Old Sins Long Shadows (40 page)

‘
They were beginning to wilt.’  They had not discussed the wedding night and she was unsure what he expected.

He slowly untied the neck of her nightdress and eased her gown to the side to expose her shoulder
. She felt him stroke her skin with the back of a finger.

‘
I won’t hurt you,’ he whispered as he watched the candlelight flicker on her smooth skin. She forced her breathing to remain steady.

‘
I know,’ she said quietly. With a lift of one finger he eased the gown completely off one shoulder and it fell limply around the top of her arm, exposing half of her breast to his eyes. Her breath caught in her throat.

‘
Your breasts,’ he said softly as his hand glided down to expose her breast fully, he felt its heaviness and softness in his hand, ‘have changed since the day I pulled you in the river.’  Janey suddenly felt self conscious of her larger breasts that had developed as her pregnancy had progressed. She covered her breast with the night gown. ‘There’s no shame in how a woman’s body changes,’ he added, ‘It is nature, it’s natural.’

‘
I feel fat.’ Daniel smiled at her confession and tilted her face up to his. His eyes were deep brown and seemed to look into her soul, stripping her naked before him. She felt her nipples grow painfully taut, wanting him to touch her again as he had done. She found herself arching her back slightly as if to entice him back to her. He did not seem to notice, he was looking at her mouth. He ran a thumb along her dry bottom lip feeling its softness and marvelling at how soft she was to his roughness. As if he could wait no longer he bent his head to hers and briefly touched her lip with the tip of his tongue. Her mouth opened, waiting to receive his kiss, an invitation for him to kiss her more. He needed no further coaxing, suddenly he was kissing her, tasting her, wanting her, sharing the same breath with her and Janey was lost. She no longer felt self conscious of her pregnancy. She felt desired, she felt sexual and she wanted him like she had wanted no other man. In a building urgency he cupped her face, kissing her jaw line and her neck. As she floated away from reality on a sea of sensation she felt him ease both shoulders of her gown down to expose her. As he caressed her taut breast in his hand he whispered in her ear.

‘
Do you want me?’ 

‘
Yes.’

‘
Show me.’

Tentatively she reached up and threaded her fingers around his neck
. With behaviour that would make her mother swoon with shock she took charge of the kiss. She wanted him and any memories of that
awful day
months before, were so far removed from what was happening to her now that for once it did not cross her mind. She wanted him to touch her, to love her, to be inside her.

He slid his hand down her back, her white cotton nightgown a barrier to his touch, and cupped her buttock
. He pulled her body to him so she could feel his arousal and she gasped.

‘
Do you want me as much as I want you now?’ his tone had changed, his breathing was unsteady but his voice had an edge.

‘
Yes,’ she whispered wanting more of him. Suddenly he held her at arms length looking at her and she faltered in her confidence. Had she done or said something wrong?  She was dishevelled and partially clothed while he remained the same as he had when he had come in the room. She looked up at him and saw a struggle in his eyes. It was as if he was battling some demon inside him. ‘Daniel?  What is the matter?  What have I done wrong?’ she asked bewildered, bereft that he had drawn away.

‘I’ve wanted you for so long but you only had eyes for him. I’ve wanted you to want me, but you saw me as a “heathen”, as if I was beneath you.’ She shook her head.

‘
Never!’ she cried. ‘If I gave you that impression then I am sorry. You were so different to anyone I’d met before.’

‘
Right now I should want to make you suffer, as I have suffered these past two years,’ he said, searching her face. He sighed as if in defeat, ‘but I can’t,’ he said finally, ‘I want you more than ever.’  He kissed her hard with a passion of a man possessed and claiming her as his. He started to touch her again with the right only her husband had and she was lost in his embrace once again. His hand swept down her body taking in the curve of her breast and her belly. Both had forgotten the baby inside her, both too absorbed in discovering each others bodies. As if demanding their attention the baby chose that moment to kick violently to the outside world and right into the palm of Daniel’s hand. Their love making came to an abrupt halt and Daniel looked down as if in shock. The baby kicked twice in quick succession and Daniel felt it clearly in his palm once more. This was his first direct contact with the baby inside his wife. He withdrew his hand, balling it into a fist to take away the sensation of its touch.

‘
You won’t hurt it,’ Janey smiled taking his hand to feel the baby once more. She hoped this would be the chance for him to feel more bonded with the baby he was to call his own, but his hand recoiled from hers.

‘
Did you know Edna had eight children?’ he said looking at her belly with disappointment on his face.

‘
No I didn’t.’

‘
She lost each one before her seventh month.’  He replaced her night gown so she was no longer exposed to his eyes and she felt like an unwanted gift being handed back. ‘I have spent the last eight years being blamed for someone’s death. I will not have you blame me should you miscarry.’ He pulled the covers of the bed back and told her to get in and she did in a state of shock how things had suddenly changed. ‘We will wait until after the birth, I have waited long enough, I can wait a few more weeks.’  He lay down beside her, his hands cradled behind his head staring up at the ceiling whilst Janey lay beside him. There was less than two inches between them but it might as well have been a chasm. She knew she should feel grateful that he was protecting her baby’s health but as she lay beside him, just on the brink of experiencing something wondrous with the man that was her husband, all she could feel was a sense of utter rejection. It seemed even on their wedding night Brockenshaw was still coming between them.

