Moments in Time (28 page)

The pain in his voice made my heart hurt. “She just left? She doesn’t even see them?”

“Nope. She said she was done being a mother and was going to live a little—whatever the fuck that means. She’s got this apartment in a high-rise on the far side of town, and I bet you anything she’s shacking up with that accountant I caught her fucking.”

“Caught her? Literally?”

“They were in our bathroom. Can you fucking believe that? I tiled that damn thing myself. I love that bathroom. Now when I see it, all I think about is his dark head bobbing between her legs with her all splayed out on the countertop.”

“Sorry.”

Sean shrugged and scratched his head. “It’s over. She made her choices. And you know what? I’m glad the kids are with me. She’s nuts right now. So what’s going on with you? When do classes start? You all moved in?”

“Well, actually, no. Our dorm situation is fucked-up.”

Sean’s pale brown eyebrows furrowed. “What’s up? Did they screw up your room assignment?”

“No. Some dickwad almost burned down the building with a Pop-Tart or something, so they need to do repairs for a week or two, and we’ve all been herded over to the gym for temporary shelter.”

“Oh man, that sucks.” Sean leaned back so the waitress could set down a cinnamon bun the size of my head and a muffin bigger than my fist. Sean pulled off a piece of the cinnamon bun and moaned as he popped it into his mouth. “You should come stay with us.”

I was sure I’d heard him wrong. “What do you mean?”

“I mean live with me and the kids until your room’s ready. We’ve got space, and frankly I could use the help. It’s killing me doing all the Mommy-and-Daddy stuff by myself.”

My chest felt heavy as I tried to figure out how to ask my questions. “I can’t leave Tanner alone in the gym.”

“Bring him.” Sean pulled off another strip of cinnamon bun.

“You want us both? You’d be okay with that?”

Sean took a deep breath and raked a hand through his sandy hair, making it look even more disheveled. When his eyes settled on mine, they were serious, tinged with sadness. “I owe you a major apology. When Mom kicked you out of the family, that didn’t come from me. That wasn’t how I felt at all. I need you to know that.”

“Okay.” I fidgeted with the doily under the muffin.

“And I’m sorry I tried to make peace between you and her and Quinn. They were both so upset. All I could think about was trying to calm the situation down. I should have known better. And more than that, I should have stuck by you, listened to what you wanted.”

“I understand. You were in a rough spot. You see them a lot more than I do. Hell, I might have done the same thing if the situation was reversed.”

“You’re letting me off the hook way too easy.”

I smiled. “You’re my brother.”

“I really am sorry, Collie.”

“I know. Thanks.” My heart tapped out a Latin rhythm against my ribs, pulsing and throbbing in what couldn’t be a healthy beat. “You’re sure you’re okay with it now?”

“I’ll be honest. When I first heard you were gay, I was upset. And I think it was mainly selfish. I wanted you to meet a girl and have kids and have your kids play with my kids or some shit like that.”

“I can still have kids, you know. Adopted or biologically mine.”

Sean nodded. “I know. I was being old-fashioned and judgmental. Then, when Laura pulled all her crap this summer, I started thinking about how fucked-up everything was with my marriage, with the way Mom and Quinn were handling it—pushing me to get back with her when she’s the one who cheated—and I felt so cut off. Then I realized that’s what we did to you, and I felt like such a fuckup.”

Sympathy washed over me. Sean looked so sad, so full of contrition.

“Are you and Tanner happy together?”

“Very.”

Sean nodded. “That’s good enough for me. That’s all I want, Collie, for the people I care about to be happy. And Tanner’s a good guy. I’ve only talked to him a few times, but I can see why you like him. I’m glad you found each other.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.” It really did. I didn’t realize how starved for approval I was until I had some. It settled something deep inside me that had been in a state of unrest for months, like a knot of tension melting away.

“So you’ll come stay at the house?”

“You
positive
it’s okay?”

“It’s my house. And the kids will be ecstatic. They’ve missed you so much. Plus the girls adore Tanner. Fucking charmer.”

I laughed. “He’s got a way with women of all ages. Even Mom, before she found out we were a couple.”

Sean laughed too. “Yeah, I remember her singing his praises once upon a time.”

