Moon Awakening (20 page)

She scrambled to her feet. "I won't trap you that way, Lachlan. I won't! Was it sleeping together that broke your control? We can't do that again. I think it would be best if I left. If we share our bodies again, I will be careful not to touch you the way I did just now."

Tears burning her eyes, she searched for her clothes. She spied her shift on the floor and grabbed it. She had started yanking it over her head when it was torn from her grasp.

With a hard hand on her shoulder, Lachlan spun her to face him. "What is the matter with you?"

Wild with grief for the taste of happiness she had lost, she gave a convulsive sob. "I promised I wouldn't trap you with your own lust. Please, I'm sorry, but I must leave."

If she didn't, she was going to give in, and once his lust had subsided, he would never forgive her. Especially if they turned out to be true mates.

He grabbed her upper arms with both hands, his grip strangely gentle, and pulled her close. His eyes were filled with warmth. "Your conviction to adhere to your promise does you credit, sweet Emily, but I do not require that promise of you any longer. I would much rather you followed through on your promise to give me your body."

"I did not promise that!"

"You offered me your virginity. Do you deny it?"

"No," she choked out, "but that was before I realized how against any sort of lasting attachment between us you are."

"I may have changed my mind about that." He sounded rational, but his member protruded hard and throbbing between them and his body vibrated with tension that belied his calm tone.

"That's lust talking, not you." And she almost hated him for giving in to it. Didn't he know how hard it was for her to tell him no? To refuse her deepest desire? "You don't want a human wife. If we make love and find we are true-mated, you won't have a choice. You'll end up hating me."

"If we find we are sacred mates, that tells us that God created us one for the other."

"You don't believe that. I know you don't. I've got to leave. Please, let me go," she pleaded brokenly.

He shook his head, his expression no longer warm, but implacable. "I want you, Emily. I don't want another woman or a femwolf. Only you."

"That will change after I leave."

"I'd sooner kill Talorc then let him take you back."

"Don't say that! He is Cait's brother, remember."

"But not your mate."

"No. I already told you I won't marry him."

"It does not matter. Marriage or no, you do not belong to the Sinclairs. You belong to the Balmoral clan now and evermore." He picked up her English dress and ripped it into shreds, the violence of his actions further proof that, his words to the contrary, he was out of control. "You will wear our plaid from this day forward."

She stared at the pile of torn strips on the floor that used to be her dress. "I can't."

"You have no choice."

She shook her head, pain twisting her insides. "You can't mean to marry me."

Before he could answer, someone pounded on the door to his chamber. Ulf's voice shouted from the other side, his words indistinct to Emily, but his urgency unmistakable. Lachlan scowled and crossed the room to swing open the door without bothering to dress.

Emily dove for the bed, yanking the plaid over her nakedness as Ulf came into view.

"What is it?" Lachlan demanded.

Ulf glared at Emily. "Not in front of her."

Lachlan sighed with impatience and stepped into the solar, still naked, closing the door behind him.

A moment later, he returned, his expression grim. "Our mating will have to wait, but mark this, English… you offered me your body and I will have it… along with the rest of you."

The rest? Was he talking about her heart? No. Impossible. And he'd change his mind about her body soon enough, too. Wouldn't he?

He dressed quickly. "I will have Marta bring you a woman's plaid." And then he left without so much as a kiss or explanation of what had required his immediate attention.

But she feared she knew already. Talorc.

She'd finished washing with another cloth from the trunk and the cold water remaining in the pitcher and had donned her shift when Marta arrived with the woman's plaid. The housekeeper helped Emily figure out how to put it on over her shift, her expression worried.

"Do you know what has happened?" Emily asked.

"A young soldier was found dead near the loch. It looked as if a wild animal had gotten him."

Or Talorc. Worried for what this might mean to Cait, Emily thanked Marta, picked up her skirt and ran to the great hall. She skidded to a halt ten feet from a knot of soldiers. She could hear Lachlan's voice, but could not see him.

He was demanding details from someone… Ulf… who had apparently found the body.

"He was dead when I found him, I told you. But if you think wild animals did this to a Balmoral soldier…" His voice trailed off, allowing his listeners to conjecture what he thought of such an assumption.

"There is no scent of an animal on him," Lachlan said with a deadly quiet voice.

"There is no scent at all," Angus, she thought it was, said.

"Talorc." Drustan's voice was filled with fury.

"No." That was Cait's voice and it was laced with torment.

Emily rushed around the soldiers, looking for her friend. She found Cait standing beside her husband, but they were not touching and he was glaring down at her.

