Not Alone: Trusting God to Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Home (14 page)

Prayer

Father God, I am so grateful for Your amazing love and faithfulness. From this moment forward I am going to trust You to help me parent my children to know these qualities about You too. I ask for supernatural strength and confidence that will reassure me on the toughest days that I’m still on the right track. I want to have an eternal Kingdom impact on the budding faith of my children so that they will know You too, Lord Jesus, and grow strong in their faith in You.

Lord Jesus, let Your presence be tangible to my children. I pray that they will know You as their friend and will run to You in their times of pain and heartache. Guard their hearts, and claim them as Yours! Let them see You working in their everyday lives. Inspire them to make good choices that honor You.

Holy Spirit, give me courage and guidance to follow Your leading as I pray for wisdom, words and strength to teach my children to make good choices. Equip me each day to walk faithfully in my calling as a mother, and show me how to rely on Your strength, Lord, and not my own. Show me the unique gifts that You have given my children, and help me lead them in how to use those gifts for Your glory. Help me to recognize the potential You have placed in my children and to inspire them to be who You created them to be.

You, Lord Jesus, are before all things, and in You all things hold together! In Your name we pray. Amen!

Respecting Dad

Keeping a “we” mentality is vital in those times when you don’t agree with Dad. Whether he’s in the home or has the kids on the weekends, approach him with the goal of working together with him for the good of your children. Sometimes you’ll have to pick your battles prayerfully and with great care. Some are not worth fighting when you look at them against the eternal picture. Others are definitely worth fighting for. In those times trust God, and remember He’s on your team. Pray for God to work in Dad’s heart so that he will catch a glimpse of the importance of your perspective.

Generous Kids

Inspiring Kids to Have an “Others” Mindset

Dineen

A generous person will prosper;
whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.

PROVERBS 11:25

“Lord, help me to love others as You love them.”

To this day I still remember where I was standing when I prayed this prayer for the first time. Letting God answer this prayer in me has been a process, to be sure. Some days it’s easy to love everyone I meet; then other days, well—let’s just say I’m not perfect. I may even blame hormones on some of those days.

But on the particular day I prayed this prayer, God showed me a picture of my heart that made me want to hide in my closet. It was definitely time for a change. Not for the people who cut me off in traffic, not for the impatient woman who kept pushing her cart into my daughter’s back in the checkout line, not even for the woman at church whose compliments always felt more like cloaked barbs of criticism. Nope. I was the one who needed to change first.

The more I read the Bible and considered Jesus’ compassion for everyone He met, the more I wanted to love people as He did, without judgment and definitely without fear. Caution around others is wise, but too much caution had numbed me to the needs of others.

I didn’t have a clue how to change or how to love others, especially strangers, the way Jesus did. But I knew that if I prayed for help, one, God would do the loving through me, and two, He would show me how to love people. One of my favorite examples is in Mark 10 about a rich young ruler:

As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.’”

“Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me” (Mark 10:17-21).

I love Jesus’ initial reaction to the man’s declaration that he’s kept all the laws. Jesus looks at him first, which I believe is intended to mean that He really “sees” what is in this man’s heart—the grip of wealth on his life, his priorities, maybe even his dreams—but beyond this, Jesus sees who God created him to be. I even dare to wonder if Jesus reflected back on the moment this man had been planned and created. What a thought!

And then Jesus loves him. No judgment. He sees the man’s potential (who God created him to be) and his chains (attachment to wealth) all at once, and He most likely knows how the man will answer. Yet Jesus loves him unconditionally
(agape)
, without conditions (no need to change first), and without expectations (no longer performance-based), before He even speaks a word to him.

Jesus saw the least of those—the lepers, the adulterous women, the demon possessed—and had great compassion for them. He not only represented but also implemented God’s two greatest commandments to us—love God first and love others. That kind of love moves earth, heaven and most definitely hell.

What does Jesus see in
us
when we stand before our Savior? Even on our worst days, Jesus looks at us, truly sees us and loves us first. Flaws and all. And when we love others—the difficult to love, the ones who seem odd, and even our
children on their worst days
—we model a love that doesn’t make sense to the world. We demonstrate a love that speaks volumes to our children. We show our kids what the love of Jesus looks like in action and not just on the pages of the Bible. Story becomes true to life—exactly as Jesus intended His parables to be applied.

Generosity Starts Early

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.

1 JOHN 4:7

I have a confession to make. I grew up as an only child, which meant I never learned to share very well. Sharing is a skill I had to learn as a teenager and a young adult. Even today there are moments when the selfish monster tries to resurrect itself.

My first taste of being generous came in an anonymous gift that I gave to a homeschooling mom—the first homeschooling mom I’d ever encountered. This was before homeschooling had gained more credibility, so her schooling choice for her kids and her family’s simple lifestyle made them appear different to me at the time. This woman shared during Bible study one day that she didn’t have enough money to buy the educational materials she needed, and she planned to muddle through and make her own.

