Of Love & Regret (23 page)

Logan lifted his
hand to indicate an interior door across the room. “It’s right over there.”

“Oh,” I said,
feeling a little foolish. I was still uncomfortable with being in a bedroom
with him, but I tried to play it off as if I was completely at ease. “Thanks. I’ll
see you back out at the party when I’m done.”

I strode to the
bathroom without looking at him, quickly closing the door behind me and
switching on the light. I held my breath as I waited to hear his footsteps leaving
the bedroom but there was nothing except silence. He couldn’t be planning on
waiting out there until I was finished, could he?

I had no need to
use the bathroom, but I made a production of flushing the toilet and running
the faucet. I waited a few moments before opening the door, hoping that I would
find nothing on the other side except an empty bedroom.

Instead, I found
Logan waiting for me with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall next to
the closed door that led back into the living room.

“You didn’t have
to wait for me. Your apartment is huge, but I doubt I would have gotten lost.”

Logan didn’t
respond to my joke. His eyes were narrowed as he studied me, and I tried not to
show how self-conscious I felt as he watched me walk towards him.

I had my hand on
the doorknob to make my escape back to the party when he spoke.

“So, you’re really
okay with me and Kristina being together?”

Whatever façade
Logan had been maintaining slipped away, and he looked at me with hard eyes,
the tension evident on his face. I was surprised by his question since I had
pretty much convinced myself that Logan had moved on and was happy in his new
relationship.

“What do you
mean?” I asked hesitantly, not wanting to presume anything.

“I mean, are you
okay knowing that Kristina is the woman in my life now. Are you okay knowing
that she’s the one I fuck at night and the one I wake up to every morning?”

I was shocked by
Logan’s vulgar words and watched him warily. I didn’t know what he was trying
to do, but this conversation had veered into territory I wanted to avoid.

“Kristina was
wrong about your ability to handle alcohol. You must be drunk right now to be
speaking to me like this.”

I turned the
doorknob so I could flee but Logan placed his hand against the door so it
wouldn’t open. He deftly moved between me and the door, effectively blocking me
from leaving.

“Answer my
question,” he demanded, his jaw clenched. In that moment, he looked like a
stranger to me. At one point in my life, I had thought I knew him so well. I
knew what he looked like when he was happy, and I knew what he looked like when
he was upset. The person in front of me was unrecognizable. He looked like
someone hell bent on self-destruction.

“You’re being
ridiculous,” I said, trying to snap him back to his senses. “You said yourself
that you wanted us to be friends. How do you expect that to happen when you ask
me questions like that?”

“You still haven’t
answered me,” he taunted, his eyes darkening. “Tell me you’re okay with it, and
I’ll let you leave.”

“I’m okay with
it!” I sputtered furiously. “I couldn’t care less whether you fuck her ten
times a night! Now, get out of my way!”

I shoved his chest
with my hand, furious that he was playing games with me. I had stupidly
believed he truly wanted to be friends. Now I knew better.

Unfortunately, my
attempt to physically remove him from my escape path was as effective as a flea
pushing against a mountain. I made a sound of frustration, but when I glared at
him, there was a look on his face that made me step back.

I took another
step back when he advanced forward to match my retreat, but he just kept coming
closer. I stopped when the back of my legs hit the bed. I put out a hand to
warn him not to come any closer.

“I don’t know if
you’re drunk right now or just being an asshole. Either way, you’re starting to
really piss me off.”

Logan ignored me,
and didn’t stop until he was just inches away. I felt captive as I tipped my
head back to meet his gaze. I intended to show him how disgusted I was with my
withering stare, but instead I swallowed hard, feeling a mixture of fear and
excitement when I saw the way he was looking at me.

“Logan, I
—
”

Whatever I had
been about to say was cut off when he lifted his hand and lightly traced the
flesh just above the neckline of my dress with one finger. I sucked in my
breath, far too affected by his touch. I had thought my dress was fairly modest,
but now I felt completely exposed as he brushed his finger back and forth
across the top of my breasts that were revealed by my dress.

“Stop,” I said
weakly, not knowing what else to do.

“You look
beautiful in this dress,” Logan said in a low voice. “Did you think about me
when you put it on? Did you wear it to please me?”

“No, of course
not!” I said emphatically, but my face flushed at his accusation because he was
right. I had purposely chosen this dress because I thought he would like it.

“Liar,” he
muttered, but his attention was focused on the finger that still swept leisurely
across my chest.

Goose bumps rose
all over my body, and I couldn’t deny the rush of heat his touch brought between
my legs. I had to resist the urge to press my thighs together.

I tried not to
react when he hooked his finger under the neckline and continued to lazily
brush it back and forth. My hardened nipples were evident, even through the
layers of my bra and the fabric of my dress. Logan seemed entranced as he
continued to caress the flesh beneath my dress. I could barely suppress a
whimper when he pushed in deeper so that his finger burrowed beneath my bra and
brushed against my pebbled nipple. My clutch fell from my numb fingers and made
a soft thud on the floor.

“Logan,” I choked
out. “This isn’t right.”

My words had no
effect on him as he focused his attention on my right nipple, sweeping his
finger back and forth against it, igniting a fire in me. Each brush of his
finger made it ache even more and it took everything I had not to fall back
against the bed.

“Do you remember
how it was between us?” Logan whispered, his eyes lifting to meet mine. His
gaze was intense as he continued to tease my nipple. “Do you remember what it
felt like to have me inside you?”

I couldn’t answer
him. I was lost in a vortex of sensations that I had long forgotten. Only Logan
could make me forget everything with one caress.

I gasped when he
pulled down the neckline of my dress, exposing my right breast to his hungry
eyes. Logan smiled grimly when I moaned as he flicked my nipple with his thumb,
sending shockwaves of desire to my core.

“What do you
want?” he asked in a guttural voice.

I shook my head,
confused by his question. Everything—his apartment, the party, Emily and
Kristina in the living room—receded into the background until there was
nothing except me and Logan.

“Tell me what you
want,” he demanded in a raspy voice.

“I don’t know what
you mean.” My voice was breathless and strained as panic started to mix in with
my desire. What was happening right now? What was I allowing to happen?

“Do you want me to
take your nipple in my mouth and suck on it? Do you want me to lift up your
dress and press my tongue against your pussy? I bet it’s already wet and
dripping. Do you want me to fuck you until you beg me to come inside you?”

I couldn’t deny
the rush of wetness that his words produced, but I also felt like a bucket of
cold water had been overturned on me. There was no real caring or desire in his
words. He was just using me; getting even with me. This must be some sort of sick
ploy to pay me back for all the pain I had caused him in the past. I was sorry
for what I had done to him, but there was no way in hell I was going to let him
play me for a fool.

I shoved hard against
his chest, and he stumbled, taken off guard. I quickly pulled my dress up with
trembling hands so I was no longer exposed to him. I felt so angry and betrayed
that I was afraid I was going to burst into tears, but I swore I wouldn’t let
him see how much he had hurt me.

“I don’t know what
kind of sick and twisted game you’re playing right now,” I spat out, fighting
to keep my voice steady, “but I’m not willing to be a participant. Your
girlfriend is in the other room while you’re groping me. Don’t you feel any
shame about that?”

Logan shrugged as
if he didn’t have a care in the world, but his eyes said otherwise. They burned
into me with an emotion I didn’t understand.

“Just because I
have a girlfriend doesn’t mean we can’t have fun on the side. What she doesn’t
know won’t hurt her.”

I gaped at him,
utterly and completely shocked by the words coming from his mouth. “What
happened to you?” I asked, aghast. “What happened to the Logan who was kind and
considerate? Even when you were dating a new woman every month, you were honest
with them and took their feelings into consideration. Now, you’re just some
asshole who’s looking for a piece on the side. We were friends for a long time
before anything happened between us. Does that mean nothing to you, that you
can treat me so cruelly?”

