Not Your Damn Dom (Denial #2) (23 page)

I rested my cheek against the wooden panelling and whimpered softly. To their credit, neither Owen nor Jay put their hands on me. I wasn’t sure if I could have resisted them if they had.

Spencer
…

* * * *

Spencer

It took less than two minutes after Alex’s departure for me to make up my mind. We’d work something out together, some compromise. Anything. I couldn’t lose her like this, especially not after all this time.

As
I reached for the door handle, someone knocked on the other side of the door. I threw it open, hoping like hell it was Alex—and the breath left my lungs.

“
Spencer. It’s been a long time. Can I come in?”

Kristin, looking exactly the same as she had the last year we
’d dated. Short, pixie-cut black hair, a petite, voluptuous body and full lips I knew by heart.

We had
a lot to talk about, but it couldn’t be now.

“
Christ, Kristin, could you have picked a worse time? Where the hell have you been all these months?”

At least she had the decency to be ashamed of herself
. “I’m sorry. I can’t lie—I chickened out.”

I tried to get
my incoherent thoughts together. “Can this wait a day or two? I need to be somewhere right now.”

“
My plane back to Mississippi leaves in four hours. It has to be now. I’m sorry.”

Fuck.
If I told her she’d have to travel back to LA some other time, she might never contact me again. And I owed it to her to hear her out, no matter how badly I wanted to get to Alex. My girl and I had both wanted this meeting with Kristin for months.

Suppressing a sigh
, I stepped back to let her in.

She went straight through the gym as though she
’d never left, and up through my apartment door. Snarling a curse under my breath, I followed her upstairs, where she was looking around the living room with a nostalgic smile.

“
Nothing much has changed up here.”

I offered her coffee, which she turned down. That was new. She
’d practically lived on the stuff back when we were together.

We sat together on the couch, at opposite ends. For a moment, there was an awkward silence.

“I should have come sooner.”

“No shit.” She would have gotten a gentler approach from me if she hadn’t vanished off the radar again after promising to meet with me. I wasn’t feeling patient right then.

She sighed. “Not just six months ago—like, two years sooner than that. Truthfully, I’ve felt terrible about the way I left things since I came to terms with what happened back when I was a kid.” Her face was stricken. “I’m so sorry, Spencer.”

In the past, that expression would have made me cup her face in my hands and leave kisses all over it. Now I was just
pissed off. “Why didn’t you come sooner?”

“I was scared,” she admitted, her voice virtually a whisper.

“Of what?”

“Of you looking at me the way you are right now.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I made it worse by disappearing again, I know. But I saw you on the street outside your place and all the good stuff started rushing back, and I just felt so guilty… I couldn’t face you.”

We wouldn’t get anywhere if she didn’t relax a little. I made a conscious effort to calm her down, making sure my own expression and body language conveyed a lack of anger. “Look… Forget the last six months. What did you want to say before, when you told Kat you’d talk to me?”

She’d always been prone to babbling, done better
with communication when I’d given her something to focus on. It looked as though that hadn’t changed. She spoke slowly, as I’d once trained her.

“
I wanted to apologise for what happened after…that night. I blamed you, and it wasn’t fair. I needed someone to hit out at, someone to hurt, and you were the closest. Physically and emotionally.”

I’d always been able to tell when she wasn’t being sincere. This was heartfelt and genuine, which soothed my irritated mood. This was a talk we needed to have.

“I was your Dom, Kristin. I didn’t take care of you.”

She stared at me for a moment, then dropped her head into her hands.
“Callum was right. I really did do a number on you, didn’t I?” Her voice was muffled between her fingers.

Instinctively, I reached for her. I didn
’t love her anymore—seeing her now just confirmed that—but the desire to protect her had never gone away. At the touch of my hand on her shoulder, she looked up, eyes shining with tears, then hugged me tightly.

I held her for the first time in
well over three years, and marvelled at how familiar she still felt. She had always fitted into my embrace in a particular way, her head tucked under my chin, and something in me that had been tangled and snarled for years finally unravelled and relaxed. It seemed stupid to think the Dom part of me remembered that I hadn’t been able—been
allowed
—to comfort her after our last scene had fallen apart, but that was how it felt. Like closure.

