Never Say Goodbye (14 page)

Sarah...
    
“Luke...you don’t think it could have been Sarah?” He
looks at me and shakes his head.
    
“I don’t think so, I know that only members can access the gym. Jenna’s a member, but I don’t think Sarah is.”
    
“Was Jenna at the gym when you were?”
    
“I don’t think so, I can’t remember. I just go into my own little world when I’m there, concentrate on what I’m doing.”
    
“Do you think, maybe, Jenna sent it to herself? I’m pretty sure someone is trying there hardest to split us up.”
    
“Why would she do that?”
I shrug and he pulls me back against his neck. I kiss it softly and gently bite his earlobe. He moans and I smile against his neck.
    
“You smell good.” I whisper.
    
“So do you, always so good.” I pull away gently and straddle his lap, being careful with my sore hand. I kiss him gently and let his hands run up and down my sides, pulling me closer and holding me tightly.
“Don’t leave me, Ellie, please.”
I look into his eyes and try to find why there is this sudden urge of desperation.
    
“Just promise me this right now, Luke, promise me. I love you, just promise me...tell me that you love me; too, that we can create this, we can be saved. We don’t have to say goodbye. That’s what I don't want. I don't want to say goodbye to you. I’ll lose you again after finding you, it may have taken me awhile, but I found you." He holds me closer and whispers into my hair.
    
“Ella...you are my whole being. Our souls have entwined and we can’t erase them. Even when we are away and apart from each other, we will still feel it. We have captured each other. We just had to find it. You, Ella, you are my sunshine, my only sunshine; you make me happy, when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don’t take my sunshine away.”
    
“You’re my sunshine, too.” I whisper and kiss him softly on the lips.

“England is so cold!” I shiver under my large wooly coat, complete with hat and scarf. Even Manchester airport is cold.
    
“You know it is, bear, it always has been.” My dad drapes a large arm around me and pulls me close to him. I’ve always been ‘Bear’ to him and my mom, it just stuck as a nickname and I love it. Luke has gone to use the restroom and we are heading to baggage claim.
    
“I can’t believe it’s only 5am here and we have to stay awake
all
day.” I groan.
    
“Bear, you’ll be fine.” My dad and I are waiting for our luggage to arrive. My mom always puts a pretty ribbon on our suitcases so we know which is ours. We spot them and our entire luggage with pretty pink ribbons - including Luke’s - is on our luggage cart. I really do feel him before I see him. He comes up behind me, two large arms holding me around my waist, and his hands fastened at my stomach.
    
“Hi.” He whispers into my ear. I lean my head back and let him kiss my cheek.
    
“Hi. I love it when you whisper.”
    
“Why?”
    
“It’s sexy.” I shrug and look over at my mom, dad, and Holly, who are patiently waiting for us.
    
“Come on, I need to show you one of the best places in the world.” I pull on his hand to go join my family and walk out of the airport.
    
The car ride consisted of me chatting with my granddad from the back seat and Luke constantly skimming over my fingers, my palm, making my senses stand on end for the full hour and a half it took to get back to Oakworth. Oakworth is a village in West Yorkshire, which is where I was born. Next door is its sister village Haworth where the Bronte family - including the sisters, lived.
    
We pull up outside my nan and granddad’s house and I smile at the familiarity of home. Their cottage looks so small from the outside with its ivy falling around the windows and a bright red door with a lion doorknocker. But inside, it’s a completely different story. Their four-story cottage is unique and special. Me, Holly, and my cousins always had our own floor. It’s called the ‘Grandkids Quarters’ and means the world to me because every memory is still intact. I pull Luke into the house and Millie, my grandparents’ golden retriever, greets us. She barks at Luke but he pats her head and she obliges immediately.
    
“She doesn’t like men.” I say.
    
“Well, good job I like doggies then, isn’t it!” He kneels down to Millie's level and gives her strokes across her long golden body. I watch him with Millie and smile. She’s an old dog, I think she’s around 11 now. We take our shoes off and I guide him towards the living room. It smells just as I remember. It’s musky, like old cinnamon and grass, but I love it. The room is warm and inviting, strong sunbeams bouncing off the old pine floor. I wander into the kitchen, Millie at my side, as Luke takes a seat on the sofa.
    
“You ever had English tea?” I shout at Luke from the kitchen.
    
“Yeah, well ‘Twinning’s English Breakfast’. Why?”
    
“That’s not English tea! I mean a good old Yorkshire brew.” I mimic the Yorkshire accent and he laughs.
    
“Go for it. Where have your parents gone?”
    
