My Body-His Marcello (28 page)

I don’t know what
happened to me in that moment but I felt so happy that we were
talking; I didn’t care that the only words we exchanged were
furious ones.

“
You
irrevocably broke our contract and therefore deserve nothing from
me.”

“
The
law doesn’t work that way.”

“
So
divorce me.”

“
I
don’t want a divorce. I don’t want us to be over. Luke,
please
, I’ll do anything you ask but please don’t keep
pushing me away.”

“
I’m
done with you, don’t you get that?”

“
No,
and I won’t ever believe it, Luke. We’re meant to be together. It’s
what you kept telling me, kept reassuring me.”

“
Done,
Jane. Get the hell out of my car.”

“
I
need money, Luke.”

“
Call
your mother.”

“
I’m
not leaving until you give me some money, damn it.”

He reached into
the car and literally yanked me out by my arm. I fell to the
ground, staring in wonder at the man I loved, wondering how I had
managed to bring our relationship to such a low point. One thing
was clear: no man would ever love me over time. I was doomed to be
alone, like my mother. Maybe I was more like her than I wanted to
admit. She could never sustain a relationship after my father left.
We were both impossible to love.

Luke dropped my
backpack, which spilled out next to me on the ground, and threw
five twenty-dollar bills on my lap as though I were a common whore.
Then he got into his car and drove away.

I lay there
watching his car until it traveled out of sight. I should’ve been
fuming mad, irate even, but I felt happy to have had contact with
him. With some difficulty I rose to my feet, picking up the bills
he had scattered. I shoved them in my pocket and looked down on the
contents of my backpack. I pushed the clothes back in and picked up
the keys that had fallen out.

It was then that
I realized I had Luke’s set of keys. I must have grabbed the wrong
set off the counter. Would they open the front door?

I tried all the
keys on the chain, but none of them worked. He had changed the
locks again. I looped to the side of the house and put my bag down.
After removing the screen from my writing room window, I was vastly
relieved to find the window unlocked. I grabbed my cellphone and
charger and climbed through. Plugging in the phone, completely out
of other choices, I broke down and finally called
Parker.

“
Hey
girl, I was wondering if I’d ever hear from you.”

“
Yeah,
well married life has been all-consuming. Sorry I haven’t touched
base with you sooner. I need a favor.”

“
Anything.”

“
Thank
you Parker for being you. I knew I could count on you. Can you pick
me up after you get off work? I need a place to stay for a few days
and thought we could go to the wedding together.”

“
What
happened?” she asked, concern spilling through the
phone.

“
I
don’t want to talk about it now, but Luke and I both need some
space. It would be great to stay with you, if you wouldn’t
mind.”

“
Where
are you?”

“
I’m
at the house but I can’t stay here. It’s a long story.”

“
I’m
coming right now and should be there in about twenty
minutes.”

“
Oh
Parker, that would be so great.” I breathed a sigh of
relief.

“
See
you in a few.”

I flew across the
hallway into my bedroom and gathered my dress and shoes for the
wedding. I took the time to pee and saw the frizzy disarray of my
hair and the dark circles under my eyes. I lost myself for a
minute
,
gawking at the
mess of a person staring back from the mirror. Finally I shook
myself out of it; I knew it unwise to remain in the house any
longer than necessary.

Scouring our
closet for the wooden box that held the cash for the models and not
finding it, I had to assume Luke had hid it in his locked office.
The realization delivered another slash to my heart. It was harder
than ever for me to hold out hope that I could ever get back in his
good graces.

Tears trickled
down my checks as I made sure to put everything back the way I
found it. After closing the closet door, I zipped straight to the
window in the other room. I unplugged my charger and phone and
placed the screen close by the window on the desk. I laid my dress
and shoes on top of it. Squirming my way out of the window, I
placed the phone and charger on my backpack. I drew my dress
through carefully and hung it in a nearby tree. Then I grabbed my
shoes, placing them next to the rest of my things. I tugged the
screen through the window and shut the window pane. Reattaching the
screen as best as I could, I hoped Luke wouldn’t notice it had been
tampered with.

I returned to the
front of the house and sat on the stoop. I should’ve been an
emotional wreck, but the phone call to Parker that I had resisted
for so long had brought temporary relief. Although I looked a mess,
I felt better than I had for days. Luke had spoken to me even if he
still chose to be mean about it. He had given me money, which meant
I could pay for the motel room and not worry about being chased
down by the police. I hadn’t figured out how I’d explain going out
on Friday or how I’d get to the party, but I still had time to sort
it out.

I daydreamed
until Parker showed up.

“
Holy
crap, girl, you look like shit! You look like you haven’t eaten in
weeks,” Parker said as she got out of the car and walked around in
front of me. “Why did you wait so long to call?”

“
I
thought we’d resolve things quicker than this. I just need a shower
and I’ll be fine.”

“
I
have known you for a long time and have never seen you look so … so
… pale and skinny and disheveled and frankly, smelly. You
stink.”

“
Thanks, Parker,” I said, rolling my eyes and
laughing.

“
I’m
serious,” she said, going to the back of the car and opening the
trunk. “I had my doubts about your marriage from the start but now
I’m convinced. Luke is not good for you. I think you need to get
help … talk to someone.”

“
Really, it’s all going to be fine. I appreciate your concern
but time away from each other is all we need.” I put my things in
her trunk and hung the dress in the back. “Can we go up Dania Beach
Boulevard? I need to stop by and drop off some money.”

“
Okay,” she said, but I could tell by her tone that my request
had heightened her already high level of concern.

