Ms. Krup Cracks Me Up! (3 page)

There were about a million hundred stairs to climb. But when I got to the top, I saw the most amazing thing in the history of the world!

No, it wasn't another candy machine.

It was the missing
Tyrannosaurus rex
!

“Aha!” said Ms. Krup. “There he is! Rexy, you are a naughty boy!”

“WOW!” we all said, which is “MOM” upside-down.

Rexy was AMAZING. Ms. Krup told us that
Tyrannosaurus rex
means “tyrant lizard king.” She also told us that Rexy is twenty feet tall, but his arms are shorter than ours. And he only has two fingers on each hand.

“Look at his teeth!” said Ryan.

“They could crunch through bone,” Ms. Krup told us.

“That thing would bite your head off in a minute,” I said.

“Hey,” Ryan said, “if
T. rex
and
Giganotosaurus
got into a fight, who do you think would win?”

“
Giganotosaurus
would kick
T. rex
's butt,” said Michael.

“No way,” said Neil. “
T. rex
would kick
Giganotosaurus
's butt.”

“Neither of you is right,” Ms. Krup said. “These two meat eaters would never fight. They lived millions of years apart.”

“I still say
T. rex
would kick his butt,” said Neil the nude kid.

There was a model
T. rex
skull that
we could look at close-up. I put my head in its mouth, and Ryan took a picture with his camera. It was a real Kodak moment. Then all the other copycats put their heads in
T. rex
's mouth for the fun of it. Well, except for Emily, who was too scared.

The room was called the Hall of Dinosaurs. We got to see a stegosaurus and a triceratops, and some other dinosaurs too. We learned all kinds of cool
stuff. Did you know that some dinosaurs swallowed rocks to break up the food in their stomach? Yuck!

We saw real dinosaur eggs and footprints too. Ms. Krup showed us how to make fossil rubbings that we could take home. She let us hunt for dinosaur bones in a big sandbox, but I didn't find any. Then she gave us dinosaur-shaped graham crackers for a snack.

“Dinosaurs are the coolest animals in the history of the world,” I told everybody. “And we got to see them dead and in person.”

“Kids can learn a lot from dead animals,” Ms. Krup said. “But we also have
live animals at the museum.”

“Live animals?!” Emily said, looking all scared.

“Sure,” said Ms. Krup. “Follow me!”
^*

Ms. Krup led us to a room with a sign over the door that said
IT'S ALIVE!
We went inside and saw lots of animals in cages: snakes, tortoises, South American poison dart frogs, and a blue-tongued skink. They were awesome.

“These animal friends help us teach
people about conservation and the environment,” Ms. Krup told us. “They also help us learn to respect wildlife.”

Ms. Krup led us into another room that was really cool because there were butterflies all over the place.

“Look! A Giant Swallowtail!” Ms. Krup said. “And there's a California Dogface! We have thirty different species. In here the butterflies are free.”

“Great!” I said. “I'll take ten of them.”

“That means they're free to fly wherever they want, Arlo,” said Andrea, rolling her eyes.

“I knew that,” I lied. Bummer. I thought they were giving butterflies away.

Next, Ms. Krup took us to the Creepy Critters Room. She was all excited, running from cage to cage to tell us about the Giant Desert Hairy Scorpion, the Funnel-web Spider, the velvet ant, and the Mexican Red Knee Tarantula. They were gross, but cool. I kept an eye on Mr. Docker, to see if he was going to eat any
of the bugs.

“Eighty percent of the earth's living creatures are insects,” Ms. Krup told us.

“So you're in good company, Arlo,” Andrea said.

I was going to say something mean back to Andrea, but I didn't get the chance because Ms. Krup pulled this disgusting brown thing with wings out of a cage and held it up for us to see. It was about four inches long.

“This is General Muffin,” she said. “He's a very rare hissing cockroach from Madagascar.”

“WOW!” we all said, which is “MOM” upside-down.

Ms. Krup told us that most cockroaches have eighteen knees. And they can live for a week after their head is cut off.

“What do they eat?” asked Emily.

“They eat girls named Emily,” I said, and everybody laughed. Well, except for Emily.

“Cockroaches will eat almost anything,” Ms. Krup said. “General Muffin even likes to eat candy.”

“Why is he called a
hissing
cockroach?” asked Andrea, who has to know everything.

