My First - Jason & Katie (30 page)

She didn’t know what it meant. If anything.

Wait. That was a horrible thought. It had to mean
something
.

She realized that she had always loved Jason. She must have always known it, deep down, but last night had made that fact crystal clear.

So, OK. She loved him. He loved her. Those were the facts.

But they had separate lives. She lived in California, he lived in Illinois.

She couldn't imagine just going back to San Francisco like it was nothing, resigning herself to not seeing him. That was utterly inconceivable. But, on the other hand, how could it possibly work? She had a serious job, she was on track to become Junior Partner, and then Partner, at a prestigious law firm in one of the United States' premier legal communities. It wasn't the sort of job that you just walked away from. Jobs like hers were not a dime a dozen.

And Jason! Talk about being stuck geographically! He had his entire FAMILY depending on him taking over the family business. There was no way that he could just up and move.

She looked around her, watched all of these women that were dear to her as they got their hair and make-up done, got their nails painted, and talked and laughed with each other the entire time.

Pam, her mother, looked so happy and content with her baby girl by her side. She never looked that way when she visited Katie in San Francisco. Katie realized that she hadn't actually seen her mother look totally relaxed in ten whole years. Not until Katie had come home.

Then there was Aunt Wendy. Crazy hair, southern-speaking, bright-clothes wearing Aunt Wendy – who had apparently found her calling as a wedding planner. Katie could not be prouder.

There was Grace. Katie's second mother, who had welcomed her home like a long-lost prodigal daughter returned to the flock.

Then...Chelle. Her rare diamond friend, a woman whom she had thought was lost to her forever, but was now back in her life.

And, of course, there was Sophie!
Sweet, beautiful Sophie, who Katie would never be able to see without also seeing the faint shadow of her four-year-old self hovering just behind like a double exposure image.

She shook her head, trying to control her sudden fierce emotion. Jason may be the person that she had just realized that she was in love with, but he was far from the only one that she was going to have a heart-wrenchingly hard time saying goodbye to tomorrow.

Oh, God.

The thought froze her.

Tomorrow.

Katie walked, with the rest of the bridal party, down to the small lakeside chapel where Bobby and Sophie were going to be saying their vows, at the exact same alter that Grandpa J and Grandma Marie had said theirs so many years ago.

The chapel was charmingly rustic, but its most wonderful feature by far was the large bank of picture windows that formed the entire wall behind the alter, giving the congregation a gorgeous view of the lake in the background as the ceremony was conducted.

As the group of bridesmaids headed down from the hotel to the chapel, meticulously making their way through the gravel and dirt in their high heels, Katie saw that Amber was making a special point to catch up with her. She slowed to wait for her.

“Hey,” Amber smiled as she drew even with Katie, “How's it going?”

“Great,” Katie replied politely, with a smile.

“How are things with Jason?” she asked conspiratorially, her eyes twinkling.

Katie was sure Amber was a very lovely person and all, but she simply didn't know her well enough yet to trust. She said noncommittally, “Oh, you know...we're catching up with one another.”

Amber giggled, “Making up for lost time is more like it.”

Katie smiled but didn't respond.

Amber pushed on, “All I know is that I've certainly never seen him look at anyone the way he's been looking at you this weekend. You're a very lucky girl, you know.”

Katie nodded, not sure how to respond to this. She didn't know what Amber was getting at.

“All I'm saying is...sometimes when things are right in front of us, we don't appreciate them. But if I ever had a man look at me the way that Jason looks at you...hoo, boy...I would think twice about letting him go, is all.”

Katie nodded again, and was trying to formulate some kind of reply, but just at that moment the group arrived at the front door of the chapel and Aunt Wendy began to line them up with her usual (and, THANK GOD, distracting) flair.

When the bridesmaids were all in line, Aunt Wendy brought Sophie out from the side door of the chapel and she took her place at the end of the line.

Katie said, “You're the most beautiful bride that ever lived, Sophiebell,” with tears shining in her eyes.

Sophie threw her arms around Katie and whispered, “I love you, Katie. Thanks for coming home to Harper's Crossing for me. I know it wasn't easy. I don't care what blood says, you'll always be my sister!”

Good night nurse! How was she going to leave tomorrow?

They heard the strains of music begin from inside the chapel, and Mike came out to take his place beside Sophie, ready to give away his beautiful daughter. Well...if any father ever can be ready for something like that.

The bridesmaids that stood in line ahead of Katie began to make their way down the aisle, and Katie knew that her turn was drawing nearer.

The roller coaster range of emotions that were assaulting Katie as she stepped closer to the entrance of the chapel made it difficult for her to even think, her head was swimming. She made a concerted effort to put off even trying to categorize them or process them in any way. There would be plenty of time to analyze later. Right now, she just needed to take a deep breath, square her shoulders, and walk down the aisle as Sophie's maid of honor.

As she took her slow and formal steps down the center aisle of the chapel, she saw Jason in his tux, standing next to Bobby, looking more devastatingly handsome than she had ever seen him.

He was staring at her as if she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He smiled and winked at her, and – just like that – all of her roller coaster emotions calmed. She kept her eyes on him as she walked toward the front of the chapel, where he was standing, and it all felt like the most natural, inevitable thing in the world.

As Katie reached the front of the room, took her place, and turned around to face the congregants, the universally-familiar opening strains of “Here Comes The Bride” began to ring out from the organ which stood just on the far side of the platform and alter.

