Miss Brown Is Upside Down! (2 page)

The next morning, right after we pledged the allegiance, Miss Brown came into our classroom. This time she wasn't walking on her hands. She was on a pogo stick!

“Anybody can walk on their hands,” she told us. “It's more creative to hop.”

“The students are very excited about the Brain Games,” said Mr. Cooper. “When
do we begin?”

“Right now!” Miss Brown replied. “The most important part of the Brain Games is building our car. So we should work on that first.”

WHAT?! Building our car? Is she out of her mind?

“We can't build a car!” said Ryan.

“We can't build a car!” said Michael.

“We can't build a car!” said Neil.

In case you were wondering, everybody was saying that we couldn't build a car.

“Sure you can!” said Miss Brown. “You just have to use your creativity.”

“But a car needs a motor,” said Andrea. “How can we build a car without a motor?”

“Hmmm,” said Miss Brown. “We need to
find something that will turn the wheels. So what turns around?”

“A screwdriver,” said Neil.

“An eggbeater!” shouted Emily.

“A drill!” yelled Alexia.

Kids were shouting out all kinds of things that turn. I looked around the room. That's when I got the greatest idea
in the history of the world.

“A pencil sharpener!” I shouted.

Everybody looked at me like I was crazy.

“A pencil sharpener turns around,” I said.

“But how can a pencil sharpener power a car?” asked Ryan.

“It can if it's an
electric
pencil sharpener,” I told them.

Everybody looked at me some more.

“Wait a minute!” Andrea said. “Arlo's right! Remember that remote control pencil sharpener that Mrs. Yonkers showed us?”

“Oh, yeah!” everybody said.

Our computer teacher, Mrs. Yonkers,
has a thing for remote controls. She uses a remote control for everything. She even has a remote control remote control. That's a remote control you use when you're too lazy to get your regular remote control. You just press a button on the remote control remote control and you can control your remote control remotely.
*

Mr. Cooper went down the hall to talk to Mrs. Yonkers. They came back with the remote control pencil sharpener she invented. It made it possible to sharpen a pencil from ten feet away.

“We can use the motor from the pencil
sharpener to turn the wheels of our car,” I explained, “and then we can move the car with the remote control.”

I should get the Nobel Prize for that idea. That's a prize they give to people who don't have bells.

While Mrs. Yonkers helped us take the motor out of the pencil sharpener, Mr. Cooper got on the intercom and called a few of the other teachers. Miss Small, our gym teacher, came in with four tennis balls we could use as the wheels for our car. Miss Lazar, our custodian, brought up some wood, screws, and tools so we could build the body of our car. Mr. Docker, our science teacher, helped us figure out
a way to steer our car. Ms. Hannah, our art teacher, brought up some paint so we could decorate our car.

We spent all morning working. Mr. Cooper said we could skip reading, writing, and math for the morning because everybody was doing such a good job.

Finally, just before lunch, the car was done. We all stood back to look at it.

“Wow,” I said. “This car is cool!”

“You kids are so creative!” said Miss Brown.

“We should give the car a name,” suggested Ryan.

Everybody started shouting out names.

“The Love Bug!”

“Super Car!”

“Floyd!”

“The Death Machine!”

Miss Brown said we should vote on it.
She had us raise our hands to vote. There was an equal number of boys and girls in the class. All the boys voted for the “Death Machine.” The girls voted for the “Love Bug.” Only one girl didn't vote. It was Alexia. So she had the deciding vote.

“Which name do you vote for, Alexia?” asked Miss Brown.

“Vote for the Love Bug!” shouted all the girls.

“Vote for the Death Machine!” shouted all the boys.

Alexia didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do. She had to think fast.

“I vote for . . . ,” she finally said, “. . . the Death Machine.”

“Yeah!” shouted all the boys.

And that's how our car came to be called the Death Machine.

“You know what would be really cool?” I said. “We should put a rocket launcher on the roof of the Death Machine.”

“What's the point of that?” Andrea asked, rolling her eyes. “Cars don't have rocket launchers.”

“Rocket launchers are cool,” I told Andrea. “Every car should have a rocket launcher on the roof.”

“I got a model rocket kit for my birthday,” said Neil. “It would be easy to attach a rocket launcher to the roof of the Death Machine.”

“Anybody can build a car with no
rocket launcher on the roof,” said Ryan. “But putting a rocket launcher on the roof is creative. Right, Miss Brown?”

We all looked at Miss Brown. She thought it over without saying anything for a million hundred seconds.

“I think putting a rocket launcher on the roof of the Death Machine is a great idea!” she said.

Ha! Nah-nah-nah boo-boo on Andrea! She lost two arguments in a row.

“I'll bring my rocket launcher to school tomorrow,” said Neil.

“In the meantime, we need to test the car,” said Miss Brown.

Neil put the Death Machine on the floor.
I picked up the remote control. Michael and Ryan moved some desks out of the way to make room.

“Okay, let it rip, A.J.,” said Miss Brown.