After listening to her story, I left the study with her burden on my heart, determined to help her without diminishing her dignity. Just as I remember the day I dared to pray that prayer to love people, I remember the day that I gleefully listened to this mom praise God for the anonymous provision for her financial need. I was the one who truly received a gift that day.

When I became a mother of two, I hadn’t a clue as to the protocol and dynamics of siblings. I was totally lost! Thank goodness my husband had some experience growing up with two younger brothers.

My youngest daughter seemed to be born with a generous spirit. She’d find money all over the place, and she never wanted to keep it. Even her allowance most times wound up spent on her family or friends. At first I would try to check or control her generosity, but when I did, God checked me. He’d created this little girl to be exactly the way she was—generous and giving.

When Leslie was five years old, our family went to a student orientation at the Swiss school that our daughters would soon attend. At the time my daughter absolutely adored horses, and she loved her rainbow-colored My Little Pony that went everywhere with her. She brought her cherished toy with her that day. While her dad and I toured the school, she stayed with the younger kindergarten kids.

When the tour was finished, I went back to collect her and her pony. Only there stood Leslie with no pony. I asked her where it was. She pointed to a little girl across the room, who now had the toy in a small animal carrier. Turns out that the little girl had been inconsolable over the loss of her pet hamster (and former resident of the carrier). Leslie had seen a need and a way that she could help fill it.

I couldn’t imagine my daughter being happy without her rainbow pony. I waited and watched her through the evening and at bedtime, convinced that regret would surely set in. It never did.

I learned a lot from her. I learned how to be generous with my own possessions, my love, my very heart. I learned to let go and not try to control how God moved in my daughter to do something bighearted for another.

What I witnessed most strongly in my daughter was that her giving didn’t happen at her convenience or her specifications. Often what she felt led to give was something precious to her. She gave sacrificially and with a joyful heart. In those times it took great effort on my part not to interfere. My selfishness would threaten to jump in with the best of intentions. I didn’t want Leslie to give away that rainbow pony that she’d slept with every night for months. But in her little but huge heart, she saw another heart that needed the pony more, and she was willing to give what meant most to her in order to help.

Sometimes generosity comes naturally to our children. Sometimes not so much. But for those kids in whom generosity is not a spontaneous action, we need only lead them by our own actions. I didn’t model generosity early on to my oldest daughter (this is one of those areas, my dear reader, in which I told you at the beginning of this book that I would be utterly authentic), and I had to help my daughter along in this area when her baby sister came along. She bloomed beautifully though, and her generosity now comes in the care, thought and time she puts into a gift. She makes her gifts unique to the receiver, using her artistic talent and love. She gives a part of herself in this way. And it is precious.

Giving and generosity come in many forms—some tangible and some, very often, intangible. The key is to let the Holy Spirit be the One in control. If I can impart to you, dear friend, one important piece of wisdom, it is this: As you catch glimpses of a generous spirit in your children, be careful to let them walk in the spiritual gifts God has planned for them. God’s handiwork in our kids will surprise us, because it often looks nothing like we’d expect. There are so many ways that individuals can give of their resources and our time. All of these ways are special, and when guided by God’s hand, they become the substance of miracles.

Through our prayers, the Holy Spirit works to show us these gifts in our children. We can ask God to give us wisdom and guidance to help our children learn and grow in them as well. The Holy Spirit will show you how to walk this path for yourself and your children.

If you give your children an allowance, teach them that their allowance is God’s provision and blessing to them through you. Give them two piggy banks, and show them how to put aside in one of them a portion for Jesus. Then give them the joy of putting that money in the offering tray or giving it to the children’s ministry at church.

My home church provides a giving opportunity for our children each Sunday during the special time we have for the kids to sit up front and listen to the pastor tell them a story. These precious little ones can’t wait to put their coins in the money bank (usually shaped to represent whatever they are raising money for—a sheep, a beehive, etc.) because they know their money is helping those in need. Our kids have purchased sheep and cows and beehives through World Vision and other programs.

Whether it’s sharing toys, time, love—whatever your child does best—encourage your kids in this area, and help them grow into giving teenagers who will shock the world with their generosity.

My youngest daughter just celebrated her nineteenth birthday and received a Visa gift card from one of her grandmothers. We went to the drugstore one day shortly after her birthday and there ran into the homeless gentleman whom we see periodically with his cat. He’s been hit with hard times, and he takes small jobs wherever he can get them.

That day as I went into the store, I didn’t realize that my daughter had lagged behind me. When she caught up to me, she told me she’d stopped to say hello to our homeless friend and to give him some of her birthday money. I thought she meant five dollars or so. Turns out she gave him the Visa gift card. Mother that I am, I had to ask if she was sure about that, especially in light of her current unemployed status.

She smiled and said yes, that it made her happy. She gave him what she had, and she gave from her heart. Like the woman who gave her only two coins at the temple (see Luke 21:1-4), my daughter gave without reservation. She inspired me that day.

I hope I’ll be just like her when I grow up.

Seeing the Hearts and Needs of Others

“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and
its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’I’m challenging
that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the
best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time,
respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out
of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does.
He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to
everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty.