No Turning Back (Full Circle) (18 page)

If looks could kill, Anna would be dead.  I mean, I see where they are coming from and they just wouldn’t understand anyway.  I tell them to shake their ass for me, and I’ll see them later.  I walk down the stairs, down the stoop, across the lawn, and into Irvin.

I reach Joe’s door, and it’s cracked.  I can hear him on the phone, and I knock before entering.  I can overhear him.  I’m not sure who he’s talking to, but I can tell he’s upset.  Still on the phone, he opens the door and lifts his finger to tell me to hold on.  I wait outside for what feels like forever.

“Sorry about that.  That was my grandma.”

I walk into his room timidly unsure of what he is or isn’t going to tell me.  I sit on the futon.  The TV is on some random channel.  He is still dressed in the clothes from earlier today.

“Is everything okay, Joe?”

“Yeah, I was telling Gran about today.  It’s just hard to talk about her, but Gran is the only one who still tries to keep her alive.  I’m gonna take a quick shower, make yourself comfortable,” as he tosses me the remote.

Joe gets his stuff for the shower then walks down the hall.  I take a few minutes to flip through the channels.  There is nothing on, and then I find that
Sweet Home Alabama
is on CMT.  I just love that movie; in fact, my daddy does, too.  It makes me think of home.  I check my phone.  I send Tessa a message just to say hey ‘cause she never calls, but that is how she has always been.  As I get a reply back and see that everything is okay, I can hear footsteps coming down the hall, but I don’t think much about it.  I get lost in the movie and then I realize that Joe has returned from his shower.  He is standing at his dresser in nothing but a pair of boxers. 
Hot Damn!
  I try to act like I’m still watching the movie, but sneak a peek when I can. That body is fine!

He throws on a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut out.  I guess someone’s getting comfortable.  He walks toward me and sits on the futon.

“I love this movie!”  He says as he gets comfortable.

“Really?”

“Yeah, my favorite part is when she realizes he’s not the loser she thinks that he is and actually makes something of himself.”

I just sit there.  My daddy loves that part too, but his favorite is when the country boy gets the girl ‘cause that is how things are supposed to happen.

“Well, I’m glad you like my movie choice ‘cause I’m not changing it.  So what’s for supper?”

“Ramen noodles?” He says with a smirk.

“Fine by me.”

We microwave our supper, you know, what college kids don’t like Ramen?  And continue to watch the movie.

I snuggle into Joe’s arm.  He is just so comfortable.  I almost doze off when I jump outta my skin.  You know the moment when you’re just about asleep, but your body decides to act like you’ve just been pushed off a cliff.  Joe just laughs.  I get comfortable again, and no words are said. I wake up at 2:30 a.m. to realize we have both fallen asleep.  I grab a blanket off Joe’s bed.  That’s when I hear Joe mutter something.  I can’t quite make it out.  I move back to the futon and cover us both.  Joe moves and semi wakes up.  He just smiles.  I cuddle into those arms and as I’m just about asleep, I feel those lips touch my cheek.  Then he whispers, “Thank you.”  I open my eyes and smile.  I reposition myself to where I can look into those make ya wanna melt blue eyes.  I take both of my hands and place them on his cheeks.

“Joe, I’m just glad you felt that you could talk to me like I talked to you.”  I stare into those eyes and get lost because I am totally consumed by the need and desire he has within them.  He needs me for whatever reason, and I’m going to be there for him in whatever way I can.

Joe stares back into my eyes, and the space between us closes.  He looks at me as if to ask for permission.  I don’t answer; instead, I close the distance between us and show him that it is okay.  I can feel the hunger for me as he kisses me.  His hands start at the small of my back and work their way up to my neck.  I have never felt so needed in all of my life.

“Char, we can stop.  I know how you feel about...”  I don’t give him time to say his name.  I take his mouth in mine and take control.  I can feel his desire beneath me, and I know that Joe can help erase pain for me as well.  We can take both wrongs and make two rights.

I take the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head.  Joe stops and looks at me.  I nod yes.  He looks at me as if I’m unsure, and I decide to show him how sure I am.  I stand up from the futon and remove my shorts before going to straddle him.

