Miracles in Disguise (The Trampled Rose Series) (14 page)

As she walked home, she zipped up her coat. Though they day had begun mild, there was a biting north wind that chilled her to the bone. She wondered if it ever snowed here. She would have to ask Nathan if they got many white Christmases. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of spending Christmas with him. Maybe he would ask her to join them, as he was going to on Thanksgiving.

“You love walking, don’t you?” came a voice from behind her.

Kristina turned, glaring up at Bobby Swanson. “What do you want, Bobby?” She’d been so engrossed in her thoughts of Nathan, that she hadn’t heard him walking behind her.

“That’s a loaded question.” She wanted to knock that smirk off his face. Bobby reminded her so much of Steve - cocky, self-assured, and definitely slimy. Her skin crawled.

The old Kristina would have cowered and slipped away as fast as she could. Maybe it was the warmth of Nathan’s gaze, the safety his arms provided, or just this new hope in her future, but Kristina didn’t want to cower anymore. "Bobby, keep your lewd comments to yourself. If you have something pertinent to tell me, then you can address it during school hours on school property. Otherwise, keep your distance from me, or I will be forced to relay your comments to the authorities…and the football coach.”

He merely glared down at her, switching his toothpick from one side of his mouth to another. Keeping her head high, she turned and walked away, cringing at the curses he mumbled. She was trembling from fear, but at the same time, felt proud that she had not let him intimidate her.
Maybe things can be different.

She bounded up her steps, and found a box sitting on her doorstep. Picking up the box, she let the screen door slam behind her, unmindful of closing the front door as she pondered who would leave a box at her home. Her heart skipped a beat as she pulled off the tape; maybe it was Nathan. The smile that wreathed her face froze as she gazed down at the contents of the box. A watch, Valentine’s Day card, cuff links…gifts given once to express her love. An envelope sat on top; her hand shook as she reached to pull it out.

My Darling Angel,

Despite your little attempt at getting rid of me, I will never leave you, or forget about you. And I will make it my life’s purpose to make sure you never can forget about me. I know you think you can run from me, but we are one. So fly away, my beautiful little sparrow, but I will find you. Remember, you are my little angel. You were sent down from Heaven for me and for me alone. I will not let anyone have you.

Always and forever,

Your
HUSBAND,

David

She crumbled the letter and tossed it in the box.
How was it possible? He’s dead?
His attorney had tried to contact me to settle David's estate
…her mind reeled with the possibility. What if that was just a ruse to try and locate her? How had he found her?

Panic strangled her breath, and she closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheek. What was she going to do? Where was she going to go? The last line of his letter fluttered across her mind,
I will not let anyone have you.

Nathan…

If David found out about Nathan, he would be livid. Tears poured down her cheeks as she remembered the anger, the hatred that David vented through his fists. There was no way she could ever let David touch one hair on Nathan’s head.

Kristina prayed
, Oh, God, I don’t know why you keep making me endure this pain. But you can’t hurt Nathan. He has been so sweet, so kind, and so gentle. I can't bear the thought of David hurting him…please, I love him.
Once the words were out, it was like a flood gate had been opened in her heart. Tears coursed down her cheeks as she repeated the words, words she knew she’d never get to say to Nathan. “I love him, I love him, Lord.”

Chapter Fourteen

Nathan whistled along to the song playing on his truck’s radio. He was on his way to see his father to have a discussion he knew he should have had with him about a year ago. He smiled as he wondered what Kristina would think if she knew she was the cause for his change of heart.

After watching her leave his classroom the other day, Nathan could see that she was overcoming whatever fears she had, and her trust was building. Perhaps more slowly than he would have liked, but it was building. And to his amazement and joy, brick by brick, her wall was coming down.

Watching Kristina grow and begin to trust in both him and God, his heart also began softening toward becoming a pastor. For all the advice and counsel he was dishing out to her, maybe he should take that advice as well. If God was calling him to be pastor of this community, wouldn’t He also provide the grace needed to do that job? If God was there for Kristina in the midst of her troubles, wouldn’t God be there for him as he cared for and led this community?

Lord, the truth is I don’t know what you called me to do. I feel like I’m drowning in the churning waters of my fear and You can’t hear my cries because fear is choking me. But I know You are there. I know You hear me. Please help me step past these emotions to hear Your will for my life.

As he pulled into the church parking lot, he parked the truck and leaned back in his seat with a weary sigh. Everything in him wanted to rush into the church and tell his father he wanted the position. That had been his downfall after graduating from college; he’d rushed right into seminary, assuming he'd make a great pastor.

What if I fail?
He asked God.
What if I mess up like I did with Jordan?

Feeling as if the world was on his shoulders, he went inside. His mom was sitting behind the desk as he walked in. Looking up from her computer screen and over her glasses, she greeted him. “Are you here to see me, or are you just here to work?”

“I have some work I need to do.” Nathan kissed her on the cheek and added, “Seeing you is the added bonus that makes me want to come and do the work."

Sandra laughed at his comment, “Your father is in his office, if you need to see him.”

“Thanks, mom.”

Entering into his father’s office, Andrew looked up and smiled. “Hey, Nathan. How’s the performance coming?"

Nathan smiled to himself. No matter how busy his father was, he always seemed to remember what everyone was doing, or what they were going through – even the smallest of things.
How good would I be at that?

“Great,” Nathan answered. “Kristina sat in on practice today.”

“Did she, now?” His father said with a knowing smile. After a moment, he said, “Are you going to invite her for Christmas? We'd sure love to have her join us.”