“Upstairs most likely, unpacking. Holly’s already out. She’s probably gone to my cousins.” Just as I say that, my granddad comes in from the garden and I appear in the living room with a teapot full of Yorkshire tea.
    
“Ooo, well done our kid, a good ol’ brew for your granddad.” I watch Luke’s reaction as my granddad speaks in his strong Yorkshire accent. I laugh and take a seat on the chair opposite.
    
“So then, Isabella, how is life for you?” my granddad asks, taking a swig of his tea.
    
“Isabella?” Luke asks confused and looks over at me and I smile a grin.
    
“Yes, my name is Isabella.”
My granddad looks at Luke and laughs.
    
“You never told him your name, pet?”
    
“No, it never really came up in conversation.”
    
“It’s beautiful.” Luke smiles over at me. Millie barks at someone out the window and we all look over.
    
“Millie, calm down!” My granddad yells and stands to his feet slowly, looking out the window. “Daft old thing, she’ll bark at a bloody leaf falling.” I laugh and smile at Luke, who seems to be enjoying his tea. “So then, Izzy, what are you doing with yourself?” My granddad repeats and takes his seat.
    
“Just finished my senior year at school. Going to Los Angeles for college.” I smile at my granddad and he nods his head.
    
“I don’t understand all that American school business. Grades and what not. It’s all about what year you’re in over here.”
    
“I know, Granddad, I have prom next week, a few days after we leave here, and then it’s college for four years.”
    
“You must come and visit, pet, we do miss you.”
    
“Of course I'll come.” We sit in silence for a few seconds before my granddad shuffles in his seat and turns towards Luke.
    
“Well then, son, you’re a strapping young lad aint ya, you better be looking after our Izzy.” Luke smiles at me and turns back to face granddad.
    
“Sir, I love her, she’s everything to me right now.”
    
“Good.” His blunt response makes me giggle; I look at Luke and mouth ‘I love you’ to him and smile.
    
“I’m going to take Luke for a walk around Granddad, we need to take our mind off of sleeping.”
    
“Of course, Iz, off you go.” He puts his feet up and opens up the 'Daily Express.'
 

             
              ******

    
“You might need wellies for where we are going.” I mutter to Luke as he is fastening his coat. I watch him struggle with the zipper before I give him a hand. I zip it up slowly for him and pat his chest.
    
  “Wellies?”
    
  “Yes wellies, they go on your feet.”
    
  “Oh, I don’t think I have any with me.” He groans and I pull on his scarf so he is flushed up against me.
I look up into his eyes and smile.
    
  “You can borrow my granddads, I’m sure he won’t mind.” I whisper at Luke and wink. He leans down and gently kisses my mouth.
    
  “I didn’t know you were an Isabella.” He frowns and I trace the frown line with my finger and smile at him.
    
  “You never asked me and I was happy you didn't know.” He looks sad and makes me feel guilty, just for a second before his warming smile makes me relax.
    
"I really do love you. This feels crazy."
    
"I know, baby, I love you, too."

******

We walk for what feels like an hour, his fingers laced with mine. Both of us suffering from red noses and pink cheeks. I've taken him to a little place I used to go to with my friends. It's an isolated hill overlooking a very scenic countryside. We step gently through the grass and he grabs me when I nearly slip. He laughs and I hit his arm
gently and pout. We carry on walking just a little further until we are at the top of the hill. Our breaths are visible in the cold air, our lungs filling with the cold. I watch it as I huddle closer to him. The view is as beautiful as I remember. It may be cold, but the sky is a bright blue.
The field opposite is filled with fluffy white sheep, and next to them, a lot of cows.
    
"I never really see that back home, it's so lovely seeing living things outside. They're so pretty!" I smile and Luke laughs.
    
"They look like little balls of fluff."
    
I turn to look at him. "Cute balls of fluff?"
    
"Yes, baby, cute balls of fluff."
    
"Am I cute?" I ask, my head tilted playfully to the side. He smiles and traces his cold fingers down my cheeks.
    
"So, so cute, Isabella." I blush, the heat causing my cheeks to go even brighter red.
    
"I don't like Isabella." I whisper.
    
"It's a beautiful name for a beautiful girl, but luckily for you, you're my, Ellie." He smiles and kisses me softly. It's welcoming to have his warm mouth on me, warming me deep inside.
    
"Ella, I'm so sorry about last week, Jenna, Sarah, everything," he sighs.
    
"You have nothing to apologize for, Luke. I'm okay, I promise."
    
