No One's Hero (Chadwell Hearts) (18 page)

—-♥—-

L
exi

Seeing a veterinarian’s truck outside the barn when we return isn’t enough to cause me worry on its own. But combined with Madison sitting on a hay bale, her face in her hands as her shoulders heave, it definitely is. “What happened?” I ask her as I swing my leg over and dismount.  I glance up at Kevin, who’s still sitting astride Archie. “Do you need the mounting block or can you get off here?”

His eyes churn with uncertainty, but he’s a good sport and soon is on the ground beside me.

Madison’s knees are caked with dirt and her face is stained with sorrow when she lifts her head to look at me. “Samurai is down in his stall. I couldn’t get him up.”

My heart hammers, knowing just how bad of a sign that is. “Colic?”

Madison nods. “They think so. Dr. Ramey and the director are with him now.”

At least that means they haven’t given up and they still think there’s a chance to get him on his feet. If they can, he could very well pull through.

Of course, he could just as easily not.

“Do you want me to sit with you, keep you company?”

Madison is visibly torn. I’m probably her least favorite person, but she obviously doesn’t want to be alone. “My horse at home colicked last year. He—he didn’t make it,” she wails.

I hand my reins to Kevin and tentatively crouch beside Madison’s knee and try to pat her on the back. “I’m sure they will do everything they can for him. I’ve heard Dr. Ramey is fantastic.”

My comfort is apparently more than the girl can stand. She shrugs my hand away and glares icily into my face. “Oh please, don’t act like you care. We all know you wanted him as your own mount.”

Her rejection slices across me like the sting of a whip. Even my heartfelt comfort isn’t enough for the spoiled bitch. And if I’m being honest, my true sympathy is for the horse more than her, but still, my offer was genuine, even if she can’t see that. It shouldn’t matter to me. It isn’t like I’m not used to the whole not being enough thing. But it does.

I want to flee back to my room and burrow my face into my pillow, but Vandal deserves better after our long ride. So I grit my teeth and suck in my frustration while I pick her hooves clean and brush out her silver fur. Then I wipe down her bridle and my saddle, though maybe I’m a bit rougher than strictly necessary. Only once all of Vandal and Archie’s needs are tended to and they’ve been released back into their paddock do I hurry from the barn, keeping my shoulders hunched up near my ears and my face down so I can’t see the looks my classmates are giving me. I don’t know what Madison told them but I can feel the stares burning into my back as we go.

“She’s not worth your time.”

“I know. Which is why it hurts so bad that she thinks I’m not worth hers. I
know
I’m better than she is. I’m a better person, and a better rider, but that doesn’t matter if no one else can see that.”

“I see it,” Kevin says so quietly I’m almost unsure if I heard him correctly.

I don’t answer, because what can I say? Thanks for seeing me, but not wanting me? Of course you see me, it would be hard to protect me otherwise? Even though I know it’s uncalled for, I just can’t seem to stop the bitterness from infiltrating my thoughts.

Kevin slams the car into park even though we’re still in the middle of the road that leads back to the student parking lot. “Kevin! What the fuck?”

He shifts in his seat so he’s facing me and holds a finger to my lips. I cannot believe he just shushed me. I open my mouth to protest, but he silences me with a look that sends shivers wracking through my body. It’s both menacing and promising, like he wants to devour me alive, but I’ll like it.

“Alexis.”

I usually hate when people use my full name. It’s like it is the on-paper me, not the real me, and it’s a sure sign someone doesn’t really know me. But yet, something about the way his tongue caresses it sounds beautiful, and I want to hear it again. My eyes close against my will and I let out a long breath. The air around us is charged and I’m afraid if I even breathe wrong, I’ll ignite the cab of the SUV on fire in an intense explosion of lust and longing.

“I see you. No matter what, okay?”

This time, I nod.

“Open your eyes. I want you to look at me, so you can see how much I mean these words.”

Slowly, my lids lift and when I take in the way he’s looking at me it’s like the entire world has changed. His gaze is so piercing it leaves me insanely vulnerable, emotionally naked before him with no defenses.

