On Agate Hill (24 page)

F
OR
NO O
NE
’
S
E
YES

July 18, 1873

Dr. Snow will not discuss his foolhardy decision with me at all, closeting himself in his little house then riding off to preach at country churches hither and yon. Meanwhile Agnes & I struggle to deal with our recalcitrant student who does nothing but sigh & stare blankly into space, answering all attempts at conversation in monosyllables. She shows no interest in anything except our books; yesterday, she grabbed up a collection of Fairy Tales from the parlor table & hid it in the folds of her skirt (actually Agnes’s skirt, I should add.)

“You do not need to do that,” I told her, retrieving the book & handing it back to her properly. “We are happy for you to borrow this book, or any book we have here at Gatewood Academy.”

She clutched the book to her chest & stared at me.

“You may say, ‘Thank you, Mrs. Snow,’ “ I told her.

“Thank you, Mrs. Snow,” she whispered, eyes filled with Anger & Ingratitude. Though I have prayed without ceasing for Forbearance in this matter, I cannot, I simply cannot find it in my heart to be sorry for her.

I shall speak to Dr. Snow promptly upon his return.

Mariah Rutherford Snow
Headmistress, Gatewood Academy
Hopewell, Virginia

F
OR
N
O
O
NE
’
S
E
YES

July 20, 1873

My attempt having ended in terrible Argument, I excused myself from the breakfast table & went out to water the plants on the porch. Not five minutes had passed before I sensed the silent presence of Dr. Snow behind me. I continued my work, every nerve on edge. “What is it?” I finally whirled about to ask, whereupon he told me frankly that Simon Black is paying so much money to Gatewood Academy that we shall be able to meet our note after all, plus send our own boys off to their respective Boarding Schools as planned, AND have adequate funds left over for repairs to the Academy!

“So you see we have no Choice,” he said, following me along the row of pots. “Simon Black has made a substantial investment in this Academy.”

“But Dr. Snow, that is Bribery!” I said, though I dared not turn to see his face.

“On the contrary, Mariah, it is Business. Do I make myself clear?” He gripped my elbow so tightly that I cried out in pain, dropping my bucket which rolled off the porch spilling water. “Furthermore, I consider it our Christian duty to save this girl. And frankly I am surprised that you, of all people, do not see it this way, Mariah, given your own circumstances.” (He WOULD have to bring this up, of course!) “Nothing happens without God’s Knowledge; remember that, Mariah. Molly Petree has been sent to us for a
reason. The Lord works in mysterious ways, & it is not up to us to question Him. I know you will do your best with her.”

“Dr. Snow,” I said, “you are hurting my arm.”

But he did not release it, pulling me toward him & into the house where to my surprise he exercised his Conjugal Rights upon the hall bench in broad daylight. He seems to be quite worked up, in general, by all that has transpired. I occupied myself by reciting the beginning of Paradise Lost all the while, finishing about the same time he did.

Today I took my cold bath a bit earlier than usual.

Of course Dr. Snow is right, & I am wrong, & ungrateful & evil & low-minded, imagining only the worst for reasons he understands all too well. Yet I shall endeavor to rise above myself, & be worthy of Simon Black’s trust, & live up to Dr. Snow’s opinion of my capabilities, & understand that in all matters of Business, he knows best. (Yet WHY does he know best? Oh stop it, Mariah.) Better I should remember the words of John Milton:

The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.

Yet I confess I do not like her, this girl, this Molly Petree. I can not like her, pure & simple, though she looks presentable enough now, bathed & clothed, albeit Sullen & Quiet as ever. There is something about her I do not trust, some dormant spirit I sense within her—though she looks so meek & mild, I have the distinct feeling that she could do anything. Anything.

And there is something else I must confess as well. When I have closed my eyes to Pray these past two nights, I have seen—unaccountably—His face. I mean Mr. Simon Black’s face: that heavy brow, those steady dark eyes looking into mine when he said, “I trust you implicitly, Mrs. Snow.” Oh why is this new Trial visited upon me? And who is this Mrs. Snow? I sometimes ask myself. And who are all these Children, Mrs. Snow’s Children? Eight of them! & another on the way. I am locked in a golden chest, I am bound round & round by a silken rope. Simon Black should not trust me. Nobody should
trust me! For I am filled with the most base & contradictory impulses, no matter how I struggle to be worthy of God’s love, & do His bidding in this world, & live up to my Responsibilities.

