My Body-His Marcello (31 page)

“
Janice was quite upset when I left.”

“
I
honestly don’t give a shit.”

“
What
did she do to you?”

“
I
thought you spoke to Luke,” I said, continuing to look straight
ahead but not really focusing on the scenery.

“
I
did, but he only told me briefly what happened at the
house.”

“
Did
he tell you what I found?”

“
No,
he didn’t.”

“
Surprising. No worries now, she can suck his cock whenever she
wants to, but she shouldn’t expect me to be friends with
her.”

“
She
didn’t have a choice.”

“
Whatever you say. I’m sick of that shit. We all have a
choice.” I folded my arms around myself trying to hold
on.

“
You
will not curse in my presence, Jane,” he said sternly.

“
Beat
me, please, it will be a relief. Do you think I care at this point
what you think of me or what might be done to me?” I laughed and
said, “I loathe you equally, but you’re a means to an
end.”

“
How’s
that?” he said, looking over at me.

“
I
need a car and you’re loaning me one. Plain and simple.”

“
What
if I change my mind?”

“
Stop
the car and let me out.”

“
I’m
good to my word.”

“
At
least somebody is. You got what you wanted, didn’t you?”

“
And
what was that?”

“
Get
off it, Marcello. You hoped to break us up from the start and you
have succeeded. Congrats to you. You and Janice must be so happy,
just beside yourselves with glee.”

“
I
never wanted to break you up. I believed from the start that you
two would be a toxic mess and I was right. And we both knew he
would never take you back once he made up his mind.”

“
Whatever, Marcello. I hope you all make each other
miserable.”

“
Jane,
please. Janice and I, we care about you.”

I laughed until
tears streamed down my face. “That was good. Truly.” I shifted in
my seat to face him. “None of you care anything about me. Not you,
not Janice and most definitely not Luke. I’m not sure any of you
have any idea of what love is. I don’t think any of you have the
slightest clue about true friendship and loyalty. All I am sure of
is that the three of you deserve each other and I can only hope
that you experience at least a small part of the annihilation
you’ve caused me.”

“
I
think you’re confused. I know you are hurt and having to deal with
a lot at the moment but when the rubble settles I think you’ll be
able to see the people who love you.”

“
No
one can love me. I’m the unlovable one, but it’s okay. It makes
everything so much easier.”

“
I
think after some food and sleep you’ll feel much
better.”

“
Yes,
sleep. A nice long sleep.”

Just one more day
to get through until Sunday, when I will make my point, I thought
to myself.

I settled into
“my” room at Marcello’s, showered, and changed my clothes. A member
of the kitchen staff brought me a platter of food, which I picked
at. No one bothered me for the rest of the day which I spent
fantasizing about my new plan. I knew exactly what to do. I felt
calm and excited at the same time which, in looking back, can only
speak to the utter freedom that comes with insanity. The only
sticking point was finding an opportunity to go into Janice’s
bathroom again. I had yet to venture out of my confinement. I
decided it was best to wait until she fell asleep to get what I
needed.

That night I lay
there wide awake, waiting for the deepest part of the dark. If I
would bring any lessons into my next life from those days of
waiting it would be the extreme patience one experiences once a
plan is set into motion.

The time came and
I went out into the hall toward Janice’s bedroom. The house was as
quiet as death. I barely made a sound entering her room and didn’t
pause, heading straight into the bathroom. It didn’t concern me if
she woke up but I hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with her. I didn’t
bother with the light. I felt my way to the medicine cabinet above
the sink. I opened the ornate mirrored door and felt around until I
reached the bottom shelf. Grasping the medicine bottle, I quietly
shut the cabinet.

I made it back to
my room, no one the wiser. With that done I slept dreamlessly until
the next day.

Janice came in to
wake me at eleven o’clock.

“
I
have to leave for work soon but I wanted to talk to you before I
left. Marcello told me to give you space yesterday so I
did.”

“
Okay,” I said, “I want to talk to you, too, but later today.
What time do you get off work?” I moderated my anger from the day
before.

“
Two
or three, depending on the lunch rush,” she said, looking
relieved.

“
Will
you do me a favor?”

“
Anything Jane, I don’t understand why you’re upset with me and
I want to fix it between us.”

“
Come
to Luke’s house at around four,” I said. I paused and laughed. “My
house … our house … you know what I mean.”

“
But
Jane—”

“
You
said you would do anything for me and this is what I’m asking.
Figure a way to have Marcello there as well and Janice—”

“
Yeah?”

“
Don’t
let them know ahead of time. I think I know the way to fix all of
this between us so I’m asking you to trust me.”

“
Please tell me you’re all right, Jane. Luke thinks you’ve gone
off the deep end.”

“
It’s
not hard to understand why he thinks that, given that he’s the one
who pushed me off. Not to worry though, I’m handling
it.”

Janice gave me a
hug and held on for a while. Part of me wanted to sink into the hug
and let go, but I wouldn’t allow myself the luxury of her warm
embrace.

“
Here
are the keys to the Lexus outside,” she said as she pulled
away.

“
Thanks,” I said.

She paused at the
door of the guest room and turned back to face me. “I’ll see you at
four,” she said with a look of compassion and concern.

I gathered all
of
my belongings and
made the bed. I freshened up in the bathroom and
dressed.

My plan hinged on
Luke not being at the house when I got there but I also had a
backup plan to draw him out if he proved to be home. I envisioned
him sitting at his other house sorting through the mess I had made.
That brought a sadistic smile to my face.

