Never Say Goodbye (23 page)

We make our way into the funeral home and it’s
quiet. There’s a curtain pulled in front, hiding her casket, so if people were to show up they wouldn’t see her or us.

Jill and Frank are looking down in the casket, crying. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this, but I have to
see her, she’s my best friend.

My parents inch me forward, but I stop
them.

“Can I say goodbye to her by myself?
I ask, barely above a whisper.

“Sure, my mom and dad say as they make their way to her casket beside Jill and Frank. Both of my parents are crying and I know this
is going to be the hardest thing I ever have to do, but I need to do it on my own.

After a few minutes, Brynn’s parents and mine walk towards me. Jill pulls me into a hug and sobs onto my
shoulder, I give her what comfort I can. What else can I do?

“Are you sure you want to do this on your own sweetie?” my dad asks.

I nod my head yes and the four of them walk out allowing me to see my best friend by myself for the last time.

I slowly make my way up to her casket, not prepared for what I may see.

I make myself look down at her and am shocked by what is lying in the coffin. This is not my Brynn. The cuts, bruises, the girl that’s lying here doesn’t even look like my best friend.

There’s so much make-up on her that she looks like
a porcelain doll. I was expecting her to look a lot worse, but in a way she still looks like my best friend just with too much make-up on.

I start crying instantly, not prepared to say goodbye.

After a few minutes of talking to her lifeless body, I tell her, “I’m not saying goodbye to you. We promised no goodbyes. I will see you again, so you better be waiting for me. I love you Brynn, you will always be my best friend.”

I wipe the tears that continue to stream down my face and make my way out to my parents. I pass the
Pastor who closes the casket, preparing for the service ahead.

I come out from behind the curtain and am surprised to see how full the room already is. The service doesn’t start for another
forty-five minutes, but the room is packed with people waiting to come inside.

I take my seat beside my parents.

At the gravesite is where it hurts to stand. Watching her get lowered into the ground is the worst part to see.

My eyes can’t cry anymore. No more tears will come. I just stare at the box as it goes further and further into the ground.

Everyone around me is sobbing. I see Nathan, surprised he came this far, but then again, it was his best friend’s girlfriend. I also see Ryan, I figured I would, he got to know Brynn when we were dating. He gives me a sad smile and I know he knows how hard this is for me.

After the service at the cemetery
, people are all heading to their cars. My parents are hosting the reception following the funeral. Brynn’s parents have enough on their plate with burying their only daughter.

I slowly start to follow my parents to the car when Ryan walks up.

“Liv, I’m so sorry about Brynn,” he says as he pulls me into a hug. I let him, too tired to do anything else. I sob into his shirt, still not believing she’s gone.

I don’t say anything, just cry, and Ryan lets me and holds me tightly. Ryan says something to my parents, I can’t understand t
hrough my sobbing.

After a few minutes I get my tears under control and look around to realize everyone is gone, including my parents.

“Ryan, where are my parents?”

“They went home, I told them I would bring you back,” he says.

“Oh,” is all I can say.

“Liv, if there’s anything I can do let me know. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, but know you’re not alone,” he says as he kisses the top of my head.

“Thanks Ryan. I just want to go home now, please.”

“Sure, let’s go,” he says as he leads me to his truck, he opens the door and lets me in before making his way around to the driver’s side.

The drive back is quiet and I stare out the window.

“Liv, I was thinking of transferring to UNC next semester,” he says out of nowhere.

My head whips so fast, I’m sure I’ll be in pain tomorrow, “What? Why?” I ask confused.

“I was serious about proving to you that I love you and that we can work. I know what I did was wrong and I will forever be sorry about it, but I promise you, it will never happen again,” he says sincerely.

“Wh-what about football? Your scholarship?”

“I’m
gonna see what I can do about those, but if not, then I’ll go to college and not play football,” he says, like it’s no big deal.

“Ryan
stop. You can’t, football is your dream and so is USC. There’s no reason for you to transfer schools.”

“Liv, you are my future, it’s what I want,” he says with piercing eyes.

“No Ryan, I-I’m sorry if you think I mislead you, but we aren’t getting back together. Not now, not ever. I don’t think you should transfer schools.”

“I think it would be easier if I went to the same school, then you could see how we are meant to be together,” he says hopeful.

“It won’t be easier Ryan, because nothing’s going to change. You need to stay at USC and play football and move on with your life.”

Thankfully, Ryan pulls up to my house and I hop out before he has a chance to say anything else. I can’t think about what he wants, I
can’t think about anything right now but grief I feel over losing Brynn.

Sitting at my house while this reception or wake or whatever the hell you want to call it is happening
, I can’t help, but wish I was somewhere else.

After about an hour of listening to people talk
, I decide I need a breather and sneak out the door and head to the only place I know I can get my sanity back…the treehouse.

I’m not sure how long I sit out here by myself enjoying the peace and quiet while sobbing like a baby
, until I get an unexpected visitor.

“Hey,” Nathan says as he climbs inside the treehouse. I’m not even sure how he fits in here anymore, but he somehow manages and sits down
across from me.

“Hi,” I mumble through my tears. I wipe my eyes feeling slightly embarrassed. I’m surprised to see him of all people out here.

“How you holding up?” he asks, piercing me with his beautiful blue eyes.

