Never Say Goodbye (40 page)

Bel choked back a laugh.

‘Was that the wrong phrase?’ he muttered as they stepped out on to the promenade.

‘I don’t think so,’ she replied, ‘it just sounded funny coming from you.’

Laughing, he put a hand on her elbow and steered her across the junction at North Road into the narrow cobbled streets of the old town.

A few minutes later they were perched on high stools either side of a bar table, with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc each and a dish of pretzels between them.

‘Cheers,’ he declared, touching his glass to hers.

‘Cheers,’ she echoed, ‘to your mother’s new apartment.’

‘Indeed. She’ll be delighted, I’m sure, but perhaps not as delighted as I’ll be if it all goes through.’

Sipping her wine, she regarded him curiously.

‘You are looking at Mrs Beck’s first tenant,’ he told her. ‘I’m hoping to cut a good deal on the rent, given my connections, but she’s known to drive a hard bargain so I’ll have my work cut out.’

Baffled, Bel said, ‘You’re going to be living there? Well, I guess it’s big enough for a family, I just thought . . .’ What did she think? ‘Don’t you live in Sanford?’ she asked.

‘Correct. Opposite the common.’

And all those properties were large family homes. ‘Surely it’s a perfect spot for the children?’

‘Indeed it is, and they’ll be staying there, with their mother, while I move into town – and the great thing about the apartment is that they’ll be able to have a bedroom each when they come to stay.’

Bel felt her mouth turning dry. She tried to think what to say, but for the moment nothing would come.

His eyes seemed to lose some of their humour. ‘It’s been coming for a while,’ he confessed, ‘but for the boys’ sake we kept putting it off.’

His marriage was breaking up; he was about to become single. This wasn’t what she’d expected.

‘You’re looking a little . . . stunned,’ he told her.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, trying to shake it off. ‘I just assumed, I mean, I had no idea . . .’ What was she struggling to say?

‘Is it a problem?’ he asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

‘No, of course not.’ But it was, because as long as he was married, or at least with his wife, he could expect nothing of her.

Maybe he didn’t anyway. She could easily be jumping to conclusions, and if she didn’t take care she was going to end up making a fool of herself.

‘I’m really sorry to hear things haven’t worked out,’ she sympathised, finally finding the right response. ‘Perhaps you just need a little time apart?’

His tone was ironic as he said, ‘I don’t think any amount of time would be enough for my wife. She’s had all she can take of me, she says.’

Surprised, since she hadn’t imagined it to be that way round, Bel said, ‘I can’t believe that’s true.’

He almost laughed, but something like sadness seemed to prevent it.

Oh my God, he has a broken heart and no one would ever know.

‘She’s met someone else,’ he told her, looking down at his drink. ‘I’ve known about it for a while. Actually, I blame myself . . .’ This time he managed a laugh. ‘She blames me, too. She says I’m married to my work and I can’t deny it, because I am. Not that she has a problem with that per se, she just feels that I don’t make enough time for her and the children.’

‘Do you agree with that?’

‘I guess, in part, but I have responsibilities in both areas. Obviously I’d put my children first in an emergency, and I do when I’m not at work, but we’re so short-staffed at the hospital, and the women who come to the clinic . . . Well, at the risk of sounding corny, they put their lives in our hands. You can’t just clock off from that, and sometimes it can really get to you, especially when you see how much belief they have in us and we know already that they’re not going to make it.’ He sat back and put up his hands. ‘I’m sounding defensive now,’ he said, ‘like I’m arguing with my wife, so perhaps we should change the subject?’

‘But what you’re saying matters, because we need to know there are surgeons like you who care.’

He smiled. ‘Luckily there are a few of us at Kesterly, and not just in my department. It’s battling the system for our patients that makes life so hard, especially when you know full well that if someone lived elsewhere, in a different health authority, they’d have access to drugs they’re being denied here.’

Unable to imagine how frustrating that must be, she said, ‘I don’t suppose any of us ever gives a thought to how much your dedication affects your personal life.’

‘And why should you? It’s not what you come to me for. In fact, if you’re in my consulting room with a lump in your breast and a fear that’s growing bigger and faster than any cancer, the last person you’re thinking about, in a personal sense, is the man who’s giving you the news you least want to hear.’

It was true, since she remembered only too well the day she’d gone to see him with Talia and he’d confirmed that her sister’s lump was malignant. It was only later, once the shock had worn off and treatment was being dealt with, that they’d allowed themselves to become playful about his good looks, and have girlish fantasies about what if, and how could, and please let it be me.