I swung by the
grocery store, used the twenty dollars I had left to buy food for
the party and then drove to the beach. The space in front of the
house was empty and I breathed a sigh of relief. I pulled in and
out of the driveway and parked the car down the street at one of
the metered spaces. I didn’t bother feeding the meter. With
difficulty, I carried all my things plus the groceries to the
house.

The one-block
haul took a lot out of me. I dropped everything by the window near
my writing room. I looked inside and nothing had been changed.
There were no boxes on the floor holding my belongings as I
imagined there would be. I wondered if maybe he still did love me
and I could be making the mistake of my life going through with my
plans but then his words from the sex party came back to me: “I
loved you Jane, I just don’t anymore.” Janice’s voice also echoed
in my head: “He’ll never take you back.”

That thought
urged me on to get the things done for our little
gathering.

The window was
still unlocked, which surprised me. I had assumed I would have to
break the window once again. After several trips in and out,
ducking when I heard traffic passing by
,
I set out hors d’oeuvres and drinks and brought
the rest of my things into our bedroom. I put my backpack in the
closet and left out the dress I had planned to wear to Alison’s
wedding on the bed with the shoes next to it.

I took my laptop
out and began crafting a letter for them to read upon their
arrival.

At one point I
thought I heard Luke come back and panicked but it was nothing but
the wind. I made no arrangements for Luke to be at the house by
four because I counted on Marcello contacting him as soon as he
read the letter.

I put my computer
on the island along with the hors d’oeuvres and surveyed my
handiwork. I decided it looked perfect. I went to the bedroom and
changed into my dress and shoes. After I put my hair up in a twist,
I applied very red lipstick that I hadn’t worn since meeting Luke.
I retrieved the pain pills from our medicine cabinet and filled a
glass of water from the bathroom sink. I took the sleeping pills
from my backpack and sat down on the bed. I opened the bottle I
stole from Janice and counted out ten sleeping pills. I remembered
reading that the combination of sleeping pills and painkillers were
a bad mix and I counted on that to be true. Certainty stole over me
that ten of each would be enough to bring on a nice long sleep—the
forever kind.

I had no thoughts
about how my friends would feel or my mother, for that matter. All
I focused on was how Luke, Janice, and Marcello would finally
comprehend the true devastation that
they
had caused. They
would never, ever forget what they had done to me. I wasn’t afraid
or sad; instead I felt powerful. I regretted that the hurt they
would suffer would go unseen by me, a minor consideration in the
general scheme of things.

I took Luke’s
pill bottle and returned it to its spot in the bathroom and
replaced Janice’s bottle in my backpack. I lay down on Luke’s side
of the bed and waited.

* * *

“
The
best-laid schemes of mice and men often go astray,” as Robert Burns
once wrote—and so did mine.

Janice told
Marcello far before four o’clock of my plans, which had him in
touch with Luke and arriving at the house just before three. The
pills had me very woozy but unfortunately I was very much alive and
somewhat conscious. I remained out of it enough that I didn’t hear
them right away. The letter instructed them to celebrate my life,
which I finally had back in my control. In the letter I hadn’t
mentioned that I remained in the house.

I finally heard
them when Luke yelled at Janice for not telling Marcello right
away.

“
I
promised her I wouldn’t say anything until just before. She assured
me she was all right. How did she get in here anyway? I thought
you’d changed the locks.”

“
I
did, but she must have left the window in her writing room
unlocked,” Luke said.

“
Where
do you think she is?” Janice asked.

“
I
have no idea,” Luke said. “I’m not sure we have to worry about it
at this point.”

“
She
told me she would be here and would explain why she was upset. She
said she had a plan to fix everything between all of
us.”

“
Well,
it’s still early,” Marcello said. “We weren’t supposed to be here
for another hour, so she may be close by.”

I found that
humorous but my giggles seemed far away and ever so slowly caused
my chest to rise and fall.

“
This
doesn’t feel right to me,” Janice said.

“
To
me, either,” Marcello said.

“
Did
anyone check out back?” Janice asked.

“
Uh
no, I haven’t,” Luke said. “Take a look outside, Janice. I’ll be
right back.”

I knew in that
moment, cloudy or not, that he knew exactly where I was.

“
I had
a feeling,” he said to me. He reached down to pull me up, and like
a drunken soldier I plopped back down. “What the hell are you
on?”

“
On?
Oh, I’m not
on
anything but I’m
off
plenty. Your
love, for instance. There one day and gone the next. Poof!” I
slowly swayed my head back and forth and then closed my
eyes.

Luke grabbed my
face and said, “Look at me.”

“
Did
you like the f-farty … party?” I said, stretching out my words. “It
was supposed to end a bit differently but … um  … this is
interesting. Your silly friendssss care more … uh yeah
more
 … about me than you do. How … why you think that
is?” The final word came out more like hissssss.

“
I’ll
be right back,” he said, “and don’t go anywhere.”

I chuckled,
thinking,
Where would I go?

A moment later,
Luke rushed back into the room with Marcello and Janice.

“
The
partie
es
s
ss
all here.” I tried to sit up but
could not manage it.

“
What
is she on?” Janice asked.

“
High
on life I sayyyyyyy or oh no not really … high on
death 
... Thatchs more like it.”

“
We
need to get her to a hospital and quickly,” Marcello said. He
scooped me up in his arms. “JANE, what are you on?”