“Char, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can, Joe.  I want every memory of that night with Dylan to be erased.  Help me, please!  I want you to now replace what has held me captive for too long. “

“But, you don’t want me forever.  You need to wait for someone that you want forever.”

“Please, don’t make me beg you.”  I kiss the inside of his neck right below his earlobe, and he gives in.

“Just promise me that this won’t change us.  We’re just friends remember?”

“Uh huh.”

He lifts me off him and carries me to his bottom bunk.  I forget everything that I felt with Dylan.  I take every inch of Joe in and treasure it.  As he shows me his feeling, I can feel a tear start to run down my face.  Yes, Charley this is what you want.  You can do this.

Joe looks up at me, “Char, you okay?”  He looks into my eyes and realizes I’m not.  He moves to my lips and kisses me down into my soul.  Then he pulls himself from me and takes me into his arms.  He never says a word.  I cry myself to sleep.  I couldn’t go through with it.  Dylan still has control over me, and it has to stop.  At some time, it has to end.

I wake up the next morning feeling completely drained.  Joe is already awake and hands me a Coke to drink.

“How are you, Squirrel?  Really?”

“I’m so sorry, Joe.  I wanted to, but I just can’t. I mean, I like you and you mean a lot to me.  You are right, it needs to be forever.”

Joe takes a minute before he responds.

“That’s why I stopped.  I couldn’t let us take it to that level.  I care about you too much.”

After an awkward silence, I finally change the subject.

“So, what you going to do for break?”

“We have practice today then we are good to go.  I heard y’all have to stay until like Wednesday?”

“Yeah, we got a big meet with Livestone before Thanksgiving.  Coach wants us to kick their ass.   We totally are by the way!”

“Never doubted it for a minute.  So I was wondering if you could take me to the airport after practice Wednesday.”

“Sure.”

It is now close to noon, and the parking lot looks like a ghost town.  I guess everyone has left for break.  We have practice until Wednesday.  The campus is deserted except for several sports teams.  Joe is staying on campus as well and then flying home until Sunday.

I walk back across campus, and as soon as my toes hit the second floor of Kluft, it’s twenty questions.  What happened?  Why are you getting back at lunch?  Was Joe okay?  Did you get your freak on?  I tried to be as vague as possible.  I make it to my room and decide that a good conversation with Piper is needed.

“Piper, what you up to?”

“Packing I’m heading home in a little while.  When are you coming?”

“Wednesday.  I got practice at seven, then I’ll be on my way.”

“So, what’s going on?  I can tell something’s up, girlie.”

“Let’s just say I almost erased Dylan from my life for good last night, but I couldn’t.”

“Shut the front door, with who? Oh I can guess… JOE!”

“Yeah, a lot’s gone on though, Pipe.  He knows about Dylan, talked to Cash, and Joe and Cash are like Team Keep Charley Safe.  I mean it’s great and all, but I just hope I didn’t mess stuff up last night.”

“I’m sure you didn’t.  Oh, before I forget, I heard there’s a party at the pool hall Friday night.  We are so there!  I can’t wait to see you!”

“Okay, well I’ll see you Wednesday.”

I get ready for practice and wait on Georgia and Tori.  Dang!  They are still hung over.  I hate it for them, and I’m sure Coach is going to have fun with this.  I was right; Coach has fun with them being hung over.  We finish practice, and Tori and Georgia are now semi alive.  We eat dinner at Subway and go back to the dorm.  RA’s are gone, it’s just us.   It’s time for a slumber party in Kluft.  We all invite whoever we want over.  I bet Caroline is going to hate she missed this!

We rent movies and create our own club on the hallway thanks to the decorating of Hayden and Sarah.  I text Cash and tell him I’ll see him Wednesday and pool hall Friday, and then text Joe.  At first, I think he is ignoring me, but then my phone chirps.

Joe: Can I bring my pj’s with the feet or be the one that brings the vodka?

Me: Both ;)

Joe:  See you in a few

I go out to help finish setting up the club in Kluft.  When I overhear Tori, “You know I heard that Charley had something going on with Dylan Sloan.” 
Oh shit! 
I sneak back into my room and listen to the remainder of the conversation.  I can hear Georgia basically telling Tori whatever, and then the subject changes.  As I’m about to walk out of my room, I feel someone’s presence and I turn around to find Joe with vodka in hand.

“What you hiding from?”

I take him and pull him into my room by the collar.

“Freakin Tori was talking about Dylan and me.  What the hell?  I hate Google sometimes.  It would be a lot easier if they couldn’t search me.”

“Squirrel, it’s okay.  They’ve forgot that conversation already.  Now what you wanna do?”

I close the door, smirk, and pull him to me.  Joe throws the vodka on the bed, and welcomes me into his arms.  I kiss him long and hard.  I don’t really know why; it just feels right.

“So, Squirrel. What? Are you using me now?”

I cross my arms and smirk, “Maybe.”

He laughs.  “I can live with that.  Now come over here and let me use those lips again.”

We finally pull ourselves off each other and join everyone in the hall.  There is no mention of Dylan, and I’m glad.   We all fix a few adult beverages and dance the night away in our hall.  Club Purple, as Hayden calls it, is open for business.

At midnight, we shut down the club because practice is going to come way too early in the morning.  I have had my share of drinks tonight.  I haven’t felt like this since my first night on campus.

Joe begins to tell me goodnight when I shake my head no.  He’s staying with me, that is for sure.  I must be drunk because before I realize what I’m doing I’m taking off my clothes and putting on new pajamas.  I glance over my shoulder and realize that Joe is trying not to stare.  The thoughts of last night cross my mind.  Payback’s a bitch.

“Squirrel, was all that really necessary?”

“I think so.”

Joe has already made himself comfortable in my bed. I tell him to slide over and crawl in.  I know I haven’t talked to Cash.  I need to text him.

Me: Just checking in.  Doing good see you Wednesday love u!

Cash: K Love u more :)

I put my phone on the desk, pull the covers up to my chin and snuggle into Joe.  I’m in heaven right now.  Joe kisses me goodnight, and I have sweet dreams.

Chapter 11: Fall Break

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are the same. Practice, practice, and more practice.  Wednesday morning comes quickly, and I already have my stuff ready to go home when I get a text from Joe that there has been a change of plans and he’s staying here.  Well, I guess I won’t have to worry about how I’m going to say goodbye at the airport.

I check on Tori and Georgia.  They are packing as well. Anna is going home with Tori, and Georgia is going home for a few days.  I tell them that I don’t have to take Joe to the airport, so I’m going to go tell him bye after I put my bags in the car.  We all close our doors in unison and walk out of Kluft as the second team that we are.  Hayden and Sarah meet us in the parking lot.  I hug everyone bye and tell them I’ll see them Sunday at practice.  I walk to the Honda, place my bags on the ground, dig out my keys from my purse, and unlock my car.  I start to bend down to get my bags when I hear someone yelling my name, or rather, my nickname.

“Squirrel!  Hold up.”  I stop what I’m doing and turn around to see Joe running across the lawn.  He’s just finished practice but has had a shower.  He is in a pair of cargo shorts and an American Eagle graphic tee.  His hair is still wet and only makes those eyes stand out more.  Not one ounce of muscle moves as he runs, and yes, I have seen that body and I know what it looks like under there, but it’s still fun to imagine.

He reaches my car and grabs my bags from me.

“Let me help you with those.”  I willingly hand them over and lean against the car.

“So, what you going to do since you decided not to fly home?  I mean what did you do with your ticket?”

“Well, Coach wants us back Saturday, so some of us guys are going to a cabin in Asheville for a few days to just relax. My teammate Mark has family who owns a house up there.”

“Relax? Don’t you mean party?”

“Maybe.”

“What did your gran have to say?  I mean doesn’t that mean you lost money for the ticket?”

“Well, I always fly standby because my uncle works for the airline.  It’s no biggie, I’m out twenty bucks.”

“Oh.  Well, I’ll have to remember that if I ever need to fly.”

“For sure!  Maybe we could all go somewhere for spring break?”

“Sure, but quit avoiding the subject, what did your gran say?”

“Well, she was sad but understood.  She figured it was wishful thinking.  She knew there was a chance of another practice.”

