Needing You (16 page)

What the hell was I thinking? I mean, Tuck and I aren’t in a relationship, but hell, he won’t even kiss me, let alone sleep with me and here you have Malibu Barbie asking for another round.  Kill me now!

“No Mona,” Tuck states and turns back to me.  Geez what a name, it fits her though.

Finally my turn to speak…”No Tucker, I have plans, but Mona here seems available.” I say through clenched teeth. Then I turn on my heel and walk away to get more customers their drinks.   I do not bother to take another look down the bar because I’m way too angry right now. 

I decide I want a cigarette on my break, but I don’t want Tuck to follow me out.  I get ready to take my break and get a smoke from Davie and walk out the main door.  I round the side of the building that won’t attract attention and smoke my cigarette in peace.  I hide behind the empty dumpster so I’m out of view if Tucker tries to follow me out.  For fifteen minutes, I am able to sit and smoke in complete silence and it feels good.  The cool breeze feels even better.  I enjoy the rest of my cigarette and then head back inside. 

The band is playing a popular song and the crowd seems to be going crazy for it.  Majority of the customers are up dancing and singing along to the song. The bar isn’t too busy when I get back, which is nice for a change.  After a while, my eyes seem to look for “him” and I don’t see him anywhere.  I don’t see his whole group of buddies and the group of girls so they must have left when I was outside on break.  I’m happy and sad at this outcome.  The more I hang out with Tuck the more I like him, like really like him and trusted him for him to disappear with no regard for me. No explanation, no anything.  I deserve better than that and I will not settle for anything less.

By the time the night is over, I am so tired I’m ready to pass out. Marcus has agreed to give me a ride back to my dorm, which I am so thankful for. After closing up, we head out to the car and he takes me back to my dorm.  There’s no Tucker waiting outside tonight and not at my dorm either. I say goodnight to Marcus and head inside and I pass out right away.

I spend Saturday doing some homework and running errands. I grab a few groceries at the store and do my laundry. I don’t work tonight which is the first in forever, but it is a much-needed break.  I go for a run and enjoy the weather today so I decide I will go to the park and take some pictures this afternoon. By the time I get back after my run I hop into the shower, throw on some comfy clothes and head out with my trusty camera.

As I’m walking across the street, I look back and see Tuck pull into the parking lot in front of my dorm.  I don’t think he sees me which I’m grateful for.  I’m not in the mood to hear excuse after excuse right now.  I just want to enjoy my day off and snap pictures.  I decide not to look back at Tuck and I make my way to the huge park.  It takes about twenty minutes to walk to, but it’s so worth it. The views are amazing, there are trails everywhere, and the water is flowing fast.  In my bag I also brought my e-reader and a blanket to sit on.  After about two hours of taking pictures, I decide to lie down in the grass and read.

I spend the day at the park and can’t remember when I felt this free and at peace. I’m no longer a prisoner trapped in my own house.  I’m free from my parents and my old life and I couldn’t be happier. Well maybe a little bit happier, but no sense in dredging that up.  I want to enjoy my day.

I spend the rest of the afternoon into the early evening at the park and when the sun starts to go down, I decide it’s wise to pack up and head home.  I still have a nice walk ahead of me and I’m not the biggest fan of walking in the dark if I don’t have to.  As I’m walking home, I decide I don’t want to spend the night at home.  When I’m alone I tend to think too much and I don’t want to think.

I see a bunch of parties going on so I decide I will go change and head to a party.  I could use a good drink tonight.  As I get changed and head out, I see a bunch of girls in my dorm and before I can ask them about any parties, they ask if I want to head to a party with them, I say sure, and we go on our way. That was easy. Maybe I can make a few friends after all.

We make small talk as we walk to the sorority houses and I follow the girls in. This place is packed.  I find my way to the kitchen get my cup of beer and drink up.  I want to forget tonight.  I head back and get another cup and then two of the girls that I walked in with find me and start introducing me to a bunch of the sorority girls.  I say hi and smile, it’s the least I can do considering I am drinking at their sorority house.  I make conversation with a few of them and continue to drink up.

I see some of Tuck’s fraternity brothers and hope to God he doesn’t show up.  I drink faster because there he comes walking through the damn door.  Before he can see me, I make an excuse to the girls I’m talking to and head into the kitchen to get another drink and then make my way outside. I definitely don’t want to deal with him tonight. The drinks should help to erase anything Tuck for the night. 

