Old Sins Long Shadows (39 page)

The light caught the movements of his muscles as his body moved and she felt melting desire deep inside her
. She felt no fear and no repulsion at the sight of him. He was, without doubt, mesmerising and beautiful to look at, wet, sleek and clean she was surprised at her desire to touch him. The need to feel his warm body beneath her hands and, to her surprise, a growing emptiness inside her that she knew he alone could fill, gave her hope for the future. The sight of him had ignited inside her a wanton side, a side that Sally had no shame displaying to all but Janey had been schooled by her mother was unladylike. She had no wish to display it as freely as Sally did, but the realisation that she felt such lustful feelings towards the man that would soon be her husband meant there was hope for their marriage. He was striding out of the river to his pile of clothes, confident, unashamed and athletic in his movements. He was unhurried and relaxed as he neared the bank and, to her horror, he was looking at her. She had been caught.

He remained unhurried as he reached for his trousers.

‘You will have to marry me now,’ he joked as he pulled them on. He did not seem to mind at all that she had been watching. Janey, on the other hand, was mortified. Belatedly she shielded her eyes.

‘
I did not know you were bathing.’

‘
I had hoped you sought me out knowing I was.’

‘
I’m sorry to disappoint you.’  She dropped her hand and stared at him frowning. His chest remained bare and he made no further attempt to dress.

He had not expected to see her standing there
. The look on her face when he first saw her reminded him of the look on Molly and David’s face when he had shown them Boscarn Farm for the first time and said it was to be their home. She looked surprised, transfixed, intrigued as if she hadn’t seen a man before and from her pregnant state that was hardly true. He had put on his trousers to save her blushes - as well as his own should his body betray him. Despite his light hearted greeting, he was still angry with her for not trusting him and accusing him of seeing Sally. As if Janey had heard his thoughts she spoke the woman’s name.

‘
Sally visited, she was looking for you.’

‘
What did she want?’ he asked. He didn’t want another row.

‘
To speak to you. She thinks we are not matched well. She says you are only marrying me because no other man will let his daughter marry you. She thinks I tricked you into marriage’

‘
She is wrong.’

‘
Which is what I told her,’ he raised an eyebrow surprised by her reply, ‘and so did Edna - in her way.’  Janey added a little uncomfortably.

‘
I can imagine.’  He watched Janey start to pace up and down, wringing her hands as she walked. Something was on her mind. ‘What is ailing you?  It’s best to speak plainly.’  Janey took a deep breath and faced him.

‘
She did bring up certain issues which perhaps we should discuss.’

‘
Go on.’

She started to pace again.

‘From my current situation you must think I am experienced in the bedroom.’ Failing a response from him and feeling under his scrutiny she carried on, ‘but the truth of the matter is I am not. It was only once.’

Daniel put up
his hand to ward off her words.

‘
I do not want to hear about your lovemaking with Brockenshaw.’

‘
I only tell you this in case you expect me to be a certain type of woman with experience. I am not.’  He found that hard to believe, particularly as he had caught them together in the ruin building. However he could hardly call her a liar, he had to take her word for it.

‘
I do not judge you as I do not expect you to judge me. All I ask is that you are faithful when we are wed. I will not be the decoy while you two carry on meeting.’

‘
That would never happen.’

‘
Yet you loved him.’

‘
At one time I thought I did. It was a mistake.’

‘
One I warned you about.’

‘
And one I will forever regret. But I do not want our marriage to be blighted by your pious recriminations.’

It was the first time in a while she had retaliated back
. She was beginning to resemble the Janey he once knew, the one that threw stones at him by the river, the one that had kissed him. Perhaps there was hope their marriage would work. Perhaps there was hope that one day she would love him as she had done Brockenshaw.

‘
And I will not have you accusing me of seeing other women.’

‘
I will not, if you do not.’  He had taken a step nearer and she had halted in her walking. Without realising it they were mirroring each others body stance.

‘
Which leaves the baby,’ said Janey, Daniel couldn’t help looking away. ‘Do you promise me that my baby will not be treated differently from your own?’  He ground his teeth before he spoke.

‘
I said I would not.’

‘
My baby has become precious to me. I need your reassurance.’

‘
Or you would call off the wedding and prefer life in the workhouse?’

‘
I will if I have to.’  He came towards her, stopping just less than an arms length away.

‘
Do you not trust me?  Have I given you a reason not to trust me?’

She shook her head,
‘No.’

‘
I said I would treat your baby as if it was mine.’ He took her hand in his, ‘but I did not promise to love it.’ He placed her hand on his chest above his heart, ‘Love comes from here,’ he said and reaching out with his other hand he brazenly placed it on her breast, she gasped but did not slap it away, ‘and here.’

Janey did not move but met his stare.

‘But love cannot grow unless there is a willingness to nurture it,’ she told him.

‘On that we disagree,’ he said, removing his hand and dropping hers, ‘Love can still survive despite the best attempts to crush it.’

Janey blinked at his words.

‘I have to go,’ she said confused, ‘I have things to do.’ Daniel watched her walk away, enjoying the swing of her hips and the grace of her movements that were so characteristic of her. For once she had not flinched at his touch. She had asked for patience and he was willing to give her that. She had also asked for reassurance and that too he had given but it would not change how he felt. He watched her walk away, her hair blowing in the breeze and Brockenshaw’s brat in her belly.