‘Bet you’re glad you came out with me tonight,’ he quipped.

In spite of everything, she had to smile.

‘Now we really must change the subject,’ he insisted. ‘How are things progressing with the barn?’

Going with it, she said, ‘Actually, not too badly. The architect should be ready to submit our initial plans by the end of the month, and my solicitor assures me the sale is going through.’

‘You’re submitting the plans even before you own it?’ he asked.

‘Oh yes, because if the council are going to cut up rough about something, or become intransigent over an issue that’ll make it financially unviable, we need to know before we complete.’

‘So you can pull out?’

‘Precisely. But in this instance, the architect is pretty confident there won’t be any problems. He knows the planners well, and he’s done several barns in the past, so I feel I’m in good hands.’

He grinned. ‘That’s what we want to hear, that the best people are on the case and doing . . .’ He broke off as a couple approached him, and getting to his feet he greeted them warmly.

‘Bel, this is Felicity and Mike Tanslow,’ he told her. ‘Old acquaintances and . . .’

‘. . . one very satisfied customer,’ Felicity put in with a laugh. ‘Nice to meet you, Bel.’

‘Likewise,’ Bel assured her, slightly thrown by the woman’s frankness.

‘Can I get you guys a drink?’ Harry offered.

‘Oh no, we don’t want to interrupt,’ Mike protested. ‘We’re on our way upstairs to meet my sister and her husband.’

Regarding Bel with interest, Felicity said, ‘Are you . . . Mrs Beck, by any chance?’

‘Oh no, no, Harry and I are just friends,’ Bel replied, feeling herself blush.

Casting a knowing look at Harry, Felicity took her husband’s arm ready to steer him away. ‘Come on, we’re already late,’ she told him, ‘but we’ll see you at the Pink Ribbonwalk, Harry? Did I hear The Medics are playing us off?’

‘We certainly are,’ Harry assured her. ‘Are you doing the ten or twenty miles?’

‘Ten. We’ve got quite a big team together this year, so we’re hoping to raise about two grand between us. I’ll send you a link in case you want to sponsor me.’

Laughing as the Tanslows took themselves off to the restaurant, Harry said, ‘If I sponsored everyone who sent me a link I’d be bankrupt by the end of the month.’

Bel smiled. ‘Hint taken, I won’t ask you to support me.’

‘Are you up for it?’

‘I’m hoping to be. Tell me, did you know the Tanslows before Felicity came to you for treatment?’

‘Oh yes, she’s on the hospital board and Mike was a neurosurgeon before he retired.’ He nodded towards her glass. ‘Can I get you another, or am I going to have the pleasure of your company for dinner? If so, we could go to the table.’

‘Actually,’ she replied, feeling a distant agitation starting to increase, ‘I probably ought to be getting back.’

His face fell. ‘OK, I understand,’ he said, though she knew he didn’t. ‘Can I give you a lift? Or do you have your car?’

‘I do, thanks.’

‘Then I can walk you to it?’

‘Of course, thank you.’

After paying for the drinks, he helped her into her coat and followed her out into the blustery night. ‘I really appreciate you coming to view the flat,’ he said, falling into step beside her. ‘I’ll call my mother, and the agent, in the morning to get things rolling.’

‘You mean to talk turkey,’ she teased.

He laughed, and moved aside to allow a rowdy hen party to pass.

As they crossed the promenade to where her car was parked, next to the sea wall, she was trying to think of something to say, but the only words she could find were in the form of an apology and she knew, if she got into that, she’d end up embarrassing them both.

‘I was wondering,’ he said, as they reached the car, ‘if you and Nick and his family might like to come sailing one weekend with me and my boys.’

Trying not to stiffen, she said, ‘That sounds lovely. I’ll ask and let you know.’ Now wasn’t the time to tell him that Kristina had left, and there would probably never come a time when she’d admit that Nick was having issues over what kind of relationship she had with him, Harry.

Seeming pleased with her answer, he held out a hand to shake. When she took it, he pulled her forward to drop a kiss on her cheek. ‘Thanks again for coming this evening,’ he said, gazing directly into her eyes.

Feeling her cheeks starting to burn, she smiled and got into her car.

‘
Wow, that’s some barrier you’re putting up there
,’
Talia said.

‘
What do you expect?’ she replied.

