Never Say Goodbye (37 page)

Josie threw up her hands. ‘Speak to her,’ she said to Jeff.

‘What do you want me to say?’ he protested. ‘That she shouldn’t care?’

Defeated by that, Josie turned to Jasper. ‘Tell us about your aunt,’ she encouraged.

Clearing his throat, he said, ‘Well I don’t actually know the details, only that she’s doing really well now and she’s not having any more treatment.’

‘That’s fantastic,’ Josie smiled. ‘She must be very pleased.’

‘What about Ryan?’ Lily broke in. ‘He’s going to take this really hard.’

At the mention of her son’s name Josie collapsed inside. ‘Not if we don’t tell him,’ she said.

Lily’s jaw dropped. ‘Don’t you think he’s going to guess something’s wrong when you turn up with no hair?’ she cried. ‘You have to tell him. We can do it when we go next Saturday.’

‘If she’s well enough,’ Jeff put in.

‘What do you mean?’ Lily demanded.

‘She’s got more chemo on Monday,’ he explained, ‘and the last time it wiped her out for over a week. She can’t go gallivanting up to the prison if she’s as weak as that.’

‘I’ll be all right,’ Josie assured him.

‘Would you like me to tell Ryan for you?’ Lily suggested. ‘I don’t mind. I mean, I do, obviously, but Jaz’ll come with me . . .’

‘No, no, I need to be there,’ Josie insisted. ‘If I can’t make it next Saturday, you’re to promise me you won’t say anything . . .’ She broke off as someone knocked on the door.

‘No peace for the wicked,’ Jeff grumbled, going to see who it was.

‘If it’s Brenda Cartridge come to collect our stuff for the car boot sale tomorrow, tell her we’ll bring it over later,’ Josie called after him.

Wrapping her arms around her mother again, Lily wailed, ‘I can’t bear that you’re having to go through this, but I’m going to be there for you every step of the way.’

‘Me too,’ Jasper added.

‘What the heck’s going on here?’ Eileen demanded through a cough as she came in the door. ‘You’re a bit old to be sitting on your mother’s lap, aren’t you?’

‘Not really,’ Lily replied, getting up to embrace her. ‘How are you, Nan?’

‘Got a right bloody hangover, if you must know,’ Eileen admitted, ‘but it’s me own fault for drinking too much last night.’

‘Yeah, well one usually follows the other,’ Lily told her wryly.

‘All right, Jaz?’ Eileen rasped, as he embraced her too. ‘Reckon a spin in that car of yours might put the colour back in me cheeks, but I don’t suppose you want to be seen with an old crock like me.’

‘Any time you like,’ he assured her.

Smiling as she coughed again, she said to Josie, ‘What’s that thing you got on your head? Makes you look like a bloody cancer victim.’

‘Nan!’ Lily said through her teeth.

‘Eileen, you ought to watch your mouth,’ Jeff told her sharply.

‘What?’ Eileen sniffed. ‘I’m just saying, that’s all. It’s a nice enough scarf, it’s just the kind of thing women wear when they’re losing their hair.’

‘Precisely,’ Josie said.

Eileen’s next cough died on her lips as she regarded her daughter. ‘Are you saying . . .?’ She turned to Jeff. ‘What’s up?’ she snapped, colour suffusing her cheeks.

‘Josie’s got breast cancer,’ he informed her, ‘that’s why she’s wearing the scarf.’

Eileen turned back to Josie in disbelief. ‘You can’t have,’ she declared. ‘I mean, it’s not in our family . . .’

‘It doesn’t have to be, unless you’re about to tell me I’m not yours after all.’

Eileen’s eyes turned flinty. ‘I know you’d like that very much,’ she retorted, ‘which just goes to show . . .’

‘It was supposed to be a joke,’ Josie sighed. ‘You remember how I . . .’

‘Always thought you were better than the rest of us, yes I remember. It was your bloody father who put those ideas in your head. Come to think of it, I’ll bet you’ve got it from his side, because it’s definitely not in mine.’

‘It’s all right, Mum, even if it was, I wouldn’t be blaming you.’

‘I should hope not. Is it serious?’

‘Of course it is, Nan,’ Lily piped up, ‘it’s
cancer
.’

Flinching, Eileen said, ‘I meant, is it very far gone, because if it’s not they can work miracles these days.’

‘It’s all under control,’ Josie assured her.

Eileen’s eyes suddenly narrowed. ‘Hang on, that’s what you were doing up the hospital a couple of weeks ago,’ she stated.

Josie nodded. ‘Jeff was picking me up after chemo.’