“We have to be back Sunday.  So, I guess I’ll see you then.”

“You bet.  Now come here.”

I uncross my arms and walk to Joe.  He wraps his arms around me and hugs me like I’m leaving for good, then he kisses my forehead, nose and lips ever so softly.

“See ya Sunday and tell Cash hey for me, will ya?” 
What are they like bff’s now that they are Team Keep Charley Safe?

“Sure, see you Sunday.”

I pull myself away from his arms and then back into my seat.  I close the door, buckle up, crank the car, and drive to Grassy Pond.

I make it home in record time. I’m not sure if it’s due to my anxiety or my lead foot.  I’m voting for the lead foot.  It’s just past lunch time, and Tessa is at school.  Dad’s truck is gone and Mom is at work.  I take a minute to breathe when Blue brushes up against me.  “Hey, boy.”  As I rub his ears, I pop the trunk and grab my bag.  I look around the farm and nothing has changed.  Everything is exactly where it was when I left a few weeks ago.  I make my way to the porch and run my bags to my room.

I grab a Choice Cherry Gold from the fridge and make my way to the swing on front porch.  I push open the screen door and get comfortable.  I stretch out across the swing and before I know it, I can feel something wet on my hand.  I realize that I’ve fallen asleep and Blue is trying to wake me up.

“Yuck, Blue!”  I didn’t realize how tired I was until this moment.   I decide to get my ass in gear and go help out on the farm.  I walk across the porch and start to open the door when I hear a car coming up the drive.  I know that sound anywhere.  Piper.

I hear the car door slam, and we both squeal in delight!  I hustle from the front porch and act like a total spaz the closer I get to her.  It’s perfectly fine because she is like my mirror image.

“Dang Pipe, you get any more sun and you’re gonna have to check a different ethnicity.”

“Hey, don’t hate ‘cause I’m not a ghost like you.”

“Now seriously, what you been up to?”

“Not much, but I will have to say that I love the beach life. Oh, and class, too.”

“Yeah, I love Southern, but I do miss here.”

“Girlie, you mean to tell me you really miss this place?”

“Afraid so, I was about to go do a little work, you wanna go?”

“Me work on the farm?  I thought you’d never ask!”

Piper and I are polar opposites.  She didn’t do farm work or any work unless she was at my house and then for some reason, she couldn’t get enough.

“Well, come on let’s go check on Joker.”

Piper and I stop at the barn to put fresh water and feed out for the horses, pigs, and cows.  I even talk Piper into going into the chicken house, which she never does because that’s a little too far in her book.  Something about invading their privacy.  I think she’s just chicken shit.  We finally make our way out to Joker.  He is staked out in the lower field to the right of the pond.  He’s happy and on our side of the fence.  This makes me smile.  For once, Joker is behaving.

Piper and I decide to take a quick boat ride to the island in the middle of the pond.  We take the john boat and push it in the water, hop in and paddle our way to the island.  I know that we need time to catch up and what better way than in the middle of a pond soaking up some Vitamin D, even if it is almost winter.

Piper and I talk about everything that has happened since my birthday.  I fill her in on Cash, Joe, Homecoming, Hank’s and the Freshman Orientation project.  I do leave out the envelope and pictures that are buried underneath the club about thirty feet away.

“Ohmygawsh, Piper.  I wish you could have seen Joe at Homecoming… H-O-T!”

“Oh, he’s H-O-T all right, and if I was you, I’d be all about that!”

“We’ve been messing around, but since that one night, nothing that far.  Honestly, I really think he’s more your type.”

“I’m not so sure about that.  But he does have that surfer dude look that I love.”

I take a look at my watch and realize it is well after four o’clock.  We have to get back, and if Tessa knows we’ve been out here she’s gonna be pissed.

Piper and I continue to just chat it up as we make our way back to the house.  I am in trouble because sure enough Tessa’s home and waiting.

“Char, you mean to tell me you couldn’t wait two hours for me to get home before going  to the pond?  I mean you know I don’t ever get to go out to the island because I’m not allowed to without someone.”

“Sorry, Tessa.  We really just went to check on the animals and feed ‘em then had time to kill.”

