Old Sins Long Shadows (37 page)

At some point the conversation had turned to the baby and Janey’s smile left her
. She watched Daniel nervously as she answered the children’s questions. Finally they cleared the table and disappeared leaving her alone with him. Daniel had not spoken in some time and eventually stood up to come and stand beside her at the kitchen sink.

‘
Do I scare you?’  It was a direct question which was so typical of him.

‘
I’m sorry about earlier,’ she replied. How could she be scared of someone who had shown such kindness to two orphans by providing them with a safe home. ‘There’s a lot to get used to.’

He thought for a moment and nodded.

‘I should have told you about David and Molly.’ With a single finger he touched her stomach where the buttons of her dress no longer met but were concealed by her shawl. She watched his finger briefly touch her, gentle and non-threatening yet it caused her nerve endings to ignited and tingle. ‘It’s getting bigger.’  She could not speak, not knowing if she wanted him to touch her more of leave her alone. His finger withdrew and she felt disappointed to not know the outcome. ‘Amy was a large woman,’ he said gruffly, ‘her clothes are in a trunk upstairs. The old woman is good with a needle and will enjoy altering them for you to wear.’ He was leaving her, appearing to be unable to look at her growing stomach any longer.

‘
You seem sure she will come back,’ she called after him, hoping to delay his departure. Daniel put his cap on to go out.

‘
She will come back,’ he said without looking at her. ‘We are her family and she is ours,’ and then he was gone, his footsteps sounding on the stony path outside and out into the night. Janey looked around her at the empty silent kitchen which had only a short time ago been full of laughter and life and wondered where he had gone.

Daniel had been right. Edna arrived the next morning as if nothing had happened and over the course of the morning a thaw between the two women had set in. By the afternoon they were both rummaging through Amy’s trunk and Janey was trying on the vast dresses that swamped her and made them both smile. It turned out that Edna had worked as a dressmaker before her marriage and the opportunity to use her old skills ignited a light in the old woman’s eyes. She instructed Janey to turn this way and that, to lift her arms and finally stand on the table while she pinned, tucked and cut. Often she chatted with a mouthful of pins and insisted Janey put a cushion under her dress so she could allow enough room for the dress to last until her ninth month. It was at that moment Daniel entered the room and both women turned to look at him, a smile on their lips. He did not see their joy as his eyes were on her large padded stomach. The shock at seeing her showed on his face and the women saw there was no joy in his expression. He left again without speaking and Edna looked across at Janey who looked everywhere except at her. Neither spoke about Daniel’s reaction but both had seen it. It left one woman puzzled and the other miserable. The joy of the dressmaking had gone.

Janey watched Daniel leave the house as he had done almost every evening since the day she had agreed to marry him and she could stand it no longer.

‘
Where does he go?’ she asked David but it was Molly who answered.

‘
He used to visit Sally a lot. She’s a friend of his.’  David kicked her under the table and Molly, in her childish innocence, could not understand what she had said wrong, ‘It’s true!  He used to see her regular, but then he stopped. I think they must have fallen out or something but they must be friends again now.’  David tried to apologise but Janey shook her head.

‘
Don’t worry, David.’             

‘
Come on, you’ve said enough,’ said David to his sister as he pulled her from the table.

‘
What did I say?  What’s wrong?’

‘
Out!’ David shoved her out the door and into their rooms. He turned just before he shut the door. ‘Sorry Janey,’ he said quietly. ‘She doesn’t realise the trouble she’s making.’

Jane
y smiled weakly as she hid the mixed emotions churning inside her. She had come between him and his lover. How could she blame him for seeking out his old flame?  Daniel had promised to give her child a name but he had not promised to be faithful to her. How could she compete with a woman who was shapely, willing and experienced when she was growing larger by the day, unsure if she could match his desires and, despite her condition, very naïve on pleasuring a man?  However, she had come to realise she wanted to try. She hated the thought of Daniel holding another woman in his arms, she had to confront him about it before they were wed. In just a few short days she had seen a new side to Daniel. A kinder side, a loyal side and she wanted to get to know him better. Soon she would be married to this stranger and she didn’t want the widow to come between them anymore.

The next day Janey found Daniel in a farm building tying up a cow. She took a moment to watch him as he worked and eventually stepped inside making her presence known to him. She had not explored outside of the farmhouse since she had arrived and his surprise showed on his face.

‘
Where’s Molly?’ he asked.

Janey tucked a stray hair behind her ear, suddenly she felt self
conscious that she was there and she felt out of place, never having stepped in a farm yard before.

‘
She has a headache so I told her to go back to bed.’

Daniel looked at the cow and she knew what he was thinking
. It was Molly’s job to tend to the cow.

‘
I’ve fed the chickens and I thought I could milk the cow for you.’  He didn’t look convinced. ‘Really, I would like to,’ she insisted.

‘
Have you ever milked a cow before?’  She shook her head.

‘
No, but I’m willing to learn,’ she said. He thought for a moment then brought over two stools. Sitting on one he patted the other. Pleased, she came to sit beside him. Endearingly he self consciously cleared his throat making her smile.

‘
You don’t need to do this.’

‘
I want to be a good wife to you and a good farmer’s wife helps her husband with the farm.’

‘
I don’t want you to be someone who you are not.’

‘Perhaps I am discovering who I am. Let me help. It would make me happy.’ With a firm gentleness he washed the cows udder with a cloth soaked in soapy water, aware that Janey watched his sweeping movements over the pink skin. ‘All my life I have been told what to do. This is different, I want to help and I’m asking to help.’  Daniel held the cow’s teat in his hand.