The wedding guests turned to face the back of the church as one, many of the ladies preemptively holding handkerchiefs up to their faces in preparation of the sentimental tears that they knew they would be crying as soon as they saw Sophie start to make her way, on her father's arm, down the center aisle.

When Sophie and Mike reached the front of the chapel and stood before the pastor, Bobby stepped down and stood on the other side of Sophie, taking her hand. At the same time, Grace and Grandpa J stood up from their seats to walk over to stand next to Mike, and Bob Sloan stood and walked over to stand next to Bobby.

The pastor, in his deep and booming voice, said, “The marriage of Bobby and Sophie unites two families and creates a new one. Who presents this woman and this man to be married to each other?”

All of the standing family members answered in unison, “We do.”

The pastor continued, “And will you receive Bobby and Sophie into your family and uphold them with your love as they establish themselves as a family within your own?”

The family members chorused, “We will.”

Oh, Lord! The tears were already starting, there was nothing that Katie could do to stop it. But, as she looked around, she saw that she was far from the only one falling victim to the waterworks. All over the chapel, people were dabbing at their eyes – and not just the ladies!

As Grace and Mike walked back to their seats, a look passed between them that was all their own. It encompassed the entire range of emotions that they must be feeling at that moment – bittersweet melancholy that their baby was all grown up, happiness that she had found such joy, and sadness that their son could not be there to see it.

At the thought of Nick, Katie glanced over to the small memorial that was set up to him at the far end of the platform. It was bright, and happy, and beautiful – just as Nick had been. It was a simple photo of Nick and Sophie, standing out in the yard in jean shorts and t-shirts, mouths red with the Popcicles they were holding, arms slung around each other. Katie remembered the t-shirt he was wearing, she was with him when he had bought it. She realized the picture must have been taken in the last few months of his life.

Nick and Sophie were beaming out of the photograph, their happiness at being together palpable, even in two dimensions. A simple row of tealight candles burned below the photo.

Katie felt Nick's spirit in that moment. She felt that he was giving his blessing to the union of his beloved little sister and his best friend's little brother. As crazy as it sounded, she also felt that he was giving
her
his blessing, too – to move on, to be happy without him.

Nick had been a happy guy, above all else. He had lived for the moment, and valued nothing above enjoyment, fun, and having a good time. He wanted that for himself, and he wanted that for the people around him, as well.

She took a deep breath. Yeah. That was true. That was why the whole cheating thing didn't surprise her very much, or even make her all that mad...at HIM. Because...Nick was, in the best way possible, like a golden retriever puppy. He was adorable, and silly, and lived for the moment. But he was also fiercely loyal to the people around him, and wanted them to be as happy as he was, enjoying themselves as much as he was.

God. The thought that she would still be torn up about losing him, unable to move on with her life, ten whole years later – Nick would have hated that! He would h
ave laughed and said, “Katie...seriously, move on...let it go! Life is for LIVING!”

And...then he probably would have jumped on his mountain bike, or gone base jumping, or any one of the other dangerous and thrilling things he loved to do. Which had, you know...eventually ended his life. But, God, while he'd been alive? He'd really LIVED. And he would have wanted that for her as well. And if she was honest with herself,
living
was about the furthest thing from what she'd been doing this past decade.

She shook her head. She wasn't entirely ready to let it go, she knew. But she was closer.

Sophie and Bobby moved to the alter and Sophie handed her bouquet to Katie. Katie reached over and smoothed and adjusted Sophie's gown so that it lay perfectly.

She felt eyes on her, and as she straightened, she saw that Jason was smiling at her as he watched her with Sophie. She smiled back, and a recognition passed between them – of the significance of the moment, and of their significance to one another. Katie's heart melted as she likened it to the unspoken communication that Grace and Mike had shared.

She had something special with Jason Sloan, there was no denying that.

Now all she had to do was figure out what to do about it.

--- ~ ---

Jason had tried to prepare himself for seeing Katie walk down the aisle, but
nothing
could have prepared him for the feeling that came over him as he watched her walk towards him.

The light lavender shade of her gown was close enough to white that a momentary fantasy overtook him – that he was the groom, and that he was lucky enough to be standing at this alter waiting for Katie Marie Lawson to walk down the aisle and become his wife.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes against those thoughts. Don't get ahead of yourself, Sloan, he admonished. You don't want to scare her off again.

He knew he should be paying attention to the ceremony, but he was mesmerized by watching her every movement.

He was so taken in by her in fact, that he didn't even realize that the pastor had asked for the rings until Alex elbowed him. Hard.

He scrambled to get the ring out of his pocket quickly and handed it to Bobby.

Alex leaned forward and whispered in Jason's ear, “Just one more piece of evidence that Bobby was hitting the bottle when he asked you to be his best man. It all makes sense now. Stings a little less every day.”

Jason shook his head. He could hear the mocking tone even through the whisper and knew his brother wasn't going to let him live this down for a very long time.

Still, Alex had a point. He was here to do a job, and that job wasn't to ogle Katie Lawson (although if he could figure out how to turn that into a job, it would be a pretty damn sweet one).

He tried his best to focus in and pay attention to what the pastor was saying. Every time he felt his eyes straying to Katie's beautiful face (or other parts) he pulled his attention back. But, DAMN, it was hard. She was a showstopper. It seemed that whenever she was in the room, the rest of the world faded away for him – even if, as now, that “rest of the world” consisted of his baby brother's wedding.