My Big Fat Gay Life (36 page)

I woke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, and in my drowsy state I suffered a moment of panic. My mind flashed back to Bruce and his early morning coffee brewing break-ins, and I instantly snapped to full alertness. The panic subsided as I realised that Bruce couldn’t have made the coffee. Rory must have put the coffee on before he left for work.

Since Rory’s fiancé left him and moved back with her family a few weeks ago, he’s been staying on my sofa. He’d found a job in construction and was saving for his own apartment. He didn’t want to stay with Ruth, despite her protestations that he wouldn’t be in the way even with the new baby. I think Ruth was scared at the prospect of Rory returning to Africa after his engagement fell apart.

The arrangement was working well. The biggest issue seemed to be the bathroom, as the only bathroom in my apartment is located off my bedroom. Rory has to go through my bedroom for the shower and toilet, and this has led to a few embarrassing situations where I’d either surprised him naked in the bathroom, or he’d surprised me.

The smell of the coffee wafting into my bedroom drew me from the room and into the kitchen. I was only wearing the tight boxer briefs I sleep in. With the warmth of the Manchester summer I’d prefer to sleep naked, but I didn’t want to shock Rory if he ventured to the bathroom during the night while I was sleeping.

“Good morning!” I heard Rory’s bubbly voice as I walked out of my bedroom and into the kitchen, rubbing my eyes and not paying attention to my surroundings.

“Rory!” I exclaimed, putting my hands down quickly to cover the barely constrained morning erection in my underwear. “Why aren’t you at work?”

“It’s Saturday,” he replied. His eyes were focussed on my crotch, and I flushed. I’d been too slow to cover up, and he’d copped an eyeful.

“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “Let me go and get dressed.”

“I don’t care,” Rory said. “It’s just a morning woody. I’ve seen one before. If I were Justin you wouldn’t care at all.”

“It took me years to get used to Justin,” I said with a short forced laugh. “He’s the only straight boy I feel that comfortable with!”

I turned quickly and went into my bedroom to throw on some baggy clothes.

* * *

“But you promised!” Matt whined. The whine in his voice had the same pitch as the ping of the machines monitoring him. After breakfast I’d gone to visit Matt in the hospital, as had become my routine every Saturday morning.

“Yes, I promised to put you out of your misery,” I admitted. “I’m going to do that the only way I know how: to make you more accepting of your situation through therapy. Who knows, you may even become happy.”

“I did what you wanted,” Matt said, the whine in his voice persisting. “I told the Police the truth.”

“And now I’m holding up my end of the bargain.” I sat on the side of his bed, picked up the fork on his plate, and loaded it with a mouthful of bacon. “Now tell me about your parents.”

For the last few weeks I’d not had any breakthroughs with Matt, but I was determined. I fed him the bacon, and he chewed thoughtfully.

“They should never have gotten together in the first place,” Matt said through a mouthful of half-chewed food. “My father was an abusive cunt who beat my mother and me relentlessly.”

“Really?” I asked him, loading up the fork with some scrambled eggs.

“No,” he responded, “but that’s what you want to hear isn’t it? Or at least something tragic like that. Some reason why I should grow up so damaged.”

I sighed.

* * *

After the disastrous counselling attempt with Matt, I went to Ruth and Justin’s apartment for lunch. Since Kyra’s birth I’d visited at least once a day. Ruth gazed at her daughter lovingly as I held Kyra in my arms.

“Loosen up,” Justin said, perched on the arm of the chair that Ruth was sitting in. “It’d be much more comfortable for her if you weren’t so stiff!”

“She’s perfect,” I said softly, looking down at the sleeping form in my arms.

“I know, right!” Ruth exclaimed. “I say that all the time, but Justin just says I’m biased. She was a big baby. I still can’t believe that something that size managed to fit inside my body.”

“I can believe it,” I observed. “Women are disgusting freaks with broken pelvic bones.”

“If you weren’t holding my daughter you’d be in a lot of trouble, Mister!” Ruth grumbled, picking up a cushion and brandishing it wildly. I laughed.

“You guys have been all work and no fun for weeks now,” Ruth continued. “I think you should arrange a night out on the town with Rory and Kento. Drag Rory and Justin off to a gay nightclub and expose them to a little bit of culture.”

“I couldn’t leave you alone with Kyra,” Justin blurted. “It’s bad enough going to work, but to go out simply for fun? I don’t think so!”

“Don’t be silly,” Ruth admonished him. “You’ll be an even better help around here if you’re relaxed and happy.”

After Sebastian left, Justin took my hand and looked me directly in the eye.

“Why did you suggest a night out with the guys?” he asked me. “You know we can’t afford any luxuries at all. Since I stopped working for private clients in their homes, our income has dropped significantly! My new job might be rewarding, but not financially.”

“You deserve a fun night out,” I told him. “Sebastian’s aware of our situation. I’m sure he’ll look after you.”

“I don’t want hand-outs,” Justin declared.

“So don’t drink! All you have to pay for then is the cover charge. Go! Have fun!”

He grumbled his grudging assent.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Justin was very attentive and caring. Maybe he felt guilty for leaving me home with Kyra, or maybe he felt guilty for being extravagant with money. Whatever the case may be, I loved the attention.

Justin looked after Kyra while I had a long hot soak. He prepared dinner and gave me a back massage. He even rubbed my feet!

“I should send you out on the town more often,” I told him, with a smile on my face.

