On My Knees (20 page)

I shoved my hands through my hair and paced a wide circle through the room. Having her come live here was a terrible idea. What the fuck had I been thinking? Darren was a pain in the ass, but he couldn’t hold a candle to Olivia right now.

“Don’t be mad at me,” she pleaded.

“In what world would I not be mad about this? First, you’re pulling some over-protective bullshit at the gym over Maya, and now I have to deal with
them
? I spent three years dodging bullets and hoping a roadside bomb didn’t kill me or mangle me beyond hope. Do you really think I need you people hovering? Do you really think you are somehow protecting me at this point in my life? Because if so, you need to realize that my relationship with Maya and any inherent threats that may come with it cannot possibly come close to the dangers I’ve seen and faced. You do not have a fucking clue, Liv.”

I took a deep breath. Olivia seemed small under the wrath of my words. But her jaw was set firmly, determination still lingering there.

“She’s the reason why you were there,” she said, her voice low.

I clenched my teeth, forcing myself to take a minute so I wouldn’t lash out again. I kept my voice steady but clear. “That’s where you’re wrong. I joined the Army to get the fuck away from them and make a life that wasn’t dependent on every door they opened.”

“We both did.” Darren took a small step forward.

If anyone knew where I was coming from, he did.

I halted my pacing and stood in front of her again. “Listen carefully. The place will not be ready for Christmas. Beyond that and more importantly, I’m not ready. We’ll get together when the time is right, but you deal with them. You made this mess, you fix it. Tell them we have other plans, or whatever. I don’t honestly care what you tell them, but it’s not happening until I’m good and goddamn ready to see them.”

“When will that be? It’s been nearly a year.”

“I’ll let you know.”

MAYA. The week seemed short and long all at once. The days ran into each other. I couldn’t remember being this taxed since maybe finals week in college.

The non-stop work was energizing in its own way though. Working side-by-side with Jia had been eye opening. I may have seen a softer side to her, among others, but when it came to work, she was ruthless. She was appropriately polite, mainly to her peers and the higher ups like Dermott, but she didn’t linger on niceties. She took command over the aspects of the deal that fell into our laps, and as soon as we worked through them, we tackled more and expanded our reach and dominance over what was happening until it became clear that we were both pivotal in its completion.

Dermott’s jerk tendencies had lessened significantly, and I caught knowing looks from Jia from time to time. She must have recognized the change. If she’d planned things to play out this way, she’d done a marvelous job. I still hated him, but he’d become much more tolerable, especially considering how much time we’d spent working together lately.

As thrilling as the new possibilities at work might have been, I was exhausted. Another long day crept into the night. My eyes were fatigued from staring between a computer screen and the spreadsheets for hours, and I would have killed for some fast food. I’d texted Cameron earlier, begging him to bring me some when the group dispersed for dinner.

“Let’s break for dinner,” Dermott finally said.

Jia rose next to me. “Sounds good. You hungry, Maya?”

“Famished, but Cameron was going to swing by. He’s been waiting for me to get a break.”

“Sure. You want us to bring you back anything?”

“No, thanks. He’s bringing me something.”

She leaned down, speaking quietly so only I could hear her. “You can use my office.”

My eyebrows shot up.

“We’ll be gone at least an hour. I’ll make sure of it.” She winked and nodded for the other men to join her as she led the way out of the conference room.

I waited a few minutes until they’d gone before venturing into the reception area. Cameron was reading one of the dull financial magazines they offered. A black V-neck sweater accentuated the firm muscles of his arms and chest, revealing the well above his collarbone. I compulsively wanted to lick it, all the way up his neck and…
Shit
. I felt the familiar twinge low in my belly. My gaze wandered lower. His jeans strained against his thighs, his long legs outstretched in front of him.

I tore myself away from trying to name all the muscle groups under his clothing and locked in his cool blue stare. My stomach leaped, and I recognized that under the fatigue and the hunger, I really had missed him, every gorgeous inch of him.

