Never Let Go (13 page)

I can almost groan. “Why am I not surprised?” I mutter to myself.

“I just remembered,” Katy says too-brightly as she walks past and nudges my arm, “I have a study group to get to. I’ll probably be there for a couple of hours, at
least
.”

Spencer acknowledges Katy as she passes with a miniscule nod. Then she’s gone, and he and I are alone.

Without asking permission, Spencer steps inside. He makes no pretense about trying to walk around me. One sure move brings us nose-to-nose.

“We need to talk,” he says. It’s a low, confident statement.

“I… talk. Yes.” Spencer is standing so close that I can smell him. That clean, musky scent that is all male makes my head spin. We’ve barely said two words to each other, and already I feel off-balance!

I take a step back to create some space between our bodies. Spencer watches me, his eyes intense and piercing. Knowing. He
knows
the effect he has on me, and that smug little grin tells me exactly what he thinks of it. I’m just a game to him.

Did Katy set this up? She
knew
Spencer was coming. Was that why she’d been critical of Andrew? Is she playing a game of “set-my-roommate-up-with-my-ex-lover” with me?

I walk to the couch, sit down, and cross my arms. I need to keep my composure. There are so many things I want to say. But, I need to be in the right state of mind before I start. Affecting a calm outer appearance is one way to get there.

“So?” I keep my voice firm. “What do you want to talk about?”

Spencer gives me a curious look while idly playing with a splinter in the doorframe. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know, Spencer,” I say flatly. “You tell me.”

He rolls his eyes before turning toward me. “Us.”

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong,” I tell him. “There is no us. Never was and never will be.”

Spencer chuckles. “Never was? What about two nights ago? When I kissed you, you were
mine
.”

I shift uncomfortably under his stare. “A mistake. I shouldn’t have let you do that.”

“So touchy,” Spencer sighs. He starts toward the couch. He makes no rush to get here. He knows I’m not going anywhere.

I cross my legs away from him as he sits down. I intend my body language to communicate one very clear, very obvious message.

“Look at you,” Spencer says softly. He reached and brushes aside a lock of my hair. “So fragile. So delicate. Like a pretty glass bird locked away in her cage.”

I scoff. “Is that what you think of me?”

“Is that what you want me to think of you?” he asks. His voice becomes an octave lower. “It doesn’t have to be this hard. We don’t have to struggle. You don’t need to fight your feelings for me. I know they’re there.”

“Is that so?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. His hand still hasn’t left my face. But I will
not
embarrass myself further by jumping away from his touch. “Is that what you tell all the girls? Or just the ones you haven’t seduced yet?”

The last bit comes out as a snarl, and I take it as the perfect opportunity to burst out of my seat. I’ll stand if it means not being cornered by Spencer.

He doesn’t give the least bit of a reaction. Damn him, will the man remain unfazed forever?

“I got you something,” he says, reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a little black box. “I remember you saying you wanted flowers on a first date. This is my take on that.”

I eye the box warily. “What’s in it?” I ask.

“Come here,” he coaxes. “Open it, and find out.”

I hesitate… but curiosity gets the better of me.

“No funny business,” I warn as I perch beside him.

“Of course.” He hands me the box. Our fingers brush. A spark jolts through me.

I pretend not to feel it.

I lift the top off and look inside. There is a little bracelet nestled in the middle of white paper wrapping. A strip of black leather connects two intricate, metal roses.

Spencer takes it out of the box and motions for me to hold my arm out. I do. I swallow as his fingers gently brush against the sensitive part of my wrist. I hear a click, and see the two roses lock together.

Spencer leans back, managing to look smug and satisfied at the same time. He’s watching me again, his eyes doing a sexy, lazy perusal of my face.

“Well?” he asks. “I worked hard on getting the right fit.”

“You have a good eye,” I admit. The bracelet fits perfectly around my wrist. I finger the little roses. They’re cool to the touch, and there’s a surprising heft to them. They’re made of real metal, not cheap plastic. “Where did you find this?”

“So you like it,” Spencer says, ignoring my question.

