Of Love & Regret (29 page)

Logan groaned and
grabbed my hips, taking control of my movements. He guided my wetness along his
shaft, which was now rock hard.

“You’ll only be a
slut with me,” he demanded. “You belong to me.”

“Yes,” I moaned as
he increased the pressure. The friction was making me wild, and the ache
between my legs increased to an almost unbearable level. I needed him inside me,
or I would go crazy. “I’m your slut. I’m your slut to use. Please, fuck me.
Fuck your slut.”

Logan growled as
he lifted me up and guided the head of his now fully erect shaft towards my
opening. I cried out when he pushed me down fiercely and thrust his hips up,
sheathing himself fully inside me in one swift move. I gripped his shoulders as
my head fell back, moaning as I stretched to accommodate him. Before I could
fully get used to the feeling, he was pulling out of me and then slamming me
back down. He twisted his hips, pushing up as far into me as humanly possible.

“Fuck. Your pussy
feels so good. I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll be sore for weeks.”

“Yes,” I gasped as
I made encouraging sounds. “Fuck me hard. Use me as your whore. Please.”

“Hang on to my
neck,” he muttered. I barely registered what he said, but I did as he asked. He
stood up in one movement with me still wrapped around him. I felt a sense of
loss when he guided me to stand and he slid out of me, but I realized what he
was doing when he turned me around and had me brace my hands on the arm of the
couch.

“Arch your back so
I can see your pussy,” he ordered.

I immediately
complied, feeling a rush of wetness at his words. A shudder went through me as
he swept one finger up my cleft.

“It’s almost too
pretty to abuse.”

I arched my back
even more. “Please, abuse my pussy,” I whimpered, barely aware of what I was
saying. “Fuck my pussy with your cock until it hurts.”

I heard Logan
exhale harshly and then he grabbed my hips and I felt the head of his erection
pushing against my swollen folds. I pushed my bottom out to encourage him
although I doubted he needed it. He slammed into me roughly and I made an
inarticulate sound of pleasure. He pulled out almost completely and then thrust
into me again, almost violently.

“More,” I begged.
“Give me more.”

I was shocked when
his next thrust inside me was accompanied by a sharp slap on one of my
buttocks. Warmth bloomed where his hand had made contact, and the stinging
added to my arousal, making me ache even more. I felt like I was going crazy
with lust.

“Do you like being
spanked while I fuck you?” Logan asked between gritted teeth as he continued to
thrust into me. “Do you like being used for my pleasure?”

“Yes!” I panted.
All thought had fled my mind. My nerve-endings were on fire, and I was nothing
but a bundle of sensations. “Spank me. I deserve to be spanked hard for being
such a slut.”

Another hard crack
came down on my other buttock, and I moaned in response, pushing my hips back
to meet each thrust. Logan reached down to stroke my clit and the sensation,
coupled with his hard thrusts and the heat of my buttocks, was too much and the
tension in my body broke. A shuddering climax consumed me with an intensity
that was almost too much to bear. The sounds coming from me were primal and
raw, but I was too lost in a sea of pain-edged pleasure to care. I didn’t think
my orgasm could be even more powerful than my last one, but I was proven wrong.

As I was still
shuddering, I felt Logan’s grip on my hips tighten. He groaned loudly as he
pulsated deep within me, emptying everything he had inside me.

After a while, the
only sound in the room was of our heavy breathing; neither of us said anything.
I straightened, only to be scooped up by Logan in his arms and carried into the
bedroom. He laid me gently on the bed and then stretched out beside me on his
side. I burrowed my head in the crook of his neck, breathing in deeply.

“Was that too
much?” he asked softly as he caressed my stomach gently with one hand.

I shifted to my
side so that I was facing him. I cupped his jaw with my hand and gave him a
soft kiss. “No. It was probably obvious that I was enjoying myself.”

He gave me a half-smile,
but it disappeared as his hand lightly grazed my buttocks. They were still
tender, but it wasn’t painful. “Did I hurt you? I got a little carried away.”

I buried my face
against his neck again. Now that we were out of the lust-filled moment, I felt
a little embarrassed by how much I had enjoyed it, but I wanted to be honest
with him.

“It hurt, but it
was the good kind of hurt. It just made me hotter.”

I hadn’t realized
that Logan’s body was tense until he relaxed at my words.

“Good. I loved
what happened between us, but I want to make sure you know that it was in the
heat of the moment. I don’t actually think you’re a slut or anything.”

I couldn’t help
laughing at the earnestness of his tone. I pulled my head back to look at his
face. “I know. Don’t worry; I’m not going to be siccing Gloria Steinam on you
or anything. As you can tell, I was an avid participant in it all.”

