Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1) (11 page)

“It’s all for safety. I scan your bracelet to verify your identity; then, I scan my badge to record that I worked on your case. We pretty much scan everyone that comes into the room except the janitor and cafeteria lady. We also scan medications and certain supplies.” I spoke in detail, hoping he would find it boring and shut up.

“That sounds more like an accounting system than a safety measure.” He seemed genuinely interested instead of bored, which pissed me off.

“You’re right in a way. They do use it to monitor inventory in the pharmacy. The safety features are more important, though. For example, now that I’ve noted your allergy, the computer will yell at me if I try to give you a medication that could cause a reaction.” He simply nodded his head. “Or, if Tiffani had given you a shot of something earlier, the system would warn me if I tried to give it to you again.”

I pulled on a clean pair of gloves, told him he could lower his hands, and carefully removed the mostly white gauze from the long finger that had once brought me intense pleasure. I shook my head; I had to stop thinking about sex. I couldn’t risk making a mistake because I was distracted, and I also couldn’t let either Sawyer or Ethan break through my defenses again. “It looks like you are going to need three or four stitches.”

I cleaned the wound and covered it with a new piece of gauze before I tossed the gloves and washed my hands. “It’ll help if you wear a splint for a few days, since the cut is on the inside bend of the knuckle,” I said as I gathered a suture kit and then retrieved a box containing splints of various sizes. I held several different lengths next to his finger until I found the splint that would fit the best.

“How long until it’s fully functional again?” he asked with a lascivious look on his face.

“You’ll have to ask the doctor,” I replied with a polite smile that I hoped didn’t look completely fake. I didn’t want him to know how much he affected me. “Dr. Madden will be with you in just a few minutes.” I turned to flee before he had a chance to respond, but I didn’t quite make it.

“Wait,” he said, sounding a little nervous. “I’m sorry for what happened at back-to-school night.”

An apology was the last thing I’d expected. I stared at him blankly for a while before I came up with a response. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.” He ran the fingers of his uninjured hand through his dark, messy hair. “Even though you didn’t say no, I knew you didn’t want it.”

“I deserved it.” My eyes were trained on my fingers as I fidgeted with one of the cords on the cart.

“No one deserves to be treated that way.” He released an angry breath.

“I did. I used you the day we met. I didn’t care about your feelings. I guess we’re even now.” I didn’t wait for his response.

Ethan walked toward me as I came out of the exam room. He stopped in front of me so I could scan his badge. “Male, age twenty-six, with a deep laceration on his left index finger,” I reported efficiently as he pulled up the chart on his tablet computer. “Everything is set up for you.”

“Thanks, Mads. I need you to assist with this one. Samantha isn’t here yet, and I don’t want the guy to have to wait an hour. Will you go grab the lidocaine I ordered from the pharmacy cart?”

“Sure.”
Crap, crap, crap.

Ethan slid the door partway open. He turned to face me and looked me over from head to toe.

“You’re getting too skinny, babe. How about I take you and Peyton out to dinner tonight?” The noise coming from my stomach answered for me. “Sounds like you need to eat now. We can go to the cafeteria for breakfast after we take care of these stitches, my treat. I won’t take no for an answer.”

I hated feeling like a charity case, but the truth was I needed to eat. “Sounds great. Thank you, Ethan.” Turning down the offer of free food wasn’t an option when I couldn’t count on having three meals a day.

“Oh yeah, I switched shifts with Mark, so I don’t have to be in until ten tomorrow morning. I’ll come home with you after dinner tonight and take Miss P. to school tomorrow, so she doesn’t have to go to latchkey. I think I have a change of clothes at your place.” He opened the door the rest of the way and stepped in.

Sawyer had a scowl on his face when I came into the room a minute later, pulling the cart behind me. I scanned the syringe into the computer as Ethan finished explaining the procedure.

“Are you up to date on your tetanus vaccination?” Ethan asked as he tied the third stitch.

“Not sure,” Sawyer replied gruffly.

“Madison, will you please get a tetanus booster for Mr. Ramsay?” He pulled off his gloves, typed the order into the computer, and then gloved up once more before continuing with the procedure.

