t turn right away but finally faced him. “She’s beautiful, Cole, and I can see how much you love her. I can see that you’re a good father.”

“Thank you.” He jammed his hands in the pockets of his shorts. “Is there a
but
coming?”

“No, no buts. It’s a fact. A nice one.”

“Come sit with me on the couch.”

“All right.” Slowly, she crossed the room and sank down on the cushions. He joined her. He reached for her hand and thought she might repel his advance, but she didn’t. Instead, she linked their fingers and held on tight. “It makes sense now. Why you wanted to work at home and started the website. Why finding dates was so hard. Why you didn’t pursue me after that weekend.” She shook her head. “Why you said you didn’t need to have a baby with me. You were fine the way you were. When I asked about the comment, you didn’t answer.”

“I deceived you badly.” Raising their linked hands, he kissed her fingers. “I’m sorry. My only excuse is I fell in love with you.”

She didn’t return the sentiment. “It’s water under the bridge now. We’ve got enough to deal with.”

He saw her face go even more grim, but they had to have this out. Hurting her was killing him. “One of those things is, can you forgive my lies?”

“I don’t know, Cole. I might be able to. I’d been ready to forgive the lie about your age. But there are larger issues here, more important ones.”

“I know.”

Her voice was raw when she said, “Ellie’s the same age as Ava’s daughter, Mariel.”

He sighed heavily. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

She smiled at him then. “No, you wouldn’t. You act on your heart, not your head. It can be a good trait.”

“Which has hurt you.”

“Yes. And I feel like I’m drowning in your actions. Going under for the third time.”

Letting go of her hand, he picked up his now-cold coffee and sipped. Zillions of emotions were swirling inside of him. One pushed to the surface. He wanted this woman with an intensity that rocked him to the core.

“Do you love me, Beth?”

“Yes.” Her lips trembled and her eyes welled with unshed tears. “Your plan worked. I’ve fallen in love with you.”

“Then give it a month.”

She dug fingertips over her closed eyes as if she could stop her feelings from coming out. “Give what a month?”

“Us. Let’s spend a month together. You can get to know Ellie. See if you can handle us.”

“I can handle you both, Cole. I’m not sure if I want to.”

“Then find out.” Grasping her shoulders, he turned her to face him. “Let’s see if we can make a go of it. If we don’t try, we’ll wonder for the rest of our lives what could have been. At least, I will.”

“Funny, that’s what happened with Peter.” The beloved husband. Fuck it, Cole was already jealous of the guy, and he didn’t like the memory of him intruding on this life-altering decision.

“What did?” he managed to ask gently.

“We got married when I was eighteen. He was a partner in an architectural firm. I gave up college plans, everything, to marry him.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I was pregnant with Ava, Cole. Something I kept from you. Something, actually, I don’t think much about.” She shook herself. “He’d been divorced two years by the time I met him and wanted to get married and start our life together.”

“Ah, I see. So you ditched all your plans for your own life to be with him.”

“Yes.”

Finally, he connected the dots. “I’m not asking you to do that for me, Beth.”

She turned and faced him, clutching the gold locket she always wore. At that moment, he realized it must be one Peter had given her. “Of course you are. Raising another child will change everything I wanted out of my life from here on.”

“I don’t agree. It’ll be different from before. I’ll be a different kind of caregiver to my child than Peter obviously was.”

“Maybe you will. But still, my life would never be the same.”

“You haven’t been very happy with your life as it is, Beth.”

“I know. I’m not trying to argue with your points. I’m just stating a fact as I see it. Please, accept that.”

“All right then, will you change your life for me like you did for Peter?”

She watched him, searching his face. Her expression bereft, she finally said, “I don’t think I have a choice.”

Emotion clogged his throat. “What do you mean?”

“Your plan worked. You wanted me to fall for you so that I’d accept anything.”

Spence’s words came back to him.

I’m going to tell you something personal. Don’t make love to Beth before you tell her the truth. I did that with Annie and it made things much, much worse.

Suddenly, he felt so bad about what he’d done to this lovely woman, he almost couldn’t contain it. And saying he was sorry seemed to be an insult to what pain he’d caused by his selfish actions.

She squeezed his hand. “I’ll give us a chance, Cole. Give us the month you asked for.”

He cocked his head. “But you’re unhappy about it.”

Tears leaked from her eyes. “Yes. But I’ll do what you ask.”

Tugging her close, he held her next to a heart which was beating like a runner’s, mid-jog. Funny, he’d won the battle. He’d convinced this lovely woman to let their relationship all shake out. But he didn’t feel at all like a victor. He felt like a first-class shit!

Chapter 5

Beth walked into the Second Chances for her regular shift on Tuesday with a heavy heart. Heading down the hall, she reached the common area outside of Carolyn’s office and the hotline quarters, where clients tended to gather. The first person she bumped into was Mary Anderson, the woman she’d accepted into the shelter, picked up in Rockland and driven back to Honey Lake and the shelter. “Hi, Mary.”

“Oh, Beth, hello.” Mary’s eyes darted away from Beth’s. The bruises on her face had faded away, but Beth knew the internal wounds were taking much longer to heal.