After our emotionally charged last meeting, I was eager to smooth over the rough edges from our conversation. We’d both hurled some rough words at each other. He’d hurt me, and I’d landed a few too. Maybe we were saying things we’d wanted to say for a long time. Now they were out there. He still wanted me, despite all my faults. I still wanted him, despite our painful history. Just as I was ready to start over, the deal at work had taken over every spare minute of my life.

Seeing him now was a reward in a class of its own. I smiled at the new feeling of him being mine. He stood when I approached. I pressed up on my toes and kissed him. My stomach growled on cue.

“Tell me you brought me dinner.”

“I did.” He held up a brown paper bag, suspiciously void of fast food branding or grease saturation.

I wrinkled my nose, suspicious. “Come on. We can eat in Jia’s office.”

He frowned slightly. “Jia?”

I ignored the embarrassing remembrance of our indiscretion and hooked my arm in his, leading him through the office and into Jia’s smaller one. I shut the door and locked it behind us.

“What did you bring me? Something good, I hope.”

“A sandwich that will change your life. All organic.”

I rolled my eyes and groaned. “Oh my God. You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”

“You’re going to like it. Stop complaining.” He sat on the small couch in the corner of the office and I joined him.

No sandwich had come close to changing my life, and nothing organic had ever tasted as good as the processed full fat version. My stomach growled again as he pulled out two foil packages. Too hungry to argue, I unwrapped mine without any further assessment and took a big bite.

“Wow, this is actually really good.” The sound was muffled through my chews, and I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. Chicken, avocado, some kind of sauce that was blowing my mind. I couldn’t place it. I’d never been much of a culinary connoisseur.

“Told you.” He smiled. He loved being right, I could tell. “How’s work going?”

“We’re getting close. We’re going to wrap up early tomorrow anyway because of the party, so that’ll be a good break. Are you still coming?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

I smiled. “Yes. I need reinforcements, anyway.”

“I don’t need to rough anyone up, do I?”

I laughed, swallowing the last bite of my sandwich and washing it down with one of the fruit juices he’d brought. “I hope not. Shouldn’t be quite that bad. Although if Reilly lays into Vanessa in front of me one more time, I swear I’m going to deck that guy.”

“Scary, but I can see you following through on that. You’re so feisty now.”

My face heated. The way he looked at me reminded me of a different person, someone innocent and still pretty scared of the world. I sat back on the couch. I closed my eyes and let my head roll back, a new wave of fatigue hitting me.

“Where’d you go?”

I lifted my gaze.

“I was joking, but you got all quiet on me. Did I say something awful again and not realize it?”

“No.” I caught his hand. “I don’t know. Sometimes when I’m around you, I get glimpses of how my life used to be. People change. It’s inevitable. Sometimes it makes me sad, though.”

“What makes you sad about it?”

“I was kind of naïve back then, in a lot of ways, but there were possibilities. I felt like the whole world was open to us, you know? Life wasn’t always perfect, but in some ways it was.”

“I feel that way too.”

“What if we can’t get that back?” I drew faint circles in his hands, over the rough calluses on his palms. “ What if I’m not what you really want, because I’m so far from the person I used to be?”

He hooked an arm around my hips and scooted me onto his lap.

“You’re everything I want, okay?” He toyed with a strand of my hair. “You surprise me, and I like that. Just because we’ve changed doesn’t mean we’re any less good for each other. We’ve both lived a lot since then. Give us time to figure it out before you go thinking the worst, okay?”

I feathered my hands over his chest, over the broad curves of his muscular body. He mesmerized me all over again. I’d lived enough and seen enough these past few years to believe no one could really get under my skin anymore. I’d never been so wrong.

CAMERON. Her hand curved behind my neck and her tongue breached my lips. Her need passed into me with every soft touch. Every tiny lick and nibble was met with more wanting, a flame aglow that had grown in heat and intensity since we’d been together last.

My arms tightened around her. My tongue sought hers, delving deep, kissing hard, probing into the wet depths of her mouth. She moaned quietly, tightening her grip on my hair. I let my hands wander, over her ass and thighs, over the sheer dark fabric of her blouse where her nipples jutted out. I let the point slide over my palm as I cupped her breast through the thin barrier of her bra and clothing. She shifted her bottom against my lap, increasing the pressure on my cock.