"I trust you." He holds me in his strong arms, we both feel bigger because of the extra clothing, but he feels like a warm soft teddy bear. I pull him closer to me and I rest my head on his chest. We just stand, holding each other in the cold May wind, the bitterness causing my face to go numb. But I don't care. I'm in his arms; he's here with me, when he really didn't have to be. He's here, with my family, bonding.  We have one more week together when we get back. We have prom to look forward to. They say people can change, just because another beating heart has helped you. Each of us with our beating hearts, holding on to that other beating heart, just to
survive. The love of that other person causes such a lust for life, such a desire that it can change everything. In a heartbeat. Luke has changed my life; my heart now beats purely for him.
For us.
I'm going to lose him. That's inevitable. It's not going to change. I'm going to Los Angeles, but we have to make it work. Luke pulls my chin up; away from the shard of grass I was focusing on and gently kisses my lips.
    
"Stop worrying, Els, it'll be fine." I take that reassurance and hold him tighter, the only feeling taking me over is that of him and his sweet butterfly kisses. "You are my sunshine, baby, always and forever."

We all huddle in front of the open fire - all of us together on the two four-seater sofas
. I watch the soft orange waves weave in and out of each other. Each crack and bang makes Millie jump and me giggle. Luke's arm is draped around me while he contently watches tonight’s episode of EastEnders. Kat did something to Alfie, but I really didn't care, I just loved the accents. Luke's hand is laced with my hand, his soft fingers playing amongst mine, and I feel sated for the first time in years. Loved. I look around and see that my grandma is fast asleep with her head against the back of the sofa. I laugh to myself, my granddad notices and shakes his head, but softly puts a pillow behind her head. On the other sofa, my parents are sitting together with Holly on the left. My dad's arm is draped across my mom's shoulders, his fingers gently caressing her shoulder and frequently playing with a strand of loose soft hair. Their love beams off them like a radar. They have been in love for over twenty-six years and I worship their love. It's powerful, each of them a drug to each other, living each day together, and not focusing on the bad stuff. They live off each other. Their entire existence is just for each other. I want that with Luke. I look up at him and smile softly, just watching him. He notices and smiles back at me, his right hand coming round to stroke my cheek softly.
    
"I would kiss you, Els, but your family is all around me." He whispers into my ear and winks at me. I nudge his shoulder and he smirks.
We are all full after a huge dinner of a classic British roast. Our plates were filled with Yorkshire puddings, roast beef, carrot and swede, and my favorite, parsnips. My granddad remembered that I liked them burnt and left mine in the oven for longer. Luke enjoyed every single
morsel that passed his lips and continuously thanked my grandparents for letting him into their home. Today had been amazing, just sitting with my family, reunited with them, listening to stories.

******

Holly had met up in the local town with her old friends from when we used to come here every summer. I am now sitting with her in the old games room, which is now a bedroom, and she’s telling me about her day.
    
"Alex was there today, Ella. He asked about you."
I look up at her and gently shake my head. I wrap my fingers around my teddy bear and bring him close to my chest, my knees crossed beneath me.
    
"I can't go there, and Luke's here with me." I sigh.
    
"I know that, but maybe you could just say hello? You left the boy in love with you."

"He didn't love me; he slept with Jessica the night before we left last time. He doesn't love me." She looks at me, startled I think, and slightly shuffles her legs from beneath her.
    
"He didn't sleep with Jessica." She states firmly. I look up to meet her bright blue gaze and I can feel tears building for no specific reason so I shake them away.
    
"He did, he told me he did, and he wrecked it. Not me." I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my grey hoody and sniff slightly.
    
"He didn't sleep with Jessica, Ella. Open your eyes!" I can't drop my gaze from hers. Alex was a summer romance from three years ago. I was fifteen, young and needy. It was a massive time for me, my depression at an all-time high. He was two years older than me. He told me once that he loved me, that I was all he ever needed. I can't have this coming up right now. Luke thinks that he’s the only serious boyfriend I've ever had.
    
"My eyes were wide open and my ears too - the night he told me. I don't want to listen to it anymore." I stated and moved to leave. Holly grabbed my arm and pulled me back down to the floor.
    
"Wait, Ella. I know you have Luke now. He is your life, as you are his.
But, you need to speak to Alex. He's home from his university for a few days and he begged me to get you to see him. Maybe go to Haworth for a drink? I'll keep Luke entertained."
    
"I'm not lying to him, Holly. I won't lie to him." She looks at me and nods her head.
    
"Well, it's not my problem if he arrives unannounced. I told him you wouldn't care. I didn't tell him about Luke though."
I sigh loudly and scoff slightly.
    
"What the fuck do I say to Luke?
    
"He still is technically your friend, Alex was just a summer romance right?"
    
"Right.”
    
"Exactly, all you ever did was kiss him, right?"
    
"Right, except-"
    
"Except what?”
    
