Midnight Shadows (33 page)

“So?”

“So that’s why she got so upset that night…why she and Daddy argued. Why she left the club early and came home alone. It was all my fault. None of this would have happened if I—”

Sammie sprang to her feet and whirled around to face Sabrina. “You’re blaming yourself for what that scheming, murderous bitch did? That’s ridiculous.”

“No it’s not. Everything that happened that day started with my selfish, immature tantrum. Those assholes may have committed the murders, but I was the catalyst. If I hadn’t—”

Savvy grabbed her hand. “How could you even think that, Bri? And my God, how could we not know how you felt?”

“I couldn’t tell anyone. I had learned to live with the guilt of what I’d said. It wasn’t easy, but I had come to terms with it. I remembered the good times…all the times I’d told Mama I loved her. That’s what I clung to.

“But then we found out what really happened. Found out the circumstances behind their deaths… what had started it all and I couldn’t deny the truth. Without me causing that, they might still be alive.”

Savvy squeezed her hand even tighter. “Bri, first of all, you’re not responsible for their deaths. The fault lies solely with her murderers.”

“But if I hadn’t—”

“No…wait,” Sammie said, “I was the one who mentioned going to summer camp in the first place. If we hadn’t gone, Mama would never have gone to the club…she would have been home with us. So I guess it’s really my fault.”

Sabrina frowned at her. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“No, no,” Savvy said. “Don’t you remember? I’m the one who told you about the camp, Sammie. So technically, it’s more my fault than yours.”

Sabrina shook her head. “Now both of you are being ridiculous.”

Savvy arched a brow. “Oh really? More ridiculous than you are?”

Sammie dropped back down beside her, took her hand. “It breaks my heart that this has been eating at you for nineteen years, Bri. Why on earth wouldn’t you tell us?”

“I thought you would hate me for what I did.”

Tears filled Sammie’s eyes but Savvy glared at her. “Sabrina Sage Wilde, how in the world could you even for one second believe we would hate you? Do you not understand how much we love you?”

Sabrina swallowed a sob. For the first time in her life, she understood the depth of her sisters’ love for her. She had enough love for them to fill an ocean but had never realized that they loved her just as much.

“I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you both as sisters. I love you guys so much. Can you forgive me?”

Two pairs of arms wrapped around her and they shared a three-way hug.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Savvy whispered.

“I agree,” Sammie said. “But even if there was, there’s nothing on earth that would make us stop loving you.”

 
Sabrina closed her eyes as tears streamed down her face. Even though she still felt the guilt for what she’d said to her mother all those years ago, her sisters’ love and acceptance had lightened her burden. Maybe the truth could set her free after all.

Chapter Thirty-two

Sabrina sipped her lemonade and enjoyed the last few moments of daylight. She was exhausted but in a good way this time. She and her sisters had spent most of the day in Mobile shopping. Well, Sammie and Savvy did most of the shopping. Since Bri wasn’t and never would be much of a shopper, she was the designated opinion giver. And she had plenty of those.
 

They had giggled and reminisced just like the old days. And for the first time in her adult life, she’d felt free to be herself. All guards down, façade completely gone. Her sisters knew the worst about her and still loved her. Imagine that.

Now Savvy was having dinner with Zach and Camille in their private dining room upstairs. Sammie and Quinn were at their house. And she was here on the back patio, sipping lemonade. Alone with her thoughts.
 

Nothing had changed and yet everything was different. That only made sense to her. She was still free to be Sabrina, but she was also free from the worry of losing her sisters’ love. That was indeed freedom.

Most people wouldn’t understand the guilt she’d built up over the years. Not unless they’d experienced something similar. Done something equally as stupid and careless. But that was okay, too. She was who she was and quite honestly, she was okay with that.
 

“Sabrina Sage, I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”

Startled, Sabrina watched Gibby march toward her like a top commander on a mission. If the pursing of her aunt’s lips and the challenging glint in her eyes was any indication, this was not going to be a pleasant visit.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong, young lady. How in the name of all that’s good and holy could you for even one second think you were in any way responsible for Maggie’s and Beckett’s deaths?”

Her sisters were loyal to a fault but had no doubt felt the need to let the matriarch of the Wilde family in on what Sabrina had told them. She was torn between anger at their interference and love because they cared so much.

She held up the pitcher of lemonade. “Want some?”

Gibby settled herself into a chair and nodded. “Don’t mind if I do. And while I drink, you can explain yourself, young lady.”

Fighting a smile at her sweet aunt’s snippy tone, Sabrina poured another glass of lemonade. “I know you and my sisters think it’s silly, but it’s hard to get past what I said to Mama. If she hadn’t been so upset that night, they might still be alive.”

Gibby swallowed half her lemonade in one long gulp and gave a delighted sigh. “You do make mighty fine lemonade.” She settled her glass on the table and then glared at Sabrina. “But you don’t know beans from apple butter about why your mama was upset that night.”

“But I—”

“Listen honey, I don’t know all of what went on that night. None of us do. I do know that everyone has a choice. Some are silly—like your daddy flirting with that waitress. Or seemingly insignificant, like your mama deciding to leave the clubhouse and go home without Beckett. And some are downright monumental, like those murderous monsters that killed your parents and then made it all the worse by covering it up with a horrible lie.

“We all have decisions to make. Sometimes we make very bad ones, even if they don’t seem bad at the time.”

“Like when I told Mama I hated her.”

“Maybe so. But what I do know is, it would literally break your mama’s heart if she knew that you had been carrying that around with you all these years. Blaming yourself for what other people are responsible for.”

