My Teenage Dream Ended (7 page)

THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER REARS IT’S UGLY HEAD

Of course, I forgave Derek. I liked him too much not to. After that, we started getting closer and closer and it felt like things were getting more serious between us. Summer was winding down and we were determined to party as much as possible. We loved hanging out with our friends. It was like our friends were our family and our families were just our landlords.

One night Derek and I went to a party at a friend’s apartment. We were having a good time, but then this girl showed up who was always trying to hang out with Derek. Even though all my girlfriends knew how into each other Derek and I were and would always mention how Derek looked at me and was there for me, I was still a little insecure. I’m a confident person, but that image of Derek with that girl sitting on his lap on my birthday was now burned into my brain.

I turned into a jealous, overprotective monster.

Normally, I was more into chilling and having fun, but when someone you’re dating has a girl getting closer and closer and that girl keeps avoiding you, you know something’s up. You feel like she will go behind your back and have your boyfriend sneak right back there with her.

I had lost my virginity to Derek and felt like sex had turned our relationship into something pretty serious. I didn’t need some girl ruining everything. So when it looked to me like she was starting to flirt with him, I yelled, straight up, “Stay the fuck away from Derek! I’ll kick your ass!”

All of a sudden the party atmosphere stopped and the guys made a barrier between the two of us. I had taken it too far. In the end, the girl left, but then his friends said that I couldn’t be coming out if I was going to start fights. I had nothing to say to that, because I had been the one to start the fight.

It was very out of character for me to act like that. I never used to say one word to a boy I was dating if he had girls around him. But sleeping with Derek had changed me. Sex is a big step in a relationship. It should be for when people are in love. We weren’t in love yet (or at least we hadn’t admitted it to each other) and I didn’t want anything—or anyone—ruining the chances of us falling in love.

CLOSE CALL

At first Derek seemed flattered that I had fought for him, but after that he didn’t want to go out together as much anymore. I assumed it was because his friends were worried I might start another fight. We started going out separately more and more, but we would always meet up back at my place and he would spend the night.

Derek was like my best friend, my boyfriend, and my lover all in one, and I loved partying and hanging out and cozying up in bed with him. Sometimes if I fell asleep before he came over he would chuck a pencil or piece of mulch up at my window to get my attention to let him in. He was like my Romeo. By the end of summer, the roof by my window had a big collection of random objects.

My mom questioned me one day about it. “Farrah, I saw by your window there was mulch, pens, pencils, rocks up on the roof.” I waved it off, “It’s probably from our weird neighbors. Or maybe the wind blew it up there.” Surprisingly, she left it alone after that.

But one night that summer we came really close to getting caught. Derek and I had overslept one morning and when Derek woke up he heard my dad coming down the hall. I felt him jump off the bed. Then he ran and hid in my closet and shut the door.

My dad came in my room and said, “Good morning. It’s time to get up and get ready for the day.”

I was so terrified, I just said, “Okay, get out of here and I will.”

After my dad left, I got up and opened my closet door and Derek and I busted out laughing. I whispered, “I need to get you out of here!” When we could her my parents in the kitchen cooking breakfast, I snuck Derek out the front door and whispered, “Call me later.”

Phew!

LUV U BABE

The first time Derek told me he loved me was on August 11, 2007. He sent me a message on Myspace. He wrote, “i really really love u babe” and that he wasn’t sure if I felt the same way. He hoped I did, but he couldn’t hold it in any longer and had to tell me how he felt.

I saved all our messages. Now I’m so glad I did.

Even now I still try to remember everything about the day he sent me that message. It meant so much to me that he wrote to me he loved me, but never asked for, or expected, an “I love you back” out of me. That’s when you know that a person’s love for you is genuine. They don’t want anything from you; they just have to tell you how they feel because they can’t hold it inside any longer.

Seeing that message made all the ups and downs of our relationship worth it. All that time spent waiting for him to call, all the lies, and the not always hanging out with me—it made it all worth it.

It’s crazy how you can see things through rose-colored glasses when you want to. It seems like the consequence of having sex is that even if you haven’t been with that person very long you try to stay with that person. You try to find fulfillment in a relationship with that person because you have shared the most intimate thing you can share with them. Your main goal is to reach love and happiness with them. You overlook the relationship deal-breakers. You act like truly devastating moments don’t even

matter. Especially when he is the first.

CAUGHT IN THE ACT

Derek and I kept mastering the art of the sneak in, until one night it all came crashing to a horrible end...

One evening in August, Derek and I were checking in with each other on the phone and I asked him what he was doing later that night.

He said, “Let’s hang out tonight. I’ll come over.”

I told him, “My mom and dad aren’t going to let anyone come over because my mom is out of town for work.”

“No problem,” Derek said. “I’ll just sneak in, stay ‘til the morning, and then sneak back out.”

That sounded like a good plan (in fact, it was our usual plan) so I told him to call me around 9:00 and I would let him know if the coast was clear.

When he called, he was already at my house.

I checked to make sure my dad was asleep and then went to meet Derek at the front door. We ran up the front staircase together, went into my bedroom, shut the door, and were like,
Yes! We made it!

We always had a great time hanging out in my room together and that night was no exception. We were talking and watching TV and generally having fun. Then Derek wanted to mix things up and decided we should have sex in my sister’s room down the hall. (My sister wasn’t home, just FYI.) I told Derek that we needed to be super quiet because my dad would be up soon.

We went to her room and had sex on the bed for a good hour. At one point Derek was on top of me and I looked up at him and noticed a light a little bit to the side of his head, but off in the distance. I was about to say, “What is that?” but before I had a chance, Derek flew off of me and the overhead light turned on. I grabbed two big pillows to cover my naked body and looked up to see my dad. He was as angry as I have ever seen him.

I was in shock and all I could bring myself to say was, “Michael what are you doing? Get out of here!”

My dad didn’t answer. He wasn’t going anywhere.

Derek stood up from the floor by the other side of the bed, still naked. My dad glared at him and said, “Get dressed, Derek, and come downstairs. We’re going to call your mom.”

Then he walked out of the room.

I felt so bad for Derek. He looked scared and nervous. I asked him, “What’s your mom going to say?”

Fumbling to put his clothes back on, he said, “I’m probably going to get in trouble and have my car taken away.”

Then he went downstairs to talk to my dad. I thought about going down with him, but I was worried that my being there would just make things worse. It was late and I knew that I was in for some big trouble in the morning, so I went to sleep.

Looking back, it probably would have been better if I had gone downstairs with Derek, because then maybe things wouldn’t have happened the way they did.

The next morning when I finally came downstairs, my dad looked as if he hadn’t gotten any sleep. He wouldn’t look at me—he was that angry. I was thankful, at least, that my mom was out of town and I wouldn’t have to face her wrath, too.

But then my dad said, “I called your mom. She’s going to call you later. We decided you’re going to go stay at your grandparent’s house for a while.” I didn’t say anything. I just went back up to my room. I was furious. I didn’t want to go to my grandparents, where I wasn’t allowed to do anything.

I called some friends and invited them over. We sat upstairs in my room talking over the whole situation. I begged them to stay with me all day so I wouldn’t have to be at home alone with my dad. They felt bad for me and agreed that my parents were wrong to send me away to my grandparents.