“
Spence, you stopped the second you realised I wasn’t okay. You did everything you could for me, just like you always did. I just didn’t cut you a break. I was scared and I was traumatised—not because of what you did,” she added, pulling back to stare me in the eyes. “Because of the memories.”

“
I wish I could have predicted it,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t trust my own judgement anymore.”

“
Because of me,” she said sadly. “The way I refused aftercare.”

“
Maybe partly. But even if you
had
let me care for you, I don’t know how things would’ve gone. Fuck, Kristin, we were together for six years and neither of us knew you had that trigger. How can I do kink with anyone without wondering if I’m gonna hit another?”

She shrugged, wiping away tears with the back of her hand.
“I dunno. You were always better at figuring out the Dom stuff than I was. I just listened and obeyed.”

“
Most of the time,” I said, the old habit coming back to me. She’d forever made out she was a more obedient submissive than she was.

“
Most of the time,” she agreed with a wan smile, remembering.

After a pause, she got back on track.
“We were good together, Spence. You were a great Dom. I always knew that when I watched other people playing, when I talked to other subs on the scene. You were always so careful with safety but it never slowed down what we were doing. No one ever believed what happened between us was your fault, because they knew you. I never believed you let the bad scene drag on longer than it could have been.”

Anger
rose like a shark to the surface of my mood again. “Then why act the way you did back then?”

“
My brain was messed up. My therapist helped me untangle it all. I needed to blame someone and you were the lucky guy.” Her lips twisted wryly. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve spent a lot of time feeling guilty about the way I handled things.”

“
Well, that makes two of us, then.” Somehow, I managed to keep the words from snapping out sarcastically.

She flinched anyway.
“If you need to hate someone, then please hate
me
.
I
asked you to pretend to force me.
I
had the flashback.
I
forgot my safeword. You stopped the moment you realised I was in real trouble.”

“
Wasn’t your fault, Kris.”

“
And it wasn’t yours. I’d way rather you blamed me.”

I gazed at her—
this tiny, curvaceous woman I’d once loved—and shook my head. “Is it fucked up that I can’t?”

“
It’s fucked up that you’re taking it out on yourself.” She stood up and folded her arms, glaring down at me as if she felt more dominant that way. “Callum said you had a new sub. All those months ago. You still with her?”

Alex
. The weight in my chest that had lightened during Kristin’s confession abruptly became heavier. “Yeah. But she’s not exactly my sub.”

“
You don’t trust yourself because of the way I left. You won’t let her in.”

She
’d always been adept at reading me. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m trying to protect her.”
And driving her away in the process.

Kristin groaned and put her hand to her head, as though I were giving her a headache.
“There might not be anything hidden to protect her from! Don’t become a sexual martyr over this, Spence. Sometimes bad stuff happens in scenes that you can’t predict. What matters is how you deal with it.”

She looked away
, her shoulders hunching with shame. “I didn’t let you deal with it the way you needed to. That’s on me, and I’m so sorry, Spencer.”

I kept quiet, absorbing her apology. I didn
’t know if it would make a difference, but it felt significant.

Kristin took my hand and squeezed it.
“Just…be who you are. Do what you love. Don’t carry this guilt around with you anymore, because I don’t blame you. I’m even with a new Dom now. A few more hard limits, but I’m scening.”

I expected
territorial anger to wash over me at the thought of another Dom scening with the girl I’d once made the centre of my life. But nothing happened. It didn’t bug me the way it had when Alex had suggested finding a platonic Dom.

“
You happy?” I asked.

She smiled.
“I’m getting that way, yeah. It took a while to get past…
that
. Still have nightmares sometimes. But I’m happy most of the time now.”

I nodded. At least that was something.

“So how are you gonna make
yourself
happy, huh?” She raised an eyebrow. “Where’s your girl tonight?”

“
At Scene One. Probably trying to choose between a dozen Doms who’ve invited her to scene with them.”

Kristin rolled her eyes.
“And if there’s one thing men never seem to get about women, it’s when they’re supposed to follow you and make it right. Go after her! She’s waiting for you to claim her as your sub—what are you waiting for?”

