Missy's Gentle Giant (26 page)

“First it was the kidney surgery, then
she developed an infection which caused problems with her heart.  My
father went to pieces.  Mom wasn’t much better.  They sent me off to
school, so I wouldn’t be an added worry, but Mom didn’t know how to deal with
Connie’s illness alone and allowed her to do anything she wanted.  Connie got
pretty wild, as if she wanted to live everything right then.  She quit
school and hung around with the wrong crowd.  We were seventeen when I
came home for vacation and learned she’d run off with some creep.”

Ben shifted nervously and
shuddered.  “Well, I went looking for them.  One of Connie’s friends
told me they’d gone off because she was pregnant.  Man, I came
unglued.  Connie knew she shouldn’t have a baby.”  Ben’s eyes filled
with unwanted tears.  He gripped Missy’s hand tighter and rubbed it
against his scar.  Missy saw his cheek muscles ripple, his frown deepen in
pain and his hesitation.  “I guess she told the creep because he took her
to some butcher for an abortion.  When I found her, she was bleeding all
over the place.”  The tears in his eyes exploded.  “I called an
ambulance, and they rushed her to the hospital, but it was too late.  She
was crying.  I pulled her into my arms, and she died.  As soon as the
funeral was over, I went looking for the bastard.”  Ben started
shaking.  “When I found him, I tore into him and his brother cut me
up.  So now you know how I got the scar.”

He let go of Missy’s hand, threw
his head back and uselessly fought tears.  “Someone called the police, and
they hauled me in for attempted murder.  They finally located my
father.  His attorney told them what happened to Connie and convinced them
I’d been temporarily insane because of grief, so they let me out
eventually.  But when I went home, nothing was the same.  My father
ran around more than ever.  My mother started having affairs.  I started
drinking and doing drugs.

“One night I over-dosed and my
mother found me unconscious in Connie’s room.  After she got me to the
hospital, she managed to contact my dad, and he told them to keep me there
until I dried out.  I think I spent a couple of weeks in the
hospital.  When I was released, he didn’t even take me home but shoved me
on his jet and brought me here.  I’ll never forget his saying, ‘Ben, when
you’ve got your head on right, call me and you can come home.’  I
discovered then his way of dealing with problems was to ignore them or run from
them.  I spent three months out here wandering the beach, finally agreed
to do what he wanted so he’d let me come home, and then the minute I was home I
took off for the military and ended up in Iraq.”  Ben glanced at Missy’s
hand still resting on his thigh.  “He never forgave me.  I was
supposed to go off to college, then go back home and take over his
business.”  Tentatively he touched her hand which she opened to him. 
“Missy, I was running when I met you.  My father, my mother, none of them
ever understood.  The only way I could fight it was to do just what they
didn’t want me to do, even if it meant taking chances.  Can you
understand?”  His eyes pleaded.

“Yes, I understand.”  She
leaned her forehead against Ben.  “I think—I think it’s why you’re so
wonderful now.”

“Honey, I love you.  When I
saw you standing by Abigail I was drawn to you even before I knew who you were
or knew you were deaf.  A force I can’t explain told me if things had been
different I would have been miserable—what I mean is—”

“I know what you mean.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, if all of it hadn’t happened
we’d have never met.”  She smiled and showed her dimples.

“I don’t know—I mean if Connie had
lived and things had been different—I don’t know if I’d have done the same
things—”

“I know.  It seems certain
events have to happen to bring two people together.”  She didn’t realize
the importance of her words as she shifted and got up from the bed.

“I love YOU.”

“I know.”  There was a tremble
in her voice.  Could she fill his emptiness?  “I love you.” 
Could she replace Connie?  With worried eyes she changed the
subject.  “You must be starving.  I’ll bring something.”

She was gone before he could open
his mouth.  Minutes later she returned with a tray holding both their
dinners.

“Missy—”

“Don’t know how good it will be
since it’s been ready for some time—”  She didn’t want to talk about
problems.

“Honey, I’m sorry I wasn’t here
when—”

“Oh, don’t be.  My gosh, you
couldn’t help what happened.”  Her dimples appeared again.

“Mm, I hate to think about if you
hadn’t come looking for me.”  He touched her tiny hand.  “Honey, all
your home remedies—man!”  He rolled his eyes filled with love and laughed.

