Ms. Krup Cracks Me Up!

1
Field Trips Are Boring

2
Weird People

3
The Giganotosaurus

4
Wild Yak Attack

5
The Scary, Dead Zombie Buffalo

6
The Hall of Dinosaurs

7
It's Alive!

8
We Have a Problem

9
Slinking Around

10
Penguins Are Cool

11
How to Stuff Stuff

12
The Amazing World of Poop

13
Stuff Like This Happens Every Day

About the Author and the Illustrator

Copyright

About the Publisher

My name is A.J. and I hate school.

It was Monday—the worst day of the week. We were on our way to lunch in the vomitorium at Ella Mentry School. My friend Ryan Dole was the line leader. I was the door holder. All the guys were talking about the big football game that
was on TV over the weekend. All the girls were gabbing about some girly stuff, like what color shoes they have.

“Enough chitchat!” said our teacher, Mrs. Daisy.

Mrs. Daisy used to be
Miss
Daisy, but she went off and got married to our reading specialist, Mr. Macky. So now we call her Mrs. Daisy.

“I just got some great news!” she told us. “Next week our class is going on a field trip!”

“Yay!” yelled all the girls.

“Boo!” yelled all the boys.

Ugh! I remember the last time we went on a field trip. It was totally lame. Do you
know why? We went on a field trip…to a
field
! How lame is that? We had to look at disgusting bugs. Our science teacher, Mr. Docker, even
ate
one of them. But then, Mr. Docker is off his rocker.

We should go on a field trip to an amusement park or a video arcade. That would be cool.

“I love field trips!” said this annoying girl with curly brown hair named Andrea, who loves everything teachers love.

“Me too!” said her crybaby friend, Emily. “Where are we going?”

“We're going to visit a natural history museum!” Mrs. Daisy said, all excited.

WHAT?! A natural history museum?

Natural stuff is boring.

History is boring.

And nothing's more boring than a museum.

So a natural history museum is sure to be the most boring place in the history of the world!

Now you know why I hate school.

I grabbed a lunch table in the vomitorium with the guys. Andrea and some of the girls sat at the next table.

Michael, who never ties his shoes, put straws in his nostrils and said he was a walrus. Neil, who we call the nude kid
even though he wears clothes, put Tater Tots over his eyeballs. Ryan balanced his lunch box on his head.

“Ugh, broccoli!” I said as I opened my lunch bag. “I'm not eating food that looks like a tree.”

“I'll eat it,” said Ryan, who will eat anything. Ryan even eats stuff that isn't food. He's weird.

“I don't want to go to a natural history museum,” Michael said.

“What a snore!” I told the guys. “I bet they're going to tell us the history of rocks.”

“Hey, rocks are cool,” said Neil the nude kid. “I have a rock collection at home.”

“You collect
rocks
?” I asked Neil. “Why collect something that's just lying around on the ground? You might as well collect air.”

“My uncle collects air,” Ryan said. “Whenever he goes on a trip, he brings an empty bottle along. He's got bottles of air from all over the world.”

“Your uncle is weird,” I told Ryan.

“One time he couldn't find a bathroom and had to use one of his bottles,” Ryan added.

“Ew, gross. See? I told you he was weird,” I said.

That's when Little Miss I-Know-Everything opened her big mouth at the next table.

“Natural history isn't just about rocks and air, dumbheads!” she said. “It's about
all
the objects in nature, like plants and
animals.”

“So is your face,” I told Andrea.

Any time anybody says something mean to you, just say “So is your face.” That's the first rule of being a kid.

I wish some plants and animals would fall on Andrea's head. Like a 400-pound piece of broccoli, and a hippopotamus.