She pulled into
the back of the building and I got out of the car. I mounted the
stairs to the front desk. When the clerk saw me, his jaw dropped
and he reached for the phone. Before he had a chance to say
anything I held out $80.00 in cash and his shoulders
relaxed.

“
I
didn’t think you were coming back.”

“
Sorry
about that,” I said as he handed me my change.

I got back into
the car and Parker said, “I’m not even going to ask.”

We drove in
silence to her house. After she pulled into the driveway, she took
her house key off the keychain hanging from the ignition and handed
it to me.

“
Do
yourself and everyone else a favor and shower and brush your teeth.
There is plenty of food in the refrigerator. Help
yourself.”

“
I
know you’re worried about me, but don’t be. I’m fine and will be
like new after a shower and some breakfast.”

Parker drove away
as I entered her home.

Her house was
small and quaint. The colors on the walls and the furniture gave it
a cottage-feel. I hung my dress in the closet of her guest bedroom.
There was a bathroom opposite the bedroom, where I set down my
backpack and ran a hot shower.

After I cleaned
up, I threw all the clothes except the shorts and shirt I wore into
the wash and made my way to the kitchen. I still didn’t feel the
urge to eat but I knew Parker would expect me to, so I scrambled a
couple of eggs and ate some toast with it.

After cleaning up
the dishes, I climbed into bed and mulled over my plans for Friday
night. I knew I had to devise a way to get to the mansion on my
own. I also needed a suitable excuse to explain to Parker the
reason for my absence. One way or another I was determined to get
answers about Luke.

It turned out
that the gods of self-destruction were on my side. Parker came home
from work Thursday night bubbling over because the guy she had been
interested in for the last several months had finally asked her out
for Friday. She was too excited to grill me on my failing marriage,
but felt guilty leaving me home alone. I told her I’d be fine.
Perhaps, if I could borrow her car, I’d go to a movie. It worked
out to be that simple.

I obtained the
address of the house through a quick phone call to Christian, who
said he would see me there. After Parker left on her date with
Andre, I rummaged through her closet for something that would fit.
She was taller so I settled on a skirt that I had to roll up at the
waist and wore it along with one of my shirts. Somehow it seemed
fitting, remembering my first encounter with Luke at the
mansion.

Looking back on
that first night, I still find it hard to believe I willingly
handed over my panties to him and let him roll the waist of my
skirt so that when I went downstairs on his fool’s errand, my ass
was barely covered.

I did not apply
make-up as I
had
the
first time because I planned to be at the house to explore the
upper floor and not partake in the debauchery downstairs. I would
sneak upstairs unnoticed. Before leaving I emptied out my backpack,
putting back only my charged cellphone, Luke’s keys and a bottle of
water.

* * *

At nine-thirty I
arrived at the all too familiar towering house surrounded by large
banyan trees. Vines climbed the lattice that covered the gray
stone, which was embellished with steep gables and rounded arches.
I parked on the grass next to the other cars. A few pulled in at
the same time. I pretended to rummage around in the car to give
them a chance to go in ahead of me. When the coast was clear I
hurriedly made my way to the front door. Unlike the first time I
had entered the house, the people milled around the base of the
stairs, socializing. I sat down on a couch off to the left, waiting
for them to move deeper into the house.

More people
trickled in and after about twenty minutes I found myself
momentarily alone. I jumped up and took the steps two at a time to
the upstairs hallway. In Luke’s room I found furniture I didn’t
recognize. I shut myself in and leaned against the door to catch my
breath.

I slowly stepped
through the threshold and peered into the hallway. Then I crept
along and quietly opened the door on the right. A guy sat at his
computer, masturbating while porn played on the screen. He
thankfully didn’t notice my intrusion.

Noticing an
entrance at the far side of the hallway, I decided to skip over the
doors in between. I gripped the handle and found it locked. Taking
out Luke’s ring of keys, I tried each one. By the seventh key I
became discouraged. One key remained, and to my utter surprise it
opened the door.

I found exactly
what I had expected, although I’d hoped to be proven wrong. I
quickly shut the door and locked it behind me. A bank of monitors
mounted on the wall showed different rooms as well as the outside
pool area of the mansion.

Now I knew for
certain that Luke had seen me come into the house that first night.
He had seen me before I’d ever seen him. I wondered how many other
lost souls he had captured in his web of madness this way. Each
monitor had a recording device under it. The wall to the left of
the TVs was covered with metal shelving lined with videotapes and
DVDs. Each bore a title and a date. I inhaled a quick breath,
fighting back fear and nausea. Was this the true source of Luke’s
income? On the right wall was more shelving and a file cabinet. The
file cabinet had names on it; the top one said
Janice
. I
tried to open it, but it was locked. No point in trying any of the
keys on Luke’s keychain; they were all too large.

Searching through
the drawers of the wooden desk under the many monitor screens, I
found a letter opener and used it to try to jimmy the lock. My
hands shook, and it wouldn’t give. Then I remembered where Luke hid
his office key back when we lived in our old apartment.

I felt over the
door molding and found a lot of dust … and a small key. I stared at
the object in the palm of my hand, petrified of what I might find.
The thought that someone might come into the room to check on
things got me moving again. I inserted the key and jerked open the
first drawer. There I found a plethora of tapes and DVDs. I was
surprised by the disorganization that was so unlike Luke. Did
someone else handle this part of the operation?

I went through
all the tapes and DVDs, unsure of what I was looking for. I found a
disk
labeled
J, M,
& L.
My pulse began to race even faster and part of me
screamed:
Leave now, while you still can
. I had ceased
listening to my more rational side the day I decided to be with
Luke and that night proved no different.