Oculus (Oculus #1) (7 page)

I find my way back to the world upon a road paved with rage. Venomous, burning bile in my throat nearly chokes me as fury against the world that would not give me a fucking break, fills my shattered heart.

It’s not enough that I was created against my will. That I’m a freak, a monster, a killer without a soul. No, I also have to be alone and miserable. All because the fucking Corporations want to brutalize the world without consequences. They want brutal? I will show them how brutal a monster without a keeper can be. The beast they’ve brought into the world to kill for them will make them all suffer before I rip the last bit of life from them!

After it’s light out, I rise and prepare Anna for burial. It takes me the better part of the day to dig her grave. I carefully select an out of the way place where she will have less chance of being discovered. I forge her marker from a bit of metal scrap, burning the words into it with a plasma cutter.

Anna Franklin- She will be avenged.

As much as I want to use it to mark her grave, I bury it with her. If I leave it above ground there is a chance someone will dig her up and sell her corpse to a Corp. They use bodies for fuel, and I’ll be damned if Anna is going to help their cause in any capacity. Her death is all the victory they are going to get from her. But she deserves a marker, and so much more than that.

The house, that once seemed crammed, is vast now that Anna is no longer in it. Taking out the supplies, I carefully pack what I’ll be able to carry in a bag and hide the rest in a waterproof container. When the house is mostly empty, I knock over an oil lamp onto the middle of the floor. Throwing a lit match on the oil causes a huge blaze to spring up. For a moment, I consider staying inside the shack to greet the flames. A very real part of me wants to die here, to let the rest of the world sort itself out. Then I consider how pissed Anna would be if I did that and I reluctantly walk outside.

Leaving the shack to burn, I return to Anna’s grave. It’s easy enough to find right now, but after the area is blanketed with the dead leaves of fall, even I might have trouble locating it. Because of this, and to be honest, because I’m not ready to say goodbye yet, I sit by Anna’s grave for days. As the sun starts to set on the last night, I stand up resolutely and start packing.

In the end, it’s the thought of Anna looking down at me like I’m an idiot that gets me to my feet. I was stalling, something she had never let me do when she was alive. For the first time in my life, I’m faced with making a decision completely on my own. But more than that, I’m being forced to say goodbye to one of the few people that has ever meant anything to me.

Moving to stand near her grave, I realize that there is one more conversation I need to have with Anna. There are things that I have to tell her, things I couldn’t say while she was alive. I lower myself down on the ground trying to figure out exactly what I want to say. When I finally speak, I’m surprised at the way my voice catches in my throat.

“Hey, Anna. I guess this is goodbye. God this sucks…how the hell did we end up here in a little over a week? Things happened so fast. I didn’t really have a chance to…I want you to know…even though you weren’t really my mother…you were the closest thing to it that I will ever know. I already miss you…”

My voice is hoarse. It’s hard to push the words out past my painfully constricting throat. Fighting the tears is pointless now. I’m alone, only Anna to bear witness to my pathetic state. If anyone deserves my tears it’s her. But I wonder who I grieve for more, Anna or myself.

Tears slip from my eyes as I stare at the churned soil. “I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job of protecting you. If I had only acted a few days earlier I might still have saved you… I’ll do my best not to screw our plan up. I know how important it is. Hell, you died to make sure that it would still work. You left me alone to make…” I pause and take a few breaths to push back the fear, along with the searing pain that is welling up in my chest.

“I know you think I can do this…that I’m some super being. But, I’m not…I’m just a freak. I don’t fit into this world, and other people sense it. Every time we have been around others they react to me with fear. If I can’t live with them, what does that leave me? Am I meant to live in the woods like some wild man, killing Corp henchman until they fall apart? ” I feel a sense of hopelessness descend upon me.

Anna has always been there. She saw more in me than the killing machine monster that the Corporation had built. She’d saved me from being a Corporate weapon, driven by those corrupted by absolute power. I might never live a normal life, but at least I can try to be the man she wanted me to be. I think about what Anna would say right now and laugh as I imagine her reaction to this maudlin display.

Wiping my swollen eyes, I rise from her grave feeling like an idiot. I begin to leave, then stop and turn back. There is something I need to admit, something I need to say out loud. Anna would never hear it but I need to tell her anyway.

