Miracles in Disguise (The Trampled Rose Series) (10 page)

The thought of attending a Bible study was frightening enough. But the fact that it was being led by Nathan sent fear trickling down her spine. A flash of David’s weekly family Bible study skittered through her mind. There were very few weeks that she was able to scrape by without any sort of repercussion. No matter what mood he was in when the study began, David ended drunk with power, and she was his to control. And if she dared fight back in the slightest way, he crushed her.

She looked up at Nathan, her hand still resting lightly on his arm. His eyes were kind and concerned, obviously reading her fear.
He’s not David.

Fear would have her say no, yet something began to battle her fear. Her bookshelf was filled with wonderful books, but lately, she spent all of her spare reading time pouring through the passages of the Bible. It was so different from how David had presented it, and she had tons of questions dying to be answered.

“I would love to.” She answered before her fear could stop her.

“Great, we just started Ephesians,” he said.

David’s voice reverberated in her head,
Ephesian 5:31 says we are to become one flesh, and verse 33 says that you are to reverence your husband.
That was the night she had not kept her emotions in check, and he sensed her hesitation when he went to touch her. He had made sure she had understood the meaning of the verses that night.
A shiver coursed through her as she also recalled the time she told him she didn’t want to quit working at the school.
Ephesians 5:23-24 calls for wives to submit to their husbands, in everything and in every way.
She had paid for her disobedience dearly that night. The thought of hearing Nathan rant about submitting to husbands like David made her ready to back out.

She opened her mouth to say something when Barbara joined them. “Good job, kiddo.” Nathan said to Barbara.

Before either of them could say anything, Nathan gently squeezed Kristina’s hand. “Well, I better be on my way. I’ll see you at seven o’clock on Thursday,”

What have I gotten myself into!

By the time Thursday rolled around, Kristina’s stomach was in knots. She was ready to leave by six o’clock, and nervously paced back and forth in her living room.

“What am I doing?” she said, kicking off her heels and sitting on the couch. This was the third time she’d removed them.

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, willing her stomach to settle.
She had faith that God is and will always be who He says He is in His Word.
Nathan’s gentle voice reached through her fear as she recalled what he said about Barbara's mother. And from everything she had been reading in the Bible lately, God wasn’t anything like David had presented Him to be.

David used God to manipulate me, and Nathan would never do that…would he?

She put her shoes back on, and headed for her car before she could change her mind. When she arrived at the church, Nathan was pulling into the parking lot at the same time. As she gathered her things, he jumped out of the truck and opened her door.

She was engulfed in his nearness as she climbed out, and his deep, gentle voice felt like it was rumbling in her belly. “I’m so glad you came.”

Nathan’s natural warmth and charming personality was so infectious that his smile just pulled on her heart like it was on a string, and she found herself smiling and confessing, “Me too, but I'm a little nervous.”

“Is this your first Bible study?” Nathan asked without a trace of condemnation in his voice.

She searched his face to see if he was mocking her. “I guess you could say that.” She whispered, averting her eyes.

Nathan placed his hand lightly on her shoulder as they walked to the church. “I grew up listening to my father preach, and we read the Bible as a family and on our own. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I started reading it because I chose to, because I wanted to hear what God was saying to me. That was when the words just came alive; they reached out to me.” Squeezing her shoulder, he continued, “That’s what God does when we go to His word because we desire to meet with Him. I guess a good analogy would be me being cordial to you in the teacher’s lounge because we are colleagues, and that is the right thing to do, as opposed to me inviting you here tonight. Your response to my invitation to join us tonight was more appreciated because of our growing friendship."

His words sent a flood of warmth into her heart, both spiritually and emotionally. The first thing that struck her was Nathan’s sincerity as he spoke of a growing friendship with her. But that was quickly eclipsed by the joyous thought of God just waiting for her to reach out to Him with joy in her heart instead of fear.

“I never thought of God wanting a relationship with me,” she admitted softly. “I always thought He wanted obedience, and that is it." Shaking her head, she laughed and said, “I bet I sound silly to you?”

“Not in the least. And you’d be surprised at some of the silly things I think.” Sobering, he added, “We tend to be shaped by our outward circumstances. Our parents, our upbringing, generational traditions, and even just our day-to-day life shape us. But God wants to come into our hearts and shape us from the inside out.”

Kristina stopped walking and looked up at him, “That is really beautiful.”

“A little bit on the poetic side, huh? Maybe I’ll end up in one of your literature books.”

“Now, don’t get carried away!” Kristina teased, as she followed him into the classroom at the back of the church.

“You can have a seat by me.” With a playful smile, he added, “You can be the teacher’s pet.”

Be careful
, a voice sounded in the back of her head. But she quickly silenced it. Not tonight, she thought to herself. For tonight, she was just going to bask in the warmth and joy that was seeping into her heart.

Kristina hadn’t known what to expect at the study. What she found was a skilled teacher, who led the discussion with thought provoking questions carefully aimed to guide the group in the direction he was going. Nathan didn't dominate the discussion, and was slow to interject his own thoughts. Kristina remained quiet throughout the class, though there were some things she would have liked to say, and many questions were burning in her heart. She laughed to herself, thinking that this is how some of her students must feel as they give hesitant answers to her questions, thinking they might be right, but afraid to be wrong.

