Old Sins Long Shadows (42 page)

‘
He may have gone to the top field. He did say there was a tree up there that needed cutting back. I’m not certain though. Why?’

David picked up a blade of grass and started to chew it.

‘There’s no problem,’ he said, I just wondered if he wanted me to clean out the water troughs. What are you going to do this afternoon?’

‘
I’m feeling a bit restless, I may take a walk into the village later.’ They stood quietly admiring the flowers. ‘They’re beautiful. Wild flowers are my favourite,’ sighed Janey and was surprised when David said he knew. Molly had said the same thing when she gave her her wedding bouquet. Janey was intrigued. ‘How do you know?’ she asked.  David tried to squat a fly that had started to annoy him.

‘
’Cos Daniel said.’

‘
He did?  When?’

David returned to his chewing.
‘Oh ages ago. Two year or more.’

Janey turned to him
. How would Daniel know that they were her favourite flowers?  She only remembered telling James Brockenshaw when she returned from walking Charlie. He had struck up a conversation with her in the courtyard behind Bosvenna Manor, and only a few days later he had given her a bouquet of wild flowers or at least David did on his behalf. As Janey remembered a growing sense of pain grew in her chest as she realised that Daniel had been present at the time.

‘
Tell me about the day you gave me the flowers, David. How did it come about?’

‘I suppose that now you are wed, there is no reason not to tell you.’ said David. The boy
was oblivious to Janey’s growing sense of surprise as he remembered the events of the day. ‘Daniel had got himself all dressed up in his best clothes. Well you know how Molly is; she kept asking where he was going. He eventually said he was going to ask a girl to walk out with him and he paid Molly a farthing to pick a bunch of flowers from the meadow as they were the girl’s favourite flower.’  Janey hid her surprise as she quietly listened. ‘He asked me to go with him,’ continued David, ‘to look after the horse while he walked up the drive of Bosvenna Estate.’

‘
Why didn’t he give them to me?’ asked Janey, not quite believing what she was hearing.

‘
When we got to the gates he became unsure - not like Daniel at all. He said that he was on a fool’s errand, that you were too good for him. I said Molly would be really upset if he didn’t give you the flowers so he told me to run down the drive and give them to you but not to say they were from him. So I did what he asked.’  Janey did not speak so David carried on. ‘After I gave them to you I ran back and told him I’d given them to you. He didn’t say anything, just turned the horse around and we rode home. He never mentioned your name again until the day he brought you home.’

‘
I saw you speaking to James Brockenshaw when you left,’ said Janey quietly.

‘
That awful man nearly rode into me. He asked me what I was about and I said I was running an errand. He then told me to get off the estate and be sharp about it or he’d have me for trespassing.’

‘
They were beautiful flowers,’ Janey said lamely but her mind was on Daniel.

‘
They were just ordinary flowers but you seemed to like them at the time. I’ll go and look for Daniel in the top field. He might need a hand with the tree.’  David moved away but Janey hardly noticed. Daniel had wanted to walk out with her?  Yet every time they had met they had argued. He hated James Brockenshaw and took every opportunity to warn her off him. Yet the more she thought of those meetings with Daniel she realised that the stubborn man, who was always giving her his words of wisdom, was really a man that was jealous of her interest in Brockenshaw. How could she be so blind?  He had been in and out of her life, often helping her, often annoyed with her but, she remembered his eyes and the way he looked at her, always - wanting her. How could she be so foolish?  Why did she not realise? Janey needed to speak to him but it would have to wait until this evening when Molly and David were in their annex and Edna had gone home. It was a conversation she did not want interrupted by anyone.

Still feeling restless she decided she would take a walk into the village and visit the haberdashery
. A sudden desire to make a new dress that would show off her figure once the baby was born had taken hold of her. She wanted to look desirable for her husband and if she ordered some material now it may be ready by the time the baby arrived.

She entered the farmhouse by the back door and reached for her shawl and reticular
. It was Daniel’s voice she heard first, followed by Edna’s soothing tones. She was about to call out to them to let them know where she was going and that David was looking for him when she heard her name mentioned. She paused, hesitating whether to listen or leave. She was about to leave when Daniel’s voice came clearer to her ears as he moved around the kitchen.

‘
I try but I just can’t,’ he said. Edna replied but Janey could not make out the words. She waited for Daniel’s response and when it came she wished she hadn’t heard it. ‘I see her belly getting bigger, I know she wants me to take an interest in it, but I can’t. I feel nothing for the baby. I don’t know if I ever will. It’s like a thing growing between us,’ she could hear the anguish in his voice. ‘She wants me to love it but at the moment I cant. I hate myself for feeling this way but I don’t know how to change things.’  Janey retreated out of the house. Her initial joy at realising he wanted her had faded. He may want her but he did not want her baby and her baby was part of her. Janey half stumbled, turned and fled.

She walked fast and furiously to the village turning over the conversation in her head. By the time she reached the village some sanity had taken hold once more. Could she blame Daniel for having doubts about the baby?  Did he not have the right to express his concerns to Edna and seek her advice?  She must remain calm and not judge Daniel too harshly. He had married her and saved her and her baby from the workhouse. She had had far longer to get used to the idea of the pregnancy and parenthood than he had. She wanted the marriage to work. She loved Daniel but she wanted him to love her baby. She could not force him to love the baby but in time and with understanding love may grow. Daniel had said once before that love could grow despite the best attempts to crush it. She didn’t know if she was evading the problem or being philosophical about it, either way she would visit the haberdashery as she had planned. The visit would take her mind off her problems and her pregnancy which, today, was becoming more uncomfortable as the day went on.

David saw Daniel walking towards him through the farmyard.