“Because General Muffin can hiss by pushing air through a hole in his
tummy,” said Ms. Krup.

“Make him hiss!” we all chanted. “Make him hiss!”

“The general only hisses when he's disturbed,” said Ms. Krup. “But he's so used to being handled that he hardly ever hisses. Would anyone like to
hold
General Muffin?”

“No way!” we all shouted.

“Psssst! A.J.!” Michael whispered. “I dare you to hold the cockroach.”

“Forget it,” I said. “I'm not touching that thing!”

“A.J., if you don't hold the cockroach, it means you love Andrea.”

“WHAT?” I said.

I didn't see what holding a cockroach had to do with Andrea, except that they were both gross. I sure didn't want to hold a disgusting cockroach. But I didn't want anybody to think I loved Andrea, either.

I was faced with the hardest decision of my life. If I didn't hold the cockroach, the guys would think I loved Andrea. But if I held the cockroach, then…well, I would have to hold a disgusting cockroach!

I couldn't decide what to do. I thought so hard that my brain hurt.

“I'll hold it,” I finally said.

Everybody cheered. Ms. Krup told me to put my palm out flat. Then she placed
General Muffin on it.

Ew! Yuck! There was a giant hissing cockroach sitting on my hand! I thought I was gonna throw up.

And that's when the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.

General Muffin jumped off my hand!

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!”

“He's getting away!”

“Run for your lives!” said Neil the nude kid.

After General Muffin jumped off my hand, he ran under a table, so we lost sight of him. Everybody was yelling and
screaming and freaking out. You should have been there.

“Now look what you've done, Arlo!” shouted Andrea.

“I didn't do anything!” I shouted back at her.

Ms. Krup pulled out her walkie-talkie.

“Chief! We have a problem!” she shouted. “General Muffin is missing!”

“General Muffin is hissing?” a voice replied. “So what?”

“Not
hissing
!” Ms. Krup said.
“Missing!”

We all hid in the corner while Ms. Krup searched for General Muffin on her hands and knees. She couldn't find him anywhere.

“I don't like this place,” Emily whimpered. “I want to go home.”

For once I agreed with her. I didn't want a missing hissing cockroach crawling up my leg.

The grown-ups led us down the hall into an auditorium.

“You'll be safe in here,” Ryan's mom told us. “They're going to show you a video. We'll find General Muffin.”

We watched a movie called
Our Reptile Friends
. We learned lots of stuff about reptiles. Like, snakes can still hear even though they don't have ears! So be careful what you say around snakes!

The video was pretty cool, but I still
don't want to make friends with any reptiles.

I was getting tired. Some of the kids fell asleep in the middle of the video. When it was over, the grown-ups came back to get us.

“Did you catch General Muffin?” we all asked.

“He's in a safe place,” Ms. Krup said.

Whew! That was a relief. There was no way I would be able to sleep, knowing a giant hissing cockroach from Madagascar was running around.

Ms. Krup and the other grown-ups walked us back down to the first floor. Our sleeping bags were spread out under
Giganotosaurus
, right next to the giant bear. It was gonna be cool to sleep next to a bear and under a dinosaur. And the best part was that we didn't have to brush our teeth.

The grown-ups drank some coffee and talked about the weather for a few minutes. Then they climbed into their sleeping bags too.

“Good night, everyone!” said Ms. Krup. “I'll see you in the morning.”

“Good night,” we all said.

“I'm scared,” said that crybaby Emily.

“Don't worry,” Ryan's mom said. “
Giganotosaurus
will protect you.”

I didn't see how something that died
ninety-five million years ago was going to protect anybody. But that was Emily's problem.

I climbed into my Batman sleeping bag. The floor was hard and cold. I started thinking about Batman. I wondered if the opposite of “Batman” is “Manbat” or “Namtab.” Or maybe the opposite of “Batman” is “NotBatman.”

I couldn't fall asleep. It was creepy looking up at
Giganotosaurus
in the dark.

So I thought about the cool dead and live animals we had seen. I thought about The Secret Room and wondered what was in it.

“Psssst! Ryan!” I whispered.

Ryan didn't answer. He was asleep. Everybody was quiet. You could hear a pin drop in the museum. I think I was the only one who was still awake.

That's when I heard it. A horrible noise! It was some kind of a monster! And it was right near me! It sounded like a giant nocturnal meat eater! And it was about to eat me alive!