Janey looked at herself in the mirror. It was not how she had dreamed her wedding would be. With Edna’s help and alterations she wore the smartest of Amy’s old dresses for her wedding. It was deep blue which highlighted her dark chestnut hair and green eyes. She had dressed her hair up in a style more befitting a lady of the upper class than a soon to be farmer’s wife, but it was her wedding day and she wanted it to be as special as she could make it. She had not dreamed she would be pregnant and marrying a man that was not the father. She had not dreamed of marrying a man with Daniel’s reputation. As a child she had not dreamed she would marry a farmer, yet here she was on the morning of her wedding doing all of these things.

After going missing for much of the mor
ning, dear, excited Molly ran into her room with the largest bouquet of wild flowers she had ever seen. Janey did not hide her delight as she took them and breathed in deeply their scent.

‘
They’re lovely, Molly, I love wild flowers.’

Molly grinned, fe
eling very pleased with herself.

‘
I know. I thought you could carry them to hide your bump and put some in your hair.’

They spent the remainder of their time at the farmhouse threading flowers into their hair before David arrived with the trap to take them to the church
. Daniel had gone on ahead with Edna and she wondered, not for the first time, what was going on in his head that morning.

She felt nervous and a sense of foreboding as the trap drew up to the little church. To her surprise the graveyard was filled with people from the village waiting for her arrival. They stood around the graves, some in groups, and others alone, silently watching as she was helped down from the trap by David. She knew why they were there. They were not well wishers, friends or family. They had come to see who had been fool enough to marry a man with a murderous reputation like Daniel Kellow. The villagers thought they got their answer when they saw her - a woman fool enough to fall pregnant by him. Janey took a deep breath and tilted her chin in defiance as she threaded her arm through David’s, while Molly followed on behind. Some of the villagers she recognised from the services she had attended with Lady Brockenshaw, some were from the shops in the village, yet there were some she had never seen before. Sally was there with a face like thunder and near her, much shorter than the rest, was Little Billy Bray. Only Little Billy smiled at her and she smiled back grateful to see a friendly face. She continued to walk passed the watching crowd, hoping she was hiding the nervousness she felt. Rather than feeling like a bride arriving at her wedding she felt more like a lamb being led to slaughter.

The cool air of the church hit her inflamed cheeks with a suddenness that surprised her
. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dark gloom inside and she realised the back pews were also full of villagers wanting to witness the wedding, but that is where their popularity ended. As she turned to the right and proceeded to walk up the aisle the pews to her right that should be filled with Daniel’s friends and relatives were empty except for Edna and Matt. Her own pews on the left were no better, in fact they were worse. Her mother had not replied to her invitation and she had no family who would own her. One lone young woman sat on her side of the church. The woman turned to smile at her and Janey instantly recognised her with a gratefulness she was embarrassed to admit to. It was Mary, home on leave from her nurse training.

Finally she saw Daniel standing squarely at the front, taller than the rest and the only one not to look at her
. As she approached him she willed him to turn and smile and reassure her that what she was doing was right, but he did not. Soon she was standing beside him and she could smell the sandalwood soap he so often used. Strangely it provided some comfort and momentarily their arms brushed as they stood before the vicar. The touch caused him to look down at her and for a fleeting moment she thought she saw his glare soften as he took in the wild flowers in her hair. His eyes darkened with appreciation of her appearance.

‘
You came,’ he said softly.

‘
So did you,’ she replied

‘
Are you sure you want this?’ he asked frowning. She nodded, not feeling at all sure she did. The softness left Daniel’s face and he turned to the vicar. ‘Let’s begin,’ he said, ‘The villagers are waiting for a wedding, let’s not disappoint them,’ and with that they were married.

Matt had insisted the bride and groom returned to his home for some food and drink. The tension of the wedding melted away briefly as Matthew and Mary, along with their parents and numerous siblings turned the gathering to an impromptu party. The celebration kept the bride and bridegroom apart if not by design but by shear numbers of bodies in the tiny house. Several times Janey looked across the room to Daniel, and he to her, but the noise and chatter of the family they had been persuaded to join acted like a human barrier to any intimate words or touch.

The ride to Boscarn Farm was no better as the trap which carried them home later that evening also carried an excitable Molly and a tired David. It was only when they finally retired to their rooms were Daniel and Janey finally alone as husband and wife.

Janey sat nervously on the bed in her nightdress as she waited for Daniel to come to bed
. Someone had already placed her clothes and bag in his bedroom making it clear to her that her place was now with him in the main bedroom and not in the spare as it had been since her arrival. She wondered if she should get in the bed, or should she stand beside it to wait for his arrival. She could hear him walking around downstairs turning off the lamps and shutting the windows. She took a quick look at herself in the mirror and rearranged her hair around her shoulders and sat back down again arranging her white cotton nightdress about her legs. She had only been in this bedroom once. It smelt of him and everything in it was his, she felt like an intruder not the lady of the house. The door opened and Daniel came in.

‘
Are you tired?’ he asked, taking off his shirt. Janey wondered if it was a loaded question.

‘
A little,’ she replied, feeling very self conscious as he openly looked her up and down. He reached out for her and gently pulled her to standing.

‘
You’ve taken the flowers from your hair,’ he said brushing her hair away from her face. It was the first gentle caress he had ever given her.