Never Say Goodbye (33 page)

Kristina shook her head. ‘It’s been getting worse lately,’ she confided, ‘and it’s becoming increasingly difficult hiding it from the children.’

Alarmed to hear that, Bel said, ‘You should have told me sooner. If there’s anything I can do . . .’

Kristina slanted her a look. ‘Thanks,’ she muttered, and turning away she pulled open the door. ‘I’ll call you later, let you know what’s happening,’ and without as much as a goodbye she ran back to the car.

Bel stood in the icy cold, watching her drive out through the gates, the wheels skidding on the gravel as she turned on to the street. Part of her was tempted to call Nick before Kristina got back to ask what the heck was going on. However, it was hardly her place to interfere, and given the size of the hangover he probably had it wasn’t likely she’d get much sense out of him anyway. What she would acquire, however, was frostbite if she stayed here a moment longer.

In the kitchen coats and boots were littering the floor, and Oscar was on top of some steps. ‘How are those pancakes coming along? Oscar, you’re not supposed to use those unless I’m in the room,’ Bel reminded him.

‘That’s what I said,’ Nell informed her.

‘Here you are,’ Oscar urged, spilling the flour over Nell as he handed it down.

Taking it, Bel said, ‘What am I going to do with you two?’

‘You’re going to eat us all up,’ Nell giggled, throwing her arms round Bel’s legs.

‘She’ll have a really bad tummy if she eats you,’ Oscar snorted.

‘No, if she eats you,’ Nell insisted.

‘I’d rather eat pancakes,’ Bel declared.

‘Me too,’ Oscar cried, and launched himself at her.

Catching him just in time, Bel swept him over to a bar stool and plonked him on it.

She was doing the same with Nell when her phone rang.

‘It’s Daddy,’ Oscar announced, seeing his father’s name come up, and handing her the mobile he began twisting back and forth on the stool.

Mindful of the children’s big ears, Bel said, ‘Nick, are you OK?’

‘Yes, I’m fine,’ he answered, sounding far from it. ‘Is Kristina still there?’

‘No, she’s on her way back.’

He sighed wearily and she could easily imagine how he looked, unshaven, bleary-eyed and hair all over the place.

‘What’s going on?’ she asked.

‘Nothing. It’s fine. Did she leave the kids with you?’

‘Yes, they’re here.’

‘We’re here, Daddy!’ they shouted.

‘We’re making pancakes,’ Nell added.

‘That’s good,’ he replied, as if they could hear.

Bel waited for him to say more.

‘I’m sorry about last night,’ he finally managed. ‘I hope . . . Well, I hope I didn’t ruin the evening.’

‘As it happens, you didn’t, but I think you owe Harry an apology.’

‘Yes, of course. I’ll do it on Monday.’

‘And we should talk.’

Apparently he had nothing to say to that, because after a brief silence the line went dead.

Putting her mobile down, Bel looked up to find Nell regarding her curiously. ‘Is Daddy all right?’ she asked.

‘Yes, of course,’ Bel replied, lightening her expression.

Apparently satisfied with that, Nell set about out-twisting her brother, while Bel fetched some eggs for the pancakes. Though something clearly
wasn’t
right with Daddy she was hardly going to say so, especially when she had an uncomfortable feeling she knew what it was.

JOSIE WAS HAVING
a good look through old photos, something she hadn’t done in years, and the memories they brought back were making her smile and laugh, and occasionally filled her eyes with tears. Life had seemed so much simpler when the children were small, and if these photos were anything to go by the sun had always shone too. That could be because she was looking at a lovely holiday they’d had one summer in a caravan, just outside Dawlish. There was Ryan on the go-karts, with Jeff, looking so pleased with himself he might burst; and another of Ryan burying his dad in the sand. There were plenty of six-year-old Lily, pretty as a primrose in her sun hat, jelly sandals and little else to cover her modesty. Proper exhibitionist she’d been as a toddler, could hardly keep the clothes on her. Jeff used to laugh a lot more then, probably because there was more to laugh about when he had a regular job where he earned good money and never had to worry about how he could afford to repair his car, or put food on the table, or new clothes on the kids’ backs.

She wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to bring old albums to a chemo session, especially seeing how nostalgic it was making her feel, but there again, why not? She treasured these memories more than any jewels; they showed how happy they’d been back before life had started taking a few turns for the worse. Of course they all still loved each other, it was just different now, especially where Jeff and Ryan were concerned, maybe her and Jeff too. That could be a bit more one-sided than she’d have liked it to be, and now, with all this, he probably really was wishing he’d gone off with Dawnie.