“Not good,” I tell him truthfully.

“I’m sorry about Brynn,” he says kindly. I guess in death people tend to be nice, at least in his case. I’m thankful because I’m not in the mood to be put down or yelled at.

We sit in
silence for who knows how long.

I finally find my voice to ask him, “Why are you out here?”

“No one could find you and when I saw the treehouse I thought maybe you would be here,” he says with a small smile.

Did I just see Nathan smile at me? Couldn’t be, I must be losing my mind after all.

“Oh,” is all I say.

“Look O, I know we’
ve had our past problems, but I would never wish for you to go through what you’re going through right now,” he says sweetly, shocking the hell out of me.

“And here I thought you wished me a life full of pain and
misery,” I retort.

“Ouch, damn, I guess I deserve that.”

“And so much more, you really were an asshole to me and for no good reason,” I tell him.

“No need to talk about that rig
ht now. I just wanted to check and see how you’re doing,” he says changing the subject.

“How do you think I’m doing? How am I supposed to be doing? My best friend was killed by a
drunk driver. I can’t get her back, she’s gone forever,” I tell him as the tears start falling down my face again.

“Shit,” he mutters, and moves beside me pulling me into his side.

I let him, because I’m too tired to fight. Deep down all I truly want right now is for someone to comfort me. Someone who can take away this enormous hole that has been punched right thru my heart straight down into my stomach, even he would do right now.

I cry onto his chest and he holds me to him, rubbing my back to try to console me.

After what feels like hours, but was in actuality probably only twenty minutes or so, I stop my crying fest.

“Sorry about your shirt,” I tell him pointing to the wet spot I made.

“Don’t worry about it, you ready to head back inside?” he asks.

“Not really, but I don’t think I have a choice.”

He goes ahead of me down the ladder and waits for me to get down to the ground. As he walk inside with me, he never says another word.

The m
ajority of the people are gone. Only Sophie, Chad, Brynn’s parent’s and cousins, Sawyer, Megan, and my parents are inside.

“I need to speak to you two now,” my mom says
brashly. She heads down the hall to my dad’s study.

Nathan and I lo
ok at each other, both confused.

We follow her into the study.

“What’s wrong mom?” I ask curiously.

“I need you two to sit down, please,” she says sounding urgent. We do as she asks and sit on the couch.

“Mom, you’re scaring me, what’s wrong?”

“Liv, I’ll explain, please, I just need you two to sit and listen, okay?” she says looking between the two of us.

We both nod our heads, waiting for her to continue.

“Shit,” she says surprising
me because she doesn’t usually curse, “I need you two to know we never thought you two would run into each other again.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask confused, looking at Nathan
, who looks just as lost as I am.

“
You two were so young, you had your world at your feet,” she starts to say.

“Mom…”

“Liv, please just hear me out, then you’ll understand,” she says nervously.

I nod my head.

“You two were so close as kids, and Nathan, when your family moved away it crushed Liv. She cried for weeks. She was so excited when she could talk to you on the phone. I kept in contact with your parents, as you know,” he nods his head; “your mom told me you would skip practices just to talk to Liv. Your dad needed you to get your head in the game if you had any chance of making basketball a career,” she says shaking her head.

“I don’t understand, mom?” I say
, looking even more confused.

“Nathan’s parents and your dad and I talked, and we thought it was in the best interest of both of you to stop your contact with one another. That way Nathan could focus on basketball and you could focus on your schooling and activities,” she says with watery eyes.

“So you and my parents lied to us?” Nathan asks confused.

“
Yes, we told you when you called that Liv wasn’t here, and your parent’s told you the same. It started getting harder because Liv wanted to call all hours of the night to talk to you, but we wouldn’t let her. Eventually, we told her you had a new best friend and didn’t want to talk to her anymore, the same thing your parents told you about her,” my mom says as a tear rolls down her cheek.

“Why?” I ask
, as a tear rolls down mine. All this time he hated me, because of lies our parents told us.

“You two were young, we figured you would never run into each other again, let alone attend the same damn college. We wanted you to grow up and be successful, not always worry about what each other was
doing. Liv we live here, in Pennsylvania, Nathan moved to Michigan. It’s not like it was the next town over,” she says looking apologetic.

“So you thought it was best to lie to us? We were kids,” Nathan yells.

“I know and I’m so sorry, it all happened so fast and then things with Nevin, we just couldn’t figure out a way to make things work,” my mom says sadly.

“Wait, what about
Nevin?” I ask even more lost.

Nathan just looks at me, his eyes full of sadness.

“You don’t know?” he says piercing me with his blue eyes.

“She never knew Nathan,” my mom interrupts.

“Never knew what? What happened?” I yell at the two of them.

My mom looks at Nathan before speaking, “
Nevin got cancer a few years after they moved to Michigan.”

“What?” I ask as my eyes fill up with tears. Little
Nevin, the boy we picked on and made eat worms, how could he get cancer?

“That’s why I left school last year,” Nathan says, breaking me out of my memories.

“Is he alright?”

“He’s getting there. He’s in remission now.”

“So he had cancer for how long?” I ask.

“He’s been in and out of the hospital for the past six years,” mom says, surprising me that she knew and kept this from me all this time.

I stare at Nathan, not able to find any words.