Already, wildly erotic visions of what I could do to her passed through my mind. I was vaguely aware of their inappropriateness given our current setting, but I missed her so much it hurt.

My body ached to be with her. That much was certain. But something happened to my heart when she was with me, pressed close the way she was now. Some chemicals were likely firing off in my brain, reminding me what real happiness felt like. Happiness, bliss even, seemed to find its way to me when we were together, in the peaceful pockets of time when we weren’t fighting or driving each other crazy rehashing the past and the terms of our future. Now that I’d explained I wasn’t going to negotiate anymore when it came to our relationship, I hoped the peace would replace the tug of war of finding my way back to her heart.

I drew a hard line with my fingertips up between her thighs, finding her most sensitive spot through her pants. The repetitive motion elicited a gasp. Her lips left mine suddenly, parted with jagged breaths.

With restless hands, she grabbed at the bottom of my shirt. “Take this off.”

Her eagerness was seriously affecting my ability to think clearly. “Are you sure?”

“Do it.”

I pulled it off. When I could see again, she’d slipped off my lap and onto her knees on the floor in front of me. Her hands slid up the inside of my thighs over my jeans, cupping over my semi-hard cock. I blew out a slow breath, struggling to regain control over my brain and better judgment.

“This probably isn’t a good idea. Anyone could walk in.”

“The door is locked. Plus, that sandwich didn’t quite hit the spot.”

She licked her lips seductively, and my balls ached in response.

“What are you saying?”

“I want you in my mouth. I’ve been thinking about it all day. Indulge me.”

“Christ. When you put it that way, how am I supposed to say no?”

“Don’t.” She lowered her head, trailing hot breathy kisses along my erection that warmed through my jeans. I ground my teeth, losing my resolve.

She had my belt undone and jeans unzipped a second later. I lifted as she pulled them down just enough to free my cock. Circling it with her hand, she stroked gently. Her other hand moved higher, over my stomach and the muscles that tightened in anticipation.

She flicked tiny licks across the head. Her skin flushed and her lips shone as they spread over me. I was already hard, but my cock grew as it disappeared from view into the hot silk of her mouth.

I exhaled sharply, withholding a string of curses at the sensation.

She took more of me with each stroke, gentle grasps becoming firmer, drawing me up with her mouth and hands. Each motion, every expert flourish of her tongue brought me closer to the edge.

She released me suddenly, her hand replacing the pattern of her mouth. Her lips were swollen and her breaths came hard. Her eyes gleamed, reflecting our desire.

“Everything okay?”

“You’re just so fucking impressive. Your body, everything.”

A stupid grin split my face. I laughed quietly. “I’m not sure what’s swelling faster, my dick or my ego.”

She smirked. “I think I know.”

She disappeared behind a sweep of hair as she lowered over me again. She was everywhere, her hand stroking the base of me as I shafted her mouth. Her tongue did something crazy that I couldn’t completely identify. The slow graze of her teeth put me on edge. Then a hard suck, over and over, until I knew I couldn’t take much more.

“Fuck. Like that, baby.”

I groaned, fisting my hand in her hair, guiding her motions now. I wanted to throw my head back, close my eyes against the heightened sensations, but I was transfixed on her. I pushed her hair back, wanting to see her face. I couldn’t leave the sight of her and the selfless carnal way she was pleasing me.

She gently dug her nails into my thigh, and I arched into her mouth. When my head hit the back of her throat, I lost all control. My abdomen and thighs clenched almost painfully. My hips seized with the force of the climax. I released into her mouth, now soft and accommodating. I leaned back, holding my head in my hands, dizzy in the sudden darkness. Her tongue slid gently over my head, the light touch enough to jolt through me.

I leaned forward, caught her arms, and urged her up beside me. Her movements didn’t stop then. She spread soft kisses across my shoulder, my neck, her tongue sliding over my skin the same way it’d just tantalized me before.

I pulled back, desperate to stop the reeling in my mind.

“Stop. I seriously can’t take it. You’re driving me crazy.”