Cait's brown eyes were shiny with appeal. "Talorc would no more kill a boy barely out of childhood than I would."

"Didn't you?" Drustan asked.

"What do you mean?" Cait's voice was faint.

"If you had told me the truth, this boy would not be dead."

"That is what you get for trying to make your enemy a member of your clan," Ulf said with disgust. He condemned Lachlan with a look. "Your plan for reparation did nothing but bring grief and loss to our clan. Is she"—he nodded toward Cait with a sneer—"worth this boy's life?"

Emily couldn't believe they were all trying to blame Cait. Even if Talorc had done this dreadful thing, she wasn't responsible. Apprising the Balmoral of his presence at the lake would not have made any difference. If the man didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be.

Which made it difficult for her to believe Talorc was responsible for the young soldier's death. Were they all so steeped in prejudice that they didn't see that?

"Wait," Cait whispered. "You've got to listen to me."

"Anything you had to say worth hearing should have been said yesterday," Drustan replied with disgust.

"You're making a terrible mistake," Cait insisted stubbornly, though she looked as if her heart were breaking.

If she'd had a bucket of cold water handy, Emily would have thrown it over Drustan and Ulf. Both to cool their tempers and just because she wanted to. They were being idiots, and while she was used to that with Ulf, she'd come to expect more from Drustan. She would have said so, but even she could tell right now was not the time for plain-speaking.

"The only mistake I made was believing your marriage vows meant something to you."

"They did!" Cait cried. "They do. If you would only listen."

"Do you know where Talorc is now?"

"No, but—"

"Then you have nothing to add to this situation. Go to our chambers. This is Balmoral clan business."

"I am a member of this clan."

"Are you?"

Cait's eyes filled with tears.

Drustan looked totally unmoved by her obvious hurt. "My clan comes first with me. If you were a member of this clan, it would come first in loyalty with you, too.
I would come first
… before your precious brother. You and Emily knew that Talorc was spying, that he was on the island, and yet you said nothing. Emily, I can understand—"

"I can't," Lachlan interrupted in a chilling voice.

Emily's gaze snapped from Cait to him.

His eyes so recently filled with passion now looked on her with dark contempt "You lied to me."

"I didn't."

"Clever misdirection is still a lie. You knew what I was asking and you deliberately withheld the truth from me."

"I don't want war between the Sinclairs and the Balmorals any more than Cait does."

"What difference does it make to you?"

She wasn't going to use Cait as her excuse. The poor woman had enough blame heaped on her. "I didn't want anyone killed."

"Like this boy?" he asked.

And she looked down at the body at their feet. Bile rose in her stomach. Blood was everywhere and his face was as pale and lifeless as stone.

"I'm not convinced Talorc did this."

"Why?"

"Because he wouldn't need to. He's too good a warrior to be caught out by such a new soldier." The boy could not have been more than thirteen summers.

"Maybe he just wanted to."

Cait gasped out a protest.

Revolted he could even suggest such a thing, Emily said, "That is a horrible accusation to make. Talorc may have the manners of a pig, but he doesn't kill for pleasure."

"How would you know? Or did you know him much better than you told me you did?"

She could see Ulf gloating out of the corner of her eye and she wanted to kick him. Did the man even have a good side?

"What do you mean?" she demanded of Lachlan.

"Did you hope to seduce me into forgetting my duty while your betrothed… or is he your
husband
… spied on my people and decided best how to attack us?"

Drustan jerked back as if shocked by Lachlan's words, and his expression went from angry to enlightened to remorseful in rapid succession.

"No, it wasn't like that." Emily couldn't believe Lachlan was talking of their time together as if it were something foul. "I am not his wife. I am not his betrothed even. I told you I'm not going to marry him."

"And your word is worth less than your promise."

"My promise is worth everything. You should know."

"You mean because you refused to let me enter your body? I might have found out you were not a virgin. I thought your passion uninhibited, but the way you used your hands and your mouth was a little too knowing."

Emily couldn't speak. She felt like someone had driven a stake through her chest.

Ulf sniggered.

Drustan said, "Lachlan…"

"Why so silent, Emily? You are never at a loss for words. Where is your denial? Your so-called desire was nothing more than experience masquerading as innocence, wasn't it?" He shook her by the shoulders. "Answer me, you bloody-minded woman. Where is your sharp tongue now?"

Emily shook her head, the pain inside her too big for any words, and then she shoved against his chest. It was a feeble attempt at best, but he let her go. His expression was one she couldn't decipher, his face almost as pale as the dead soldier at his feet.