“You know, having us move in with you isn’t gonna make her come around to your side. Or Quinn. I don’t want to cause you more trouble.”

“Don’t care. You two can move your stuff in whenever you want. It’ll be good to have other grown-ups to talk to. There’s only so many Barbie conversations I can have before I start doubting my sanity.”

“That’s too bad. I was just about to bring up Barbie.”

“Dick.”

“Ass.”

“Collin?”

“Yeah?” I broke off a piece of muffin, realizing just how hungry I was.

“Have I mentioned how happy I am that you’re home?”

“Me too. Let’s get that waitress over here so we can order the rest of our food. I’m starving.”

E
RIC DROPPED his backpack on the chair next to me and set his tray next to Tanner’s. “You guys are lucky as shit. I can’t believe you only had to spend one night at the fucking gym.”

Tanner smiled. “You won’t hear me complaining.”

Tim grumbled. “You two definitely lucked out. I’m sleeping with four other guys on the floor at Alpha Phi.”

Tanner shot me a look, and I could tell he was thinking of cracking a joke. I bit my tongue to keep from laughing.

Wendy walked past us carrying her tray of food, and sat at a table alone.

“Jesus,” Tim said. “That was cold. What the fuck happened at that house this summer?”

“Nothing reality TV-worthy,” I said, hoping to change the topic.

Tim chuckled, eyeing Tanner. “I bet you did something. What’d you do? Hook up with one too many hotties at that club you worked at? Looks like a jealous kind of pissed off to me.”

“Not exactly.” Tanner glanced over at Wendy, who was still ignoring us even though I know she saw us when she walked by. His gaze shifted to Eric, then to me.

Oh God. Is he going to tell Tim? Here? Now?
I shoved a forkful of food in my mouth but missed and banged a tine into my teeth. “Fuck.”

Tim raised his eyebrow at me. “Easy there, Tiger, eat the food, not the silverware. Come on, Tanner, spill it. What’s got Wendy’s panties in a bunch?”

“Like I told you, she’s working shit out with her boyfriend. Not spending time with me is just part of that… process.”

“Chicks.” Tim shook his head.

Eric remained silent. I knew Tanner had said he wouldn’t say anything, but if things like this kept coming up, he was bound to slip. He met my eyes, and I silently pleaded with him. Having Wendy give us the cold shoulder was enough to deal with, I didn’t want to add Tim to the list of people I felt weird around. Not when he was going to be living right across the hall from us all year—assuming they actually got our building fixed—and certainly not when he had one of the biggest mouths of anyone on campus.

Eric chugged his milk, then stood up. “I’m late. I’ve gotta stop at the bookstore before class.”

Tanner got up too, grabbing the apple off his tray and shoving it into his backpack. “I’ll walk with you. My shift starts soon.”

I knew he wasn’t on for over an hour. And I knew he’d have gone up for another tray of food under normal circumstances. He must have wanted to talk to Eric some more, which probably meant he was still worried about him spilling.
Fuck
.

When Tim left, I took my time bussing my tray. Wendy was still sitting alone, flipping through a book. Not a textbook, a paperback. A romance novel judging by the cover—shirtless guy, ripped, hairless chest, jeans unbuttoned. I slipped into the seat next to her, and she threw me a dirty look, then shoved her nose back into her book.

I took a deep breath. “I never had a chance to apologize to you.”

“Save it. I’m not interested.”

“Well, you should be. If you want the truth, I thought we should have told you about Maggie right away, but Tanner didn’t think it was a good idea.”

“I’m thrilled. Thanks so much for supporting him in his plan to deceive me and have me made a fool of in my own house.”

“You’re not listening to me. He had good reasons for not wanting to tell you. For one thing, we weren’t sure what was up between Dex and Maggie. We didn’t want to tell you they were fucking if all they did was kiss a few times, and that’s all we saw them do.”

Wendy’s mouth pinched, and she turned her attention to her salad, staring at it like she needed to study each piece before she took a bite. I kept talking.

“Tanner was also really afraid you’d get mad at him. He said that happened once before and he hated it when you stopped talking to him. This time he did the opposite and didn’t tell you, and guess what—you stopped talking to him again, so he had a lose-lose situation. Either way he knew you’d be mad at him.”