“Yes. It’s unique. This is a nice gesture, Spencer…” I start taking the bracelet off to give back to him, “…but I don’t think it means what you want it to mean—”

He puts both his hands over mind to stop me. “I made it.”

“What?”

“I made that bracelet. For you.” My hand is now caught between two of his. His thumbs caress my knuckles softly. Is it right for me to enjoy the feeling so much?

“You made this? For me?”

Spencer smiles and meets my eye. “Only for you. Look here.” He lifts my arm close to my face. I notice, for the first time, a tiny engraving on one of the rose stems.

Fly.

“What does it mean?” For some reason, my voice comes as a whisper.

“It’s what you need to do, kitten. Fly. Let yourself go. Set yourself free.” Spencer’s voice rumbles as he speaks. He does not break eye contact once. “Shake off whatever limitations confine you, and start
living
your life.”

My breath catches in my throat.

This is way too much. I can’t handle the intensity of Spencer’s voice, the double-edged meaning of his words.

I jerk my hand back and cradle it in my lap. All the memories I’ve tried to repress from my past life threaten to burst out.

Spencer presses on, leaning closer. “You don’t need to be afraid. Life—your life—is waiting for you. Don’t let it pass you by.” One of his hands comes up to the side of my jaw. He turns my head toward him.

I look down, not meeting his eyes. I’m afraid of what he might find there.

Spencer looks at me. I can
feel
him fighting temptation.

The baser desire wins.

His head moves two inches forward, and he puts his lips on mine. I fight down goose bumps. Unlike last time, this kiss is soft and gentle. Sweet. Lingering.

His mouth explores my upper lip. He traces it with his tongue, then moves down to suckle my lower one.

I can’t move. I should be pushing him away, should be telling him to stop. I should be getting angry at him for not respecting my boundaries.

Those feelings don’t come. I forget myself in the caressing kiss as I savor the sharp sweetness of his lips. I didn’t know he could kiss like this.

I didn’t know
I
could be kissed like this.

Spencer pulls back slowly. I suck in a shuddery breath. I can feel the warmth spreading in my belly. I want to fight it, too, but I can’t. I can’t help the way Spencer makes me feel.

I open my eyes to find him smiling at me. “Like that,” he whispers.

“Spencer…” I start, “…I can’t. I can’t do this with you. It’s not right. Katy…”

“Don’t worry about her. This can stay between us. Nobody has to know.”

“
No,” I gasp. I leap away from Spencer lest I succumb to temptation. The desire I have for him wars with the knowledge in my mind of how wrong it is.

“I would know!” I fulminate. I feel a panic coming on. “I told you this is wrong. This is bad. You need to leave!” I’m all but screaming at this point. “Now!”

His eyes go wide in shock. “Paige—”

“Please, you need to leave,” I beg. I don’t trust myself to keep my head straight around him. I’m already hysterical.

Spencer gets up, shooting me an unreadable look. I don’t care. All I want is for him to be gone. All I want is to feel secure again. Secure, and in control of myself.

Spencer steps wide around me as he exits the room. When the door closes, I stumble over and lock it.

If I’m doing the right thing, why does it feel so
wrong
?

Chapter Fourteen

I engulf myself in swimming lessons, school work, and the varsity team. I plan each day perfectly so I don’t have a spare moment to do anything but work. Work keeps my mind busy. Work keeps the memories at bay.

***

“We’re having people over,” Katy announces on the third Friday after my breakdown in front of Spencer.

My head jerks up. “What?”

“It’s high time for you to get over whatever happened between you and Spencer. I haven’t pressed you about it because I didn’t want to pry, but it’s like you became someone else that day. I’m not going to ask you about it now, but you need to start getting out again. You can’t stay cooped up in here forever.”

“I can try,” I mumble under my breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. I said, ‘I’ve been busy.’” I thought I’d composed myself enough by the time Katy got back that day, and I thought I’d done a pretty good job of acting unaffected after.

Apparently, my acting wasn’t good enough.

Katy smiles. “That’s why, tonight, the party’s coming to you.” When she sees my hesitation, she adds, “Please stay. I worked hard to get everything set up. You need a night of fun to give yourself a break, if nothing else.”