“You mean when I
waited for you for eight fucking years, and you just threw me aside like I
meant nothing?” His hands clenched into fists and a muscle in his jaw twitched
reflexively. “I wasted so many years on you, only to have you ask me for some
time.
” He spat out the last word as if
it disgusted him. “I figure you owe me a piece of ass now and then for all the
time I put in.”

“You’re sick,” I
hissed, feeling nauseous by who he had become. I wanted to scream at him, but I
forced myself to keep my voice low so the others in the next room couldn’t hear
me. “You’re not the only one who was hurt. I asked for one last fucking chance,
and you wouldn’t even give it to me. Instead, you paraded Ella in front of me
to hurt me. Is that what you’re doing with Kristina now? And for you to say you
waited eight years is laughable. You came back into my life five years after
Cassie died, so don’t pretend like you were fucking pining away for me all that
time!”

“That’s because
you wouldn’t have anything to do with me! How many times did I reach out to you
for you to reject me? Hell, I even came to see you after you transferred
schools because I stupidly thought you would change your mind once you saw me
in person. Instead, you told me you hated me and never wanted to see me again.
I waited five goddamn years because I thought that would give you enough time
to get over Cassie’s death, yet you still kept me at arm’s length. I had to be
a fucking patsy while I watched you piss your life away with that idiot
boyfriend, only to have you reject me again when he was finally out of the
picture.”

As quickly as my
anger had flared, it dissipated. What the hell were we doing? We were dredging
up the past again, hurting each other again. Why couldn’t we just let the other
one go? Hearing that Logan had waited to give me enough time to get over
Cassie’s death before coming back into my life just made everything worse. I
was tired of living my life through a haze of regrets.

“Stop,” I said,
shaking my head. I quickly wiped away the tears that had unknowingly streamed
down my cheeks while I had listened to him. “This isn’t healthy. It’s obvious
that we can’t be friends anymore. Let’s just leave each other to live our lives
in peace.”

I stepped around
him to escape, but he grabbed my arm before I could walk past him.

“Maddie.” The
anger on his face had vanished, replaced by an expression of remorse. His voice
was full of sadness, and it only deepened my own desolation.

I shook his hand off
my arm as I turned away from him. “Be happy, Logan,” I whispered. “There’s
nothing left between us. We should stop before we hurt each other again.”

I grabbed my
clutch from the floor and resumed walking to the door. I took hold of the
doorknob like it was a lifeline and opened it, softly closing the door behind
me.

The gaiety in the
room as people laughed and drank grated on my senses. I was relieved to see
Emily standing alone, and I made a beeline to her, waving away a waiter bearing
a plate of hors d’oeuvres as politely as I could.

“We need to go,” I
said quietly, trying to hide the tremor in my voice. I was grateful she didn’t
ask any questions. The expression on my face must have been enough, and I
followed her as she made her way through the crowd of people to reach the front
door.

I glanced quickly
behind me before I left and saw that Logan had stepped back into the party. He
was watching me, and I couldn’t help locking eyes with him, but then he turned
away, distracted by Kristina who touched his arm to get his attention. I turned
back around and made my escape, my heart wrenching in pain.

Emily didn’t ask
me any questions as we rode the elevator down. She waited until we were outside
on the sidewalk in front of Logan’s building before saying anything.

“What happened?”
she asked gently, obviously seeing my distress. “You were gone for a long time.
You and Logan both. Kristina had just excused herself to find him when you came
up to me.”

The thought that
we had been so close to being caught made me nauseous. The bedroom door hadn’t
been locked, and Kristina could have easily walked in to see Logan’s hands on
me. I thought I had changed since my college days. I thought I had grown up and
matured, but I was once again compromising someone else’s relationship for my
own desires. Logan had been the aggressor, but I had let it happen.

“Logan’s excuse of
inviting me to his party because he wants us to be friends was shot to hell,” I
said, trying to keep my voice steady. “He basically told me he was willing to
screw around with me on the side while he was with Kristina.”