On My Knees (22 page)

I clenched my teeth and fought the urge to take Maya into my arms, the only place where I could keep her safe and out of reach of the people who only pretended to care.

“What the hell was that all about?”

“Let’s get out of here. You made an appearance. They don’t expect you to network all night, do they?” I wanted to get out of here before I actually made a scene. The lengths I was willing to go for her sake continued to surprise me. As much as I wanted to protect her, in the same breath I was perilously close to jeopardizing any progress she was hoping to make at work. The last thing I wanted was to become a hindrance in that part of her life—of any part of her life.

“Sure, we can go. Are you going to talk to me though?” Her beautiful features strained with concern as she brushed her fingertip over the frown that marred my brow.

I took a breath, willing myself to relax. I turned into her palm, kissing it gently and keeping her hand locked in mine. “We’ll talk on the way home,” I said, moving us toward the cloakrooms.

I didn’t really want to get into the dirty details of Jia’s proposal on the drive home, but the more time went by the more pissed I became. By the time we stepped into her apartment, my words came out more harshly than I’d wanted.

“That bitch is trouble.”

Maya jolted, freezing in place while I paced the small path at the foot of her bed.

“Jia?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re upset because she invited us over for drinks?”

“She doesn’t want drinks. She wants to orchestrate some sort of fuck fest between the three of us, and I’m not interested. You need to keep your distance from her.”

“Oh?”

Her voice was quiet—too quiet. I came closer and took her hand, as if that would be some lifeline, some way for her to understand the reality of the situation without getting upset with me.

“She’s manipulative. You can’t trust her, Maya.”

“How do you know?” She slipped out of my grasp, her eyes intent on me.

I shook my head, shoving my hands through my hair, wishing she could have seen the look in Jia’s eyes when she made the offer. “I just know.”

Maya shivered and took a step back, staring at her shoes.

“What’s wrong? Are you cold?”

“You should go.”

“Why?”

“I have a long day tomorrow. We need to finish this deal before the holiday if we can.”

“The deal that Jia’s managing.”

She reached for my coat and handed it to me.

“Maya.”

“Thank you for coming with me tonight. I appreciate your support. I really do.”

I tossed the coat away and took a step closer, our bodies so close I could feel her warmth. She was flush against the wall now, trapped. Her frustration radiated, mixing with the sexual tension that was damn near palpable by now.

“You can’t tell me what to do.” The edge to her voice softened a bit.

“No?” I raised my eyebrows. When it came to Jia, I had different thoughts on the matter.

“All you’ve done since we’ve been together is tell me what to do, what not to do, and now you’re telling me who I should be spending my time around. What makes you think I need someone like that in my life?”

“You need someone like that in your life because no one’s telling you the truth. And when you do stupid shit, I’m going to call you out on it. If you want to call that me telling you what to do, fine. But I’m not going anywhere, and I think you know that.”

Her glaze flickered to mine, and for a split second, I saw all of her vulnerability. The soft scared girl lingered for a moment before an impassive expression took over.

“I think you’re forgetting who you’re talking to.”

“You’re doing it again.”

She frowned. “What?”

“Hiding,” I murmured. I traced the hard line of her jaw, the pulse of her neck, cupping my hand behind her nape. She pulled it away, a new fire in her eyes. I caught her palm, pressing it firmly against the door, then the other as she reached to push me off.

She glared at me, her nostrils flaring. I fought the urge to smile. She was so easy to rile these days. Despite the firm set of her perfectly pink mouth, her chest heaved. Her eyes shifted restlessly over me. Our lips nearly touched. My fire matched hers now, stoked with frustration and the need to fuck her, to possess her. I held her gaze, daring her to look away, to hide.

“So defiant.”

“Never what you expect.”

“No,” I admitted. “I wasn’t expecting fighting with you to turn me on, either.” I licked my lips, eager to taste her. But I held back, prolonging our stay in this tense middle ground.

“If fighting with me turns you on, then we have a serious problem.”

I smiled and released her from my hold, gliding my hands down the sides of her body and curving them over her ass. “Agreed. Then again, you could always put that spark to good use.” I pressed us closer.