Glancing at her son-in-law, Eileen said, ‘When do you have to go again, because if you want some company . . . You know I’ll be there for you, provided I can get the time off.’

‘It’s OK, but thanks for the offer.’

Eileen sniffed again. ‘Well, this is happy news, isn’t it?’ she declared, seeming not to know what to do with herself. ‘Not what I was expecting when I came over here, I can tell you that.’

‘So what were you expecting?’ Jeff snapped.

‘Would you like a cup of tea, Nan?’ Lily offered.

‘I’ll make it,’ Jasper said, getting to his feet.

‘I think I might need to sit down,’ Eileen murmured, sinking into the place Jasper had left. ‘You’ve taken the wind right out of me sails,’ she told Josie. ‘Fancy coming out with it just like that.’

‘Oh stop going on,’ Jeff objected, ‘this isn’t about you, hard as that might be for you to grasp.’

‘How can you say that?’ she cried. ‘Of course it’s about me, she’s my daughter, for God’s sake. Have you got any idea how much this is upsetting me?’

‘Don’t let’s argue,’ Josie interrupted. ‘All that matters is that you know now, and if you can bear it, I’d like you to break it to Carly.’ Between them they should have the entire estate covered by the end of the day, which would save her and Jeff the bother. Though Jeff was getting quite good at it, she reflected, with no small irony.

Failing to hide how ready she was to play messenger, Eileen said, ‘She’ll take it hard, I can tell you that. She’s proper fond of you, is Carly. Everyone is round here. They all say she’s a lovely woman, your Josie, the salt of the earth. I wish we could all be like her.’

‘Well, I don’t expect they’ll be wishing that now,’ Josie commented drily.

‘That’s a stupid thing to say,’ Eileen retorted.

‘Why?’ Jeff demanded.

‘Because it is.’

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he snapped, ‘so why don’t you just shut up?’

Eileen’s nostrils flared. ‘Don’t speak to me like that!’ she spat. ‘I’ve just had a nasty shock, and now you’re getting on at me . . .’

‘It’s all right, Nan, calm down,’ Lily soothed. ‘He doesn’t mean anything. It’s just that everyone’s upset.’

‘Yeah, and I’m getting the blame, when it’s not my bloody fault.’

‘No, but you could make a bit more of an effort to go with her for chemo,’ Jeff growled. ‘But not you, you can’t take any time off . . .’

‘I never said that . . .’

‘You could change your bloody shifts around. She’s your daughter, for God’s sake, the only one you’ve got . . .’

‘And she’s your wife, so what are you doing, that’s what I want to know?’

‘Stop, just stop,’ Josie cried.

‘He started it,’ Eileen raged, ‘so don’t shout at me.’

‘You’re the one who started it,’ Jeff reminded her, ‘coming round here, shooting your stupid mouth off . . .’

‘Dad! You’re not helping,’ Lily protested.

Deciding to leave them to it, Josie took herself off to the kitchen and shut the door.

Jasper regarded her worriedly. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked, as she closed her eyes.

She could still hear them shouting over each other, Lily trying to calm things down, Jeff getting more and more worked up, her mother turning nastier than ever. She looked at Jasper and in spite of, or maybe because of, all the emotions building inside her, she found herself starting to laugh.

After a beat of surprise a grin spread across his face too.

‘Do you think we should apply to go on Jeremy Kyle?’ she asked, and finding the suggestion hilarious she bent double as he laughed too.

‘You’re amazing, do you know that?’ he told her. ‘I don’t know anyone like you, apart from Lily, and you’re where she gets it from.’

Josie turned round as the door opened and Lily burst in. ‘I don’t know what to do with them,’ she cried.

‘Let them sort it out for themselves,’ Josie told her.

‘But they’re going to start throwing things . . . Hang on, are you two out here laughing?’ she demanded incredulously. ‘Yes, you are,’ and as Josie went off into gales of mirth again Lily gaped at Jasper. A moment later she was bubbling up with laughter too, and throwing her arms round her mother, she said, ‘It’s not funny really, it’s terrible, but there’s no controlling them.’

‘Best not to try,’ Josie replied, dabbing her eyes. ‘Everyone reacts differently, and I suppose this is how it happens for us.’

Standing back to cup Josie’s face in her hands, Lily said, ‘Did I ever tell you you’re the best mum in the world?’

‘Best girl,’ Josie smiled, stroking Lily’s cheek.

‘We’re going to be there for you,’ Lily said, reaching for Jasper’s hand. ‘We’re going to fight this together.’

Loving her more than ever, Josie said, ‘All you have to do for me is get that degree and then turn up on your wedding day looking as pretty as a primrose and beautiful as any bride can ever be.’