“
Why can’t women ever say what they fucking mean?” I asked her without heat.

“
Why can’t men ever read between the lines?” she retorted.

I stood up and grabbed my jacket. “Looks like I have somewhere to be.”

Kristin looked me over analytically. “Gonna put your leathers on? I don’t know if they’ll let you in dressed vanilla.”

“
I’m in costume as a pissed-off Dom ready to put his sub on her knees, where she belongs.” It was an exaggeration. I was far from confident and still not sure of my own limits, but I knew what I wanted for the night and was determined not to let fear get in my way.

“
Oooh. I like that,” Kristin teased, some of her old self showing through her remorse and sadness now.

At the front of the building, she stopped in front of a rental car.
“I’m gonna head to the airport early. You definitely don’t want me around for this.”

That was true.

“Thanks for finally coming, Kristin. It’s good to see you happy.”

She hugged me.
“You made me happy too. Don’t doubt that. Now go make
her
happy.” Hesitating with her hand on the car’s door handle, she asked, “Do you forgive me, Spence? For what I did to us?”

“
If you forgive me too.” I squeezed her shoulder. “Send me a Christmas card or something. Keep in touch.”

She smiled, relaxing.
“Will do.”

I kissed her forehead and let her go, then turned my back on my past and made for my car. I had a sub to claim and a relationship to salvage.

The only fear is fear itself.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Alex

I stood at the doorway to the
open dungeon—not a semi-private room, but a large space with chains hanging from the ceiling, shackles attached to the walls and floor, St. Andrew’s crosses, suspension rigs and other BDSM furniture dotted around… and people occupying nearly every piece of equipment.

“
Wow,” I whispered, unable to choose which scene to focus on first. Everywhere, naked or half-naked subs, bottoms and masochists were draped, stood or kneeling. Doms, tops and sadists were lavishing pain or pleasure on their willing victims, and the sexual charge in the air was palpable.

“
Sure we can’t tempt you in there?” Jay asked, leaning against the wall.

I hesitated, the submissive, masochistic side of me rearing its head.
It had been so long since I’d played with Spencer, and I missed pain, missed orders. Jay and Owen had promised they could scene platonically with me, and I
had
told Spencer this was what I’d come here for…

But he’d been
supposed to stop me. He’d been supposed to tell me I was his girl and then make sure everyone knew it, right here. That was my dearest wish, but too much time had passed. If he’d been planning to claim me, he’d have gotten here by now.

I didn
’t even know if I was in a relationship anymore.

I took a breath in, then out, watching a very short male Dom slap the naked breasts of his
tall submissive until they were a rosy red.

“
Can I have some time to consider it?” I asked.

Owen and
Jay exchanged a glance over my head. “Take all the time you need, sweet thing.”

I felt terrible stringing them along like this, when I didn
’t even know whether I planned to play or not. “If there’s someone else you can scene with in the meantime, please, go ahead. I don’t want you to end up wasting your night. I might not even go in there at all.”

Owen shrugged.
“We’re just enjoying you enjoying the sights. It’s not often we get to show a complete newbie around.”

“
I’m not a complete newbie,” I corrected him. “I did one scene. One and a half, even.”
Six months ago.

“
Still, you’ve seen a lot that’s new to you tonight. It was fun to see you shocked.”

“
I wasn’t shocked,” I protested, finishing my drink and putting the empty glass with some others on a nearby shelf. “Just surprised.”

“
And turned on,” Owen teased.

I blushed and turned my attention back to the dungeon festivities. That was none of his business, whether I planned to play that night or not.

After a few moments of watching a couple of female submissives get flogged by their Mistress, their asses side by side, I turned around. “Hey—where’d Jay go?”

“
Don’t worry about him. He’s just sorting something out.” Owen looked so nonchalant it made me suspicious, but the thought got lost as a male submissive practically screamed with agony and everyone within earshot tried to figure out why.

Some sort of metal cock contraption seemed to be the culprit, and I averted my eyes, looking instead over at a shirtless Dom with very attractive biceps. Not quite as impressive as Spencer
’s, though.