Glancing up as a nurse brought a new patient to the chair next to hers, she felt her heart dissolving. The dear, sweet-faced girl couldn’t be much older than Lily, and here she was about to be plugged into a bag full of lethal drugs that had already made her hair fall out.

Not wanting to stare, she put her album aside and picked up the tatty old copy of
David Copperfield
she’d kept since school. This was the book Ryan was reading now, at Chaplain Paul’s suggestion, so Josie had decided to keep him company. She wondered if Ryan remembered watching it on telly when he was young. How he’d cried when he’d realised young David’s mummy was dead! In the end they’d had to abandon the series, it was just too upsetting for him. Silly old sausage, he hadn’t been able to distinguish between fact and fiction, and she sometimes wondered if he was any better at it now.

Putting her head back she closed her eyes, not sure if she was feeling woozy all of a sudden, or just a bit tired. Fortunately she hadn’t passed out yet, and she’d been attached for over an hour, so with any luck it wouldn’t happen again. They’d given her a different anti-sickness drug this time, in the hope this one might be more effective.

‘Hello, my name’s Kelly.’

Opening her eyes, Josie turned to the young girl next to her and smiled. ‘I’m Josie,’ she said, ‘nice to meet you.’

‘Is this your first time?’ Kelly asked.

‘No, second. What about you?’

‘I’m on my second regimen, so this is my fifth. Mine’s breast, what’s yours?’

‘The same,’ Josie replied, thinking how wrong it seemed for someone half her age to have the same disease. ‘Have they operated on you yet?’

‘Yes, I had a lumpectomy three months ago. The chemo is to make sure they’ve got it all. My husband didn’t want me to go through it, he says it’s evil, but the surgeon persuaded me it was for the best. Who are you with?’

Realising she meant which surgeon, Josie said, ‘Mr Beck.’

‘Oh, they say he’s really good. I’m with Daniel Skawinski. He’s good too. My husband has a problem with doctors, he’s never trusted them since someone left some forceps inside his dad.’ She gave a little laugh, and as she tried to stifle it Josie found herself laughing too. The next instant they were giggling like a pair of schoolgirls.

‘It’s not funny really,’ Josie told the nurse when she came to find out what all the hilarity was. ‘We’re just having one of those moments.’

‘Well, we’re all for them,’ Jenny encouraged her, laughing too. ‘Can I get you anything, ladies? Tea, coffee, a sandwich?’

‘Nothing for me,’ Kelly answered. ‘Everything tastes so awful these days I’ve practically given up eating.’

‘Not good,’ Jenny said sternly. ‘Have you spoken to your GP about it?’

‘I have, and I’m doing my best. Has that happened to you yet, Josie, where everything tastes like metal in your mouth?’

Josie shook her head.

‘It might not,’ Jenny reassured her, checking the drip. ‘Everyone’s different. Not much longer, Josie. You’re doing very well today.’

‘I promise, this was never something I wanted to excel at,’ Josie told her, ‘but now I’m going through it, I’m dead set on coming top of the class.’

Smiling, Jenny moved round to inspect Kelly’s medication and almost collided with a smartly dressed young man. ‘Oh, Darren, sorry,’ she said, moving aside for him to get past.

‘Hi love,’ Kelly said, as Darren stooped to kiss her. ‘Thanks for coming. Were they all right about you taking time off?’

‘Kind of,’ he replied, pulling up a stool. ‘I can only stay half an hour, but I’ll be back to take you home. I just popped into your mum’s to see Chels. Playing good as gold, she was.’

Kelly’s eyes softened. ‘Don’t you just love her? She’s hardly ever any trouble,’ she told Josie. ‘She was four last week, that’s why I’m here today. They changed my treatments so I didn’t have to miss her party. You should have seen it, kids everywhere, having the time of their lives. Do you have any?’

‘Two, but they’re more or less grown up now,’ Josie replied.

‘This is Josie,’ Kelly told her husband. ‘She’s got the same as me.’

Darren glanced awkwardly in Josie’s direction, his fresh face flushing as he mumbled a hello. ‘I have to go over this stuff with you, Kel,’ he said, taking some forms out of an envelope. ‘If we can finish it today I can give it to the broker.’