“Just checking,”
he said with a grin as he gave me a quick kiss. “Although, I did mean
everything I said about you belonging to me.”

His words made reality
crash down on me. I had been swept away by our lovemaking, and it had been easy
to put our problems on the backburner. But now that we were clear-headed again,
the problems were still there to be dealt with.

His smile
disappeared as he watched me, obviously noting the change in my disposition.

“If you’re about
to tell me that you’re still stubborn enough to believe things can’t work out
between us, I won’t hesitate to barricade you in here and make love to you
until you’re delirious and agree to anything I say.”

I shook my head.
After what had just happened, I wasn’t stupid enough to think I could stay away
from him. “No, that’s not it. I just feel bad about what this is going to do to
Kristina.”

Logan sighed and
pulled me close. “I feel bad about it, too. Hell, I should feel worse than you.
I fucked up by bringing her back to Chicago with me, but it would be even more
of a dickhead move to string her along when I know it’ll never work out between
us.” He combed his fingers through my hair and I melted into him, the movement
soothing me. “What was it you said before?”

“Which part?” I
asked softly, my eyes fluttering shut as he continued to stroke my hair. “I
said a lot of things. Some of it crazy.”

“Was the part
where you told me you loved me one of the crazy things?”

I smiled against
his chest. I would worry about everything later. Right now it just felt good to
be with Logan and to know we had a future together.

“Yeah, it was one
of the crazy things, but I meant it.” I opened my eyes and lifted my head to
place a soft kiss on his neck. “I love you, Logan Delaney. I’m sorry it took me
such a long time to admit it.”

He gently tilted
my head farther back, and every emotion he was feeling was written across his
face. He didn’t need to say the words for me to know, but they thrilled me
nonetheless.

“It’s better later
than never,” he said softly. “I love you, too, Madison Bailey.”

He kissed me
gently, and a rush of emotions ran through me. It was almost painful how much I
loved him. Just like in our lovemaking, the pain of my emotions heightened my
love for him, and I prayed that our future would be just as sweet.

Chapter Twenty-One

We spent a blissful
morning and afternoon together in bed. By unspoken agreement, we avoided any
heavy topics and just reveled in each other’s company. I didn’t ask what excuse
he had given Kristina for being gone, and Logan didn’t pressure me about what
would happen next. But it became unavoidable when Logan’s phone started ringing
in the late afternoon and I saw Kristina’s name flashing across his screen. I
excused myself to the bathroom to give him some semblance of privacy, although
I desperately wanted to hear their conversation. I could hear the murmur of
Logan’s voice through the bathroom door but I couldn’t make out what he was
saying.

Their conversation
only lasted a couple of minutes, and I exited the bathroom a few moments after
their call had ended. Logan was sitting on the edge of the bed, fully clothed.
I felt vulnerable in just my t-shirt, which barely grazed the top of my thighs,
and wished that I had put my shorts back on before going into the bathroom.

Logan looked up when
I came back into the bedroom, his expression tense.

“That was
Kristina.”

I nodded, unsure
of what to say.

“I have to go home
and tell her the truth.”

A tiny part of me
had been scared that what had just happened between us was an illusion and he
would tell me this was just a meaningless distraction and he was going back to
Kristina. I was relieved that this was really happening, that we were really
going to be together, but I was also apprehensive about his impending
confrontation with Kristina. She didn’t deserve to be betrayed like this, but I
wasn’t willing to sacrifice my happiness for anyone else’s anymore. More
importantly, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice Logan’s happiness for a sense of
misguided obligation.

I walked over to
Logan and he wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me down until was I
sitting on his lap. His hand slid under my shirt, stroking my hip, and despite
everything, I felt the stirrings of desire. I stamped it down because there
were serious issues at hand.

“What exactly are
you going to say to her?” I asked.

Logan sighed
heavily. “I’m going to tell her about us. She deserves the truth. I’ll try to
leave out the details, and just hope that she takes it well.”

I frowned at him.
“I doubt she’s going to take it well. She’s in love with you, you guys live
together, and she moved all the way from California to be with you. I’d say
she’s going to take it very, very badly.” I wished I could tell him to leave me
out of it, to not tell Kristina about us, but it was cowardly of me to want to
be spared being involved in this. I had put myself in this position, and I had
to face the consequences.

It was painful when
Logan left, not only because I would miss his company but because I knew he was
on his way to devastate someone who didn’t deserve it.