“Of course, Doctor.” I bolted from the room, relieved to have some distance from Sawyer and his current mood swing.

I took my time walking to the pharmacy cart to retrieve the vaccine, even though I was only delaying the inevitable. On my way there, I found the charge nurse to unlock the cabinet for me again. I walked slowly back to the room once I had the vial and a syringe.

“Mads, did he have this rash when he came in?” Ethan asked when I stepped through the door.

I leaned over to take a closer look at Sawyer’s hand. “No, that’s new.”

Ethan pulled off his gloves and examined Sawyer’s hand and wrist. “It looks like a mild latex allergy. Do you have issues with condoms?”

“I’ve never used one,” Sawyer said as he smirked at me. I would never have been with him had I known how unsafe he really was. It was too late to do anything about it now.

“As a doctor, I’m required to tell you that you should always use condoms unless you are in a monogamous relationship. That being said, if you use condoms in the future, you’ll want to avoid latex. Polyurethane condoms are just as effective as latex and shouldn’t cause a reaction.” Ethan had no idea how much tension his speech was causing. “The skin on the penis is very sensitive, and a rash down there would be extremely uncomfortable.”

“Noted. I’ve had reactions to Band-Aids. I thought I was allergic to the adhesive.” Sawyer held up his hand. “I’ve also had a few weird rashes that looked like that over the past couple of years.”

“It’s probably the latex. Bandages also come in latex-free versions. It probably wouldn’t hurt to see an allergist to run some tests. You should also let your primary care physician and dentist know about the allergy, so they can use latex-free gloves.” Ethan turned his attention to me. “Give him the vaccine and dress the wound. I’ll have his discharge paperwork ready by the time you’re done. Find me after you finish, and we’ll go eat.”

I nodded and watched him leave. Sawyer looked me over from head to toe and grimaced. Ignoring the anger I felt at his judgment, I gave him the shot with as much care as I gave every patient. The hum of the printer on the bottom of my computer cart did little to ease the awkward silence as I carefully wrapped his finger in a bandage and put the splint in place.

“You’re all set. You’ll need to have your primary care physician remove the stitches in seven to ten days.” I said while handing him the discharge instructions I’d plucked from the printer.

He grasped my wrist as I turned to walk out of the room. “Can’t you take them out when you come to pick Peyton up from school?”

“I’m not allowed to perform any medical procedures outside of the hospital. If you don’t have a family doctor, you can stop by the clinic down the street, and they’ll do it for you.”

“It’ll be less hassle if you do it. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Sorry. I’m not willing to risk Peyton’s future to save a few minutes of your precious time. They have these rules for a reason, and I’ve already compromised my ethics enough for you.” Shit, I hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“You mean sleeping with a stranger? If memory serves, that was all your idea. You basically said so yourself a few minutes ago.”

The blood rushed to my face as the humiliation set in. I needed to get the conversation over with; even if the hospital was the least appropriate place in the world to have it, it was on my turf. Shutting the door, I whirled around to face him, wanting to slap the smug grin clean off of his face.

“No,” I growled in a shouting whisper. “I meant sleeping with an engaged man!” I slammed my hands on my hips. The smug look on his face quickly morphed to confusion and then anger. “I was wrong to take advantage of you, but you were wrong for cheating.”

“So, it’s okay to sleep with your boss, but not an engaged guy?” he challenged.

“My personal life is none of your business.”

“Oh, but I think it is. You accuse me of morally corrupting you, yet you’re willing to screw Dr. Madden. Are you fucking him to get ahead? Are your medical skills so lacking that you have to impress him in the bedroom to keep your job? Maybe you’re just doing him for his money. What are you teaching Peyton with that kind of behavior?”

Bringing up Peyton was a low blow. If it hadn’t been for Peyton, I would have given him the need for more stitches. I was formulating a response that would get my point across without getting me kicked out of the program when I saw a brief glimpse of a new emotion cross his face. Jealousy.

Un-fucking-believable
.

I was done fighting. “Why do you care?” He had no right to be jealous of anyone but his future wife.

He shoved his good hand through his hair once more, his clear blue eyes glaring at me. “You’re right; I don’t care,” he snapped as he stormed past me and out of the room.