Chapter 17

On the surface their marriage appeared to flourish. With the help of Edna, Janey settled into the life of a farmer’s wife. She taught her how to gut the animals that Daniel produced for their table, whilst Janey returned the favour by sharing cooking secrets from the cooks she had worked under as a kitchen maid. Edna took great delight in helping Janey to prepare the spare bedroom for the baby and whilst Janey baked, Edna would sit by the range, warming her toes and knitting for the new arrival as if it was to be her own.

Under Janey’s instruction
, David dug up patches of the front garden so Janey could plant shrubs and flowers that would add, she insisted, colour and interest. Daniel found the idea amusing that she would want to waste her time growing plants that had no use, but she knew, come the summer, he would take as much pleasure in seeing the garden transformed as she would. She also commandeered a small patch of Daniel’s vegetable garden at the side of the house to nurture back to health the herbs that Amy had grown. Daniel didn’t know where she got the energy from as the inside of the house began to transform before his eyes. There were no obvious changes but there was a difference none the less. The furniture now shone with beeswax polish, the windows gleamed in the sunlight and the air always smelt fresh as she had a habit of throwing the windows open each morning. Some of the older curtains were changed for new ones, whilst the others were freshly laundered. She had the carpets beaten weekly and the slate flooring scrubbed each morning. Even David joked that they needn’t bother with plates as they could just eat off the floor. However, Daniel could not fault Janey’s housekeeping skills. It gave him a sense of peace that when he returned home he would enter a clean, well organised home with good cooking waiting for him, a warm fire in the grate and laughter and chatter to make him smile.

The changes however, did not stop there
. After encouragement from Janey, Daniel set about transforming one of the outbuildings to a dairy for butter and cheesemaking. After searching the sale pages and visiting several markets he eventually found all the equipment they needed. There were two specific days that made Daniel feel that his dream of expanding the business was finally going to become reality. The first was arriving home with the cheese press he had purchased. With David’s help they unloaded it from the cart watched by an audience made up of Janey, Molly and Edna. Once it was installed in the dairy and the men had stood back to rest from the exertion, the women, led by Janey, broke into a spontaneous applause. It made Daniel smile that there were others as excited as he was about the new business venture they were planning. The second time happened when he and David brought a small herd of new cattle home from the market. Only Janey was at home but he saw her look out the window then quickly disappear again as they made their way down the lane. She came out into the garden and watched them go by with a big smile on her face.

‘
They’re beautiful. What are they?’ she called to him.

‘
They are South Devon cattle. They are docile, hardy and live for a long time which means they will not need replacing as quickly as some breeds. They also mature quickly so I can breed from them sooner than some breeds.’  Daniel patted the curly, light red coat of the nearest cow to him. ‘They also produce creamy milk,’ he gave Janey a rare smile, ‘Just right for cheese making. It will put our cheese and butter one step ahead of the others.’  Janey leaned over the granite hedge at the bottom of their garden to watch the gentle giants walk past. ‘Over the past twenty years the breed has improved a lot. I think it will become more popular in Cornwall in the future.’  She silently clapped her hands and he felt a surge of pride and pleasure. He had the urge to run over to her, pick her up and swing her around in appreciation of her support but he did not. If he hadn’t had three large cows to keep control, he told himself, he may have risked acting on his feelings. Whatever the reason there was for not hugging his wife in happiness, it did not alter the fact that he did not. Instead he just nodded at her in acknowledgement and passed her by.

‘I really think you are the best to sell it. They won’t buy from me.’

‘
Nonsense,’ said Janey pinning her hat on her head, ‘but if that’s how you really feel, I will.’  She looked at Daniel’s shirt and instantly recognised it as the one he wore at the harvest dance. The pocket had been expertly mended by Edna, no doubt, but the button was still missing. ‘Wait, I’ll be back in a minute.’  She disappeared for some minutes before returning with a sewing basket and something in her hand. She ordered him to sit. ‘I should have mended this shirt ages ago,’ she said, threading a needle and kneeling before him.

 
‘Don’t kneel down,’ he patted his leg, ‘sit here.’  She looked around embarrassed but Edna and David were no where to be seen. Not wanting to offend she sat down primly on his lap. Daniel watched her working, enjoying her being so close to him. Without thinking he glanced down. ‘That’s lucky. It matches the others exactly,’ he said.

 
‘That’s because it’s the one that is missing,’ replied Janey. Daniel frowned.

‘
Where did you find it?’

‘
When I tore it, it came away in my hand.’

His eyes narrowed
, ‘And you kept it all this time?’ His scrutiny of her actions took her by surprise and she blushed. She finished the sewing, cut the thread with her scissors and stood up abruptly.

 
‘I hate to throw things away. It’s wasteful, now we must hurry,’ she said changing the subject, ‘The shop owner is expecting us and we must create a good impression by being on time.’

Arthur Jones greeted Janey with a smile and looked warily at Daniel as he entered his shop behind her. Ignoring his mixed greeting, Janey put out her hand and, a little surprised, Arthur Jones took it.

 
‘Thank you for seeing us Mr Jones. I am Janey Kellow. I believe you know my husband, Daniel.’  Daniel, not used to mixing with the villagers, followed his wife’s lead and shook the shopkeeper’s hand. ‘We have arranged this meeting as we have something you may be interested in selling in your shop.’  Janey took out her samples of butter and cheese for the shopkeeper to try. The samples were not from their first batch. It took several attempts and tasting sessions, involving everyone at Boscarne Farm, before they were happy with the products. To ensure they made a quality product Janey and Molly had attended a dairy course in the nearby town of Camelford. They could not persuade Edna to join them.