My Sunshine (25 page)

From there, she went to another hospital, a residential facility,
where she stayed for a year. When she came home from there she was better than I have ever seen her. For the past three years

she’s been great.”

“No symptoms?”

Daniel
sighed. “I didn’t think so, but I talked to Justin and he said that for the past few months she’s been having one symptom – the voice.”

“The voice?”

Daniel nodded. “Yeah. She has a female voice in her head that constantly tells her how worthless she is.”

John
shook his head. “She’s been having that since I’ve known her? Why wouldn’t she tell me?”

“Because who wants a schizo girlfriend? She was probably
afraid that you would reject her. What would you have done?”

John
shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know

anything anymore.” He paused. “What can I expect now?”

Daniel sighed. “It’s a crazy disease, John.” He shook his head at his own pun. “She knows she sick, and she knows she needs to take her medication, but sometimes, for some reason, she doesn’t. She won’t. The doctors told me that sometimes schizophrenics only feel normal when they have their symptoms, so what seems crazy to us, is normal for them.”

“What’s the deal with
Trevor? Who’s that?” John asked.

“
Trevor?” Daniel frowned at the mention of the name.

“He was this jerk-off boyfriend she had around the same time
she jumped out the window. I’m surprised that she told you about him. He was mean to her, too.”

“Too?”

“Men haven’t been good to her. Her biological dad left when she was a baby, which Mom reminded her of time after time. Then Peter died and Duke was just relentless. Even me. Even though I’ve tried to help her all I could, I’ve been selfish at times and did what was right for me before her. I moved out and left her there with Mom and Duke to fend for herself.” He sighed. “Anyway, Trevor was just bad. He was like that voice – always telling her that she was worthless. Well, he did make it a point of telling her that all she was good for was sex. Oh, and he told her that she was crazy.”

“How long was she with him?”

“Too long. I don’t know, several months. I would beg her to get away from him. I was so scared that she would end up pregnant.”

“Why would she stay with someone like that?”

“I guess because she felt like that’s all she was worth. I didn’t understand it then, and I don’t understand it entirely now, but her self esteem was so low. She didn’t understand that she was better than all that. And it was Trevor that started all the rumors about her being a slut.” He paused. “Did she tell you about Eli?”

John
shook his head. “Who’s Eli?”

“When she was in the residential hospital, she met another
patient there, Eli. He had schizophrenia, too, and they hit it off.

She was seventeen, he was twenty, and they got real serious
about each other. They were both doing really well, and were making plans to get married when they both got out. He was a nice guy, and he treated her like a queen. For the first time in her life she had hope. I was so happy for her.”

“What happened?”

“Eli was released from the hospital before her, and he went back to college. He was doing real well, and they were writing and calling all the time. They had a wedding date set. He bought her a ring. It was near time for final exams and I guess the stress was getting to him and he quit taking his meds. He walked away from the dorm one night and just disappeared. He was missing for a while, months. A woman out walking her dog early one morning found his remains in the woods about thirty miles from campus. The police think that he was probably hitchhiking and got picked up and killed.”

“How long ago was that?”

“His body was recovered right about the same time Chloe was getting out.”

“How did she take it?”

“Surprisingly well. She said that he was her angel, and she always knew that he was just going to be here for a little while.

She never spoke of him at all?”

John shook his head. “Not once.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes.
John glanced at Daniel and noticed that he had tears in his eyes. “She’ll get better again,” John offered.

Daniel
nodded. “I know she will. I had just hoped so much that it was over. I just want her to be normal and live a happy and productive life.” He looked at John. “What’s going on with you two? Chloe’s happy, John. Even when she came home after whatever that fight was about; I could tell that she was happy. What’s going to happen now?”

John
considered his answer before speaking. “I’ll get the best doctors, drugs, hospitals. Whatever it takes. I want her to be the Chloe I fell in love with.”

“What if she can’t be?”

John shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not going to happen.

She’s going to get better.”

“So you don’t want me taking her back to North Carolina?”

“No! I want her here with me.”

Daniel nodded. “I think that would be best.” He ran his hand through his hair and nervously chewed on his bottom lip.

“Umm, there’s something else I need to talk to you about. I’m
about tapped out financially, and her insurance doesn’t cover this because it’s a preexisting condition…”

John
held up his hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it. It’s not a problem.”

“Thanks, man.”
Daniel held out his hand to John. “I guess I need to be getting to bed. I’m about wiped out.