“I’ll forgive you this once,” as she hugs me. 
I. Have. Missed. Her.

We all make our way into the house and take a seat at the kitchen counter.  I grab us each a drink. As I hand Piper hers, I hear a knock on the screen door. Cash.  I toss her the drink, do a happy dance, and smile.

“I’ll be right back.”  Piper starts making kissy faces at me, and Tessa joins in.

I walk out of the kitchen toward the front door. 

“Cash, that you?”

As I turn left from the kitchen doorway, I can smell the Lacoste cologne, and I know I am right.  I make the turn to walk to the foyer and run smack dab into Cash.

“Slow down there, Char-coal.”  My body stumbles backward from running into his. He grabs my arm and retracts me into his body in one fluid motion.  He takes his arms and folds them around my shoulder blades and takes a deep breath.

“Watcha doing, Cash Money?”

“Breathing you in.  I don’t ever want to forget the smell of Aruba Coconut.”

“You do know it comes in a bottle, right?”

“But not with a splash of Charley.”

“I can’t argue there.  Hey, Piper’s here.”

“I know; I saw her car.”

I start to pull myself away to walk back to the kitchen, but as I try to pull away, Cash just holds on tighter.  He starts to laugh, and I finally give up because I know I can’t win with him.   I just look up at him with puppy dog eyes and finally he lets me go, or so I thought. Instead, he tightens the reins and I look up.  Mistake numero uno.

Cash smiles his crooked grin and moves closer to me.  Just as I think that he is going to kiss me, he lets go and starts to walk toward the kitchen.  As if he’s reading my mind, he turns back around, takes three large steps, wraps his arms around me once more, lifts me off the ground and brings my lips to his.  As I kiss him, my left leg pops, ya know, like the one in
The Princess Diaries
, and I thought that mess just happened in fairy tales.  Our moment is totally ruined when I hear Piper, “Get a room!  The Super 8 charges by the hour!”  With our lips barely touching we laugh together.

“Guess we better get in there?”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen Piper in a hot minute.  I still can’t believe she is just now coming home.”   I look at Cash like he’s on crack.  He just shrugs his shoulders and we walk to the kitchen.

“About damn time you two!  I mean I love Tessa and all but at least if you are going to make out, give us a little piece of the action.”

Cash looks at me, and before I can think, he starts to go in to kiss me, but then does a one- eighty, puts his hand over Piper’s mouth and fake kisses her.  Her arms are flapping trying to get him to stop, Tessa is about to pee in her pants, and I’m right behind her.  This is why I love Cash.  He knows exactly what to do in the given moment.  When he knows he’s about to have crossed the line, he backs away from Piper like he is a true gentleman and kisses her hand.

“You are so dead, Cash!  You just wait!” 

After a little small talk, Piper heads home, Tessa goes to Sally’s, Mom and Dad get home, supper is fixed and eaten, and Cash goes home.

I go up to my room and decide to call it a night.  I sleep like I haven’t in ages until four in the morning.  I wake up in a puddle of sweat and a nightmare that is fresh in my mind.  One word.
Dylan.

I get out of my bed and walk down the hall to Tessa’s room.  She is knocked out, and I slide in the bed with her.  I doze back off and wake up to the sounds of our rooster, Big Byrd, calling to rise and shine.  I roll out of bed, throw on my clothes and go help Daddy with the chores on the farm.

“Char, what you doing up so early?”

“Just thought I’d help ya out.   I’m sure Tessa isn’t getting up anytime soon.”

“You’re right about that.  How about you take the Gator out to Joker and feed him then stop by the pigs and feed them, too?”

“You got it.”  I load up the Gator with feed and slop then make my way toward Joker.  You know that goat is a pain in my ass, but I’ll always owe him.  If it wasn’t for him, who knows what would have happened to me?  I take my time feeding him and the pigs and slowly make my way back to the house. Then it dawns on me.
Bacon!
My mama’s breakfast.  I haul ass back to the house and as soon as my foot hits the front step, I can smell that familiar aroma of hot grease sizzling on a cast iron frying pan. Bacon.

“Well, look what the bacon dragged in.”