“What’s so funny?”  Her eyes
glistened.

“Now when I think about it, I can
just picture you trying to carry me inside—big lunk head me and tiny you.”

“I didn’t carry you, but I guess it
would look funny, especially with me in—”  She swallowed hard the minute
she drew attention to what she was wearing.

“Beautiful you.”  Ben
smiled.  “Oh, you have no idea what a vision you were when you ran up to
me.”

“Yes well—I put some wine to
chill.  I’d better go get it.”  Her face was crimson as she jumped
from the bed.

Ben shook his head.  She was
dressed for him to see her, yet when he brought it up, she withdrew.  And
it didn’t bother her to look at him.  What could still be wrong?  His
comments frightened her?  Had telling her about Connie changed
things?  When she returned, he purposely avoided her eyes, looked at the
glasses while she filled them and looked past her when he took a swallow. 

“Don’t know if you should be
drinking wine.”

“You think I still need salt
water?”

“Maybe not.”

Silence

“This cheese sauce is delicious.”

“It’s Mama’s secret recipe.”

“Oh, and I suppose you and I can’t
trade recipes.”

“That depends.”  She giggled.

“On what?”  Both of them were
relieved by the cheerful banter.

“What you’re trading for it.”

“Hm, guess it means I’m going to
have to cook all my recipes until I find one you want; right?”

“Don’t be silly.  Cooking is
my job.”

“Your job?”

“Yes, the kitchen is for women’s
work.”

“Maybe—”  He frowned because
what she said bothered him.  “Tell me, do you know how to drive a big
rig?”

“Of course not; that’s men’s work.”

Yeah, he was dealing with some
really old fashioned thinking.  He should have known.  All the macho
stuff like in his family—women were there to take care of men and please
them.  “Tell you what, if you’ll give me the cheese sauce recipe, I’ll
teach you to drive a truck.”

“Oh Ben.”  She giggled.

“No, I’m serious.”  He
smiled.  “Anything you want to try and do, I’ll see if you can.  If I
can’t teach you, I’ll find someone who can.  Maybe we can even arrange
college—”

“But women are different.”

“Oh?  How?”

“They—well they—”  Missy bit her
lip.

“Because they’re softer to touch
and usually smaller?”

“Yes.”  Missy felt
relief.  Ben thought it was normal for her to be softer than him? 
She glanced up at him.  “If I ask you something, will you tell me and not
laugh?”

“I won’t laugh.  What?”

“Is it really normal for women to
be softer than men?  I mean today when I looked at myself, my muscles—”

“It’s totally normal for women to
be softer.”  Ben felt a rush of understanding.  “Men love how women
are softer.  It excites them when a woman smells sweeter, can be more
tender.”

“And is it normal for some women to
have more—you know—in certain places than others?”  So she’d never been
able to compare herself with other women.  Of course not!  Not with
nine protective brothers.  “Yes, there are all kinds of normal women.”

“But I thought all men like women
with—who had more—”

“Breasts?”  Ben knew he
guessed right by her embarrassed glance.  “Some men like women with big
breasts, but some don’t.”

“They don’t?”  He saw her hand
tremble as she sipped her wine.

“No, to some men, size isn’t
important.”  He chuckled.  “I’ve seen guys go crazy over girls with
huge breasts and others fall in love with flat chested women.  Some like
fat women, while others want skinny.”  He heard her sigh and hid the
feeling he felt.

“You mean all sizes are
normal?”  She looked at him bewildered.

“Yep, as far I can tell.”  He
smiled because now he knew she was comparing herself to all the other women
she’d seen.

She nervously took another sip of
wine.  She glanced up with tears in her eyes and looked away.  “What
does it mean when they say a person is—is—”  She jumped up from the bed
and turned away.

“Tell me.”

“No, you’ll hate me and laugh.”

“No, tell me.”

“All right!”  She grabbed the
dinner tray and tears started to roll down her cheeks.  “Tight assed! 
What does tight assed mean?”  She glared.  Ben didn’t shrink away
with her words.  He didn’t blink his eyes.  He didn’t lick his lips
or hesitate or look away from her glare like she thought he’d do.

