Not Alone: Trusting God to Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Home (15 page)

MATTHEW 5:43-45 (
THE MESSAGE)

“I hate him.”

It pained me to hear my oldest daughter Rachel’s words. I could completely understand why she hated this boy who seemed intent on making her life a living hell. For the first time in my life, I too felt hatred toward another human being. And a child to boot!

We were living in Switzerland at the time, and my girls attended the local school in the village where we lived. It was a small community, and the school system kept the students in the same groups for three years at a time. That made it very difficult for a new person to enter the picture. Rachel’s inexperience and inability to speak the local language contributed to her exclusion from social circles at school, and eventually she became a target.

At the time the school system was just starting to address the issue of what they called mobbing. What we call bullying. And my daughter was experiencing it at the worst level I’d ever seen. One particular kid had managed to turn an entire class against her, including her only friend. He even stalked her when she walked home.

One day Rachel raced home in tears because two of the boys in cahoots with this young man were following her and trying to scare her. I went to the home of the instigator to confront his parents. His mother opened the door, and there this boy stood behind her, the most innocent look on his face, saying he had no idea what was going on. I knew then that I had a formidable pint-sized enemy. Very sobering.

I began to pray for my daughter’s protection, for this young man to stop his harassment, for God to change him or take him and his family out of our community. But I also prayed for wisdom and insight. What made this boy behave so horribly?

Over the next few months, God showed me. His father traveled constantly, and his mother was a severe alcoholic. As much as I wanted to hate this boy for hurting my daughter to the point of severe depression, which kept her home many days and in therapy for months, my heart broke for him.

I had to help my daughter see this too. Not to justify what had been done to her but to help her understand. Because if she could understand that this young man’s life was so full of pain and empty of God that his only relief came from hurting others, she could begin to forgive her enemy and even to pray for him over time so that she could experience peace and healing over the situation.

I told my daughter how I was praying for her and over her. Then one day we found out that this boy’s family was moving back to England. In that answer to prayer, my daughter saw firsthand the faithfulness of God. As did I—one of the most painful and powerful lessons in my life.

Some of the most opportune moments I’ve had to speak these kinds of truths to my girls have come in our car rides home from school. After-school drives provide precious time for our kids to process their day and to download valuable information to us as moms. But whatever time this kind of discussion happens in your day, pay close attention to what your children tell you, and above all, listen to them first. Sometimes what’s really bothering them is what they don’t say, and we have to read between the lines. Let your children speak their heart, their hurts and even their hates. Tell them that you understand, and then help them to move to places of forgiveness and generosity. First and foremost, your kids need to know that you are on their side.

Finally, lead them to pray for their enemies. Help them see beyond the nice and the nasty and to see people’s hearts. These are life skills they will need the rest of their lives in order to walk into adulthood with the knowledge that first, we live in a world of broken people, and second, we stand among those ranks. But we have a Savior who came in power and love to rescue
all
of us.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Ps. 147:3).

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free (Luke 4:18).

This teaching is the birthing place of a missions mindset. This doesn’t mean that you’re sending your kids to other parts of the world. It means that you’re teaching them to walk daily in a Kingdom mindset, to see others and to be sensitive to what the Holy Spirit wants to show them.

Just recently I had a moment of reflection and a pang of regret. I asked my oldest daughter if she ever regretted what she went through during our time in Switzerland, which, other than her school experience, was one of the best experiences of our lives! She said no, that what happened to her then was part of who she is today. I was amazed, and I praised God again for what He had taught me during that most difficult time. And what He had obviously taught Rachel too.

Above all else, and most importantly for our children, God is faithful. Always. That’s one of His greatest promises.

Discovery

My precious friend, I’ll bet that you do more to model generosity to your children than you realize. When I reflected back on my daughter giving away her birthday money, I remembered that just a few weeks before, I’d given a homeless family the ten-dollar bill I had in my wallet—money I’d earned selling one of my novels. Part of me wanted some of the cash for myself, but when I saw this family, I couldn’t hold back. My daughter had done the same. God has an amazing way of softening our hearts at just the right time and then taking our small offerings and turning them into rich blessings for the recipients, and especially for the giver. Walk through a few more questions and thoughts with me. My heart is yours. I freely give it to you.

1. Make a list of your favorite stories from the New Testament, then pick one that shows Jesus’ heart for people, no matter who they are. Read that story as a bedtime story to your children (or at a time that suits your family time best). Have fun with it; act it out. Ask your kids what they think Jesus wanted the people in the story to learn. Then ask them what they think Jesus wants them to learn. Then read through your new list of stories in days to come!

2. I shared with you my journey to loving people. I can look back and see how vital this journey was for my future in serving others and to give me a heart for women who are walking similar paths to my own. How about you? Do you see an area in your life in which God is calling you to love others specifically? How can you model this for your kids?

3. One of my favorite “generosity projects” that my daughter and I have done together is to support a World Vision child. My daughter allotted part of her allowance to help support a little boy in Zimbabwe who is HIV positive. The reports we receive on this little guy give us visual proof that we are making a difference in his life. (At the time of editing this book, we found out he now knows Jesus!) What project could you and your kids do together? Think outside the box, and don’t limit your project to money. We can give of our time, our energy and our talents. One idea is to draw pictures and cards for the elderly in a nearby retirement home. What a way to bless others!

4. Do you believe that God is faithful to you and your children? If you struggle in this area, I encourage you to pray about it. Ask God to show you times when He’s been faithful to you that perhaps you have never recognized. Write these down in a journal, and continue adding to them. That way when you wonder or doubt, you can go back and read the stories. For further affirmation, read the following Scriptures, which give just a glimpse of God’s faithful character: 1 Corinthians 1:9, Romans 3:3-4, Deuteronomy 7:9, Psalm 33:4 and Psalm 91:3-6.

Prayer

Father God, thank You for Your faithfulness to me. Your Son, Jesus, is our greatest proof of that faithfulness and of Your outstanding and astonishing love. Lord Jesus, help me to love others as You love them, and help me to model this love to my children. Right now I confess any unforgiveness or bitterness that I am holding on to. I want to walk in the full freedom of Your forgiveness. When I struggle in this area, nudge my spirit to bring my hurts before You again without judgment or condemnation of others.

Holy Spirit, guide me each day to help my children live in an awareness of God’s kingdom. Help me to walk in this awareness too. Help us to see those who need our love and prayers, even if it’s simply someone alongside the road who has been in an accident. Show me the times when I can live and love as Jesus does right in front of my family.

And thank You, Lord Jesus, for Your great compassion! You love us to the point of death. I commit my heart to You, I entrust my children into Your most capable hands, and I choose today to believe that You are and will always be faithful to me and to my children.

In Your powerful name, Jesus. Amen.

Respecting Dad

Whatever “generosity project” you decide upon, run it by Dad first, especially if he’s the one handling the family budget. If you think he might balk at the idea, think about presenting him with multiple ideas, and involve him in your decision making. Even invite him to join you. These projects don’t have to be strictly church activities. There are so many causes that we can help and support these days. Research these carefully, or create one of your own. Maybe the elderly neighbor next door could benefit from a home-cooked meal once a week or needs a pet walked or the lawn mowed. Doing this will be a wonderful way for you and your children to exemplify Jesus to Dad as well.