Before Lily could reply the door crashed open again, and Eileen stormed in, puce in the face and ready to spit blood. ‘I’m not staying out there to be insulted,’ she raged. ‘Where’s my cup of tea?’

Though Josie drew breath to answer, all she could manage was another sob of laughter, which Eileen’s shocked face only made worse.

‘What the fuck?’ Eileen snarled, as she realised Lily and Jasper were losing it too. ‘You’re all effing nuts in this house, that’s what you are. People
die
of cancer, Josie, so I can’t see what you’re all finding so bloody funny.’

Sobering up, Josie put a hand on Eileen’s shoulder. ‘Thanks for pointing that out, Mum,’ she said, ‘we might not have realised it otherwise.’

‘
YES, I’LL BE
here all evening,’ Bel was saying into her mobile as she let herself in the front door.

‘I’ll come about seven, if that’s OK,’ Nick responded.

‘That’s fine. Are you all right?’ she asked. ‘You sound a bit . . .’ What did he sound? ‘Tired?’

He cleared his throat and moved the phone closer to his mouth. ‘Is that better?’

It wasn’t, but she said, ‘I guess so. I’ll see you later then,’ and ringing off she ran back to the car to start unloading her groceries. She wasn’t going to allow herself to stress about the reason for his visit now; she had a busy afternoon ahead, and she didn’t want to be distracted by lurking fears.

She’d spent the morning keeping Josie company at the oncology centre, and driving her home afterwards, as Jeff hadn’t been able to make it.

‘He had a really good fare, up to Bristol airport,’ Josie had explained, ‘so he couldn’t pass it up.’

‘Then it’s lucky I rang to find out if you were on your own,’ Bel had replied. ‘You don’t have to be, you know. I’m happy to be there for you.’

In typical Josie fashion, she’d insisted that Bel had plenty else to be worrying about, and that she was fine reading her magazines and getting the bus home when she was finished. ‘Or the dispatcher at Jeff’s taxi firm will send someone for me, free of charge,’ she’d added. ‘She called to tell us that yesterday. “Anything we can do,” she said, which was really kind of her. “All the drivers want you to know they’re happy to do their bit.” Jeff was really touched by that, you could see it.’

Apparently most of Josie’s family and neighbours now knew about her condition, and Bel had found it quite moving, though not entirely surprising, to learn that so many had already been in touch with offers of support.

‘Had no idea I had so many friends,’ Josie had joked. ‘The phone hardly stopped after my mother and Carly went out spreading the word, and people were in and out of our front door like it was a flipping railway station. Still, it was nice of them to say the things they did, although I could have done without some of the stories.’

Guessing they probably hadn’t had happy endings, Bel had found herself smiling at one of Josie’s endearingly wry looks.

It hadn’t been an easy session for her today. At the outset they’d been worried about her white cell count, and had taken a while to decide that, in fact, it wasn’t low enough to warrant a delay. So they’d gone ahead with her treatment, having to attach the cannula further up her arm, after being unable to raise the vein in her wrist. Before having a cannula inserted Talia had always dreaded the search for a vein, and from the way Josie had reacted she was probably going to start dreading it too.

Bel had left her at home an hour ago, all tucked up in bed with the curtains pulled and a good supply of anti-sickness drugs in easy reach, along with the emergency number and her mobile phone. She’d have stayed longer if Josie’s mother hadn’t arrived to sit with her. What a character she’d turned out to be. Bel was still thrown by the way she’d asked to be taken for a spin round the estate so everyone could see her in a Merc.

‘Please ignore her,’ Josie had begged. ‘She can’t help herself.’

‘What?’ Eileen had barked.

‘I was asking for a cup of tea,’ Josie told her.

‘Bloody hell, what did your last slave die of,’ Eileen grumbled, and it was only when she’d treated Bel to a wink that Bel had realised she was joking.

She’d call again later to find out how Josie was; with any luck Jeff would be back by then.

After unpacking the shopping, Bel picked up her keys and went straight out again. She was meeting the architect at the barn in an hour, and she wanted to be there ahead of time to assess the viability of further ideas for the conversion.

She was almost there when her phone rang, and seeing it was Josie she quickly clicked on. ‘Hi, are you OK?’ she asked.

‘I think so,’ Josie answered groggily. ‘I just wanted to make sure you’d got home all right.’

Rolling her eyes, Bel said, ‘What on earth are you doing worrying about me? You should be asleep, or at least getting some rest.’

‘I am, I just wanted to check my mother didn’t rope you into a joy ride.’