No Child of Mine (52 page)

Fortunately there had been no recurrence of the terrible state Ottilie had got herself into the night she’d stowed away in Alex’s car. She seemed to understand now that it would make it difficult for Alex to take her out again if she was crying when Alex returned her to the house. Nevertheless, there were always tears before they parted, and the awful bleakness in her eyes as Alex kissed her goodbye tore almost as painfully at Anna’s heart as it did at Alex’s.

On a day when Alex had no other commitments, she and Anna decided to go and visit Helen Drake. However, when Anna rang to make the arrangements the old lady asked them not to come.

‘I’m glad you’ve found each other again,’ she said on the phone, ‘and I wish you well, but if you don’t mind I’d prefer to leave things as they are.’

Stung, but not prepared to insist, Anna asked Alex to accompany her to the cemetery at Temple Fields where four members of her family were buried. When Alex told her about the times she’d been before, and the flowers that occasionally turned up on the grave, Anna went into the
church to make a generous donation. It was her only way of saying thank you to the kind stranger. Afterwards they made a trip to Exmoor, where Alex’s father was interred along with his parents. In spite of the cold and drizzling rain, they sat on a bench gazing out over the misted wilderness, talking about him and trying to feel his presence, both feeling certain they could.

Later, in the cosy warmth of a pub with a log fire burning in an old stone hearth, Anna continued telling Alex everything she could remember about Nigel, from how they’d met – at a small art gallery in Kesterly – to how instant and powerful their connection had been, to how overwhelmed with joy and pride he had been when she’d first put Alex – Charlotte – into his arms. Alex’s emotions were in turmoil as she listened, full of regret and longing on the one hand, wishing she herself had more memories of her father, while horrified on the other to think of his last moments. No one should ever have to die that way, and knowing it had happened because of her made it feel so much worse.

The following morning, after nursery, they took Ottilie on a woodland walk through the arboretum a few miles out of town, where there were climbing frames and an obstacle course for children to play on. Alex had assumed Ottilie wouldn’t want to swing in one of the tyres, having had a fall from one once, but to her surprise she was more than ready to try again. She loved it, and the sound of her laughter was as uplifting as it was infectious.

What wasn’t at all enjoyable, however, was finding Ottilie’s sweet little face watching them from an upstairs window as they drove away from the house on North Hill. She looked so lonely and sad that even Anna felt as though she was abandoning her.

The next day Gabby and Aunt Sheila came up to the Vicarage for a visit, and just as Alex had hoped, within minutes of meeting Anna their concerns that she might not be who she was claiming to be, or that she had some sinister motive for being there, were put to rest. Gabby, being Gabby, spent most of the time chattering on about her own childhood, seeming to forget that Anna might
be more interested to hear about Alex’s. On the other hand, Sheila appeared genuinely keen to hear about Anna’s family in New Zealand, and how different life was down there. Anna was happy to entertain her with stories that made her chuckle and shake her head in amazement.

No one mentioned the terrible circumstances that had brought Alex into the Lake family all those years ago, nor did they talk much about Myra and Douglas. Alex only realised that when Gabby and Sheila were leaving, and Gabby pointed it out.

‘I’m not sure whether to feel guilty about it or not,’ she said, gazing worriedly into Alex’s eyes.

Since she wasn’t quite sure how to answer that, Alex simply hugged her.

‘She’s very nice,’ Gabby whispered. ‘I mean Anna. Though I have to admit it makes me feel a bit weird to think that you’ve got a mum now and I haven’t.’

Still not fully able to think of Anna that way, though unwilling to say so, Alex told her, ‘We’re still family, us two, and that’s never going to change.’

Gabby smiled. ‘You said that before and I hope it’s true, but I’m already scared she’s going to take you away.’

Hearing their aunt coming down the hall, Alex said, ‘We don’t need to talk about this now. I’ll come and see you next week and we can have a nice long chat then.’

Seeming happy with that, Gabby embraced her hard, and hugged Anna too before helping Sheila into the car and waving out of the driver’s window all the way down the hill. As they disappeared from view Alex found herself feeling oddly lonely, as though they had left her for good, which was absurd, she knew, but it was hard to shake.

‘Are you OK?’ Anna asked as she returned to the kitchen.

Alex’s head came up, almost as though she’d been startled. ‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she replied, managing a smile. ‘Are you?’