“Anna, I should have told you…before…but I was afraid to. Then you got sick and we just ran out of time. The dreams are back, much worse than they’ve ever been. I can do more than see her now, I can smell her scent, feel her skin. I know I should have told you, I’m sorry. You said that some of my genetic batch started to see and hear things before they died… I’m afraid. I’m worried that the dreams are getting worse because my mind is falling apart. If that’s true, then I don’t know how long I have. I promise you, before the madness takes me…before I die, I will make sure our plan succeeds. The Corporations will get to feel what it’s like to be hunted. The heads of the snake will come off and the body will wither. Those bastards are going to know fear. They’re going to know what it’s like to be helpless. I will bleed them dry. You have my word on it.”

The last bits of sun disappear behind the horizon as I sling my pack on. Jogging towards the edge of the clearing, I stop at the tree line. Looking back in the failing light, it’s hard to even make out the grave site. Feeling like my heart will never be whole again, I run off into the gathering dark.

“H
OW’D IT GO?” MY FATHER
asks the moment I enter the kitchen from the side door. I choose to ignore the hint of admonishment in his voice.

“They couldn’t—or
wouldn’t
register me for the Propensity Screening.”

“I see. So you’ll give up this nonsense of going to Fenra Second School then?”

“No. I won’t. I just need to go back. The administrator I talked to didn’t seem to know her ass from her elbow. I’ll speak with the dean.” I fill a cup with water and drink it back hoping that in the time it takes to drain my cup, I’ll gather myself enough to continue the conversation.

“It won’t change policy, Iris. If they changed the rules for you, they’d have to do it for everyone with a handicap who wanted to job train at FSS with the other prospective employees. It’s just not going to happen. Now—”

“I refuse to accept that!” I snap, slapping my palm down hard on the countertop. “I’m not paralyzed! I’m not a vegetable! I’m blind! So what!”

“I’m aware.”

“Explain to me why I can’t do something—
anything
for The Corporation? I manage just fine. Even you have to admit that I have more awareness of my surroundings than most other visually impaired people!”

“That’s enough! You’re blind. All blind people have heightened senses to compensate for their lack of sight. You’re no different and you telling yourself that you’re somehow special is sabotage! You’re only setting yourself up for failure.”

“I am not living off a charity program set up by The Corp for people who are truly helpless. I’ll find something.”

“Iris, no.”

“I’m tired,” I mutter as I set myself in the direction of my bedroom with a gnawing feeling at the back of my mind telling me that he is right. The administrator made it clear that they simply don’t accept students with impairments of any sort. She used phrases like “not ideal for employment,” and “liability for the Efficiency Enforcement Department” and it knocked the wind from my sails. I just hope that it’s a temporary problem.

He’s running, bounding across the land beneath his feet as if he were the wind and rain that shape it. My heart pounds in my chest as if I’m running too. As if in my dream we are one. The coarse fabric of his shirt flutters behind him. What hair isn’t clinging wetly to the nape of his neck, whips back and it amazes me just how fast he can move. For a person who can’t see, the simple act of running intrigues me so.

I want to run with him. I want to reach out and touch him. I want to fall to the ground with him. I want to discover him in my own way, to run my fingertips over the plains, hills and valleys of his face and body. Though I know he’s merely a figment of my imagination I want to commit the scent of his skin to my memory so that I’d know him forever.

His pace quickens and he races away. “Wait! Come back,” I call out to him feeling slightly panicked that he’d leave me. He freezes in his tracks, and slowly turns to face me, his chest heaving, I
see
the clearest vision of him I’ve yet to see. He’s perfectly still as he seems to stare right back at me, eyes as cool as ice. I struggle for words, unable to think clearly. He takes long easy strides, maneuvering his large frame with grace that I wouldn’t expect from someone his size. The blurred edges of his figure come closer to me. He lifts his large hands and cups my face. His palms and fingertips roam my features just as I have done my entire life. It’s how I see those close to me. It’s a sort of unspoken language, my version of eyesight, and now he’s looking with his hands, too. It’s my language and he’s speaking it.