Nathan laughed; he’d been thinking the same thing this morning. “I will, Dad.”

“Good.”

“Do you have time to discuss the children’s camp?” Nathan asked, hedging around the real reason for coming.

“Son,” Andrew said with a gentle smile, “For you, I have all the time in the world.”

After the men ironed out the last minute details of this year’s camp, Nathan stood. Now that it was upon him, he couldn’t find a way to broach the subject.

His gaze fell upon the wall. His father had a picture of everyone he’d ever baptized. Nathan found his picture easily and touched the corner. His father came up behind him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I love this wall, it keeps me humble and lets me know how blessed I am.” At his son’s questioning look, he added, “That God would use me to be an instrument in each of these people’s lives . . . it’s amazing and humbling all at the same time.”

“Were you ever afraid?” Nathan asked softly.

“It would be easier to ask when I was not afraid.” Andrew said with a chuckle. “Fear of my own abilities, however, has kept me seeking God's wisdom instead of leaning on my own.”

Nathan shoved his hands in his pockets and hung his head.

“When God first called me to be a pastor, I did everything I could to serve Him.” Andrew admitted with a laugh, “But just not in the way He wanted me to serve. I taught Bible study classes, led a men’s group. I worked hard – using all the talents He has given me - to show God I could serve Him just as well, or even better, from the other side of the pulpit. Despite all my hard work, determination, even the blessings I brought to others through my hard work . . . I didn’t have peace.”

Andrew laughed, “I remember telling Him once, ‘Lord, I’m doing what you are asking, just from a different position.' But even though I tried to rationalize my actions, I couldn’t get comfortable. It was like having an itch on your back – trying to ignore it didn’t help, and trying to scratch it was just as futile of an attempt. Finally, in desperation for relief, I cried out to God.”

“What were you afraid of?”

“That people would look to me for guidance and direction, and I would mess up, lead them astray.”

“So how did you overcome that fear?”

“I don’t know if I ever did.” Andrew said, resting a hip on his desk. “God trumped my excuses. I came to the realization that God wanted me to walk through life following Him, instead of looking back at Him and telling Him to follow me.”

At Nathan’s look, Andrew reached over and picked up the small plaque sitting on his desk. It was a plaque of Psalm 37:23. “Son, a righteous man’s steps are ordered by the Lord because he is placing his feet where God has already walked out a path for him.”

“I realized that I was trying to fit God’s will into
my
will. Not out of disobedience, but out of fear that I would disappoint God, or let Him down. God has entrusted the members in the church to me – not because of my greatness, skills or abilities.” Pointing to the wall, Andrew said, “I was just a tool in God's mighty hand. And whatever you are called to do, you will be just another tool. But if God crafted you to be a screwdriver, and you are going around hammering – well, Son, your head is going to hurt after a while.”

Nathan winced, and with a smile said, “That was not one of your best analogies.”

Andrew laughed, “I’m getting old, give your father a break.”

Nathan hugged his father. “Thanks, Dad. You always know what I need.”

“Well, you just remember that your other Dad knows even more of what you need.”

“I think He’s already shown me. I’ve just been too afraid to see it.”

Chapter Fifteen

Kristina sat at her kitchen table, attempting to grade papers, but her mind refused to stop wandering. After receiving the box, her first reaction was to grab her bags and begin packing. But, with half of her clothes thrown in her suitcase, she paused. She would not run, she would fight.
This time I’m calling the shots!
But even after talking with Chief Aday at the police department, who promised to work with the sheriff’s department and send a patrol car by her house regularly, she still felt on edge. It was easy to be brave when David wasn’t standing before her. Maybe it would be best to try and run.

She jumped at the sound of the door. Looking through the people hole, she was momentarily relieved to see it was only Nathan, but then apprehension overcame her. She had been avoiding him since that afternoon in his classroom, not wanting to have the conversation that she knew she needed to have. She knew the second she opened the door, their relationship was over, and her heart broke as she reached for the doorknob.

She opened the door and allowed him to enter. Before closing the door, she briefly scanned the street, and was relieved to see a patrol car parked on the other side of the street. She waved to Officer Devin, and then closed the door.

“I tried to call you,” Nathan said, his voice trailing off as he watched her lock the doors and set a newly-installed alarm system.

“Yeah,” she avoided his eyes, “I don’t think I'm going to make it on Saturday.”

After a brief pause, he said, “Oh…okay.” There was no mistaking the hurt tingeing his voice, and it sliced through her heart that she had to cause him pain. But better at her hands than David’s.

Sitting down next to her on the couch, he cupped her face gently in his hands. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine, just tired.” She pulled his hand from her face and looked away again. She could tell by the lengthy pause he didn't believe her, but was glad to have him drop the subject.

“Well, I came to discuss something important with you. Do you have time?”

She was about to put him off, but she couldn’t drag it out. The quicker he was away from her, the safer he would be. “I do, too.”

“What is it?”

His warm hand enveloped hers, and she wanted to leave it there. Instead, she pulled away and gathered up her papers. “You first.”
You’re stalling, Kristina. Just get it over with.

“I wanted to tell you I’m thinking about accepting the interim pastor position at the church.”

For a brief moment, she forgot about everything, and exclaimed, “That is great!”

“I haven’t accepted it yet, because I wanted to talk with you first. If I accept it, and I feel that this is what God has called me to do, then I’ll accept the permanent position."

“Are you still unsure of taking the position?” she questioned. “You sound like you feel like it is the right thing to do."