‘I think so. It seemed to go well, didn’t it?’

Alex nodded, because it had.

‘At least it took our minds off Ottilie for an hour,’ Anna sighed, starting to wash up.

Though Alex bristled, wanting to point out that Ottilie had no such easy escape from her lot, she couldn’t deny that it had been a relief to stop worrying about her for a while. ‘I wonder what she’s doing now,’ she said, reaching for a tea cloth.

Casting her a wary glance, Anna said, ‘It’s probably best not to torment yourself with it. You’ll see her tomorrow, and I’m sure she’ll be fine.’

Hoping so, Alex said, ‘You know, I keep remembering myself as a child trying to open a door and not able to reach the latch. She has a similar cupboard in her bedroom.’

Anna frowned. ‘Are you saying you think they keep her locked in?’ she asked worriedly.

Alex shook her head. ‘I don’t have any evidence of it ... No, I don’t think so, but what I’m pretty sure of is that it won’t be as simple as lifting up a latch to rescue her, the way it happened for me.’

‘Perhaps not in a literal sense,’ Anna replied, ‘but it could be said that you’re already rescuing her.’

Alex was casting her mind back to the time she’d been trapped, trying to find, among her few, shadowy memories, one of the rector coming to save her. There was nothing, but what did move briefly into the light was the image she occasionally saw of a woman running down the stairs with a child under her arm.

‘Are you absolutely sure it was the rector who found me?’ she asked her mother.

Apparently surprised by the question, Anna said, ‘It’s what he told me, and I’ve never had any reason to doubt it. Why?’

Alex shrugged. ‘It’s just that I have this dream sometimes, or flashback, I don’t know what it is exactly, of a woman carrying me down the stairs. She’s panicking, as if she’s trying to get away from someone ... I’ve always thought it was you, but I know you couldn’t come back then, so maybe it’s from a time before it all happened?’

Anna seemed baffled. ‘I don’t recall anything like that,’ she responded, shaking her head.

‘Maybe it’s something I saw on TV that’s stayed with
me. You never know with these things how they’ll crop up again.’ Then quickly pushing the brooding aside, she said, ‘So how about going online to find out if Bob’s reposted his epic video yet?’

Laughing, Anna said, ‘For how long he’s taking to complete it, epic is probably the right word.’

In the end it wasn’t until the following day that Bob finally managed to upload his finished masterpiece, by which time Anna and Alex had returned home from Kesterly with crunchy baguettes and a wicked slice of cheesecake to share for lunch. It hadn’t been their intention to bring Ottilie with them – Alex never brought the children in her caseload home – however, when she’d taken her back to North Hill after nursery earlier she’d been unable to get an answer from inside the house.

‘Heaven only knows where the blasted woman is,’ she’d grumbled as she’d buckled Ottilie back into her seat (though secretly she couldn’t help feeling glad that Ottilie was able to spend more time with them; at least then she knew where she was and what was happening to her). ‘We can’t go anywhere in all this rain so we’ll have to take her to the Vicarage with us. I’ll bring her back later when I go to see Tawny Hopkins.’

Though their plan had been to sit and watch old Pooh and Paddington videos, at least until Ottilie fell asleep, when Anna announced that Bob’s email had arrived inviting them to a screening of the premiere of Te Puna the movie, as he put it, Alex found herself keen to watch that instead. If Ottilie got bored they could always turn it off and go back to it later, but as usual Ottilie seemed happy simply to be with them.

From the first shots of the opening sequence of ‘the movie’, featuring stunning aerial views of the Bay of Islands, Alex could feel herself being transported to what looked like paradise. The way the camera gently soared and dived around the turquoise-blue coves, seeming to skim the translucent coastal waters and ride the waterfalls, made her feel as if she were flying like a bird.

Then came a mix-through to some lively scenes of Keri
Keri’s main street lined with towering palms and bustling cafés.

It was nothing like she’d imagined, but there again until lately she hadn’t imagined it at all.

As the music faded and the images changed to show sumptuous citrus orchards either side of a sun-drenched road, Bob began a voice-over. ‘Here we are making the drive out to our house, which is about eighteen k, or roughly eleven miles from town. Shelley is with me, my lovely daughter, and she’s doing the driving.’ As the camera panned to an open-faced, pleasant-looking woman, Ottilie said, ‘Shelley.’