I was a mess for
the rest of the day. Logan had said he would contact me to let me know how
things went, but I still hadn’t heard from him by nine o’clock that night. When
my phone was still silent at midnight, I started imagining worst-case
scenarios. What if Kristina was able to convince him to give their relationship
another chance? How could I win him back if that happened? Did I want to try to
win him back if he decided he wanted to be with her instead of me?

Then my mind went
another route. An insidious route that brought so much baggage with it. What if
Logan wasn’t contacting me because Kristina was so upset that she tried to hurt
herself? How could I live with myself if I was responsible for another
destroyed life?

The thoughts
swirled inside my head until I thought I would go crazy. It was well past one
in the morning when my phone beeped, alerting me to a new text. I grabbed it,
preparing for the worst, but Logan’s message was brief and vague.

I can’t talk tonight. I’ll call you
tomorrow.

My imagination
went into overdrive. His text was so terse and emotionless that it scared me.
It confirmed my fear about him changing his mind, and it took everything in me
not to call and demand answers. I had told Logan I would trust him to handle
his breakup with Kristina, and I needed to honor that. Still, couldn’t he have
infused his text with at least a little bit of warmth? He had told me numerous
times today that he loved me, but happiness with Logan had always been a mirage
just out of reach. I was afraid that I would fall short again and lose him.
Despite my fears, I tried to keep my anxiety out of my response when I texted
him back.

Hope everything went okay. Talk to you
tomorrow.

My text didn’t
require a reply, but my heart still sank when there was no answering text. I
told myself it didn’t mean anything and that I had to have faith in him.

It was impossible
to fall asleep that night. I tortured myself with
what ifs
until pure mental exhaustion made my eyes flutter close just
when dawn was about to break.

I awoke with a
start to a pounding on my door, confused that I hadn’t heard the buzzer for the
entrance of my building. I was disoriented and I looked groggily at my alarm
clock and saw that it was already eleven o’clock. The pounding on my door
sounded again, and I stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom. It had to be
Logan, and my heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing him. He had
probably caught someone coming in or out of the building and hadn’t bothered
with the buzzer. I took a few seconds to make sure that I looked presentable
enough and then went to the door.

In my eagerness, I
opened it without looking through the peephole and my stomach dropped when I found
Kristina standing there. In all the scenarios I had imagined in my mind, I had
never anticipated Kristina coming over to confront me. I didn’t even know how
she knew where I lived, but that was the least of my problems. To her credit,
she looked completely composed and calm, but I didn’t miss the burning emotion
in her eyes.

“Can I come in?”
she asked in an even-keeled voice.

“Sure,” I said
quickly as I stepped back. I didn’t consider closing the door in her face; I
was the offending party in this situation, and I figured if Kristina wanted
some answers from me, she deserved them. That didn’t stop me from feeling sick
by whatever was about to happen.

She took the lead
as she walked into the living room, and I had to resist the urge to wring my
hands with anxiety as I followed her. Where was Logan? Did he know Kristina was
here?

She halted and
turned around to face me before she reached the couch. I stopped short, leaving
a good distance between us, and waited for her to speak.

My discomfort grew
as she just stood there for a few moments, silent as she studied me. A small,
bitter smile touched her lips briefly before it disappeared.

“I can see it now
that my blinders are off,” she said. “We
do
look alike.”

My heart started
beating faster at her pronouncement but I tried to keep calm. “Is there a
reason you’re here?” I asked as politely as possible. “Does Logan know you’re
here?”

Kristina’s laugh
held no amusement, which put me even more on edge. This was going to be ugly.

“It figures you
would automatically ask about him. I didn’t come here to answer your questions.
I came here to ask my own.”

“What do you want
to know?” I tried to keep the defensiveness from my voice. Even though I was in
the wrong, I couldn’t help feeling combative. I felt cornered, and my natural
instinct was to fight back.

Kristina narrowed
her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest. “How long have you been
fucking Logan?”

“I’m sorry,
Kristina,” I said, sickened by her question. “I never wanted to hurt you. I
know Logan never wanted to, either. Our past is just really complicated, and we
went about things in totally the wrong way. I’m so sorry.”

Her arms dropped
to her sides, her hands clenched into fists. “I don’t want to hear your
apologies! Just answer my damn question! How long?”

I swallowed
audibly, and although the best thing to do was be honest, I couldn’t bring
myself to tell her what we had done in her own bedroom the night of Logan’s
party. Telling her that we’d had sex in the storage room of the Half Pitcher
while she sat at the table none the wiser was definitely not something that
would help the situation either. I just wished I knew exactly what Logan had
told her so I didn’t contradict him. I took a deep breath before I spoke. “It
just happened yesterday. Before I ran into you guys at the Water Tower, I
hadn’t seen or spoken to Logan in over a year.”