Turning away to allow them what privacy she could, Josie opened her book, but was no more than a paragraph in when she felt the need to close her eyes again. She could hear Kelly and Darren murmuring next to her, and thought how lovely it was that he’d come to be with her for a while, and would be back later to take her home. Being as young as she was it would matter a lot to Kelly to have her husband’s support, her mother’s too, who was taking care of the toddler. What a frightening time this must be for their little family, and how brave Kelly seemed.

‘Josie? Are you asleep?’

Opening her eyes, Josie found Bel Monkton standing next to her chair. ‘Heavens,’ she exclaimed, struggling to sit straighter. ‘What a surprise. What are you doing here?’

Holding up a handful of brochures, Bel said, ‘I was dropping these off when I remembered that you were due to have your chemo today, so I thought I’d pop in to see if you were here.’

Delighted, Josie glanced down at the cannula in her wrist. ‘As you can see, I am,’ she smiled. ‘Gosh, it’s really kind of you to come. How are you?’

Bel’s eyes twinkled. ‘I’m fine,’ she replied, pulling up a chair. ‘Question is, how are you?’

Still thrilled by this surprise visit, Josie said, ‘Well, the nurse tells me I’m doing very well today, and I’m happy to take her word for it.’

‘She should know,’ Bel responded, digging into her bag. ‘I brought some peppermint tea on the off chance you might be here. They recommend it while you’re having chemo. My sister used to drink it all the time.’

Taking the box, Josie tried to think how to thank her without gushing. ‘It’s lovely to see you,’ she said in the end. ‘I really enjoyed our little chat the other week, it was very helpful.’

Looking doubtful, Bel said, ‘I don’t think I did much, but if you’ve told your husband now, that would be good.’

Josie continued to smile. ‘I have and it went all right – I think. He hasn’t left me yet, anyway,’ she added with a laugh.

Narrowing her eyes, Bel said, ‘If he did then I’d have to say he wouldn’t be a husband worth having.’

‘Oh, he’s definitely worth it,’ Josie chuckled, ‘or he is to me. I don’t suppose he’d be your cup of tea, but that’s all right, we wouldn’t both want to be after him.’

Smiling, Bel asked, ‘What about your children? Have you broken it to them yet?’

At that Josie grimaced. ‘There hasn’t really been the opportunity,’ she confessed. ‘I mean, I was with them both on Saturday, when me and Lily went to see Ryan, but it feels so mean to tell him and then leave. And I don’t want this spoiling the build-up to Lily’s wedding, so I thought if I can get through the chemo without too much trouble, it can all be over and done without having to worry them.’

Bel wasn’t looking convinced. ‘Does your husband agree with that?’ she asked.

‘Yes, I think so. It’s difficult to tell with him, sometimes, but don’t worry, if he didn’t he’d be sure to say. Anyway, tell me about you. Did you have a nice weekend?’

With a smile, Bel said, ‘I had my niece and nephew for both days, which was hectic, but wonderful.’

‘I expect they love being with you. It’s probably a bit like being with their mother.’

Bel’s eyes went down.

‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,’ Josie came in hurriedly.

‘No, no, it’s fine,’ Bel assured her. ‘You’re probably right, on one level, because they do associate me with their mother, but unfortunately our closeness is causing a few issues between my brother-in-law and his new wife.’

Josie’s eyebrows rose. ‘He’s married again, already?’ she said. ‘How long has your sister been gone?’

‘Seventeen months. He met Kristina soon after. They have similar interests and I think he saw in her a way to escape his grief.’

Josie blinked. As far as she was concerned it was way too early to be hooking up with another wife, but she could hardly say so when it wasn’t any of her business. ‘What’s she like?’ she asked. ‘The new wife. Is she good with the children?’

Bel’s head tilted to one side. ‘She’s not unkind to them, that’s for sure, but to be honest I don’t think she really knows what to do with them. She’s never had any of her own, and I get the impression she hasn’t spent much time around kids either.’

‘So your niece and nephew are happier when they’re with you?’

‘Possibly, which obviously isn’t very helpful where Kristina’s concerned.’ She took a breath as she glanced down at her hands. ‘My brother-in-law’s been offered a job in Sydney,’ she said. ‘He wants to make a fresh start, to give Kristina a chance with the children without me being around.’

Josie was appalled. ‘But he can’t just take them away from you! That would be cruel.’

Bel’s smile was small. ‘Actually, I’ve got a feeling Kristina might be trying to persuade him to leave them with me,’ she confided.