I pushed the ON button. The car made a sound like a pencil sharpener. Then it started moving slowly.

“It works!” Neil shouted.

“See if it can turn left, A.J.,” said Miss Brown.

I steered the car to the left.

“The Death Machine is hard to control,” I said.

“See if it can turn right, A.J.,” said Miss Brown.

“I'm trying . . . ,” I said.

It wasn't easy. I kept pushing the buttons, but the Death Machine seemed to go wherever it wanted.

Suddenly, it started moving back and forth really fast.

Then it started driving around in crazy circles!

“I can't control it!” I shouted.

Kids were diving to get out of the way!

“Run for your lives!” yelled Neil.

Everybody started yelling and screaming and shrieking and hooting and hollering and freaking out.

That's when Emily tripped and fell. The Death Machine was coming straight at her!

“Help!” Emily shouted just before the car crashed into her.

She was on the floor, freaking out. Then she got up and went running out of the room.

What a crybaby! All she did was get run over by a car.

I guess we need to do some more tests on the Death Machine.

Right after we pledged the allegiance the next morning, Miss Brown came into our classroom. This time she wasn't hopping on a pogo stick. She climbed in through the window!

“Anybody can use a door,” she told us. “It's more creative to climb in the window.”

Miss Brown is weird.

Neil brought his model rocket launcher from home, and we attached it to the roof of the Death Machine. It looked cool.

“What's our next Brain Games task?” asked Mr. Cooper.

“Today we're going to build a bridge,” she replied. “The bridge that can support the most weight will be the winning bridge in the Brain Games.”

“How are we going to build a bridge?” asked Alexia. “We're just kids.”

“You have to use
your creativity,” said Miss Brown. “Now, what material could be used to build a bridge?”

“We should use something really strong,” Andrea said. “Like bricks.”

“According to the rules,” said Miss Brown, “we're not allowed to use bricks. Besides,
anybody
can build a bridge with bricks. We have to use our creativity and build our bridge out of something you might find in a classroom.”

We all looked around.

“Pencils!” shouted Michael.

“Glue sticks!” shouted Ryan.

“Paper!” shouted Neil.

Everybody was yelling stuff. I looked
around the classroom. There was a box of toothpicks on Mr. Cooper's desk.

“Toothpicks!” I shouted.

Everybody looked at me like I was crazy. Everybody except Miss Brown.

“That's a great idea, A.J.!” she hollered. “We can build our bridge out of lots of toothpicks!”

Wow, that was my second great idea in two days! No wonder I was in the gifted and talented program.

Mr. Cooper called Ms. Hannah in the art room, and a few minutes later she came in with a bunch more toothpicks in little boxes. We spent all morning gluing them together to build our toothpick bridge.
Finally, just before lunch, the bridge was finished.

“Wow,” I said. “This bridge is cool!”

“You kids are so creative!” said Miss Brown.

“We should give the bridge a name,” suggested Ryan. “How about the Bridge of Death?”

“Yeah!” agreed all the boys.

“You already got to name the car,” complained Andrea. “The girls should get to name the bridge. That's only fair. I say we should call it the Bridge of Love.”

Ugh, disgusting! Andrea said the
L
word!

“I agree with Andrea,” said Emily, who always agrees with Andrea.

“Andrea is right,” said Miss Brown. “The girls should get to name the bridge.”

“Yeah!” shouted all the girls.

And that's how our bridge came to be called the Bridge of Love.

“Next we have to see how much weight our bridge can hold,” said Miss Brown. “We'll do that after lunch when the glue has dried. Who's the lightest person in the class?”

Nobody knew who was the lightest
person in the class. So Miss Brown called our nurse, Mrs. Cooney, on the intercom. She has a scale in the nurse's office, and Mrs. Cooney said we could come down there and weigh ourselves.

After lunch we went to Mrs. Cooney's office. Each of us got on the scale, and Mrs. Cooney called out the numbers. I weighed sixty-six pounds. Michael weighed sixty-nine pounds. Ryan weighed fifty-eight pounds. The lightest person in the class was Emily. She weighed fifty-one pounds.

“Emily,” said Miss Brown. “When we go back to the classroom, will you please stand on the Bridge of Love to see if it can support your weight?”

“I'm scared!” said Emily, who's scared of everything.

“It will be fine, Emily,” said Andrea. “The Bridge of Love is really strong.”

Emily looked all scared as we walked back to our classroom. When we got there, she put one foot on the Bridge of Love, really carefully. It seemed to hold her up, so she put her other foot on the bridge.

“See?” said Miss Brown. “The bridge is holding you up, Emily! It just goes to show that we don't need bricks to build a strong structure.”

That's when the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.

The Bridge of Love collapsed!

Emily fell down!

Toothpicks went flying everywhere!

Emily was on the floor, freaking out. Her hair was full of toothpicks and glue. She went running out of the room.

Sheesh, get a grip! All she did was fall through a bridge.

I think we need to do a little more work on the Bridge of Love.