And there I went again, pining over the Dom I didn’t have—

A warm body pressed me against the wall, my face to the opening I’d been watching the dungeon action through, my breasts, belly and thighs crushed against the wooden surface. “Enjoying the scenes, pretty girl?”

My knees went weak with relief and arousal simultaneously.
“You came for me, Sir?” I murmured, quietly enough to not disrupt the closest scenes to the partition.

“
Damn right I did,” he growled in my ear. “Jay’s lucky he doesn’t have a broken nose. You were really gonna scene with those two when you’re my girl?”

I closed my eyes, my smile stretching my face.
“I was hoping I’d get a better offer, Sir.”

He kissed my neck, still pressing me against the wall.
“You got one. And if the answer is ‘no’ I need to hear it right fucking now.”

“
Yes, Sir. Yes, yes, yes…”

He grabbed a handful of my hair in his fist and tugged my head back, pulling me back against him simultaneously.
“If I had a collar with me I’d put it on you right now. As it is, you’re gonna have to wait until I choose one suitable for you.”

My pussy damp, my nerve endings singing, I smiled up at him.
“The chain and padlock you used before are in my purse, Sir.”

“
Hmm. You put a lot of thought into this, didn’t you, pretty girl?”

He stroked my throat thoughtfully for a moment before releasing me.
“Get your temporary collar and present it to me.”

I
’d checked my jacket and purse when I paid my cover charge, keeping only enough money on me to buy a couple of drinks. “I’ll be right back, Sir.”

On slightly unsteady legs, I walked rapidly down the corridor. Just out of sight of Spencer,
Jay and Owen were lounging against the wall.

“
Congratulations, Alex. Looks like you landed yourself a Dom.”

I slowed for long enough to thank them. I was about to apologise for leaving them with no one to play with, but Owen put a finger over my lips.
“I’m guessing since you’re coming this way, you have an order to carry out. Go take care of it before Spencer decides we’re to blame for distracting you.”

I grinned and picked up my pace again, heading back to the cloakroom and handing over my ticket, grabbing the collar, padlock and key, then checking the bag in again.

Quickly, I returned to Spencer’s side. He was watching something going on in the dungeon and didn’t immediately acknowledge my presence, so I sank down to the floor on my knees, the ‘collar’ held up to him in both hands.

He
made me wait until my arms ached, then turned to take the chain from me. “Good girl.”

I set my hands behind my back and waited, resisting the urge to rub my cheek over his leg like a ca
t scent-marking its territory.
My Sir. My Dom.

He turned the key in the padlock and disengaged it, then draped the chain around my neck.
“Stand.”

I got up as gracefully as I could and offered my throat to him, gazing into his eyes. He stared back, possessive and lustful, then dropped his gaze to the chain, fastening it around my neck the way he had
months ago.

The padlock clicked shut and my
pussy clenched. I was his. At least for this night. If it was another temporary arrangement, I didn’t want to know until the scene had finished.

“
Much better.” Spencer grabbed the trailing links of chain and pulled me into a deep, controlling, territorial kiss. I moaned into his mouth, needing him. Needing everything.

“
We’re going in there, and we’re gonna sort this shit out for good. By the end of tonight, you’re gonna know exactly where we stand, and it’ll be your choice whether to accept it. Understand?”

I nodded, nervous and ecstatic at the same time.
Did he mean what I thought he meant? But it couldn’t be anything else. Spencer knew what I wanted, and he was anything but cruel. He wouldn’t play with my emotions on this one. Not when we’d almost broken up tonight.

I let him tow me into the dungeon by the makeshift collar and leash. He gave me very little slack, and I liked it that way, even when it almost made me stumble over his heels.

A St. Andrew’s cross was vacant now, and he told me to stand in front of it. “Strip down to your underwear.”

Spencer

I watched her comply, her hands shaking, her face still carrying a trace of wonder. She’d lost all hope that I’d come for her. Ten minutes more, and she would have been scening with Jay and Owen when I’d found her, and I would have had to beat the crap out of them both.

Okay, maybe I wouldn
’t. But I’d have thought about it. A lot.

