Miss Brown Is Upside Down! (3 page)

Finally, after a week, we were ready for the Brain Games. We fixed the Death Machine (complete with rocket launcher) so it was easier to steer. We rebuilt the Bridge of Love so Emily could stand on it without crushing it. The only thing we had to worry about was the general knowledge
part of the Brain Games.

“Don't worry,” said Andrea. “I memorized the dictionary and the encyclopedia.”

The Brain Games were held on Friday night. We had to hold them at Dirk School because their auditorium has a bigger stage. We loaded up our props and rode a bus over to Dirk.

When we pulled up to the front of the school, guess who was standing there? It was Morgan Brocklebank. She's this third-grade girl who is the star of the Dirk School TV station. She does their morning announcements every day.

“Well, well, well,” Morgan Brocklebank said when she saw us get off the bus. “If it
isn't the kids from Ella Mentry School. Are you ready to lose?”

“Your face is gonna lose!” I said, pointing my finger at her.

“Oh, yeah?” Morgan Brocklebank replied. “I don't
think
so. We're going to PizzaWorld.”

“You're going to LoserLand!” Ryan told her.

Miss Brown got between us and Morgan Brocklebank.

“Enough of that,” she warned.

I had never been to Dirk School before. It was big. We had to walk a million hundred miles to the auditorium. When we got there, all the seats were filled. Besides the Dirk students, it looked like their parents, grandparents, nephews, nieces, aunts, and uncles were there. Our parents were in the audience, too, but there were only a few of them.

“It looks like Dork School has homefield advantage,” Alexia said.

“Don't worry about it,” Miss Brown assured us. “You're going to do fine.”

When our team and the Dirk team got up onstage, everybody clapped their hands.
*
Then some guy climbed up onstage. I recognized him right away. It was Dr. Carbles, the president of the Board of Education.

I used to think Mr. Klutz was important, like he was the king of the school. But if Mr. Klutz is the king of the school, then Dr. Carbles is the king of the
world.
He probably sits on a throne and has servants fan him with feathers. I saw that in a movie once.

“Welcome to the Brain Games,” Dr. Carbles said into the microphone. “This
competition is sponsored by the Jiggly gelatin company. It jiggles, so you know it's good.”

Dr. Carbles introduced Mr. Klutz and Mr. Wilson, who is the principal of Dirk School. They got up onstage and shook hands. I remembered that Dr. Carbles and Mr. Klutz went to high school together, so they've known each other for a long time.

“On the left we have the third-grade students from Ella Mentry School,” said Dr. Carbles.

Our parents clapped and cheered.

“And on the right we have the third-grade students from Dirk School,” said Dr. Carbles.

The whole audience yelled and screamed and shrieked and hooted and hollered. I looked across the stage at Morgan Brocklebank. She was giving me the evil eye.

“Round one of the Brain Games will be a test of general knowledge,” said Dr. Carbles. “But first, a few short words from our sponsor . . .”

The lights were dimmed, and a giant video screen came down in the middle of the stage. Then this man and lady appeared on the screen. They were way too smiley.

“Do you like eating things?” the man asked. “Who doesn't, right? If we didn't eat things, we'd die.”

“And do you like drinking liquids?” the
lady asked. “Everybody does. In fact, if we didn't drink liquids, we would die.”

“The only thing better than eating and drinking,” said the man, “is when you can eat and drink at the same time!”

“That's why our whole family loves Jiggly gelatin,” said the lady. “It's a complete meal in a bowl.”

“Jiggly has all the essential vitamins and nutrients you need for a healthy lifestyle,” said the man. “It contains no sugar, no fat, and no cholesterol. It helps you lose weight, sleep better, see better, look younger, and grow hair; and Jiggly even cures all major diseases.”

“Not only that, but Jiggly comes in all the colors of the rainbow, and it tastes
great!” said the lady. “But the best part is, it's fun to eat because it jiggles! Right, kids?”

The camera pulled back to show three kids sitting on the floor.

“Right!” the kids shouted. “It's so jiggly, it makes you giggly!”

Then they all started laughing way too hard.

“Who wants some Jiggly right now?” asked the parents.

“I do!” shouted the kids.

Then the whole family dug into a big bowl of Jiggly as if none of them had eaten in weeks.

The lights came back on.

Man, that commercial was lame.

“Round one of the Brain Games is about general knowledge,” announced Dr. Carbles. “Representing Ella Mentry School will be two members of their gifted and talented program, A.J. and Andrea.”

My parents and Andrea's parents clapped their hands.

“And representing Dirk School will be
Morgan Brocklebank and Tommy Smith.”

The whole audience erupted in applause like they had just won the Super Bowl. That kid Tommy looked like a real doofus.

Miss Brown attached little microphones to my shirt and Andrea's shirt and gave each of us a buzzer to hold. She told us to push the button if we were able to answer a question.