Chloe
opened her eyes. She blinked twice and rubbed her eyes. She recognized that she was in a hospital room, but she couldn’t remember what landed her there. She took inventory of her body. She wasn’t in any pain so she assumed that she hadn’t been in an accident. She looked around the room. John was sitting in a chair in the corner reading a book. He hadn’t noticed that she was awake. Above his head a camera was mounted to the ceiling. She tried to gently lift her arms, but was unable to. Although she couldn’t see her wrists beneath the blanket that was pulled up to her chest, she knew that she was bound to the bed with restraints.

“Oh, God,” she sighed, her voice full of disappointment and
her eyes brimming with tears.

John
looked up and smiled at her. “Hey there,” he said. He stood up and walked to her bed, leaving his book behind in the chair.

She turned her head away. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“Because I’m in the nut house,
John.”

“You’re in the hospital,
Chloe, because you’re sick, but you can get better.”

She wondered if he knew just how sick she was. “I won’t
get better. I have schizophrenia.”

“I know.
Daniel’s here. He told me all about it.”

“He’s here?”

“He’s back at the house. He’s been here a lot, though.”

“How long have I been here?”

“Three days. I brought you here Wednesday night. It’s Saturday.”

Chloe
shook her head. “I’m sorry, John. I should have told you.”

John
shrugged slightly. “I imagine it’s a hard thing to talk about.” He bit his bottom lip. “Why did you stop taking your medication?”

“She told me I didn’t need it.” She waited for his reaction.

“She? She who?” He answered his own question as soon as the words left his mouth: the voice.

“So what are you doing here?” she asked again.

“Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“I don’t know. I thought you called
Daniel to come collect me and take me home.”

“D
o you wanna go back to Canton?”

She shook her head. “Not really.”

John took her hand. “I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay.”

“I’m not well,
John. You don’t want me to stay.”

He nodded. “Yes, I do. I fell in love with you before I

knew about this, but this was part of you then. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

She felt a tear roll down her cheek. “You’re in love with me?”

He wiped the tear away and lifted her chin with his fingers.

He bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips. “God help me,”
he said, smiling and shaking his head, “but I love you.”

Again, she tried to lift her arms and felt defeated when she
couldn’t. She looked up helplessly at him. “Could you undo these?”

John
pulled back the blanket and reached for the restraint closest to him. He stopped and pulled back his hands. “I can’t.

I’m sorry. The doctor said not to.”

“Come on, John,” she pleaded. “I promise it’s okay. I feel fine.”

It was all he could do, but he backed away from the bed.

“Let me get the doctor.”

“
John please! I just want a few more minutes alone with you. I want to touch you. Please John.”

The doctor had forewarned him that when she awoke she
would beg him to free her. He shook his head. “Let me go get the doctor,” he repeated. He left the room hurriedly, but not quickly enough to escape the sounds of her sobbing.

Her doctor was heading down the hall. “Hey, doc,”
John called. “She’s awake.”

The doctor broke into a trot and pushed passed
John as he entered Chloe’s room. “Kelsey,” he called in the direction of the nurses’ station. “She’s awake.” He looked at John. “Give me a few minutes to talk to her alone, okay John?” The doctor closed the door, leaving John in the hallway.

“Do you want me to call
Daniel or do you want to do it?”

Kelsey asked, holding up the telephone receiver.

“I’ll do it,” John said. He approached the desk and took the phone from her. He dialed the number to his own house. An unfamiliar female voice answered.

“Hello?” Whoever she was, she sounded anxious.

“Uh, this is John.”

“Hello,
John. This is Rebecca. Daniel is in the shower.

We were just getting ready to come to the hospital. Is there a
change in Chloe’s status?”

“Yeah, actually. She’s awake. She woke up a few minutes
ago. The doctor is in with her now.”

“Praise God! Oh, I’m so thankful. How is she?”

“She seems like herself, but scared.” He paused. “And disappointed.”

“Here’s
Daniel now,” Rebecca said. “We’ll be on in just a few minutes.”

John
hung up the phone. He turned to look toward Chloe’s room. The door was still closed. “What’s next for her?” He asked Kelsey, who was still standing next to him.

“She’ll stay here for a few more days until we know her
meds are right. Then she’ll probably be in an outpatient program to make sure she’s coping all right. She won’t be able to go back to work right away.”

John
nodded. “So she should be back to herself really soon then?”

Kelsey looked at him sympathetically. “She is herself,
John.

She can’t help this. Don’t say things like that to her. It will only
make her feel like you think she’s crazy.”

John
nodded. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Kelsey put her hand on his arm. “Don’t apologize to me.”

She sighed. “I’m going to hate to see you go, though, once Chloe is out of here. I’ll just have to go back to staring at the posters on my wall.”

John
smirked. “You don’t have posters of me on your wall.”

From it she extracted her driver’s licenses, her debit card, and a wellworn credit card sized Parrison calendar.