And then Cait was there, her hands on her hips, her face inches from Lachlan's. "Don't you speak like that to her, you bastard!"

Drustan pulled Cait around to face him. "Do not dare show such disrespect to your laird." The words were harsh, but the tone he said them in was almost gentle. "You will apologize, my own."

Cait shook off his hold and stepped back, away from all of them. "I don't belong to you and he's not my laird. Our marriage vows meant nothing. You said so."

"I also told you to go to our chambers, but I see that you are still here. Not all words spoken in anger have meaning."

Apparently while Lachlan had been venting his anger Drustan's had been waning, but Emily didn't think Cait noticed. Or if she did, that she cared.

She glared at her husband, her eyes glistening with moisture. "How remiss of me, to stay where I'm not wanted."

She spun on her heel and ran from the great hall, becoming nothing but a blur of color even as Drustan shouted her name.

"For
that
, we lost a promising soldier," Ulf said.

Drustan punched him straight in the face, and Ulf went flying backward to land with a thud a good dozen feet away. "Do not ever speak of my mate in that tone again or I will kill you."

Ulf sat up, shaking his head, his eyes dazed.

And in that moment, several things became clear to Emily. All of them painful. Most disturbing was a suspicion she had no doubt that if she voiced would go unheeded. After all, in Lachlan's eyes, she was the betrayer.

But looking at his brother, so filled with vindictiveness, spite and a thirst for blood, she could not help wondering if he would kill one of his own soldiers to try to push Lachlan into the one thing his brother had refused to do.

Declare war.

Knowing that to voice her suspicions would be useless, Emily did not wait around to see Lachlan's reaction to his first-in-command threatening his brother.

She ran after Cait, getting away from the men in the hall as fast as she could. She could not believe Lachlan had said the things he had to her. She might one day forgive him, though that was not a certainty. But she would never forget he'd humiliated her like that in front of his soldiers.

And he had said he wanted to claim her. Hah!

When she reached the door to Drustan's quarters, it was closed, but she was sure Cait was inside. She pushed, but the door would not open. She knocked, or rather pounded on the thick door.

"Cait, it's me," she called, trying to penetrate the wood with her calls.

The door swung open and Cait drew Emily inside, shutting it again with a slam behind her and pushing the bar back into place. Her eyes were red, but she was not crying.

She looked too mad to cry. "How dare he say that to me? He accused me of murdering that boy, did you hear him?"

"Yes, but I don't think he meant it."

"But he said it." The pained guilt in Cait's gaze tore at Emily's heart. "Maybe he was right."

"No, he wasn't! Even if Talorc did kill the soldier, and I suspect strongly he didn't, you would not be responsible just because you did not alert Drustan to the danger. Any fool would have assumed your brother would come himself or send spies to see the lay of the land. And if they were capable of going undetected on Sinclair land, they should have realized the Sinclairs had the same ability here."

Cait hugged herself around her pregnant belly. "Drustan is no fool and neither is the Balmoral."

"So I thought," Emily said with venom, remembering the idiotic things Lachlan had accused her of.

"I don't know if they guessed Talorc was on the island, but Lachlan knew as of last night. A femwolf spotted my brother and reported it. The laird told Drustan this morning."

"So, why are they so angry we didn't tell them yesterday? It would have made no difference to what happened to that boy if we had… since they already knew when he was killed."

"That is a logical conclusion, Emily, but I'm not convinced men are always so clearheaded in their thinking."

"No, I think you're right." Lachlan's painful accusations definitely fell in the irrational-thinking camp. "Drustan hit Ulf, by the way, for sneering at you. He threatened to kill him if Ulf insulted you again and I'm sure he meant it, even though his own words to you were much worse."

Cait looked briefly gratified by that news, but was soon frowning again. "Yes, what you heard in the hall was even worse than what he said to me earlier in private."

"After Lachlan told him about Talorc being spotted?"

"Yes. He waited until I'd woken from my nap to ask me about it. You would think he was being courteous, wouldn't you?" she asked, making it clear with her tone what she thought of her husband's level of courtesy.

"What did he say?"

"He wanted to know if I'd seen my brother. I couldn't lie flat out, so I told him. Emily, I wanted to tell him so much, especially after we discovered we are true mates, but I was so scared and he didn't understand that at all."

"He thought you should not have cared if your brother was killed by the Balmoral?"

"I don't know. He just kept saying I should have trusted him, but how could I? He doesn't love Talorc. He doesn't even like him."

That made Emily smile.

