Missing Pieces of My Forever-Heart (14 page)

“Ooh, I love the sound of that, husband. Say it again.”

“Husband. Husband. Wonderful, wonderful husband!”

“Wife. Wife. I love my wife.” And there was those molten chocolate-brown eyes looking deep, deep into my eyes as if he were trying to see our future.

“Well, first you have to get your ass in gear and get out of that bed so we can get going on our wedding plans.”

“Seriously Cath, listen. This is what I want.”

“Oh here we go again- what
you
want.  What about what I want?”

“Hear me out, please.  You.  Me.  Erin and Kaitlin. Hopefully Michael but if not, OK. Minister or mayor or whoever can marry us.  Our living room.  Just us.  No one else. In a few weeks when I feel better.”

 I leaned over to give him a hug carefully avoiding all the tubes and wires. “How did you know that was exactly what I wanted too?”

We kissed to seal the deal.

I told Jack not to tell Jame what I had given him permission to reveal to Michael. Jame would have hated it but it must have worked because Michael responded.  He was going to fly to Florida to talk things over with his mother who since his parents’ divorce ten years ago had been his primary parent.  He would let Jack know his decision.

I didn’t tell Jame but kept putting off our wedding date saying he wasn’t strong enough yet or I was still looking for a dress.

As Jame recuperated, I heard back from Jack.  Michael had agreed to meet, but only with me. Alone.  No Jame.

I was elated and crushed at the same time.  Michael wanted to meet me but not his father. Jack couldn’t explain it but advised me to go and not tell Jame yet. It was a step, Jack explained, which could lead to more steps.

I hated lying to Jame but I told him I was spending the day in the city looking for the perfect, simple wedding dress.  I played it up that this was a big deal for me and he should just shut up about it.

Michael had offered to come to New York to see me and Jack arranged for us to meet at an outdoor restaurant near Battery Park.  He sent Michael a photo of me and me a photo of him. I wouldn’t need the photo.  He was a Jame-clone.

I arrived a half hour early, so nervous and distraught.  What if he didn’t show up? What if he got lost?  He had my cell phone number so hopefully that wouldn’t happen.  What would I say?  What would we talk about?

I jumped when my phone rang. It was Jame.  “How ya doing sweetheart? Found your dress yet?”

“No, I didn’t and stop bothering me! I’m too busy to talk with you right now.” I had to keep up the charade.

“Ha! Just teasing you.  And wanted you to know that even if you wear rags, you are beautiful to me and I’ll marry you anyway.”

“Very funny.  Gotta go!”

Whew! Be still my heart.  That was a close one.  I started to turn off my phone when it rang again.  A number I didn’t recognize.

“Hello?”

“Hello is this Cath?  This is Michael.”

Ohmygod! Ohmygod!
It’s him.  “Hi Michael.  I’m at a table outside the restaurant. Are you running late?” I was babbling like an idiot.

“No, actually, I’ve been here for about an hour and I’m…” and then this wonderful lanky, six foot four beautiful Jame-twin was standing in front of me.

“I’m Michael.” He held out his hand and I shook it.  I must have been staring because he cleared his throat and asked, “May I sit down?”

“Oh yes, please, Michael.  I can’t believe it’s really you.”

“Yes, m’am it’s really me.  I saw you when you got here but I was too nervous to say anything.”

“Please don’t be nervous.  I’m nervous enough for both of us!”

I now understood what the saying meant when people “drink him in with my eyes.” I couldn’t believe this amazing young man was my son.

“Thank you so much for agreeing to meet me.  I know, or maybe I don’t know, how hard it is for you to be here.”

“Um, Cath? Should I call you Cath? It’s a little awkward.”

“Cath is fine. How is your mother? She was very kind to me over the years.  She sent me photos of you.  Did you know that?”

“Not until recently.  I went home to see what she thought about meeting with you and my father and she told me it would be a good thing for me to do, so here I am.”

Bless that generous woman.  I don’t know if I could have done the same thing.

“My mom said that she only knew about you and sent you pictures and things.  She said she never knew much about my birth father so that’s why I wanted to start with you. I’m still not sure I want to open up this can of worms, but my mom said it might help me know myself more.”

“Your mother is a wonderful woman.”

“I always knew I was adopted.  She told me right from whenever I could understand that a very special girl loved me so much that she gave me to her to take care of because this young girl couldn’t.”

I had promised myself not to cry but it was hard at that moment.

“So, um, I googled you and my father.  You’re both very successful.”

“We weren’t at 18.  He was pushed to follow a dream and I was a scared, stupid kid who felt like she had no choices.  I want to tell you I’m sorry I am that I had to give you up, but it sounds like so little now.”

“Well, I can’t say I understand, but I remember when I was 18 and if my girlfriend had gotten pregnant it might have been a big problem just like you had.”

“So wise for your age. Tell me about yourself, Michael, or do you have any questions for me that you want answers to?”

“I majored in management at BC.  Went there on a volleyball scholarship. Interned at Mangus Enterprises where I still work in HR.  It’s pretty good.  Not sure if I’ll stay in Boston though.  Lots of my friends are ending up here in New York City so I might give it a try.”

My heart did a little flip of joy at that.  “New York is awesome.”