I find a group of people sitting outside around a fire and decide to join. I sit as far away from the house which seems to be the furthest from the light, so if Tuck does come out there’s a chance he won’t see me anyway.  I drink up and talk only when someone asks me a question.  I don’t want to bring attention to myself.  I can feel myself slowly feeling less and less from the drinks, but it’s not enough.  One of the girls asks if any of us wants a drink when she’s walking inside so I say sure.  No need to move if I don’t have to.

When I look up to the deck, I see Tuck talking to a frat guy and some girl is hanging onto his arm like she’s his accessory.  Okay clearly, the drinks are starting to do the trick but still not enough.  He can’t see me and I’m grateful.  The girl comes out with our drinks and I thank her and chug the damn thing.  The group just looks at me with mouths hanging wide open.  Then one of the girls hands me hers and tells me that I look like I need it more than she does. We all laugh and I take her drink and have a nice long sip. These girls are nice and though I would never want to be in a sorority, I can kind of see why people join one. 

After a couple more beers and a few shots later, I decide it’s probably best to head home.  I made it all night without running into the sexy brown-eyed devil, now I just need to make it back home. This should be easy now.  I say good-bye to the group I’m sitting with and decide to walk around the side of the house instead of going through the crazy amount of people inside.

I slowly look around and good, no sign of Tucker. I start walking down the road and head toward my dorm. I have my pepper stray in hand, though I’m not sure if I could spray it correctly right now.  Oh well, I could at least try if I have to. I make it down the street before I hear my name.  Shit.  I keep walking hoping he thinks it’s someone else.  I may be drunk, but I’m not stupid.  I hear my name again and just ignore it.  I start to walk a little bit faster though it’s probably not that fast considering I’m pretty drunk right now.   I turn the corner and try to think whether I should hide or run, but before I can decide, Tucker is standing in front of me slightly winded.  Clearly he just ran after me, damn it.

“Harper didn’t you hear me? I was yelling your name,” he states slightly winded.

Instead of answering, I just look at him and walk around him towards home.  I don’t make it far before he grabs my elbow and I spin around. Wow, I’m drunk. Then he continues, “Harper are you drunk?” he says looking taken back.

“Tucker, mind your own business,” I spit out.

“Harper, I fucking looked for you all day. I went to PowerTrip’s and they said you had off.  I pounded on your door all day, why didn’t you answer?” he asks in an irritated tone.

“Umm, maybe because I wasn’t home all day, duhhh. Let me alone,” I state irritated.

“No Harper, I’m taking you home,” he states rather than asks.

“That’s whur I’m headed so noooo need to follow,” I slur.

“I’m going to make sure you’re okay, come on,” he says turning me so we are headed in the direction of my dorm. I think.

I don’t even argue, I just walk in front of him.  I’m starting to feel sick but I keep telling myself, I will not puke, I will not puke. I must say this out loud because Tucker says, “Harp, maybe you should throw-up.  How much did you have to drink tonight?” he asks.

“Not enuff obbviously.”

“Okay let’s get you home.”  Tucker says as he’s now walking beside me. He’s slightly holding me up and it feels good but bad, because he’s mean.

We finally get back to my apartment and I make it inside long enough to run to the toilet and start bringing up all the drinks I consumed tonight.  I hate throwing up, it hurts and sounds disgusting.  I hope Tuck shut the door on his way out.

As I’m continuing to throw up the contents of what I drank tonight, I feel my hair being pulled back and a cold cloth being put on my neck and then my forehead.  It feels good, but I don’t want Tuck here.

“Go home.” I’m able to spit out between heaves into the toilet.

“Not a chance sweetheart,” he says with a laugh in his tone.

“You’re not wanted here.” I say before I heave into the toilet again.

“I’m exactly where I want to be Harp,” he states deadpanned.

I can’t respond because my stomach won’t stop bitching at me for what I drank. After what feels like hours, I ask for my toothbrush which Tucker hands me with toothpaste on it and I brush my teeth and then head towards my bed.  I try to forget that Tucker is here, but then I remember he won’t touch me anyway.

As I get my pants half off, I fall on the bed and mumble, “Go away.”

