My Body-His Marcello (26 page)

The dreaded
dinner came all too soon, so I made my way to the dining room. I
prayed the meal would be over quickly so I could wait out the time
before I would depart alone.

Both Marcello and
Janice ended their conversation and looked up when I entered the
dining room. Clearly they had been talking about me.

The maroon table
cloth was already set with our dinner.

“
How
are you feeling?” Janice asked, still in her black jeans and black
long-sleeved button-down she wore to work. Her name tag was affixed
to her shirt.

Like shit
was the first thing that came to mind. Instead I said,
“Hungry.”

“
That’s a good sign,” Marcello said, scrutinizing
me.

Hunger to see
Luke again consumed me, but not hunger for food. I just knew I
needed to eat something so I would have the energy to return to
him.

“
I
thought a simple meal would be best. I had the staff prepare
grilled chicken, quinoa, and broccoli.”

“
That
was considerate,” I managed to say.

“
What
would you like?” he asked, holding up the plate of
chicken.

“
A leg
sounds good and some broccoli,” I said, handing over my plate to
him.

Marcello placed a
leg and a scoop of broccoli and quinoa on my plate. He served
Janice as well. “So what are your plans?” he asked, after he had
filled his dish.

My heart stopped
beating for a second, when I thought he was onto me
,
but then I realized he was
speaking generally. “When I can function again, I need to find a
job.”

“
Come
work at Marcello’s until you get on your feet,” he said and then
took another bite of food.

“
I’m
not cut out for restaurant work … I’m a klutz. Unless you want
drinks and food spilled on your customers ...”

“
There
are other things you can do there, such as bookkeeping or assisting
me,” he said, pointing his fork in my direction as he
spoke.

“
I’m
not comfortable with you creating a job for me. I will see what I
can find in my field.” Truth be told, I had no intention of looking
for a job.

“
You
are free to stay here as long as you need to.”

“
That’s very generous of you, but I will be moving very soon.”
Sooner than you think
, I thought.

“
Well,
I’m happy to hear you have started making plans.”

“
So
how was work?” I said to Janice to get the focus off of
me.

“
It
was the usual. We had a great lunch rush and one guy left me a huge
tip. I think he was hoping to get lucky.”

“
They
all hope they will get lucky,” Marcello said. “All the business men
in their suits request her station. She makes a killing every day,
don’t let her fool you.” He smiled over at Janice and it was the
first time I saw real affection between them. I wonder if having a
sad lamb in the house had brought them closer together.

The scene was
torture. It didn’t feel like jealousy, which I had become
accustomed to dealing with since being with Luke. It was something
else entirely. Why should they be happy when they had essentially
ruined my life?

In the moment,
I’m ashamed to say, I fantasized about crushing up Janice’s
sleeping pills and putting it in their drinks. Then I wouldn’t have
to finish the dinner with them making googly eyes at each other; I
could leave right away. Instead I had to wait for them both to go
to bed. I resented the hell out of Janice and Marcello. They got to
go on living as if the world was still a safe, normal
place.

I finally got my
reprieve and went back to my room to wait.

I wanted to
journal, but the laptop was already outside with the rest of my
belongings. The only things I’d kept with me were my cellphone and
the hoodie jacket.

It was up to me,
alone, to repair my life. I was convinced that Marcello and Janice
had to be wrong about Luke. He just needed time. Now that he’d had
a few days away from me, he would scoop me back up into his
life.

Time crept ever
so slowly. The food didn’t feel good in my stomach and I hoped it
would settle before I left.

I fantasized on
and off about Luke and our reunion. I had memorized what I wanted
to say to him.

I kept waiting
for Janice to return to her bedroom, but by midnight I had lost
patience. Tying my jacket around my waist, I crept down the hall.
As I had suspected, Janice’s room was empty. Tiptoeing farther down
to the last bedroom, I saw that the door to Marcello’s room was
cracked open.

I peered in to
see if they were asleep and instead found them in the throes of
kinky sex.

At the far end of
the room, where the ceiling was lower, I saw Janice; she was
hooded, but her voluptuous body was unmistakable. Each hand was
cuffed separately to a wooden beam in the ceiling. Clamps gripped
her nipples and a chain hung between them. She balanced on her
toes, rocking, trying not to fall. A collar was fastened around her
neck and attached to a chain that was stretched across and affixed
to another beam. If she lowered herself too much, she would
choke.

Marcello stood
behind her, completely naked, his cock fully erect. I could hear
what sounded like a vibrator and realized that it was lodged in
Janice’s lower body.

“
Oh,
oh, oh,” moaned Janice, her hips gyrating
uncontrollably.

I knew I should
leave—it was the perfect time—but I was riveted.

Marcello ran his
hands all over her body and circled around to the front of Janice.
He pulled on the chain between her breasts, making her cry out,
“Harder.”

He slapped her
across the face and said in a harsh voice, “Shut up, bitch, or I’ll
gag you.”

Her body language
told me she loved the abuse.

“
Listen to what I have here,” Marcello growled and waved a
violet wand that was plugged into the wall.

The next thing I
heard was a crackling sound. I was too curious about its source to
drag myself away. Luke owned nothing like the purple elongated tube
that tapered with what looked like a narrow glass bulb at the
end.

He zapped her
left breast first, and I realized that the apparatus fired an
electrical jolt. Her body convulsed and she struggled to regain her
balance.

My nipples got
hard as I watched.

“
I’m
making it stronger, you dirty whore, and you are going to take it,”
he said, stalking to the other side of her. He zapped her on her
right tit, making her whole body bounce in response.