Mariah Rutherford Snow
Headmistress, Gatewood Academy
Hopewell, Virginia

F
OR
N
O
O
NE
’
S
E
YES

August 10, 1873

All students have now arrived save Lily & Daisy Dupree, our beautiful little twins from Warrenton, so good & sweet. Their mother is severely ill, I fear the worst! Therefore I have issued acceptances to Adeline & Ida Brown of Hillsborough accordingly, who arrived with a great deal more Luggage than allowed. I was forced to send quite a lot of it straight on back with their Servant, causing bad feelings all around. Indeed there has been no end of trouble with these two, as nothing will do, nothing is suitable, nothing is up to their standards. This bed is too close to the window, this bed has lumps, etc. “My goodness, Hillsborough must be a very grand place indeed!” Miss Barwick teased them finally in gentle Remonstrance, whereupon they nodded earnestly saying, “Yes ma’am, it is!” Their clothing is unsuitably Lavish. They are quite Spoiled; I shall have to knock them down a peg or two.

Mariah Rutherford Snow
Headmistress, Gatewood Academy
Hopewell, Virginia

F
OR
N
O
O
NE
’
S
E
YES

August 28, 1873

Classes now in progress.

I have my doubts about Prof. Bienvenu, who turns out to be quite a case, he wears a purple ascot & carries a palmetto fan.

As I feared, Molly Petree does not mix well with the others, though this may be a blessing, in my view, as it prevents her from spreading any of her sexual poison among the rest of the girls. As of now, she spends a great deal of time alone, often reading. Now a certain amount of reading is a fine thing in my opinion, but too much is a bad idea for a girl, leading to fancies, whims, & nervousness. I have given her a chore or two accordingly. And I told Dr. Snow again this morning that I did not know if his little experiment would work out or not.

“It had better work out,” he said grimly.

My husband’s coldness of manner toward me is my sorest earthly Trial— oh for the Grace to bear it aright!

Mariah Rutherford Snow
Headmistress, Gatewood Academy
Hopewell, Virginia

F
OR
N
O
O
NE’S
E
YES

September 10, 1873

As re. Molly Petree: This girl will be the death of me! having now occasioned yet another tremendous Disagreement between Dr. Snow & myself, & the term scarcely yet begun.

At issue being Molly Petree’s living quarters.

I had found a perfectly nice little space for her to sleep under the stair, where she could enjoy both Privacy & Peace as she adjusts to the rigors of
this Academy. She did not complain, nor did she say anything at all (not even thank you!) when I showed it to her. There is adequate room to stand and dress, though that is all, but what else does one do in one’s room? I aim to keep them busy all the time anyway, this is my Philosophy, tried & true. I saw no reason to burden Dr. Snow with this decision, nor indeed with any such decision. Yet he has taken an inordinate interest in the girl, & chanced to overhear Sister Agnes complaining to me in my classroom during the lunch period.

“She cannot get to know the other girls, living in that closet,” said the poor simple-hearted soul.

Exactly my intention! I did not say.

“I have been observing her, Mariah,” Sister Agnes prattled on, “& I have felt so sorry for her during the morning Exercise Period, as she is always alone.” After breakfast it is the girls’ routine to go out in couples promenading along the paths in a sweet embrace, sitting on the joggling board, or whirling up & down on the flying jenny, which the more adventuresome never seem to tire of. The girls make these engagements well ahead of time, with the popular girls such as Mayme Ragsdale & Eliza Valiant always engaged days in advance. “But Molly hides during the Exercise Period, Mariah, I have seen her, she asks to go to the privy, or back upstairs to her closet for something she has forgotten, or sits alone on a bench affecting to study the vegetation with great care.”

“This is perfectly acceptable,” I pointed out. “Reflection builds Character. She has plenty of opportunities to get to know the others during the rest of the day.”

“Ah, but they cannot speak except in class,” Sister Agnes pointed out. “And imagine how she must feel at night, listening to them tramp up the stairs above her head as they go to their rooms, imagine how their voices float back down . . .”