Without any warning at all, Cait burst into tears. "Maybe I should have trusted Drustan. He seemed hurt by my lack of belief in him. He hates me now, you heard him."

Emily put her arm around Cait's shoulder. "But men see things so differently than we do. I remember one time my father had a boy flogged for stealing an apple from our orchard. He did not understand when the boy's mother, who worked in our kitchens, glared at him every time she saw him after that. To his mind stealing was wrong. It shocked him that she would risk his ire over such a trifle."

"But he'd hurt her son," Cait said, making an obvious attempt to stem the flow of her tears.

"Yes, emotions cannot be dictated by the petty rules and wars of men."

Cait laughed, the sound harsh. "Emotions can't be dictated by anything, even sound reasoning. I love Drustan, but I shouldn't. And now he hates me," she repeated.

"I don't believe that. He wouldn't have hit Ulf and threatened him if he hated you."

"His pride would be pricked by an insult to me."

"I think you were right a moment ago when you said that Drustan was hurt by your lack of belief in him. As your husband, he expects to come first with you, but if you are sacred mates, I think that it's more than an issue of pride for him."

"True-mating is not a result of love."

"No, but I'm sure it leads to it."

"I hope so because I don't want to be miserable alone."

Emily laughed at that. "I'm sure he's every bit as miserable. He looked good and upset when you ran from the hall, now that I think about it."

"Did he? Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"He was just worried for the babe."

"It's not even his child; if he worries for it, he does so because he cares for you."

"Do you think so?"

"I am certain of it."

"But earlier he said I might as well wear the Sinclair plaid and be done with it. And in the hall, he said our marriage vows didn't mean anything."

"He said he believed they did not mean anything
to you
. Those are the words of a hurting man, not merely an angry one." She hoped she was right, but even if men were terribly different from women, they couldn't be so nonsensical that no amount of logic could be applied to them.

"I wish I had trusted him, but even now I can't convince myself that to have told him would have been the right course to take."

"It's a matter I think you two should discuss further."

"Are you going to discuss Lachlan's accusations with him?" Cait asked.

"That's different. He is not my husband." But even though she did not think he would give her words any credence, she would have to tell him her suspicions about Ulf.

Cait sniffed the air near Emily delicately. "He marked you with his scent."

"I washed," Emily mumbled.

"But a werewolf's scent does not wash away that easily. He claimed you."

"No, he didn't… he only touched me. We didn't even…" She let her voice trail off, but she knew Cait would understand what she was alluding to.

"You came close."

"He wanted to, at the end. I think that was why he was so angry in the great hall. He thought I'd almost tricked him into mating with me, but I wasn't going to allow it. I know he doesn't want a human woman for a wife."

"He wants you, Emily."

"Lust… it's not the same," Emily said, her throat constricting with tears she would not shed.

Cait sighed. "No, it isn't." She broke away from Emily's hug and started pacing. "But we cannot afford to be preoccupied with that right now. Both Drustan and Lachlan are so busy being angry with us for deceiving them that they are not looking at things logically."

"Which means we will have to do so for them."

"Precisely."

"Lachlan said there was no scent of an animal on the soldier. Is it possible for an animal to have killed him and not left a scent behind?"

Cait stopped pacing and frowned. "No, but then there should be the scent of a man or a werewolf on him and there isn't. Except Ulf's and that's because he found him and carried him back to the keep. There was no scent in the area where the boy was wounded."

"You said your brother could mask his scent."

"It wasn't Talorc. I'm sure of it."

"I believe you, but he's not the only werewolf with that ability."

"No, it's something you are trained to do from the time of your first change… though I never got that good at it. But it doesn't matter. A werewolf can mask his own scent, but not the scent he leaves on others."

"Then how was the boy killed?"

"Without being touched… perhaps with a knife that had been cleaned in sand and dirt from the bottom of the loch."

"To remove any scent from his handling of the blade?"

"Yes."

"But that would mean the killer did not touch the young soldier at all… not even to subdue him, right?"

Cait looked sick. "Yes. The soldier had to know him and worse, the boy was Chrechte. He probably did not have control of his change yet, but it would take another werewolf or a very strong human warrior to kill him."

"It would have to be a Balmoral and an experienced one at that." Emily's suspicion of Ulf grew. "Lachlan is not going to suspect one of his own people of such an atrocity."

"I agree. We need to talk to Talorc. He may have seen something."

"But how? I doubt we will be allowed out of the keep, much less beyond the castle walls. Lachlan was angry we'd gone out without escort before. He said he was worried for our safety, but he probably did not trust us," she said angrily.