Chapter Ten

Over the next month, Nathan and Kristina fell into a pattern. Monday nights, the literary club gathered at her house. He began showing up a few minutes earlier after the second week, and she grew accustomed to him greeting and entertaining the group as she got the last minute preparations ready. She enjoyed seeing Nathan on her couch visiting with the others in the group, and it created a longing in her heart for dreams she had promised to leave behind. He also continued to sit next to her at every meeting. In the beginning, this caused her to be anxious, but she found herself growing eager for the sound of his rich laughter near her ear, and the warmth of his arm on the back of the couch.

Thursday nights also became an unexpectedly joyous routine for them. The seat she occupied the first night, became her seat from then on.

“Brian, what do you think you are doing?” May said to Mayor Williams one evening when she walked into the classroom with water for the coffee pot. “Come sit over here."

“Woman, what difference does it make where…?” His voice trailed off at his wife’s icy stare.

His confusion turned to a chuckle when she directed Kristina to take her husband’s vacated seat.

“Really, it’s not my…”

“Darling,” she interrupted, “I just like seeing your pretty face across from me.”

She settled into her seat with reluctance, and blushed when she looked up to find many of the women staring at her with knowing smiles.

Nathan strolled into the room, “Okay, everyone. Tonight we will be turning to…” He paused as he glanced at the blushing Kristina and smiling ladies. She could tell by his look, he had surmised enough of the situation to understand what was going on, but he shifted gears to bring everyone’s attention back on him. Those probing eyes of his might be able to read the depths of her feelings, but hadn’t turned them viciously back on her. Yet.

Nathan was sensitive to her longing to speak her own thoughts during class, but was also aware of the hindering fear that was keeping her silent. With skill that she admired, he drew her out of her shell, and she became a part of the discussion. She was hesitant at first, but Nathan was able to encourage and strengthen her, though she was incapable of putting her finger on exactly how he accomplished it. It was more than just the light in his eyes, which seemed to send her doubts scurrying for cover. And it wasn’t just his smile, which melted her hesitation with its warmth. There was something in him that made her long to come out from behind her wall of protection and see all that she might have with him.

At the end of her second Bible study, he offered to pick her up. When they would arrive at church, he would always open her door and carry her books inside. At first she objected, feeling like a silly school girl. But he teased, “Now remember this is a small town, and I have the ladies of this town wrapped around my finger. What would all the grandmas say if they found out I let you carry your own Bible?” He feigned a look of such extreme horror, she found herself laughing as he finished, “I can’t have you sullying my reputation like that.”

After that night, the two were always seen entering the church in the same manner. Nathan’s one hand lightly on her shoulder, and the other wrapped around their books, with Kristina laughing or smiling at something Nathan was saying.

This was the scene that Sandra McKinley was greeted with as she was leaving her husband’s office.

She waved to the couple, but Nathan stopped short. "Hey mom, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Sandra began, but when Nathan gave her a disapproving look, she said, “I know you can read me as deeply as you read the Bible, but tonight I don't want to be dissected.”

Nathan kissed his mom on the top of her head, “I get it from you.”

“Maybe.” After a moment’s pause, she turned to Kristina, “This Sunday, the family is having a barbecue after church. Would you like to come?”

“Sure,” Kristina said after a moment’s hesitation.

“See you then.” She hurried off before her son could question her further. Nathan and Kristina watched Sandra walk to her car a moment, before heading into the church.

“Hey, Dad.” Nathan called out to him as he passed by the office. He paused and poked his head in the door. “You look tired; you should go home, too. I can lock up after the study"

Andrew got up and smiled at the couple. “Son, I think I’m going to take you up on that offer.” Patting Nathan on the shoulders, he said goodnight to Kristina and hurried after his wife.

Nathan stared after his dad for a moment, but then turned to greet a few people who were coming in for the study.

During the class, Nathan spoke of not just settling for life, but striving for God’s will in your life.

“Sometimes we settle for what our circumstances hand us, but we should be seeking to find out what God’s will is, even when it doesn’t look like what we thought it should." He paused and hung his head slightly. Kristina heard the slight catch in his voice as he continued with the study.

Kristina helped Nathan lock up, and he was quiet as they went about securing the church for the night. After he set the alarm and locked the main door, they turned toward his truck. He grabbed her hand and stopped.

“Kristina,” he began, that troubled look still clouding his features, “Would you mind going out with me for coffee?”

When she agreed, he slipped his arm around her waist and squeezed her to his side, as if she had done him the greatest favor by assenting to have coffee with him. They drove in silence to April’s diner, and Nathan was silent until they placed their orders.

“I thank you for coming with me tonight; I just wanted to be with you tonight.”

“Are you okay? I noticed you were a little distracted in the Bible study. Is it your father?”

“Yeah…But it was quite the opposite. I wasn’t distracted. I was hearing every word, loud and clear, that I was speaking. It was like God was speaking to my heart as I spoke to everyone else.”

He reached for her hand, before he continued. “You know my father isn’t well, and everyone expects me to take over the senior pastor position.”

“What does your father want?”

“Which one?” He chuckled at his own comment. “My earthly father, and everyone else for that matter, wants me to take the position. But I don’t know if I’m called to be a pastor. I mean, I minister to people in so many ways…but senior pastor just isn’t in my cards. I see how tired my father is, and I want him to step down as much as Mike does. But I’m not going to accept a position that I’m not called to do.” Nathan said, with more conviction than he actually felt.

Kristina listened to Nathan explain his reasons for not accepting the position. But beneath it, she heard his fear. Maybe she could hear it so clearly, because it echoed her own fear. Logical reasoning tells you one thing, but then the matter lies before you – and you want to go, you want to step into it –– but fear entangles your legs just as you try and lift one foot off the ground.