“And before then?
What was your relationship like with Logan before he moved to L.A.?”

I hesitated before
answering. I wasn’t sure how to explain our relationship, especially since I
didn’t know how much Logan had told her.

“It’s hard to
explain,” I finally said. “Our relationship was complicated. We were friends
for a long time before anything happened between us. We were only together as a
couple for a short period of time before Logan left for L.A.”

“So I was just a
replacement until he got you back,” she spat out bitterly. “You two must have
fucking laughed your heads off behind my back about how stupid I was to follow
Logan here.”

“No, that’s not
how it was,” I said desperately, trying to make her understand. “Our
relationship was over, and Logan truly thought you two were going to start a
life together here. Things just got complicated when we saw each other again.”

Kristina’s
composure was starting to break, and although her expression was one of anger,
I also saw tears welling up in her eyes.

“What kind of
person are you that you can do this?” she said, her voice thick with unshed
tears. “I was actually excited when I first met you because I thought we would
become good friends. I was nervous about starting my life over in Chicago, but
there you were
—
an insta-friend because
you and Logan were already friendly. Did it cross my mind that you two had a
past beyond just friendship? Sure, but when I asked Logan, he assured me there
had been nothing between you two.” Tears escaped to stream down her cheeks, and
she swiped at them angrily. “Then I find out you’re some bitch who can’t keep
her hands off other people’s boyfriends. Can’t you find your own goddamn man
instead of stealing one from someone else?”

Hysteria edged into
her voice. I didn’t know how to defend myself. I had done the indefensible, so
I just stood there, but my silence only seemed to enrage her even more.

“Answer me!” she
screamed, her face turning red. “Tell me how the hell you can do this to me!”

“I’m sorry,
Kristina,” I said. There was nothing else to say, and I was trying to keep a
grip on my own emotions. “I know this doesn’t mean much to you, but I never
wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry you got caught up in this mess with me and
Logan.”

“This mess with
you and Logan?” she sneered, her voice full of contempt. “So, I’m just a
supporting character in your little love story? I didn’t realize I was just an
obstacle that needed to be overcome so you two could be together. I stupidly
thought my relationship with Logan was about me and him, not you and him.”

This was getting
us nowhere. Where the hell was Logan? He needed to be the one to diffuse the
situation and handle Kristina, not me. I barely knew her.

“I don’t know what
to tell you,” I said, trying to keep calm although my pulse was racing. “I’m
sorry about all of this, but maybe you should talk to Logan about it.”

Kristina took a
step towards me, almost menacingly. “I already talked to Logan. We talked all
fucking night.” She laughed harshly. “Actually, I did most of the talking. He
just kept apologizing over and over again.” Her face twisted in a pained
grimace. “All you two can do is say you’re sorry. Those words are meaningless!
Instead of having to apologize afterwards, why don’t you just try not being a
home-wrecking bitch in the first place?”

As guilty as I
felt about what had happened, I couldn’t stand there and let Kristina berate me,
and her behavior was becoming more erratic. I needed to put an end to this
before it escalated even further.

“I think you
should leave,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m not going to
pretend that what I did wasn’t wrong. It was, and there’s so much that I regret.
But I don’t regret my feelings for Logan. I know that must hurt you, and I’m
sorry about that, but there’s nothing I can say that’ll make you feel better.”

“You fucking
bitch,” she snarled. Her voice dropped, but it didn’t lessen her enraged
intensity. “You’re so fucking self-righteous, standing there talking about your
feelings for Logan. What about me and Logan? We have something
real
together. He has real feelings for
me. You’re not the only one he told he loved. I may not have the history that
you have with Logan, but we’ve been together for seven months, and in those
seven months, he fell in love with me. Why do you think he wanted me to move to
Chicago with him? You fucked him last night, but I’m the one he’s made love to
every night for the past seven months. I’m the one sharing his bed and his
life, not you. You’re just some slut he’s screwing on the side.”

“Get out,” I said,
my voice trembling. I could no longer allow my guilt to allow Kristina to be so
ugly to me. Yes, she was the injured party, but this was between her and Logan.
“Leave before I have you forcibly removed.”

She laughed at my
statement. “By who? What are you going to do, call the police? You make me
sick, trying to pretend like you’re the victim here. I bet this isn’t the first
time you’ve screwed around with someone else’s boyfriend.” Her eyes narrowed as
she continued. “Logan told me he met you through his college girlfriend. I bet
you were screwing him then, too, behind your best friend’s back.”