“But—”

“I talked to her that day. Right after she got back home from dropping you girls off. She told me a little about your spat. Even laughed about it.”

“She did?”

“Said she was torn between spanking your fanny and hugging you because you reminded her so much of Beckett.”

A sharp pain clutched at Sabrina’s chest. “You mean she wasn’t upset with me? Then why was she so emotional that night?”

“Because she was missing you three something fierce. It was the first time y’all had been away from her. She didn’t want you girls to go. Said when she realized that, it convinced her even more that you needed to go. And she was sure that once you got there, you’d have a good a time.”

Her mother had been right. Despite the terrible guilt for saying something so ugly to her mother, she’d been having a blast. That hadn’t lasted long since her grandfather had arrived the next day with the news that their parents were dead.

Though almost dizzy with relief, she had to make sure. Having carried this awful burden for so long, she couldn’t believe one small conversation with her aunt could have taken all of that away.

“Are you sure, Gibby? I mean absolutely, positively sure she wasn’t upset because of what I said?”

Gibby’s eyes glazed with tears. “Oh honey child, I wish so much we’d talked about this before. She was missing you girls something terrible. Then Beckett, Lord rest his soul, flirted with that waitress at the club. I’m sure—one hundred percent sure—it was those two things together that got her so riled.”

No matter what Gibby said about how her mother reacted to Sabrina’s temper tantrum, she would always regret those words being the last ones she’d said to her beautiful, precious mother. But to know that her mother hadn’t been hurt by them…that she had actually laughed? That the reason for the argument with Sabrina’s father hadn’t been brought on because of the vile words she’d hurled at her mother? That terrible weight of guilt she’d felt for so long was gone.
 

She felt lighter than air. And free…so very free. It hadn’t been her fault…it hadn’t…. A sob, unexpected and violent, exploded from her chest.

Gibby held out her arms and Sabrina practically threw herself into them. Enfolding her in a soft, fragrant hug, her aunt’s voice quivered with emotion. “Hush now, darlin’. Everything’s going to be okay.”

And for the first time since she was ten years old, Sabrina felt they actually would.

Sarasota, Florida

Sweat poured down Ian’s face. Switching off the engine of the push mower for a moment, he pulled out the hand towel he’d stuffed in his back pocket and wiped down his face and neck. Cutting grass in the middle of a summer day in Florida was just asking for trouble. Didn’t matter. He had a choice of either working his ass off or going crazy. Working was his only option. Besides, pushing the mower was good physical therapy. As long as he didn’t die from heat exhaustion, that is.

“Son, I made some iced tea. Come on in out of the heat and cool off.”

Ian looked at the progress he’d made on the lawn. With ten kids to raise, his parents had made sure they had a giant yard to play in. He was only halfway done but figured if he didn’t cool down he’d die of heat stroke before he could finish.

Following his mother to the patio, he noticed three glasses sitting beside the tea pitcher. Then his dad walked out from the house. He took one look at his parents’ faces and knew this was more than an opportunity to cool off. They wanted to know what the hell was going on with him.

He hadn’t told them that he and Sabrina broke up. When he’d arrived on their porch a couple of weeks ago, his mother had taken one look at him and had known something was off. And his mom being the wisest woman he knew hadn’t asked questions. She had fed him, mothered him, let him know she was there if he needed to talk, and loved him the way she had from the moment he’d met her.

He hadn’t planned on staying so long. There was plenty of work he could do at his office. Plenty of cases he could take on. Concentrating on those cases was another matter. So the choice had been easy. He’d stopped at his house long enough to grab more clothes, picked up Jack from the sitter, and then he’d been off again.
 

For now, being in the place where he’d always known unconditional love felt right.

Ian dropped down into his chair and gave his mother a smile of thanks for the large glass she placed in his hand. He drank three-fourths down in one thirsty gulp and put the glass on the table.
 

Instead of meeting their concerned gazes, he stared at his almost empty glass and finally gave his parents an explanation. “Sabrina and I are no longer seeing each other.”

His mom grabbed his hand and squeezed gently. “Ah, honey, I’m so sorry.
 

“I’m sorry, too, son. I know you thought she was the one.”

He didn’t bother to correct his father. Ian didn’t think it…he knew it. Sabrina was the one for him. It was just too damn bad she didn’t feel the same way.

His mother was always more in tune with her children’s deepest feelings. “This last case you worked on took an emotional toll on both of you. You could’ve died. I’m sure when things settle down…get back to normal, you two will mend your fences.”

If he hadn’t called it quits, Ian was sure that would have happened. They could have gone back to their same old relationship. It was definitely what Sabrina had wanted.
 

With every step that had taken him away from her, his heart had been telling him to turn around and accept what she could give him. What they had was better than what most people had. But dammit, they could have so much more.

“I don’t think so, Mom. Not this time. Sabrina and I want different things.”

“You broke up with Sabrina?”
 

Alana stood at the patio door. The disappointment in his little sister’s face was understandable. She and Sabrina had gotten along great.

“Yeah.”

“But why? She’s perfect for you.”

“Can’t deny that. I’m just not perfect for her.”

“Then she’s stupid.”

“Alana.”
 

Molly Mackenzie’s admonishment wiped the indignant look from his sister’s face. “I’m sorry, Ian. I really liked her. She was the coolest girl you’ve ever brought home.”

“Thanks, sweetie. She’s definitely something special.”

“She told me next time she came for a visit she would teach me how to take a guy down with one hit.”

“Some guy bothering you?”