"I told Alex I loved him. That I'd come back for him, that I'd be his forever, fuck." I sigh.
    
"Els, you have Luke. The past doesn't matter. All that matters is the future, what's going to happen? Which road are you and Luke going to take? You love each other properly, not like the summer romance with Alex. He just still loves you, even now." She places her hand on my arm and smiles softly. "Just go and say hello. I'm sure that Luke won't mind."
I kiss her on her forehead, whisper goodnight, and pad down the long hall to the room I'm staying in.
I
gently open the door, which creaks loudly anyway, and frown.
    
"Stupid door." I mutter, and lay on the comfy bed that I am so ready for. Everyone is already asleep, and I'm sure Luke will be asleep in the room that my granddad sorted for him. They're very old fashioned when it comes to a boy sleeping in my childhood bed. I look up at the ceiling and contemplate. I can't go see Alex; it will make life so hard.
He was in love with me, this I knew far too well. His endless phone calls for two years showed that. We spent the summer of 2004 making out, making cakes with my nana, and running around the village like idiots. He used to drive me to romantic places and tell me how he felt, but all the words went through me and I never heard them. All I could ever hear was how pathetic I was, how life was never meant to be for me. That I needed to
die
. All my scars were still wounds back then, nothing was there as a memory, it was still very fresh, and every night a new one would appear. I shudder at the memory, and being apart from Luke right now makes me feel cold. We have spent every night together since I cut my hand. Which still hurts like hell. I hold it above me and look at it in the moonlight. Please don't scar. It will just remind me of us, that fight. When it happens all that I think is that I need to feel the pain of it, what really hurts. And shit, I felt it. My phone vibrates gently next to me and I flip it open to have a look. It's Luke.

*So cold without you
. *

I smile and reply.

*Me too, love you x*

I put the phone back on the side and put on a bathrobe to keep me warm. I open my creaky door again cursing under my breath and walk to the room where Luke is sleeping. I walk down the long corridor and bump into someone, so I look up
.
    
"Hello, baby." He whispers, pulls me close, and I sink against him.
    
"I was coming to see you." I whisper, as to not wake anyone.
    
"Me, too, let’s go back to your room." We pad along gently, I let him in and he laughs when I again, get angry at the door. I shut it gently and he sits on the edge of the bed. He looks around the room and flops back on my bed, his feet dangling over the end. I sit down next to him and smile. The moonlight floating through my window
gives us sufficient light to see each other.
    
"I came to give you a cuddle." He mutters and pulls my arm so I'm on top of him. I giggle and he strokes my head. My ear is in line with his heart and I just love its sound. His life flowing through him makes me smile.
    
"Luke, I need to talk to you about something." He sits up onto his elbows and I move off him gently.
    
"Oh, what's up?" He smiles at me and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. I sigh and drop my head. "Ella?"
    
"You remember Holly mentioned someone called Alex?" He nods in agreement and I swallow loudly to try get rid of the lodged lump in my throat. "Well, when Holly went to town today, he was there. He wants to see me."
    
"Oh." He frowns and looks at me tightly.
    
"What do you want, Els?"
    
"I don't know, I don't really want to see him, but I do, he was there for me at a harsh time."
    
"Fine." He mutters and I watch him breathe in deeply. "I can't be prejudiced, Ellie, especially with what you have put up with, with Jenna and such." I nod with agreement. He grabs my bad hand and gently kisses my healing wound. "Did you love him?" He asks, still looking at my wound, his fingers gently holding my hand.
    
"No." I whisper too quietly. He looks up at me and nods.
    
"Are you sure?" I frown at him and I can see he is serious.
    
"I'm sure." He looks up at me and pulls me closer, his hands cup my jaw, his fingers in my hair.
    
"Good. You are mine, my Ellie, my life. He isn't for you. I am for you. You love me, you fit me perfectly in more ways than one." He winks and I blush. "You are my forever and my always. My sunshine, my Isabella." He kisses me softly and I feel the shivers rush through my body. The butterflies escape and make me feel such a deep connection just through our contact
.
    
He notices and gently lays me back on the bed, both of us not letting go. He smiles against my mouth and pulls away to kiss my nose gently.
    
"I bet he never kissed you like that. I bet he never held you like this-" His hands hold me, either side of my waist and he gently caresses underneath my bathrobe. "I bet he never made your body respond like this, your back arching at my touch, your body shaking with my kiss." He unties the bathrobe, kisses my stomach softly, and I whimper under his lips. "I bet he never kissed you here." He kisses just above my sweatpants and gently swipes his tongue along the waistband. He leans up and pushes my tank top further up my body. "I bet he never kissed you here." He kisses just under my breast. He pushes it up further and reveals my naked breasts to him. "I bet he never did this…" His tongue slowly circles my nipple
making me moan deeply.
    
