My Blue Eyes (20 page)

     Troy tried saying something to me, but I was lost in this moment.
     “Darrel,” he said as I vaguely heard him.  “Darrel!”
     “Hold on Troy,” I said getting up from my chair.  “There’s something I need to do.”
     I walked towards Amy as she stood there waiting for me to reach her.  When I made it to her I pulled her to me, giving her a kiss with every bit of feeling I had in me.  I pulled away slightly as she kept her hands wrapped around my neck.
     “I love you Darrel,” she whispered.
     “I love you too Amy,” I said staring into her eyes.  “I love you so much.  I’m so lucky to have you in my life.  I can’t imagine me without you.”
     Amy seemed confused, “What’s going on Darrel?”
     I reached into my pocket to retrieve a ring I had bought her a couple days earlier.  I got down on one knee and looked up at her.
     “Amy Middleton.  You make me so happy.  You have stuck by my side through some of the most difficult times in my life.  You've invited me into your family and into your heart with open arms.  My life is so much more beautiful with you in it.  I don’t ever want to experience a day without you in my life.”
     She covered her mouth knowing what was coming next as the tears began falling from her eyes.  I reached for her hand and opened the box displaying a diamond engagement ring.
     “Amy Middleton, will you continue on this journey with me and become my wife for the rest of my life?”
     “Yes Darrel.  Yes Darrel.  Oh my God yes!”
     I stood up and kissed her once again.  It seemed like everyone from the party was watching us now.  My family gathered around giving us hugs and congratulating us.  I looked away for a minute and saw Amy’s mom crying.  I separated from my family and walked over to give her a hug.
     “I’m so happy you’re going to be a permanent part of our family.  I love you Darrel.  Thank you for being everything to my daughter.”
     “I love you too Beth.”
     We stood there in an embrace for a few minutes.  I imagined it was becoming awkward for her after a little while.  I didn't care.  This was a big moment in my life and I needed a mother’s hug.
     I let go of my embrace, “You said whenever I needed a hug.”
     She let out a laugh and pulled me in for one more hug.  “You got it Darrel.”
Chapter 45

   
 
 I didn't want my graduation week to ever end.  Once we got back to Andalusia, I had that lost feeling in my gut.  You know the feeling you get when you know you’re going to be away from the one you love for a few days.  You miss them before you even leave.  I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but all I wanted to do was be with Amy.  I've been in love with her for a while now.  It’s weird, because every day seemed like we fell deeper in love with one another.
 