There was no reply. Apparently Talia had released her conscience, leaving her to struggle with it alone. She had no reason to feel guilty, though. OK, she’d disappointed Harry, but to have had dinner with him, or to go sailing, or to see him at all on a friendly basis, would be leading him on in a way that wouldn’t be fair at all when she was far too damaged by her past even to consider a relationship.

If she could have had one with anyone though, she’d dearly love it to be him.

The following morning Bel was already at the Seafront Cafe when the door opened and a pretty young girl with Josie’s golden curls was blown in by the wind.

‘Hi Fliss,’ she called out, dumping her umbrella in the stand.

‘Lily?’ Fliss answered, looking up from the coffee machine. ‘Are you here again? Twice in one week?’ And coming round the counter she enveloped Lily in a maternal embrace. ‘How’s your lovely mum?’ Bel heard her murmur.

‘Still not great,’ Lily replied, ‘but at least she’s up today.’

‘Tell her she hasn’t got to worry about how we’re managing here. Terri’s covering until I can find someone else, and once it’s all over she can have her job back.’

‘You’re a star,’ Lily told her. ‘She’ll be really happy to hear that.’ She looked around the caff. ‘I’m meeting someone . . .’

Bel was already getting up. ‘Hi, you’re obviously Lily,’ she said, holding out her hand. ‘I’m Bel. Thanks for coming.’

With eyebrows raised, Fliss asked, ‘You two know each other?’

Lily glanced at Bel. ‘We do now,’ she said, and gave a laugh that was just like Josie’s.

‘I’ll get you a cappuccino, Lil,’ Fliss smiled. ‘Anything else for you, love?’ she asked Bel.

‘No, I’m fine with the tea, thanks,’ Bel replied.

As Lily shrugged off her coat her mobile rang. ‘It’s Mum,’ she told Bel, slipping into the seat opposite her. ‘Hi,’ she said, clicking on. ‘Everything OK?’

‘Just wanted to make sure you got there all right,’ Josie replied.

Rolling her eyes to Bel, Lily said, ‘No terrorists on the way, or sudden earthquakes, or planes dropping from the sky. So yes, I’m here.’

‘Have you met Bel yet?’

‘Yes, just.’

‘You’ll like her. She’s a lovely person.’

‘You’ve already told me, and I don’t doubt it.’

Able to hear, Bel smiled. ‘Send her my love.’

‘Tell her I send mine too,’ Josie responded.

‘Is Dad with you?’ Lily asked.

‘No, he just had a call-out, but Nan’s coming over in a minute.’

‘You’ll enjoy that.’

‘About as much as I did when she cut off the rest of my hair.’

‘It saved you going to the hairdressers, which you didn’t want to do.’

‘I know. I’d better let you go now. Give me a call when you’re on your way back.’

‘Will do,’ and ringing off Lily gave a protracted sigh. ‘I don’t know who worries about who the most,’ she confessed, ‘although that call was just her being nosy. She’s trying to find out what you want to talk to me about.’

Smiling, Bel said, ‘Well, you’ll be able to tell her when you get back.’ She looked up as Fliss brought the cappuccino and two chocolate muffins. ‘You don’t have to eat them,’ she said, ‘but they’re on the house if you do.’

‘I’ll take mine home for Mum,’ Lily told her.

‘Oh, don’t you worry about that,’ Fliss responded, ‘I’ve wrapped a couple up for her and Dad. How’s your Ryan these days?’

‘Oh, he’s OK,’ Lily replied, glancing awkwardly at Bel.

‘Have you told him yet?’ Fliss asked.

‘No, Mum wants to do it, but if she can’t make it tomorrow I’m going to tell him myself. He has to know, and if she misses another visit he’ll just get panicked about what’s going on. I mean, he will anyway, but it’s best he knows the truth.’

Nodding her agreement, Fliss left them to it and went to wipe down the next table, where a couple of surfers had just plonked themselves.

‘I don’t know if Mum’s told you,’ Lily said to Bel, ‘but my brother’s . . .’

‘Yes, she has,’ Bel assured her, ‘and I think you’re right to tell him yourself. Breaking such news isn’t easy for the person who’s ill, and Josie would have worried all the way back from Bristol about how he was coping.’

Lily regarded her gratefully. ‘Am I allowed to ask,’ she said, shyly, ‘have you had it too? Is that how come you’re . . . helping Mum?’

‘Not me, my sister,’ Bel replied.

Lily watched her sip her tea. ‘Where’s your sister now?’ she asked tentatively.