“You can do this,” Miss Brown whispered to us. “Be quick, and be smart.” Then she got off the stage.

“Is everybody ready?” asked Dr. Carbles.

“Ready!” we all replied.

“Okay. Question number one,” said Dr. Carbles. “Who was the first president of
the United States?”

Any dumbhead knows that.

Bzzzzzz!

I pushed the button on my buzzer, but Morgan Brocklebank buzzed in first.

“George Washington!” she shouted.

“Right!” said Dr. Carbles. “That's ten points for Dirk School.”

“I knew that,” Andrea whispered to me.

“Well, hit your buzzer!” I whispered back at her.

“Question two,” said Dr. Carbles. “In what year—”

Bzzzzzz!

“1776!” shouted Morgan Brocklebank.

“That's right!” said Dr. Carbles. “Ten
more points for Dirk.”

“What?! That's not fair!” I complained. “We didn't even get the chance to hear the question!”

“You snooze, you lose,” said Morgan Brocklebank.

That kid Tommy next to her was just standing there with his finger up his nose. He was no help at all.

“Dirk School now has twenty points, and Ella Mentry School has zero,” said Dr. Carbles. “Next question. Who invented—”

Bzzzzzz!

Ha-ha! I buzzed in before Morgan Brocklebank did.

“Thomas Edison!” I shouted.

“Oh, sorry, no,” said Dr. Carbles. “Thomas Edison is not correct. The question is, Who invented the Franklin stove?”

Bzzzzzz!

“Franklin!” shouted Morgan Brocklebank.

“That's right! Ten more points for Dirk School. It is now thirty to zero,” said Dr. Carbles. “Next question. Name a greenhouse gas that is flammable and comes from cow farts.”

What?! What kind of a question was that?

Bzzzzzz!

“Methane!” shouted Morgan Brocklebank. “It's very bad for the environment.”

“That's right!” said Dr. Carbles.

Methane? I never even heard of methane. How did she know that?

“The score is now forty to zero,” said Dr. Carbles.

This was humiliating! Morgan Brocklebank kept answering all the questions right. Those Dirk dorks were crushing us. Their parents were yelling and
screaming. Nose picker Tommy was all excited about winning, as if he had anything to do with it.

“I thought you memorized the whole dictionary and the encyclopedia,” I whispered to Andrea.

“I did!” she whispered back. “I know all these answers. Morgan is just faster than I am.”

Andrea was useless. It looked like it was going to be up to me. I tightened my grip on the buzzer. There was no way I was going to let Morgan Brocklebank and her little nose-picking buddy beat us.

“Who wrote
Little Women
?” asked Dr. Carbles.

Bzzzzzz!

“A really short lady,” I shouted.

“Incorrect,” said Dr. Carbles. “Why do we have tides?”

Bzzzzzz!

“My mother runs out of laundry detergent and has to buy more,” I shouted.

“Sorry, tides are caused by the moon,” said Dr. Carbles. “What animal—”

Bzzzzzz!

“Penguins!” I shouted.

“No, the correct answer is elephants.”

“Arlo, you're getting them all wrong!” Andrea whispered to me. “Slow down! You need to wait until he finishes asking the question!”

“If I wait until he finishes asking the question, Morgan Brocklebank will beat me to the buzzer!” I told her.

“What state makes the most pencils?” asked Dr. Carbles.

Bzzzzzz!

“Pennsylvania!” I shouted.

“Wrong. Who developed the Dewey decimal system?”

Bzzzzzz!

“Mr. Decimal,” I shouted.

“Oh, so close,” said Dr. Carbles. “It was Mr. Dewey. Nice try. And now it's time for our final question. What was Shakespeare's first name?”

Bzzzzzz!

“William!” Andrea shouted.

“That's right!” said Dr. Carbles. “That's ten points for Ella Mentry School.”

“It's about time!” I told Andrea.

Round one was over. I put down my buzzer. My hand was all sweaty.

“The score is a hundred points for Dirk School and ten points for Ella Mentry School,” announced Dr. Carbles.

Bummer in the summer! It was the
worst moment of my life. Morgan Brocklebank sneered at me from across the stage and mouthed the words
“in your face!”

“We lost because of you!” I told Andrea. “Why didn't you hit your buzzer?”

“No, we lost because of you, Arlo!” Andrea told me. “You need to think before you give an answer.”

“You probably don't even want to go to PizzaWorld.”

“I do too!”

We went back and forth like that for a while. Then Miss Brown climbed up on the stage. She put her arms around both of us.

“Calm down,” she said. “Anybody can
answer silly trivia questions. It takes creativity to win the Brain Games. We still have plenty of time to catch up.”

“It's time for us to move to round two,” said Dr. Carbles.