‘
There you are. I’ve been looking for you. Janey didn’t know where you were either.’

‘
I’ve been talking to the old woman,’ said Daniel not stopping to speak further.

‘
Did Janey find you?’

Daniel became wary and slowed his step.
‘No, why?’ he asked. David scratched his head.

‘
She said she was going to the village so I assumed she would let Edna know.’ 

‘
When did she come to the house?’ he asked, dreading the answer. Daniel was concerned that Janey may have heard his conversation with Edna. When David answered he knew, without a doubt, she had. ‘I’d better go to the village to give her a lift home,’ he said, marching off to harness the horse to the trap. ‘She shouldn’t be walking so far in her condition. She may do herself some harm.’

Janey had a successful visit to the shop and was making her way home across the village green. Two large oak trees grew in its centre, forming a canopy of leaves providing cooling shade on the hot sunny day. Janey’s mind was still filled with Daniel as she stepped amongst its leafy shadows and she did not at first notice the man waiting for her to approach. He stepped out into her path and, as his shoes came into her line of sight, she heard his voice and recognised it instantly.

‘
Well if it isn’t my little vixen, come out of her den to bathe in the sunshine,’ James drawled.

Janey felt the earth tilt beneath her feet as she looked up to see the man before
her. It was
him
and he was smiling.

Drink had aged him, mottling his skin and reddening his eyes
. She wondered if he had been drinking today, if not she had no doubt he would be in his cups by the evening. Although he was dressed in well tailored clothes with a matching top hat on his head, he looked slightly dishevelled with bags under his eyes. Although his appearance had changed, his belief in his charm and his arrogance in his station had not. His eyes raked Janey up and down and took in that she was with child.

Janey moved to the side to walk past him but he blocked her way.

‘That’s very impolite of you, Miss Carhart. It is customary to reply to a greeting.’

Janey wondered how she would feel if she ever saw him again
. She thought she may feel fear or perhaps humiliation. What she didn’t expect to feel was anger, but that is what she felt and she was grateful for it. She hated this man who had almost destroyed her life. She had survived and she would not let him hurt her again.

Through gritted teeth she hissed
, ‘I see no one I wish to greet. Get out of my way!’

‘
Janey, what is the matter?  You seem upset.’

‘
You amaze me with your arrogance,’ she retorted, ‘Do not speak to me ever again. I hate you and despise you and will do so until my dying day.’

Daniel brought the trap to a halt and searched the street for Janey. He could not see her so turned his attention to the green. At first he overlooked the couple standing alone under the shade of the twin oak trees but something in the way the woman stood caught his attention. He felt a wrenching in his gut as he realised it was Janey and that she was talking to Brockenshaw. They stood close together oblivious of the people around them. They only had eyes for one another and his gut twisted in anguish again.

‘I really don’t understand you. Why are you acting like this?’

‘
Do you really not know?’ Janey was incredulous. ‘You raped me.’

Brockenshaw examined the end of his cane,

‘Rape is a serious allegation. I do not rape women. I do not need to.’

‘
You raped me, you bastard!  Call it what you like to evade responsibility but I know what you did and I hate you for it!’

‘
You enjoyed my attentions. In the grotto your eyes were like a puppy… begging.’

‘
You took advantage of your station and position. Do not try to pass the responsibility of your attack onto me. There is only one person who has that and that is you. Now get out of my way.’

‘
Janey,’ he said reaching out to touch her cheek, ‘let us be friends. I have taken a room in the Inn down the road. Come back with me and let us talk about it.’

Daniel saw Brockenshaw caress his wife’s cheek and could not stomach to watch the lovers anymore. With a flick of the reins he turned the trap around and headed for home.

‘Take your hand off me,’ ground out Janey, ‘You make my skin crawl.’  Brockenshaw dropped his hand, ‘I am Mrs Kellow now. You have no hold over me and I wish you were dead. Your arrogance and the sight of you make me sick.’ Janey turned around and marched away, turning only briefly to reassure herself that he was not following.  With some relief, she saw him entering the village inn.

There had been something cathartic to have faced him after all this time and tell him how much she hated him
. His avoidance of any responsibility to the act dumbfounded her, yet, on reflection, what did she expect? She had been blind to his conceitedness, his false charm and his spoilt ways. She had been a fool. Yet she knew she had also been naïve, a dreamer and he had seen her weakness and taken advantage of it.

She stopped to catch her breath on her walk home
. She rubbed the base of her bump to ease the cramp like ache that had come back again. She had experienced the pain, which was not unlike her monthly curse, when she started her journey. Thankfully it had passed off but now it had returned. It was not unduly painful, but it was uncomfortable nonetheless and she waited for it to pass before she started her walk again.

 
Despite, her intial distress at hearing Daniel’s conversation and seeing Brockenshaw again, her visit to the haberdashery had been a success. She had ordered several yards of dark blue material that would make a lovely dress. With Edna’s help she would keep the dress secret from Daniel and when she was recovered she would wear it for him. She was eager to be desirable to him once more. She was eager for her marriage to be a complete one at last.

  She
stopped again. She was beginning to regret walking to the village as the discomfort returned, again it wasn’t too bad but Janey was becoming a little concerned. Perhaps the baby was in a strange position and pressing on her somewhere.

  She heard the horse’s hooves and the wooden wheels of the trap on the road before she saw them and it was with some relief when she saw her husband driving the trap to collect her
. She smiled at him and waved, pleased to see him come to her rescue. He had often turned up in times of trouble and, as if reading her mind, he was there for her now. Her smile faded a little as she saw how angry he looked. No doubt he was annoyed that she had walked instead of getting David to take her in the trap, she thought as he expertly turned the trap and horse in the road and waited for her to get in.