I hear him laugh a little and he helps me with my pants and I slightly remember him helping me under the sheet and blankets. I hear him in the kitchen I think but I’m not sure, maybe he left.  Then the lights turn off which I’m thankful for, I love to sleep in the dark.  When I feel my bed dip I find my voice, “What the hell are you doing?”

Tucker must find me amusing because he’s laughing; he kisses my head and says, “I’m taking care of you, now get some sleep.”

Before I can respond, I pass out with Tucker lying beside me, in my bed.

Chapter 18

I wake up feeling all warm and sweaty.  I can’t move and I try to replay everything that happened last night…the drinking, talking to the girls, walking home, TUCKER….him walking me home, ugh, me throwing up…oh crap.  I finally crack my eyes open and see all limbs tangled in my bed.  Tucker is asleep and our arms and legs are everywhere. Crap, crap, crap…how did this happen?  Oh yeah, because I got stupid drunk.  Between trying to untangle my body and the damn pounding in my head, I give up for a few seconds and moan in my pillow.

Unfortunately for me when I stop moving, Tuck moves and now I’m being pulled over closer to his body. I must say it feels nice, but damn me, this is not how my evening was to go. I hear Tucker breathing and realize he is still fast asleep.  Now I am squished into his side with his arms around me and I’m stuck to his chest.  How am I going to get out of this tangled mess?  Ugh, nature is calling me. 

It’s still dark outside so clearly it’s still early. I somehow manage to finally untangle myself and see the glass of water and aspirin on my nightstand; I toss the pills in my mouth and wash it down with the glass of water then head to the bathroom to relieve myself.  When I come out of the bathroom, Tucker is still asleep.  I look at my clock and it shows it’s only 5:32 a.m., so I decide to lie back down and try to go back to sleep.  Though I’m not sure how that’s possible with that body lying beside me.  He took his shirt off sometime last night and though I can’t see the contours of his body, I sure felt them and wow, this boy is toned.  I would like to see that body in the light.  No, No, No what am I saying. Ugh, sometimes I want to slap myself.  I lay for a good while before I finally succumb to sleep.

I wake up a few hours later and I’m alone in my bed. I look around the room and it’s quiet and I listen for any sound in the rest of the apartment, but it’s quiet.  I crawl out of bed and walk out in the living room and kitchen and no Tucker.  I don’t see a note or anything and it appears he’s gone.  It’s probably for the best anyway. 

I decide it’s time for a shower so I hop in and get clean and come out and throw yoga pants on and a tank top.  My stomach is growling so I head back to the kitchen to find something to ease the noise going on in my stomach. I stop dead in my tracks when I see Tuck standing at the stove.

“What are you doing?” I ask harshly.

He turns with a smile on his face and says, “Making you breakfast.” 

“Why are you still here Tuck? You left, you didn’t need to come back.” I’m not sure why I’m being a bitch because he did take care of me last night, but NO, I’m still pissed from last weekend.

“I went to get some food to make you for breakfast, I told you last night I was going to take care of you and I meant that,” he says, looking all serious.

“You don’t get to do that, you vanished all week and then come back and act like nothing’s happened? Sorry, I don’t work that way.” I snap.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you and apologize for days now, you won’t listen long enough to hear it,” he states a bit frustrated. 

“I’m tired of hearing sorry, that’s all it is, I’m sorry this, I’m sorry that, you can take your sorry’s and shove them up your ass,” I holler.

I’m boiling mad right now that I can’t even look at him.  I go back into the bedroom and slam the door.  Slamming the door did nothing to help my head though.  I decide to throw on my socks and sneakers and grab my hoodie and purse and walk back out the bedroom door through the living room and out the damn door of my dorm.  He won’t leave, I will. 

I can’t be in the same space with him right now. Breathe Harper, just breathe.  The cool morning air feels good, but damn, it’s a bit chilly this morning.  I walk fast in the direction away from my dorm and continue to walk.  Tuck doesn’t come after me, which surprises me.  I walk all around and the sound of my stomach doesn’t go unnoticed so I head to the diner and grab a quick bite to eat.  They are slightly busy, but it doesn’t take long for my pancakes and bacon to come. I eat my breakfast in silence and sit there for a while.  Figuring it’s probably been a good two or three hours since I left my dorm, I figure Tuck probably left my apartment by now, so I decide to head back.  I head up to my dorm and walk through the door to find an unhappy Tucker sitting on my couch.