“
Uggg
h
,” she said. I
thought for sure she would lose her footing, but she managed to
quickly regain control.

Then he did
something that made me nauseous and scared.

Marcello prowled
closer
. While he
pulled
down on the chain
,
causing Janice’s nipples to stretch, he zapped her clit with the
device.

Janice passed
out, hanging from her restraints.

Marcello slapped
her face again to bring her back around and said, “Slut, I’m not
done with you yet.”

I had finally
seen enough. Thoroughly disgusted, I tracked back down the long
hallway, making sure to close the door to the room where I had
stayed.

I left the house
unseen and unheard.

Quickly shutting
the door behind me, I stepped to the side of the house, triggering
a motion sensor light. Stifling a yelp, I snatched up my backpack
and ran for all I was worth through the front gate, leaving it
open. After a few blocks, I stopped to catch my breath. Looking
over my shoulder, I felt certain that no one followed me. I swung
my pack onto my back; the straps dug into my shoulders, making me
wince.

Never before had
I trekked from Marcello’s to Luke’s or vice versa. However, South
Florida was laid out in a simple grid so it was easy enough to head
east to get back to the coast and north to our house.

In our hasty
departure after the “party”, neither Janice nor I had packed my
iPod. Wishing I had music to soothe the nervous bubbling in my
stomach, I sang to myself. It never occurred to me to be worried
about being out so late alone. Hollywood wasn’t the worst for crime
in the area but it was far from safe.

I wouldn’t let
myself think of what might happen once I saw Luke again. No longer
able to sustain a positive fantasy, I started to feel scared and
panicky.

My mind traveled
back to the scene I’d witnessed between Marcello and Janice.
Did
she really like being zapped by that thing?
I mean I understood
that she liked pain way more than me, but still ... I felt like
Alice falling through the rabbit hole. I no longer recognized my
world.

Halfway home, I
had to take my bag off my aching back and hold it by the handle,
switching hands frequently. Once I made it to the coast, I sat down
on the beach to rest. The moon illuminated the waves crashing on
the beach. The colorful lights of the casino cruise ships and
trawlers lit up the horizon as they made their way
north.

I dozed for a
bit, waking when a yacht blared its air horn. I looked around to
make sense of my surroundings. Coming back to my chilling reality,
I trudged down the beach toward our house. I hoped that Luke had
come to his senses and we could repair the damage to our marriage.
I still thought something worth saving existed. Although numb and
filled with dread, I was highly motivated to be back in his good
graces.

If I had kept my
own place, right now I’d be curled up in a ball in the middle of my
bed hoping to never go anywhere again. I no longer had that luxury.
Luke had created the full dependency he had so desired and would
have to take me back.

I kept a steady
pace, trying to ignore the pain in my shoulders and
legs.

I climbed the
steps to the rear of the house and dropped my bag next to the
stairs. Although this was my home, too, I had never felt that it
was equally mine, and now I might as well have been imposing on a
stranger.

The French doors
were bolted. We never kept any of the doors locked unless we left
the house so he clearly meant to keep me out. I ambled around to
the front and found his car in the driveway. The entrance door was
locked as well. Ringing the doorbell to my own home, I stood and
waited. Nothing happened so I rang again, this time holding the
button down longer. I pressed my ear to the door to see if I could
hear anything.

I knew he might
be sleeping but I thought he would hear the bell. Hobbling around
back, I hauled my stuff closer to the house. I lay down on our
chaise and covered myself with the hoodie. No rest found me; my
future hung in the balance. What hope was there if he refused to
even open the door? My stomach churned as I considered that
possibility. I’m not sure how long I lay there waiting, waiting for
my life to begin again or end.

Like the vast
time spans that we call
ages
—the Stone or Ice Ages or even
now the Technological Age—I have a term for that brief yet
seemingly endless span of time: my
Age of Wait
.

As she lay on the
lounge chair, we can see she has entered the Age of Wait. The
outcome is still undetermined; though it’s clear her mind is no
longer intact. We all wonder what she will do
next ...

Any other day I
would’ve found my own ruminations humorous but on that day humor
failed me.

“
What
are you doing here?” Luke’s booming voice startled me out of my
reverie as the sun came up on the horizon.

“
I
rang the bell but you didn’t answer,” I said, squirming to sit
up.

“
I
told you, Janice can get your stuff or Parker. Either
one.”

“
I
came to talk to you; I don’t care about my things. Luke please,
let’s fix this. We are meant to be together.”

“
I
will say this once and only once: I warned you from the beginning
that if you used the safe word we would be done.”

“
But I
had to get you to stop. This wasn’t a discipline situation, it was
something extremely different.”

“
We
certainly agree on that.” Luke started pacing. “You totally
disrespected me in front of our guests and I could never ever
forgive you for that,” he said. He refused to make eye contact with
me although I observed his every move. “We’re done. I’ve said all
I’m going to say to you.” He gestured firmly toward the beach.
“Leave, or I’ll call the police.”

He did look at me
then, but I didn’t recognize him at all. The man I had grown to
love was gone and in his place was a serious and stern-looking man,
older, sadder, and wearier.

“
Call
the police? Luke, this is my only home. Where will I
go?”

“
That’s no longer any of my concern. Grab your bag and get
out.”

“
Wait
...” I said, but I didn’t get up and I didn’t chase after him.
Instead I just sat there, frozen. Now that he had made himself
absolutely clear, I realized I had no plan, no plan at
all.