‘That’s right,’ Anna laughed, smoothing a hand over her hair.

Alex was smiling too as Shelley turned to the lens. In a slightly husky voice she said, ‘Hi Charlotte. Welcome to New Zealand. I’m hoping to be doing this drive with you before very much longer. Hi, if you’re watching, Anna. We love you, and we’re all so happy for you.’

‘She’s so sweet,’ Anna murmured.

Alex couldn’t be sure whether she felt jealous of Shelley for having been a part of Anna’s life for so long, or moved by how genuinely warm Shelley seemed. She guessed it was probably a bit of both.

‘See here,’ Bob was saying as he panned to a lofty set of gates they were passing, ‘these belong to one of our wealthiest neighbours. You can’t see the house from here, but it’s an old Tuscan monastery that he had deconstructed, shipped over and rebuilt on his own private clifftop. It’s quite something, I can tell you.’

There was a mix-through then to the driveway of another house, followed by Bob saying, ‘Here we are at Te Puna, which is our home. It’s just around the bend here. Te Puna, by the way, is Maori for deep well. The waters we’re on are where the stingray and dolphin come to mate. Here we are now, this is the beautiful home that Anna has created for us.’

Alex’s eyes rounded as the most exquisite pale grey weatherboard house with wraparound verandas and white Georgian sash windows came into view – with a stunning backdrop of pure blue ocean.

‘It started out as a traditional Kiwi villa,’ Bob was explaining, ‘but over time we’ve been making it our own. I always say that we’re a little touch of Raffles away from Singapore, with all our lovely palms and wicker furniture around the decks. From most of them we have gorgeous views of the bay, which is where I keep the dive boat. OK, Shelley and I are going to get out of the car now, and take you to meet some other members of the family.’

As Alex turned to Anna, Ottilie said, ‘Shelley.’

Laughing again, Alex tightened her arms around her. ‘This is a good programme, isn’t it?’ she said, as Ottilie’s head rocked back against her.

Ottilie nodded and sat Boots comfortably on her lap to watch some more.

The next scene opened with a close-up of an enormous lobster sizzling on a barbecue before pulling back to show a relaxed, friendly-looking group milling about the deck with beers, glasses of wine, or soft drinks for the kids. They were all healthily tanned, Alex noticed, and the sky above them was pristine blue.

‘Shelley’s in charge of the barbie today,’ Bob announced into the mic.

Shelley smiled at the camera and waved a fork.

‘She’s preparing a little fellow that Rick, her brother, brought up this morning. She’s going to serve it with Anna’s homemade macadamia butter, and a fresh green salad picked earlier from our vegetable garden where we grow everything from artichokes to strawberries to ... well, you name it, I expect we have it. We also have chickens and ducks for eggs, obviously a ready supply of oysters, scallops and mussels from the bay, and Anna’s enormous larder packed full of all the dried foods you can imagine. So we’re always pretty much ready to feed about a dozen people if they drop in by boat, which they often do. If you don’t know it already, Kiwis are big dropper-inners.’

Alex glanced at Anna and wasn’t sure whether she felt proud or slightly overawed by the amazing life she led.

Anna smiled and rolled her eyes, as if downplaying the magnificence on view.

‘OK, so now we come to my son, Rick,’ Bob announced, going in for a close-up on a tall, slender man in his mid-thirties who had a much darker shock of the same luxuriant hair as Bob’s, and even deeper blue eyes. ‘Rick is our family’s top creative director, in that he’s the only one,’ Bob had a little chuckle here while Rick cast a pitying glance at the camera, ‘and he spends most of his time in Auckland, or Sydney, and occasionally Beijing.’

‘Hey, Charlotte,’ Rick smiled, holding up his beer. ‘Believe it or not I can speak for myself, but as Dad’s just told you the most interesting bits about me I’ll make do with saying how happy we all are that Anna’s found you. We’re also really looking forward to you coming here so we can show you around, and hopefully impress you with our very different way of life to the one I expect you’re used to over there. Not that ours is better, you understand, just another way of doing things.’

‘I’m taking you over here now,’ Bob was saying, as he walked the camera through the party, ‘to meet Sarah, Anna’s best friend from way back when, and Sarah’s niece, Katie, who’s engaged to Rick. Here we are ladies, your chance to say hi to Charlotte.’