     Troy stayed a few extra days to help me move out of my dorm room.  We transported all my things to Amy’s parents’ house.  Amy had jumped the gun and was on the lookout for our perfect first home.  We could have stayed with her parents for as long as we liked, but we both wanted our own place.  Neither one of us could afford it right now.  I actually could have, if I wanted to deplete my savings account I inherited after my parents died. 
     Troy insisted on driving back home with me.  He didn't think it was a good idea to be on the road by myself since I only had a few days to make it back before Coach Bradley’s retirement party.  I needed to transport a few things from the house back to Andalusia.  We agreed we would get the house ready to put on the market.  It was kind of bittersweet.  We were selling the house we all grew up in and shared so many memories of our parents. 
     We left for home on an early Thursday morning around 1:00 AM and were going to drive straight through.  I wanted Amy to go back so bad, but she had other obligations she could not get out of.  She tried to no avail.  She was pretty upset with not being able to go back with us.  That empty feeling started in my stomach once I was packed and heading out the door.  Troy and I got into the truck and I needed to see her one more time.  I rushed back into the house and up the stairs where she was standing by the window watching.  We hugged and kissed for a good five minutes until we noticed Troy flashing the headlights outside.  I knew he was probably getting impatient, so I had to leave.
     We had a good time driving back home.  Troy even threw out the idea of him and his family locating to Andalusia.  Sharon had taken a real liking to the place and floated the idea to him.  His only hesitation was the age of his kids and the many friends they would be leaving if they moved.  The idea of it excited me.  I was planning on spending the rest of the week convincing him it was a good idea.  Troy was a factory worker and would have no problem finding a good job in Andalusia.  Amy’s dad even floated the idea of Troy working for him in their automotive department.  He was good with cars and dabbled as a mechanic on the side.
     The closer we got to home the more nervous I was.  I didn't know how I would react to seeing my parent’s grave for the first time since my dad died.  We hit Illinois around 11:00 AM and had a good three to four hours to go.  Troy noticed me becoming fidgety in the passenger seat.
     “Are you nervous Darrel,” he asked.
     “I don’t know.  I just got a weird feeling.”
     “How come?”
     “This is the first time I will be back since Dad died.  Knowing we are selling the house just feels wrong.  Do you think they would be mad?”
     “Not at all.  This is what they would want.  They would be happy with the choices you made Darrel.”
     “You think so?  Don’t you think they would be upset I wasn't going to end up with Mary?  I mean….they loved her to death.”
     Troy shook his head, “Mary chose to do what she needed to do.  Even if that meant you two weren't going to be together.  I’m sure she’s not planning on you being available after you graduated.  Plus, Dad made you promise not to come home until you graduated.  That was the best advice he ever gave you.”
     “I know.  Do you think they would have liked Amy?”
     “Why are you asking me all of this Darrel?  They would be happy with whatever decision you made.  Don’t worry about that.  Mom and Dad are gone and they aren't coming back.  You need to do what’s best for you, period.”
     “I guess you’re right.  It’s funny how I still try to please them with my decisions.  I think they would love Amy.”
     “Are you going by the house first,” Troy asked.
     “No.  I was going to drop you off at your house and then head to the cemetery before going to the house.”
     “That’s cool.  When you’re done visiting them, come back by the house and I will go over there with you.  I had to change the locks so our dumbass family left everything that is still there alone.”
     I laughed, “Is there even anything in there?”
     “I furnished it with some hand me down furniture and stuff.  I figured if you moved back here, it would get you by until you had enough time to go get your own stuff.  Plus, I wanted it to be in there if we decided to sell it.”     
     We finally arrived back home and things really hadn't changed in the past four years.  Troy said there were a few new stores that recently opened, but nothing to be proud of.  As we drove to his house, it didn't even feel like I had been gone for almost four years. 
     The closer we got to Troy’s, the more nervous I became.  I don’t know why I was reacting this way.  I knew it was going to be emotional seeing their graves, but this was crazy.  We finally arrived at Troy’s and we got out.  Troy had finished the last six hours of the drive.  He walked around the truck and gave me a hug.
     “Do you want me to go with you?” he asked.
     I shook my head, “No, I think I need to do this alone.”
     “You know they’re probably smiling in heaven seeing you back home, even if it’s only for a few days.”
     I choked up and nodded my head, unable to talk.
     “It will be alright Darrel.  Remember, they are by the big oak tree way back off in the cemetery over the hill.”
     I nodded again and headed off.  The closer I got, the warm feeling of tears started to fill my eyes.  I pulled into the cemetery and drove to the back.  I sat in my truck for a good ten minutes trying to compose myself.  I got out and made my way up the hill to the big oak tree.  I spotted their tombstones from about a half a block away.  I stopped for a bit and thought about turning around and going back to Troy’s.  I didn't think I would be able to do this alone.  Out of nowhere, a strong breeze blew in.  I took this as a sign my parents wanted me to visit now, as I proceeded until I was standing in front of their grave.
     I dropped down to my knees and cried.  I cried until I was finally able to speak to them.
     “Hello Mom and Dad.  It’s been a long time.  I finally graduated and all your kids came down to see it.  I’m sure you know I’m not playing baseball anymore.  I got a job at an elementary school and will be the head coach at the high school for the baseball team.  I met a girl.  Her name is Amy, and I proposed to her last weekend.  I think you guys would like her.  I wish you were able to be there when we get married.  I love her so much Mom.”
     I stopped for a bit as my emotions started up again, “I miss you guys like crazy.  It’s not fair you’re not here anymore.  I needed you two so bad the last four years.  I needed you guys to help me during the difficult times.  You both were too young to die.  I was too young to be without my parents.  Why did God take you away from me?”
     I buried my face in my hands and just let it all out.  This was why I was so nervous.  I knew years of tears I kept hidden inside would come out the first chance I got to visit them.  I wished Amy was here with me.  She would have known the perfect words to say to me at this time.
     I sat back and thought about all the good times we had together.  I couldn't have asked for better parents.  Even if they were only here for the eighteen short years of my life.  