“Yeah,” I nod. “You’re probably right. Thanks, Katy. I need this.”

“Hell yeah, girlfriend!” she beams. She skips over to the table and makes a point of slamming my textbook shut loudly. “Now, come on. A guy I know agreed to buy us booze, and I’ve already booked two appointments at the salon to get our hair done.” She winks. “Tonight, we’re going to look fucking killer.”

***

Our apartment fills up quickly after the first group of people arrives. Katy didn’t just know “one guy” who’d buy us alcohol. She knew the whole hockey team. They brought two kegs and all their friends.

Every time the door opens to let more people in, I worry about the RA hearing all the noise we’re making. Katy promises me she’ll take the fall if anything like that should happen, then smiles mischievously and says she’s already on “good terms” with him.

I don’t even want to know what that means.

The first part of the night goes by in a flash of dancing, laughter, and lots of shots. I even play—and win—my first game of beer pong against one of the hockey players

Though I think he was a little bit distracted by Katy’s generously-exposed cleavage beside me.

It’s the second part, after the initial thrill of the party has diminished, where things start to get interesting.

I’m on the dance floor when somebody grabs my hand. I look up to find Katy holding me. She tugs me to a quieter area of the room.

Her eyes are sparkling when she turns to me. “I saw you flirting with that hot guy over there,” she sings out. “See? I knew you’d enjoy yourself.”

I giggle. “He is pretty cute.”

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me, babe,” she smiles. “But I think you might want to hold off for now.” Her head jerks in the direction of the hallway. “Someone else is here for you.”

“Who?” I look in the direction she’d motioned, but it’s impossible to make out anybody’s face in the dark

“Oh, I think you know him pretty well.” She holds her hand high. “About this tall. Brown, curly hair. Great ass, handsome face, but a little too serious for my tastes.”

“Andrew?” I ask, hardly believing it. There’s no way he’d come to a party as a
peer leader
.

“The one and only!” Katy spins me around by the shoulders and pushes me into the crowd. “Go get ‘em, kiddo!”

I see Andrew before he sees me. He’s leaning back against the wall right by the corner, alone. His eyes run over the sea of bodies, obviously looking for someone. I feel an excited giggle bubble up.

He’s looking for me.

He’s wearing slacks and a light blue dress shirt. The top button is undone, exposing a bit of his chest and the scruffy hair underneath. Even though he’s way overdressed for the party, he looks sexy.

“Heeey!” I call out. His eyes light up when he sees me. The alcohol is making me feel frisky, so I jump up and wrap my arms tight around his neck. I inhale deeply, loving his delicious, musky scent. I’ve missed it.

Andrew’s hands go to my waist, and he gently eases me off. I expect him to be smiling.

I’m thrown off when I find a stern expression on his face instead.

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” I ask. “Katy said you were looking for me. Well, here I am!”

“Of course I’m happy to see you,” Andrew mumbles. He sounds irritated. “I’m just not particularly happy to see you
here
.”

I scrunch my face up at him. “What do you mean?”

“You’re making a lot of noise. The RA asked me to come down and check if there’s any drinking. You know alcohol’s not allowed in the freshmen dorms.”

My good mood dies right away. “So what, you’re here to shut us down?”

Andrew blows out a breath. He holds his hands out in an awkward shrug. “I’m in a tight spot here, Paige. It was my responsibility to make sure all the freshmen in my group learned the rules. I’m the first one who has to enforce them if anyone steps out of line. If I can’t do it, then it escalates up to the RA, then the resident dean, then the administrative board. It’s in everyone’s best interest not to have things go past me. That’s when it gets nasty, with real consequences.” He makes a point of looking right at me. “For you, and your roommates.”

“I only have one,” I tell him, distracted. The wheels are spinning in my head. Andrew didn’t come here because he wanted to see me. He came to enforce the rules.

“One what?”

“One roommate.” Maybe I can sidetrack him somehow, make him forget why he came here.

I step into him and press my body against his. I peek up at him and bat my eyes.