“I’ve read some of your articles and things online.  Pretty good.”

“Thank you.  I started writing in high school and always knew that I would be a journalist.”

“And I got in your way?”

“No. No, Michael.  Please don’t ever think that. I would have kept you if I could have.  There just was no way at the time.  My parents couldn’t do it.  I had no job, no money, and felt like I had no choice.  You were wanted. Don’t ever think you weren’t.  It broke my heart to give you up.”

“My mom was a great mom.  She was always there for me.”

“I am so happy to hear that.  I prayed for you all the time that you were well, safe and happy.”

“So my birth father, the basketball guy.  He didn’t want me? Was that it?”

“It was very complicated with both his parents and my parents not supporting us about having you.  His dad was very forceful and pushed Jame a lot.”

“So what’s the story about his cancer?”

“Jame is really sick.  He’s recuperating from his second surgery.  We don’t know what the prognosis is but we’re hoping for the best.  Michael, he has no other children.   You are his only child, his only son.  And he would like to meet you.”

“It was hard enough coming to meet you.  So many people think that adopted kids are dying to meet their birth parents, but not everybody is.  I tried not to think about you too much when I was growing up.  I did make up stories about you, but not about him.  I never even considered him.  Maybe that’s because I figured he never considered me.”

“I don’t think that’s exactly the way it was, but he’d be happy to answer your questions.  And I thank you so much for agreeing to see me.”

“So are you guys married? Any other kids? “

“I married once and have two daughters who are 20 and 19. They’re in college.  I told them about you, Michael. You have sisters.  They are very interested in you. And your father just came back into my life recently.”

“I don’t know.  This is all a lot to take in all at once.  I figured if I met you first, then I could decide if I wanted to meet anyone else.”

“It’s totally up to you.  I understand, but we’re kind of fun when you get to know us. Especially the girls.”

He laughed at that and the tension lifted a little.

“Can we order lunch?  I’m starving.  I was too nervous to eat this morning.”

So Michael and I talked about his life, my life, his sisters, moving to New York, his mom and not once did he bring the subject of Jame up again.  So I let it go. It broke my heart.

We left it that he would call me if he wanted to meet the others or see me again.  I told him to call or email about anything at all. He thanked me for not being too scary (God he had the same sense of human as Jame!) and I thanked him for being so open and willing to talk.

I watched him walk away, the same long strides and same body build, and it made me so sad that Jame wasn’t sitting right here next to me. A piece of my heart walked to the street and out of sight.

When I came in the door later, I had my story all ready that I didn’t find one dress that I liked but Jame beat me to it.

“Jack stopped by and explained to me what you were doing and why.  I totally understand, Cath.  I’m sad but I understand.”

“Oh Jame, I wish it could have been another way.  He said it was too much to think about meeting all of us.”

“Tell me about our son, Cath. Please tell me every detail.  I want to know.”  Jame laid back on the couch looking exhausted.  I told him about every word, mannerism, look, and question Michael had.  And he soaked it up like a man needing water after a desert drought.  I felt so bad.

Erin and Kaitlin were next to hear all about their half-brother.  They were curious but not quite sure what to make of it.

“I think that’s so mean that he doesn’t want to see Jame.  He doesn’t know what a great guy he is,” Kait argued.

“Yeah and why wouldn’t he want to meet us? If he was brought up an only child, I think it would be cool to find out you have sisters,” Erin questioned.

“What did you say was the name of the place where he worked again?” Kait asked.

“Mangus Enterprises in Boston. I think it’s an financial management firm in Boston.  I’ll have to look it up.  He said he was in Human Resources.  But he’s thinking about moving to New York.”

“Heck, then he’d be right near us.  He’ll come around, Mom. You’ll see.” Always the optimist, my Erin.

Chapter 34

Jame started a round of chemo in August and was too sick and weak from it for us to go ahead with our wedding plans.  He would have a three-week break in the middle of September so we chose September 24
^th
and arranged for a local minister to come to our house for our vows.

As I watched him go through chemo, I saw his indomitable inner strength.  It was not a pleasant experience and it wiped him out, but he kept walking and trying to exercise.  He wasn’t able to work during this time and I took on very few assignments so I could spend all my time with him.

I heard back from Michael, a text that he was interviewing for a job in New York at the end of September and that he would stay in touch.  I told Jame and the girls his news and we hoped that he would come sooner rather then later.  

“Why don’t you just invite Michael to the wedding?  Does he even know you and Jame are getting married?” Kait wanted to know.

“I didn’t tell him, sweetie.  He’s still hasn’t committed to getting to know us all better and I think it would be pushing it to invite him to his parents’ wedding.  Awkward, don’t you think?”

Erin chimed in.  “Well, he should get off his ass and make a decision!”

“Just give him time, Erin.”

“Yeah well, what if Jame doesn’t have much time? Oh, I’m so sorry I said that, Mom!”

“It’s OK, sweetie.  It is something I think about. Scares the hell out of me.”

“I think someone should kick Michael in the rear and get him off his duff. That’s all.” 

Jame said he needed me to come with him to sign some legal papers his lawyer had prepared for him. I thought I was going as some sort of witness.

Once we got there I found out how much love my dear almost-husband had for the children and me.