"I bet he never made this path…" He kisses me from my breast, across my collarbone and up to my neck. "I bet he never knew you would suffer under this kiss, when I press here…" He kisses under my earlobe and I giggle softly. "That you laugh gently." He moves to my mouth and kisses me with soft kisses, which feel likes gifts constantly against my mouth. When his tongue meets mine, it's like electricity. The feel of him in my mouth, kissing me like this, reminds me of whom he is, how much he loves me. He gently pulls away, his mouth millimeters from mine. "I love you, Els, you are mine, okay?" I nod and pull him back to me.
I kiss him softly and push him onto his back. I am straddling his hips while his hands run up and down my sides, feeling me, invading me. I take his hands and pin them either side of him.
    
"No touching, baby." I whisper and he nods.
    
"You're so fucking sexy -"
    
"Shhhh." I whisper, putting my finger to his mouth. "Remember this, when we are apart, that only I can do this to you." I release his hands gently and pull his shirt over his head. He relaxes back down and I
look at him. His defined and toned muscles aching for my touch. I trace my index finger down his sternum to his happy trail. I stop at his waistband and shift back gently. His defined 'V' makes my mouth water. I know where that 'V' leads. I smile and copy his motions.
    
"Remember me, that I can do this, with this mouth…" I sweep my tongue along his waistband, he gently moans and it makes my body respond. I gently kiss up to his navel, my cold fingers are on either side of his pelvis, tickling and I watch his body move when the nerves are touched. I gently kiss where he reacted and he does it again. "Remember me, and how I made you do this…" I put my hand over his erection and he moans. "Remember me, when I made you feel this way, this hard, just for me…" He groans when I release my fingers and he is still looking at me, desperate to touch me.
    
“Remember." I mutter between kisses. “Me. When. Someone. Wants. You.” When I reach his neck I gently bite him and he pushes me over and his body shadows mine. He just stares at me for a second and his lips push against mine. His tongue fights against mine. My hands are on his strong back, my nails digging into his flesh.
    
"God, Ella. We can't, not here." He rocks his erection against my core and I moan into his mouth.
    
"You’d better stop then." I whisper against his lips.
    
"You're amazing, baby." He whispers and softly kisses me. I sigh and he holds me against his chest. I fall asleep in his arms and it's home to me. It's me and him, forever and always.

******

The early dawn light shines through the bedroom window and wakes me. The heat of his body next to me makes me turn gently so I'm facing him. He is facing the other way and I watch his beautiful back go up and down as his lungs breathe in and out. I lightly feather trace my index finger across his shoulder blades, his skin perfectly flawless,
shimmering in the dawn’s sunlight. I follow the line of his spine with my finger and trace the waistline of his sweatpants and reverse the trail. I lean over so I'm closer and gently bite his earlobe.
    
"Morning, beautiful." I whisper as he stirs. He turns over to face me. He opens his eyes and my blood pulses much harder through my veins. Such beauty overwhelms me, captures me. His gentle green eyes melt into mine and he pulls me closer so his body is flushed with mine.
    
"Morning, Ellie, you're so beautiful, baby." I blush and look away. He tilts my chin up and captures my mouth, neither of us caring about morning breath. He takes over, possessing me with his tongue. Soon his body is over me, pressing me into the mattress, and we are consumed together in a tight bond that nobody could ever break. He pulls away softly and looks deeply into me.
    
"I wished for you, Ellie, I wished you into my life and you appeared in your black hoody and jeans that hugged your delectable body. You stumbling into me that day was the best thing in my whole entire life. You have changed me so much. All my innocence is back when I'm with you. You've created such happiness in me that I thought was dead. Don't leave me, baby." I lean up and gently trace his bottom lip with my thumb. He kisses the pad gently and I smile up at him.
    
"Never." I whisper and his passion is released upon me once more. "Luke," I murmur. He pulls away softly and I cup his face. "Don't you ever stop kissing me that way, don't stop needing me, wanting me exactly the way you do." I can feel tears softly building up and he smiles and leans his head to the side to kiss my palm.
    
"Never." He whispers and I let him collapse on top of me. He rolls over and looks over at me. We are both on our sides, staring at each other.
    
"Without you, Luke, I wouldn't be. Because you are my star. You're the star that keeps my night shining bright. So don't ever leave me, because stars can't shine without darkness, and I don't want the dark anymore. I want you, every day." He leans over and gently kisses my nose.
    
"I'll take care of you," he whispers.