“I don’t care. You all knew, and no one had the decency to give me a heads-up. I’d have done that, for any one of you. You hurt me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for anything I did that hurt you. But please, know that we just wanted to look out for you. And please, Wendy, you really have to know how much Tanner misses you. We both do. We’re worried about you.”

“Worried?” Her brow crinkled, but she finally turned toward me. “Worried about what?”

“We don’t want to see Dex break your heart.”

“Then you’d better look away. It’s just a matter of time.”

I sighed and started tearing a napkin into strips. “If you believe that, then why do you stay with him?”

“Stubbornness? Bad judgment. If I was smart, I never would have let Tanner go.”

Wait, what?
My hands went cold. “You think you and Tanner would have gotten serious?” I didn’t think that had been what either of them wanted.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I know he’d never treat me like Dex does, that’s for sure. And I love him. I’ve loved him since I first met him.”

My heart felt like it was beating in mud.
Glub-glub-glub
. “You mean as a friend, right?”

She shook her head, her light eyes glazed with sadness. “No, I mean I’ve been in love with him since we were kids.”

Shit.
“Does he know that?”

She shrugged. “Not sure. I never told him. I figured keeping things casual was the best way to keep our friendship, but I always thought… I don’t know, maybe someday he’d have this big awakening and realize I was the perfect woman for him.”

I tried to remember how to breathe.
Does Tanner know any of this? Would it make a difference if he did?

She sighed and stared at the book balanced across her leg. “That’s why I read these novels. Everything always works out in the end in the books. It’s comforting. Gives me hope.”

“You’ll meet someone better than Dex. Better for you. Better to you. And Dex’ll spend the rest of his life regretting what an ass he was to you.”

“You make it really hard to stay mad at you when you say nice shit like that.”

I smiled. “Oh yeah?”

She scowled. “Yeah. But I’m still mad.”

“Fair enough.”

Wendy shoved her book into her backpack, then stood. “I’m late for a meeting with my advisor.”

“See you around.”

She took two steps, then turned around, gnawing at her lip before she spoke. “I heard about your dorm. I hope they let you move in soon.”

I knew that was her way of saying she hoped we were okay. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. “Thanks.”

She wove through the crowd, and I watched until I couldn’t see her anymore.
She was in love with Tanner? Was? Or is?
I wasn’t sure I wanted an answer. What I was sure of was that it didn’t matter, at least not at the moment. For now, she was still pissed off. I hated myself for thinking maybe that was for the best.

B
REAKFAST WITH Sean and the kids had become part of the routine. I made breakfast, Tanner set the table, and Sean got the girls ready for school. It reminded me of mornings on Fire Island—only with a lot more hair ribbons and shoe tying and significantly fewer hungover people.

Sean paced around, phone at his ear. He looked tired and stressed. “I’ll see what I can do. I’ll call you back later.”

“What’s wrong?” I flipped the last pieces of french toast on the griddle.

Sean shoved his phone into his pocket and started dropping granola bars into the girls’ lunch bags. “My lawyer wants me to come by this afternoon to sign some papers, but he can’t meet until after three, and the kids will be out of school by then.”

“Sorry. I work until the dinner shift today. Otherwise I’d help you out.”

Tanner shook a carton of orange juice. “I don’t have classes today, and my shift at the bookstore got moved to tomorrow. I can watch them.”

I almost dropped the piece of french toast I was shoveling onto a plate.

Sean raised an eyebrow. “You do realize there are three of them, right?”

“Three of them?” Tanner pointed to each of the kids, mouthing the numbers as he counted. “Oh my God, you’re right. There are three of them.”

The girls giggled like that was the funniest thing they’d ever heard, which made the baby giggle too.

Even Sean cracked a smile. “I just mean they can be a handful.”

“We’re not a handful, Daddy,” Megan said.

Emma nodded. “We’ll be good for Tanner, Daddy. We promise.”

I snickered. I must have heard Sean use that line on our parents a hundred times when we were little. “How can you argue with that?”

Sean looked from me to Tanner. “You sure you want to?”