“I don’t keep my distance from you because you’re flawed, I keep my distance from you because
I
am. I see how perfect and generous and spirited you are and it breathes life into me, and that’s so fucking scary, you have no idea. I see you for how amazing you are, and I know if I let myself, I will fall for you and you’ll become my breath, the only thing I need to survive. If you were mine for even a moment, I’d want you to be mine for so much more. I might never want to let you go. But I’m not enough for you. I never will be, and I won’t ask you to settle for someone who is as used up and broken as me.  So Alexis, don’t you ever doubt for one second that I see you, because see you is all I do, every moment of the day while I watch, and every moment of the night while I dream about you. In fact, because of you, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see another girl the same way.”

A lump settles in the middle of my throat and refuses to go away until long after Kevin has put the SUV back into drive, pulled into a parking space and turned off the ignition. His hand rests on the small of my back, reminding me that he’s there for me without a word as we walk back to the door. I have a feeling if I asked Kevin to kiss me right now he would, because for whatever reason I think he understands how much rejection hurts me, feeding into my feelings of inadequacy.

My imagination kicks into overdrive, conjuring a beautiful image of Kevin brushing his lips feather-soft against mine, then whispering that he needs me. His hand glides from the small of my back around my waist to wrap me possessively to his chest and I swoon the way they do in cheesy old movies, tilting my chin up while my hero ravishes me.

“Lexi?” Kevin asks, his head cocked quizzically to the side as he holds the door to the building open.

I jerk my mind away from my daydream. Crap, how long was I in la-la land?

“Are you going to stand outside all afternoon?”

“Only half of it.” I wink as I brush past him into the dorm hallway. Out of habit just as much as from concern, I stop by Megan’s room. In the two weeks since we went to the club, I haven’t seen her once. When no one answers after two knocks, I sigh and head to my own room.

“I’m guessing colic is a big deal?” Kevin settles on my bed, then surprises me by stretching a hand out to me. My heart is in my chest as I take it, trying not to think about how clammy my own palm has suddenly become. And of course, Kevin’s isn’t. He must not be nervous at all, because his hand is warm and confident. With a little tug he guides me to the bed, then puts his arm around my shoulder. “Babies get it too, right?”

I melt into him, resting my head in his lap while beneath my chin, I keep his hand clasped tightly in mine. His free hand strokes my cheek, brushing back hair that’s come loose from the practical ponytail I almost always wear when I ride. “Sort of, but it’s also kind of different. Colic can come from lots of things in a horse, but simplified, it’s similar to a stomach ache, as far as how the horse feels. Sometimes it’s a blockage in their intestines, and if you get them walking it can pass and improve. Sometimes they need surgery, and sometimes they don’t make it. Horses can’t just throw up something that makes them sick. It has to pass.”

“And you’re upset because you’re worried for the horse?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re pissed, because Madison is an uncouth piece of trash.”

At that, I smile. “Yeah.”

“Sweetheart, you can’t let these people walk all over you. Do you know how easily most trash is burned away?  Maybe it’s time to light a bonfire.”

—-♥—-

L
exi

Sunday we stay in, other than running out to the cafeteria for quick meals. I’m tempted to go to the barn to check on Samurai, but the equestrian center is closed on Sundays to give the horses a day of rest from all the bustle of people always coming and going. Unless you’re there feeding or mucking stalls, you aren’t allowed to visit.

I wake up before my alarm on Monday, anxious to get down to the barn. I’ve thought a lot about what Kevin said, and I know he’s right. I refuse to let these people walk on me anymore. No Stephanie, not Madison, and not anyone else. When Axel hired Kevin to protect me, I doubt he knew that Kevin would spend more time making sure I don’t mentally eat myself alive with insecurities than shielding me from nefarious criminals, but I’m grateful to him nonetheless. And believe me, no one is more surprised by that than me.

“Ready?” Kevin reaches over and squeezes my hand as we park outside the equestrian center.

And I am. I’m not going to hide behind snark and sarcasm if Madison gets in my face again. But I will calmly and firmly make it very fucking clear that I’m not going to take her shit, or anyone else’s. I’ve got just as much right to be here as she does. “Let’s go.”