She would wait to tell Cait her suspicions until they heard what Talorc had to say. If she was wrong, she would prefer no one knew what she had thought. She had enough problems with Lachlan's brother without accusing him of a crime she was not absolutely sure he committed.

"Either way, he would have instructed the guards at the gate to prevent our departure."

"What do we do?"

Cait didn't answer, but rushed into the bedchamber. She came back seconds later carrying her Sinclair plaid.

"You're going to change your plaid?" Emily asked in confusion. She knew her friend was irritated with her husband, but to take his words to heart right now seemed a waste of time and effort.

"No. I plan to use this to gain our freedom." With her femwolf strength, she started ripping the plaid into long thin strips.

When she was done, she tied the strips together until she had a thin plaid that was nearly one hundred feet long.

Without waiting to be asked, Emily took one end and, bending her arms, separated her hands so Cait could wind the cloth around them like a thick skein of wool. "What are we going to do with the rope?"

"There is a room at the top of this tower. It can be used to hold prisoners, like your chamber, but it has a window large enough for us to climb through on the side that connects to the outer wall."

"Why on earth would it?"

"I believe it's intended for use in case of a siege, for escape or to get more food supplies. It is too high to be reached by anything but a siege tower, and a tall one at that. But there is only a narrow strip of land between the wall and the cliff. No siege tower could possibly approach the castle from that direction and archers can't get good aim at it either."

"I see… but if we're going to escape through it, then couldn't a prisoner?"

"A warrior's plaid wouldn't make a long enough rope and women are rarely captives. Besides, it would only be used if your chamber was already occupied. Do we really need to discuss this now, Emily?"

"I'm sorry. My curiosity gets the better of me sometimes."

Cait smiled. "I like that about you."

Emily grimaced. "Just not right now. I understand. We will have to hope the guards on the wall walk do not see us."

"It's a risk we will have to take. But unless the guard on the tower hangs down to look over the side, he will not. There is no other way out of the keep or the castle walls that I can think of."

Emily bit her lip. "I can't either, but if the room is above this one, the drop to the ground is very long. That is too dangerous for a woman in your condition. I will go to the lake and search for Talorc. I can tell him the situation and ask if he has seen anything."

"No. You'd never find him before the others, but I will. Do not worry, Emily. I am a femwolf, I will not fall." Cait put the plaid rope over her shoulder. "I would do nothing to put my bairn at risk, but we cannot allow war between the clans either. And I will not have my brother killed for another man's crimes."

"Not to mention that if there is a murderer among the Balmoral, he needs to be stopped."

"Exactly."

Cait opened the door and stuck her head out, listening intently. Then she turned to Emily and motioned for her to go ahead. Emily was as silent as she could be climbing the tower steps. Cait was beside her a second later and they made their way to the top room of the tower.

Once there, they maintained their silence even after shutting the door quietly. Cait climbed onto the table, the only piece of furniture in the room. There wasn't even a bed. She tied the makeshift rope to an iron loop in the wall, testament that the window was intended for the purpose she had suggested.

Then she stripped out of her clothing, tied it into a tight bundle with her belt and waited with obvious expectation for Emily to do the same. Apparently, swimming wasn't the only thing she could not do with a dress on. Climbing down a tower wall was another. She wasn't sure that was true, but she wasn't going to waste time arguing.

She didn't know how long she and Cait had before Lachlan began the search for Talorc… if he hadn't already. She didn't think their conversation had lasted very long, but she could not be sure.

After only a brief hesitation, Emily quickly stripped off her plaid and shift. Cait tied both bundles to the free end of the rope before lowering it out the window. Once that was done, she disappeared out the window herself. Emily climbed on the table and then leaned out to watch her friend's progress down the dangerous climb.

The fact that Cait was naked wasn't nearly as disconcerting as how far she would have to fall if her hand slipped on the rope. But Cait reached the ground faster than Emily would have thought possible and then it was her turn.

She climbed out the window, focused on the task at hand and not how far down the ground was. Without her dress on, she could wrap the rope around one leg, giving herself a sense of security, even if it was false. She also wasn't as heavy without her plaid and thought Cait must have considered that.

She used the knots in the rope as natural resting places and took a lot longer to reach the ground than Cait had. A cold wind buffeted her nakedness, but the exertion from the climb kept her from getting chilled. By the time she reached the ground though, her arms were shaking from the strain and she was grateful for her friend's help untangling from the rope. She dressed quickly, noting Cait had already done so.