     I noticed the sun was starting to set in the west and I glanced at my watch.  It was 7:00 PM and I had been sitting here for almost three hours.  I didn't want to leave, but knew I needed to get back to Troy’s.  He would start worrying about me if I spent any more time here.
     I said my goodbyes and reluctantly headed back to the truck.  As I approached the hill leading back to my truck, I could hear the voice of a mom and child talking.  When I reached the point where I could see down the hill, I noticed the people making the noise.  They were headed in the same direction I was leaving.  The closer I got to them, I immediately knew who it was.  It was Mary.
     She immediately noticed who I was and we all stopped dead in our tracks for a good minute.  She smiled the smile I first noticed when we were down at my spot on Colapi Creek.  She looked so pretty.  She had really grown up and obviously was taking care of herself.  She looked like she was doing so well.  I smiled back as we slowly approached each other.  When we were close enough, we gave each other a long hug.
     “Oh my God Darrel.  How have you been?”
     “I’m good Mary.  How about you?”
     “Well, believe it or not, I graduated from nursing school.”
     I stared at her without saying anything.  “Darrel, quit staring at me like that.  Say something.”
     “I’m sorry Mary.  Its just been a long time since I last saw you.  You look like you’re doing really well.”
      “I am.  It’s been a good two to three years since I had an episode.  I think I finally bucked it.  I mean…I will always have the mental health issues, but now I have it under control.”
     “That’s so nice to hear.”
     “What about you Darrel?  I heard you graduated.  Congratulations.  I also heard about the injuries.  I’m so sorry you didn't get to play in the pros.”
     “That’s alright.  It is what it is, I guess.  I’m a coach now.  I took a job in Andalusia, Alabama.  I’ll be teaching PE and coaching the high school team.”
      “That’s great!” She said trying to obviously hide her disappointment.  “I’m really happy for you.  You must like it there.”
     “I do.”
      “Mommy.  Who is that?”  A little voice asked as we had mistakenly forgot she was there.
     “This is Darrel honey.  Can you tell him hi?”
     “Hi Darrel,” she said in her cute little toddler voice, gripping onto Mary’s leg.
     I stood there studying her for a while.  She was absolutely adorable.  I figured her to be around three years old.  She had Mary’s long dark hair and the most striking eyes I had ever seen.
     “She is beautiful Mary,” I said as I couldn't take my eyes away from her.  “What’s her name?”
     Mary hesitated, “Ellie.”
     “Ellie?” I questioned.  “Did you name her after my mom?”
      Mary nodded her head as a couple tears ran down her cheeks.
     “She would like that.”  I said just mesmerized by how pretty she was.  “How old is she?”
     Mary squeezed her lips together debating on whether or not to tell me.  I didn't know why she was acting like this.  I figured she was feeling bad she got pregnant within a year of us splitting up.  Truth is, it angered me a little she wouldn't just tell me.
     “How old are you Ellie?”  I said as she became shy and tried to hide behind Mary’s leg.  She wouldn't say.  “Mary, why won’t you tell me how old she is?”
     “She’s three Darrel,” Mary said as she picked her up and held her close to her.
     The tears were falling more freely now.  Seeing her mom cry caused Ellie to start crying as well.  I tried to do the math in my head.  I figured if she was three then Mary would have gotten pregnant shortly after I left.
     I was so pissed off inside, trying to hide it on the outside.  I was angry because Mary couldn't be with me, but she could go get knocked up by someone else.  I wasn't going to stand there anymore.  I was now too upset to even look at her.  If she thought her tears were going to make me feel any sympathy for her, she was wrong.
     “Congratulations Mary,” I said taking a step towards my truck.  “It’s nice to see you couldn't be with me, but you could be with someone else.”
     “Darrel please,” she pleaded.
      I shook my head in disbelief, “I didn't need to know this Mary.  Not right now.  This is the first time I've been back since we buried my dad.  Why are you even here now?”
     “Darrel,” she cried.
      I shook my head more and turned and walked towards my truck.
     “Darrel!”  She yelled, but I kept walking in disgust.
     “Darrel, please stop!” She yelled again.  I kept going, quickening my pace.
     “Darrel Watson, stop right now!  Darrel!”
     I stopped and turned around.  “What!”
     Mary approached me with a determined look in her eyes.  I hadn't ever seen this look before.  She stopped in front of me.
     “Look at her Darrel!  Take a good look and tell me what you see.”
      Ellie had her head buried in Mary’s shoulder.
     “Ellie, can you do me a favor and look at Darrel?”
      She reluctantly took her head away from Mary and looked at me.  I couldn't believe what I was looking at as I stared Ellie in the eyes.  I should have noticed it right away.  This is not how this was supposed to happen. 