‘
Hold the teat like this and to make the milk flow imitate the calf’s mouth sucking at his mother. Like this, can you see?’  She moved her head closer to watch his hand squeeze the teat, his fingers and thumb circled the teat and each finger in turn squeezed until the high pitched sound of the milk hit the metal bucket beneath. Janey, engrossed, moved closer and they bumped heads, she pulled back feeling stupid.

‘
Sorry,’ she apologised and Daniel cleared his throat again.

‘
Now you have a go.’  Janey reached out and held the teat in her hand, blushing as she did so. She tried to squeeze it but nothing came out. Daniel showed her again on another and she copied but the milk refused to flow. Daniel moved closer and placed his hand over hers, his fingers were warm and naturally moulded around hers. ‘Here, let me show you again,’ he said, his breath brushing against her cheek. He applied pressure on her fingers in turn which transferred pressure to the pink teat that hung down from the cow’s udder. The rhythm built and the milk began to flow in pulsing ribbons to the bucket below. She smiled in delight and turned to look at him, her lips almost touching his cheek. He cleared his throat again and pulled back. ‘That’s it, you have the hang of it now.’

‘
Do you enjoy farming?’ she asked, trying hard to concentrate on her milking technique.

‘
I do, although I have plans.’

‘
You do?’

‘
Most farmers are content to be self sufficient but I want more. I want to earn money so my children can have the education I never had. I want to buy them homes so they will never know what it’s like to be so poor that they have to sleep under the sky or worry where their next meal is coming from. I want things for my children that I never had and to do that I need to make money.’  Daniel took a turn at milking which enabled Janey to rest her elbows on her knees and cup her face whilst she watched him and listened to his plans.

‘
How will you do that?’ she asked.

‘
Next year they will be bringing the railway to St.Wenna. It will link the village to the towns of Bodmin and Wadebridge. I want to produce enough milk so I can sell to the towns.’

‘
But you would need a lot of cows.’

‘
Indeed.’

‘
And milk doesn’t keep long so you would need to transport once, even twice a day.’  Daniel stopped milking and looked at her, surprised by her interest.

‘
It would be hard work,’ he replied.

‘
And take a large amount of time out of your day.’

‘
It would but I am willing to work hard if that is what it takes.’  Janey sat silent for some moments as Daniel began to milk again, both forgetting she was meant to be learning the task.

‘
When I worked on the estate at Truro,’ Janey said, ‘a dairy maid visited every Tuesday to make cheese and butter. The amounts she made were large as the family had workers living on the estate and a town house in the city. I often helped her.’  Daniel stopped to look at her. It was his turn to listen. ‘If you turned your milk to butter and cheese it would store longer. Deliveries could be less frequent and easier to handle as the product is smaller and more compact. Not only that, but the profit would be higher. I learnt a lot from the dairy maid. I could make the butter and cheese for you to sell.’

‘
We would need to buy equipment and find buyers.’

‘
And we would have to package it. We could call it Boscarne butter or Kellow cheese!’

‘We would need more cows, but I would have to do that anyway.’

‘
In a couple of years Molly will finish school and she could help me make it as the business grew.’

‘
I could convert the Shippen, turn it into a dairy where the cheese and butter could be made. It’s north facing and would be the coldest building.’  They sat for a moment, their minds racing with possibilities. He smiled at her, ‘I didn’t know I was marrying a business woman.’

‘
I didn’t know I was marrying a business man,’ she smiled back at him, both excited at the prospect of this new venture together. He raised an eyebrow to the bucket.

‘
Would you like a drink?’  Janey nodded enthusiastically. ‘Open your mouth,’ he ordered smiling. Hesitantly she opened her mouth and he pointed a teat in her direction. With a rhythmical squeeze a creamy thread of milk arched through the air and pooled in her mouth. She started to laugh, gurgling and spilling some of the milk from her lips. Creamy droplets ran down her chin and along her upturned jaw line making Daniel laugh, a soft infectious laugh that caught at her heart strings and delighted her. They sat breathless just looking at each other, feeling closer to one another than they had ever done before. He reached out and rubbed a drop away with his thumb, she sat passively watching him, allowing him to touch her. Suddenly they were both standing; her milking stool had tipped onto its side and lay rocking by her feet. She felt his hand slip around her waist and another moved to frame her neck. Bending his head he took the drop of milk that had run down her neck into his mouth. She could hear her own heart pulsing under her skin as he travelled higher to another drop that he also gently licked away. She did not stop him but her head fell back into the cradle of his rising hand. He kissed the corner of her mouth, tasting the creamy liquid and smelling its sweetness on her breath. She became aware for the first time his breathing had become ragged and a growing urgency within him. She had come this far, it was the closest she had let any man touch her since that day. She had been enjoying it, on the verge of losing herself into the feelings that were threatening to rise in her but now she was becoming scared. She didn’t want things to spoil, she did not want him to lose control. Brockenshaw had lost control. Had she somehow been the catalyst for his change from a gentleman to a devil?  And then there was the widow. Was he still seeing her?  Had he lain in her arms only yesterday evening?  She had to ask him and to stop the mounting desire between them before it got out of hand and she did both by a few choice words.

‘
Do you kiss
her
like this?’ she asked, Daniel froze. Any closeness between them vanished as he stepped back to look at her.

‘
Who has been talking?’

‘
Molly said you visit the widow, Sally.’

‘
And she says I am now?’