My beautiful submissive stood proudly next to the St. Andrew
’s cross, her attention squarely on me despite the Dom delivering a hell of a spanking with a paddle not far away. I hoped like hell I would never fail her.

“
Kneel for a moment, pretty girl.” I brushed a hand over her face as I spoke.

She nuzzled my hand for a moment before she complied. Maybe a pet play session
would be in order at some point, though that wasn’t my focus tonight. Tonight was all about claiming her, not making her into something else.

Owen sauntered into the dungeon with a sports bag full of toys. I had to admit, I was grateful to
Jay for offering. I’d been too preoccupied with actually getting to Alex to think about what I’d do with her once I found her. I’d left my toys at home.

“
Enjoy,” he murmured. “You’re a lucky guy.”

Despite my annoyance at the way they
’d moved in on my girl, I couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah. I know.”

What was in the toy bag? I crouched with my back to Alex and unzipped it, then began to sort through the items within.

As soon as I saw the string and clothespins, an idea began to form in my mind. She’d likely be confused as to what I was doing as I laid my trap—unless she’d been watching videos on the Internet. Then she might already know what I had in mind.

I also took out a short vibrating crop and checked the battery requirements. The batteries themselves were stored in a separate partition of the bag in neat little organised cases, much like my own batteries.
Jay was as much a neat freak about his toy bag as I was. I’d have to mess a few things up later, just to screw with him a little.

Once my preparations were complete, I took the clear plastic baggie of
clothespins and the ball of string across to Alex.

“
Stand up, pretty girl.”

She rose as I shrugged off my shirt, her gaze travelling across my skin hungrily. I tried to ignore the stirring of my cock and told her,
“Put your back against the cross and spread your legs so I can restrain you.”

Alex shot a brief glance over to the panels in the walls
, where voyeurs peeked through at the various dungeon scenes. I wasn’t sure if she was looking for Owen and Jay or just nervous to have an audience, but I slapped her outer thigh in reprimand. “Today, girl.”

She immediately got back on track, widening her stance so I could
secure her in place with rope. Once she was tethered, she breathed deeply, adjusting to the position and the feeling of being bound.

I tied
rope loops around each of her wrists, then made sure the ropes’ ends were securely fastened to the upper branches of the X-frame. Then I stepped back to admire her.

She
’d worn red underwear tonight, and it was staying on until we got home. I’d likely strip her naked some other night, but tonight the only one who got to feast his eyes on her nipples and cunt was me. The material was thin and it was easy to find one of her hard nubs through her bra cups.

“
Enjoying yourself so far?” I asked her.

Alex nodded.
“I’m a little confused about that though, Sir,” she admitted, nodding towards the baggie of clothespins.

I grinned.
“Good. Then you’ll be in for a surprise.”

I gave her nipple a firm twist, then stepped back as she gasped with the pain.
God, I’d missed her reactions.

Grabbing the baggie, I shook out the first clothespin and used it like a nipple clamp, catching
her flesh in the pin’s grip through her bra. It definitely wasn’t as intense as the clover clamps I’d used on her during our last scene, so I was reasonably confident she could take it.

After repeating the process with her other nipple, I pondered the route I wanted my line of clothespins to take. Anchoring the end of the ball of string to one of them, I then clipped it to the skin of her thigh. It had a mean pinch, but she wasn
’t in too much discomfort—yet. After that, I wound the string up her thigh, then her belly, her ribs, the underside of her breast, clipping it in place with clothespins the whole way.

Alex watched with a slight smile as I unclipped the clothespin around one of her nipples, threaded the string
through it and put it back. “I think I’m starting to get the idea.”

I kept to my task, working the string down over her other breast and
lower, in a symmetrical pattern to the first side. Once I was done, I wound out a little extra string, enough that I could set the ball on the floor without disrupting my handiwork. Then I reached for the vibrating crop.

I
’d need to wait until the clothespins were off to really use it, but it wasn’t impact I was seeking to deliver right now. I switched on the vibrate function and Alex’s eyes widened, her body suddenly at attention. Amused, I ran the crop up the inside of one thigh, then the other, and she closed her eyes in frustration, swallowing hard.