Madison

I managed to go almost a week without seeing Sawyer. My luck ran out Friday afternoon when I received an email from the moody bastard.

Ms. Miller,

I need to speak with you about Peyton’s score on the assessment we took a few days ago. I’ll meet you in the classroom tonight at seven.

Sawyer Ramsay

Fuck. Of course he didn’t bother to ask if I was available. I didn’t want to see him, especially not alone, but I had to do what was right for Peyton. I quickly called the club to let them know I’d be late for work and then checked the ER schedule. Ethan had to work the late shift, so he couldn’t come with me. I sent Sawyer my one-word reply.

Fine
.

The hospital was slammed thanks to a multiple car pileup on the nearby freeway. I was over an hour late leaving, but still managed to pick up Peyton, take her to Nana’s house, get ready for work, and get to the school at five after seven. I was tempted to run down the long hallway to the classroom, but decided against it when I remembered the four-inch stilettos on my feet. Sawyer could wait an extra minute or two.

“You’re eight minutes late,” he growled as I entered the room. “I have better things to do than sit around waiting for you.”

“Can we just get on with it? I’m also in a hurry.” My glare was unwavering. “Next time, I would appreciate it if you asked before setting an appointment.”

His heated gaze scanned my body. His clenched jaw twitched as he took in my shiny shoes and fitted wrap dress. “Got a date…or maybe a john?”

“There’s no need to insult me. Just tell me about Peyton’s test scores.” I was drained from my day at the hospital, and my usual Friday night dread was sinking in.

He babbled in extreme detail about every item on the report he’d placed on the desk in front of me. It was close to eight when he summed up her test scores in two sentences. “Peyton is performing significantly below grade level. I think she’s dyslexic.” Why couldn’t he have led with that?

“I know she’s dyslexic. She went to a private school for dyslexic kids for the past two years. You would have known all of that if you’d read her fucking file!” I was beyond pissed.

Sawyer ignored my outburst and rambled on and on about the importance of academic achievement. I would have sworn he was intentionally trying to make me late. My phone buzzed after what felt like fucking forever.

“Excuse me,” I said to Sawyer. I stood and turned my back to him.

“Hey, Ethan, what’s up?”

“Are you still at the school?” he asked.

“Yes.” I looked over my shoulder at Sawyer and said, “We’re almost done.”

“Do you want me to come?”

“No, I can handle it. I’ll call you after work and tell you about it.”

I walked back to Sawyer after I hung up the phone. “Will you please get to the point already? I know school is important. Just tell me what I need to do to help her.”

“She needs extensive tutoring.”

“Why couldn’t you have told me that over the phone or in an email? Why does it take,” I looked down at the time on my cell, “an hour and a half to say, ‘Peyton needs tutoring’?”

He opened his mouth to respond, probably with another insult. Without thinking, I put two fingers on his lips to keep him quiet. “I’ll work with her. Just tell me what she needs help with.” I felt his lips barely press against my fingers before I yanked them away.

“She requires a special kind of tutoring.”

Fuck, one more thing I can’t afford. “Just email the information for the tutor, and I’ll get her signed up. I really need to get going.”

“I’m the only person in this area trained in this tutoring method,” Sawyer said smugly. “I can get her from latchkey around three-thirty and take her back after.”

“So, this whole meeting was a sales pitch?” I rubbed my forehead in frustration.

“Here are my rates.” He slid a half-sheet of paper to me. “She is going to need five sessions every week.”

I held back the tears of frustration that pricked my eyes as I reviewed his fee schedule. Five hours a week cost more than all of my other monthly expenses combined. Hell, one hour per week was a big chunk of what I earned at the club. Ethan would probably help some, but with his student loans and limited hours at the hospital, he couldn’t do much.

“This is extortion. You realize that you are in a small Midwestern town and not California or even Indianapolis, right? I think one-quarter of these rates is reasonable for this area.”

“I’m open to negotiation, or alternate forms of compensation.” Sawyer’s lewd grin made my skin crawl. “You obviously didn’t wear those fuck-me heels to work at the hospital. Did you wear them for me?”