He grinned and went to prepare for the night out. What followed was a parade of outfits, each better than the last.

“How about this?” he asked, stepping into the lounge room wearing tight jeans, boots, and a clinging silk shirt.

“Perfect!” I exclaimed. “They’re all perfect! Just go and have fun.”

He kissed me, long and deep. The passion took my breath away, leaving me unable to speak.

“Love you,” he said as he walked out the door.

As the door closed behind him, the smile slowly melted from my face. Within a minute I couldn’t resist anymore, and tears started streaming down my face. Postnatal Depression is a chemical depression - I know that. I just have to work my way through it.

* * *

Just after 2am, the door opened and Justin slipped into the apartment. I was lying on the sofa in a state of half-sleep, having just fed Kyra and put her back to sleep.

“Did you have a good night?” I murmured softly. He reeked of alcohol and was shirtless.

“Fantastic!” he exclaimed in that loud manner that drunken people have. “I’m glad you’re awake. I made a fortune!”

“You made money? Should I ask how? And what happened to your shirt?” My mind lurched into full wakefulness.

“Tomorrow. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow,” he said mysteriously. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a wad of cash, which he threw theatrically into the air. “But for now, are you tired? Have you slept since I left?”

“I’m quite good actually. Slept well. Just woke up half an hour ago to feed Kyra. Why?”

“How about Kyra? Is she sleeping?”

“Sleeping like a… well… sleeping like a baby I guess,” I responded, chuckling.

“Do you think you have enough energy to strap on Mr. Niner?” he asked me.

“I think I could manage that,” I responded, switching my voice to sex kitten mode. Mr. Niner is our most recent addition: a nine-inch strap-on dildo. “And then what would you like me to do?”

“I’d like you to pound me hard. Take advantage of my drunken state.”

“I think Mr. Niner would like that! I’d need some coffee though.”

Justin skipped off to the kitchen to prepare the coffee, his jeans and boots melting off his body on the way.

Sebastian’s driving me crazy! He doesn’t have the raw hotness and sexual energy of Justin: his hotness is far more subtle. It sneaks up on you, grabbing you by the throat and the cock before you realise it.

I moved out of Ruth and Justin’s apartment because I couldn’t cope with Justin’s constant nudity. As a sexual being, he’s totally unaware of the effect he has on people. He’s straight, and he’s my brother-in-law. I had to escape the distraction and temptation. I couldn’t let them realise I’m gay.

Now I find myself in a similar situation at Sebastian’s apartment. His humble manner and hot body are slowly driving me insane. I masturbate at least four times a day, imagining what it would be like to lick his nipples or suck on his cock.

I want him to seduce me. I don’t want to be the aggressive one: I want to be able to view myself as the innocent victim in the seduction. I’ve started creating situations where he can see me as more than a straight flatmate: situations where he can view me as a sexual being, a sexual being that might not be opposed to advances from him.

As I’d hoped, the smell of coffee wafting into his bedroom woke him up and drew him out into the kitchen. He was only wearing white boxer briefs, and the outline of his morning erection was clearly visible. I clasped my hands behind my back to make sure I didn’t reach out and touch it.

His belief that I’m straight is a problem. If I were a gay man, I doubt he’d care about me seeing him with an erection in his boxer briefs. But because I’m ‘straight’, he fled back into his bedroom to change. I massaged my own erection while he was gone.

* * *

After he had lunch with my sister and Justin, Sebastian returned home to inform me that we were all going out clubbing tonight.

“That sounds like a lot of fun!” I said enthusiastically. “Where’re we going?”

“A place called Ruby Slippers,” he replied. “It’s a gay club but don’t worry, we’ll look after you.”

I was silent for a few moments, and I felt the blood drain from my face. The thought of going to a gay nightclub and drinking scared me a little. It would be hard to maintain illusions there.

“Have you never been to a gay club before?” Sebastian asked, looking at me intently. I shook my head. “You’ll be fine! Justin will be there, and he’s straight. He’s been to gay clubs with me many times, but not to this place before.”

“OK,” I said. “I’m game!”

* * *

At 10pm we met Kento and Justin outside Ruby Slippers. Justin looked jaw-droppingly hot, and Kento had muscles bulging everywhere. He looked like a black He-Man, Master of the Universe.

“I always go to gym and workout just before I go clubbing,” he told me, observing me looking at his biceps. Then he turned to Justin, and said, “I hope that shirt wasn’t expensive.”

“Why?” Justin asked, a puzzled look on his face. Kento just smirked.

Sebastian paid the entrance fee for all of us, and we entered the club. I felt the throbbing of the bass pulse throughout my body before we even made it inside. It was sensual, passionate, and feverish. It flooded my body as we walked through the door and into the club.

Once inside, all my senses came under assault. The flashing strobes and sweeping spotlights gave hints of the male flesh on display, and the musk of sweat and sex filled the air. The music pounded my ears, and my body reverberated with the bass. I felt like I could actually taste the atmosphere inside the club.

“What do you want to drink?” Sebastian shouted in my ear.

“Pint,” I replied. He laughed and shook his head, then started to work his way through the crowd. The remaining three of us found a fairly clear space to stand.

“OH! MY! GOD!” I heard a very effeminate voice behind me. I turned around to see a thin teenager in tight clothing staring at Justin. “How fucking cute!”

“He’s straight,” Kento boomed, trying to sound threatening. However, his head was nodding in agreement. Justin just smiled.