     The warm feeling filled my eyes again as I saw my blue eyes.  I looked at Mary as she squeezed her lips together tightly, nodding her head.
     "You're the only one I've ever been with Darrel.  She's your daughter."

Chapter 46

   
 
 I think I had an out of body experience when I saw my own eyes in Ellie.  The moment was surreal.  My head was cloudy as I was at a loss for words.  Mary stepped towards me and grabbed my hand.
   
 
 “Darrel, say something.”
     I stood there staring at Ellie, “I don’t know what to say Mary.  What should I say?”
     “I didn’t want it to happen like this Darrel,” Mary whispered.  “Heck, I don’t even know how I wanted it to happen.  I had no idea you would be here.”
     “Why are you here Mary?”
     She shrugged, “I’m hoping to move back here.  I had an interview at St. Elizabeth’s earlier today.  They were so helpful to me all the times I was there, I wanted to pay them back in a way.  Without the staff there, it’s hard to say where I would be today.”
     I nodded my head not knowing what to say.  I was still in shock with learning I was Ellie’s father.
     “I’m sorry Mary,” I paused.  “I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to all this stuff.  I had no idea.”
     “No one did Darrel.  I didn’t realize I was pregnant until a couple months after I left that last time.  I didn’t want to burden you with it.”
      “Burden me with it,” I said with disgust shaking my head.  “Why would you even think that?”
     Mary stepped away, “I don’t want to talk about this here Darrel.  Can we please go talk somewhere else after we go visit Ellie’s grandparents?”
     I told Mary I would be staying at my parent’s house during my stay and invited them over when they were done.  She agreed and walked up the hill to my parents’ graves.  I got in my truck and waited until I couldn’t see them before driving off.
     This felt like a dream.  There was no way this was really happening.  Finding out you have a three year old daughter with your first true love, just after getting engaged, was not supposed to happen.  My mind kept switching between thinking of Amy and then back to Mary and Ellie.  How was I going to explain this to Amy?  Why wasn’t I more pissed with Mary for keeping this from me?  These were all questions I needed answered.
     I arrived at Troy’s to get the keys and told him what just happened.  He was in complete shock.  He claimed he had no idea and Mary never mentioned it to him or Sharon.  He asked what I was going to do.  I couldn’t answer him, because I didn’t have any idea.  I just wanted to get back to my parents’ house with the hopes that being there would give me the answers I desired.  Troy had wanted to go over with me, but I asked if I could have a little time to process all this information.