“It means a girl who won’t give in
to sex with just anyone, someone who is particular about who she—”

Missy turned and ran from the
room.  Ben jumped up, looked around for something to put on and heard a
crash.  He forgot his nakedness and raced for the kitchen.  Before he
reached the door, he heard another crash.  He stopped cold in the doorway
and watched astonished as Missy threw another cup at the wall.  Her eyes
were filled with rage.

“Honey?”

She threw another cup, watched it
crash against the wall and turned toward him.  “Please hold me, I need—” 
She threw herself into his arms.

“I’m here.”  He pulled her
close.  “Damn, I’m here.”

“They called me ‘tight assed
Missy,’ Ben—when they hurt me they—”  She shuddered.  “When Gonzalo
came home and your letters stopped—”  Tears rolled down her cheeks and she
tried to bury her nose in his chest.  “I used to dream of you coming
someday—but they grabbed me, pulled me into the car, laughed and said I wasn’t
normal like other girls.  I was tight assed Missy and different.”

“Honey, I love you just as you are.” 
His fingers flew.  Ben also felt like crying now, but he held her tight.

She didn’t hear him.  “My
brothers never let me go anywhere alone because they said I was
different.  Even my mom said I was, and they were so determined I must be
a virgin until—I hated it.  None of the popular boys would have anything
to do with me because of them.”  She pulled away from him but couldn’t
meet his eyes.  “All the time I dreamed of you coming and I was saving
myself and you’d rescue me.”  He pulled her closer as her sobs
subsided.  “Then they pulled me into their car and took me—everyone but
you said I wasn’t like other girls.  I was “tight assed Missy.”  I thought
I was really abnormal.”

“Oh no, you’re perfect. 
Nothing’s wrong with you.  If you’d had sisters, you’d know.”

“Are you sure?  For the first
time today I looked in the mirror at myself and—”

Ben pulled back this time. 
“Honey, you’re perfect, all a man could ever want, all I want is you to be just
as you are and love me and be a part of me.”

“They laughed at me and hurt
me.  They made me feel different.  Everything was different—everyone acted
different toward me after that.”

“No!”  Ben’s eyes flared with
anger.  “In a way they—oh Missy if you only knew—”  He pulled her
into a bear hug.  “Do you still love me like you did when you were
sixteen?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No, more now, because you’ve been
so good to m—”

“Just love me, honey.”  He
interrupted.  “All I ask is for you to trust me.  Let me show you how
I feel—please let me show you.”  He reached down and pulled up her
chin.  “Will you?”

“How can you feel the same
after—if—”

“Just let me show you.”

Chapter Thirteen

Ben hauled Missy up in his arms and
carried her to the bedroom.  He dropped her gently to her feet in front of
the bed, turned her back to his chest and pulled up her nightgown. 
Flinging the gown aside, he placed his hands on her shoulders, slid them slowly
down her arms, up her sides and then crossed her arms over the front of
her.  As he did this, he bent and pulled her back close to his chest
careful only his chest touched her.  His lips touched her shoulder.

“Ben—”  Her voice was shaky.

“Hush.”  She felt the hiss in
her ear as his fingers began talking.  “I’m going to check you out and be
sure you’re normal.  I’m going to show you how I love you.  Okay?”

“Yes, okay.”  Her whole body
was tight with fear and tension.

“Lie down on your stomach.” 
The muscles rippled in his cheeks as his fingers told her.  He held her
shoulders and helped her lower herself until she was on her stomach, faced away
from him, and he was on his left side lying toward her.  Slowly he reached
up, pulled her plait out of the way and kissed her neck.  Shifting, he
raised himself to pull her left arm above her head where he could talk to her,
then carefully lowered himself at an angle where he could freely touch and kiss
her torso.

As his massive right hand slid down
her tiny back, his lips followed, and his left hand told her what he was
finding and feeling.  “So perfect, so perfectly proportioned.”  He
tasted her back in several places as his hand slid over her round buttocks and
down her thighs.  So far so good.  “So soft and beautiful.”  He
kissed the small of her back, then her buttocks and felt a small shudder. 
Better slow down.  No one else has ever seen her like this.  His huge
hand slid back up her side and over her back until he felt her relax. 
With his other hand, he kept talking to her.  “Trust me, honey, I’m just
loving you.”