The barn aisle boasts none of its usual bustle. The few students scattered in small groups near stalls speak in hushed tones, somber masks cloaking their faces. My chest grows heavier with every step that brings me closer to Samurai’s stall. Madison is in front of his door, sheltered in the embrace of two girls I’ve seen with her before. My footsteps announce my approach and they look up, pinning me with furious stares. One of them, a brunette, whirls to face me, her arms crossed over her chest. “You’ve got some nerve showing your face here.”

“I didn’t think it took much bravery to show up for class, but maybe when you’re only here to get a husband, not a degree, it does. Dirt isn’t very attractive you know.” So much for no snark. I remind myself that she doesn’t matter, and neither does her attitude. I’m here to check on Samurai. “Madison, how’s Samurai?”

Madison shows no sign of hearing me, and I’m tempted to push past her and her group of friends to see in the stall for myself. I don’t have much time to decide whether to act on it or not because I feel a short tap on my shoulder, and turn.

“Ms. Feron, if you would come with me please.” The director purses her lips and heads toward her office without waiting to see if I will comply. Though I’ve seen the director in passing many times, this is the first time she’s spoken to me directly. Her French braid keeps every strand of her salt and pepper-toned hair tightly contained. She wears a pristine black turtleneck with her name and position monogrammed on the chest, and pressed khaki slacks. Her impeccable appearance leads me to take an instant dislike to her. It’s almost as if she’s stepped out of the pages of an equine magazine, but the lack of dust and dirt on her clothes announces quite clearly that she doesn’t intend to get her hands dirty; instead she commands from afar. She’s exactly the type of barn manager I don’t want to be after I graduate. A figurehead, while others do the work.

“Director Gleason, is Samurai all right?” I follow her into a formal office on the second floor of the barn. Her desk is gleaming wood, and two chairs sit invitingly on the opposite side from her high-backed executive chair, not a single crease showing in their red leather cushions. Trophies and awards—each boasting the name of the school rather than her own name—line the shelves on the far wall.

“That remains to be seen.” Director Gleason sinks into her chair and gestures with a wave to the other two seats, indicating Kevin and I should sit. “He’s been transported to the Dixon Veterinary Surgical center, and we’re all praying he makes a complete recovery.” Her expression doesn’t match up with her words. Shouldn’t she be happier than he’s at least holding on so far? Yet she wears a look of utter disgust.

“That’s good news, right?”

The director nods slowly. “Yes, it is. For Samurai, and for the program. He’s a valuable animal. And as you know Ms. Feron, our program expects the best. From our horses, and from our students.”

It’s my turn to nod. “Yes Director Gleason. I’m trying my best, I swear. If Mrs. Blessing isn’t happy with my performance—”

“—This has nothing to do with Mrs. Blessing, and everything to do with you. You see, after Samurai became ill, another student brought me something she found outside your locker. What do you suppose that was, Alexis?”

“I have no idea.” I truly don’t. It takes me a stunned moment before it even occurs to me that they shouldn’t have been in my locker.

“Moldy hay. Do you know how dangerous moldy hay is to a horse?”

Of course I do, I’m tempted to snap. And anyone could have tracked that in there, from any stall. Perhaps she should check the storage shed and the other bales before other horses get sick, rather than antagonizing me. “Yes, ma’am.”

“So imagine my surprise when more of it was found inside your locker after a cursory search.”

Kevin leans forward in his seat like a tiger ready to pounce. “Her locker assigned by the school, or the one she’s been using since Madison commandeered her original locker?”

Thank God for Kevin. It must be Madison’s locker, although I can’t fathom why she’d want to harm Samurai. But in my shock over the accusation, I hadn’t even though of such an important question.

Director Gleason looks at a paper resting on her desk. “
Her
locker. The one she’s been using, rather than the one she was assigned. Furthermore, someone matching her description was spotted coming out of Samurai’s stall just before he got sick.”

“I was on the trails when he got sick!”

“Before that.”

I think back, reviewing my actions from Saturday. “I didn’t go near Samurai’s stall Saturday. But even if I had, surely you know he wouldn’t have gotten sick that fast. There’s no way I am responsible. I would never hurt a horse, no matter how much I dislike his rider.”