“You should go,” she breathed, her eyes closing.

She could have said
fuck me now
for all the strength her words held.

“I made promises. I intend to keep them.” I caught her thigh, hooked it over my hip, and pressed her against the wall with a quiet thud. She gasped, her hands fisting in my shirt. I bridged the small space between us, sealing my mouth to hers. Our tongues tangled in a heated rush. I could taste her fire, the white-hot desire between us. I lifted her, wrapped her legs around my waist, and carried her to the bed.

MAYA. He’d stripped us down in seconds, sinking me onto the bed beneath him. He rested his hard body between my legs. His caresses were firm, almost calculating, and so slowly rendered that they filled me with an intoxicating anticipation. His lips teased a slow path across my skin.

Goddamn it, he owned me too. I loved him and fucking hated him, how he never gave me the room I needed to run. I grasped feebly at his shoulders, pushing him away and pulling him to me at once.

He moved over me, undeterred. Skin against skin, he worked me over with his tongue, his lips, and the edge of his teeth until I was trembling, mindless with all the ways I wanted him.

“Beautiful…perfect.”

The love in his eyes when he said the words gutted me. The lusty rasp in his voice had me desperate, as desperate as he’d been earlier.

“And mine. You’re mine. Every feisty inch of you.” His fingertips dug into my ass, grinding my sex against his cock.

“Stop.” I pushed at him again. His words were killing me.

“Never stopping.” He dropped his lips to mine again, nibbling and sucking my lower lip. “Never leaving.”

The thought of him leaving cut through me, an old wound exposed. Everything wanted to pour out of me when he said things like that. I wrapped my arms around him, trapping him against me.

“I don’t want to think about any of that. The things you say... I can’t handle it.”

His caresses slowed as I spoke. “I can’t tell you you’re beautiful? That I love you so much it hurts?”

Fucking hell. I squeezed my eyes closed.

“Just…just want me, Cam. It doesn’t have to be about our past or how we feel.”

He paused. “Are you trying to tell me to shut up and fuck you?”

I held my breath at the crude delivery, my body arching into his infinitesimally, a silent answer. “Something like that.” A jagged breath left me.

Is that what I wanted? Something that meant a little less, so my heart didn’t explode from everything he was telling me right now? I tightened the hook of my leg around his hip, urging him to me.

His body was frozen against mine. Hesitation and lust swam in his eyes. Yes. I wanted raw and intense. I wanted to be fucked, to disappear in the blinding surge of sensation that I’d known not so long ago.

“I’ll fuck you, Maya. Within an inch of your life if that’s what you want, but you need to know there’s more between us than that. I’ve lived that kind of life, believe me. A warm body is just that, a warm loveless body. You’ll never be that for me.”

His lips feathered over the wild beating of my chest, my heart pounding against its walls. I blocked out the sounds. My jagged breathing. My heart. His voice.

“I’ll take your body, but I want your heart, Maya.”

My nipples tightened, grazing against the hard planes of his chest as he slid lower, his arms tightening around my waist. He lashed the hardened tips of my nipples with his tongue, his eyes holding my gaze seductively. His heated breaths tantalized my wet flesh. He placed an open mouthed kiss on my belly, pinpointing the enflamed coil that tightened there. Heat shot through me and I wanted him everywhere at once. Over me, inside me, fiercely taking me until I lost all sense of myself, until I forgot what those words meant.

As if in reply to my silent longing, he grabbed my hip, jerking me lower until he hovered over me. I went wet at the hint of his strength. God, the things he could do to me.

I lifted my hips until the heat of his condom-clad erection slid between the slick folds of my sex. I closed my eyes, clenching my jaw, the tension seizing all of my senses. “Now, Cameron.”

“Look at me.”

My eyes flew open at the sharp command of his voice. Before I could speak he drove into me so suddenly that I whimpered at the fullness. I opened my mouth but words caught. He took my nape with his other hand, leveraging my body so firmly that when he thrust again, I swore he hit the very end of me.

“Is this what you want?”

“Yes.” I gasped, sucking in a sharp breath as I tightened.

“Every inch of me driving into you?”

“Oh God,” I moaned. I wrapped my legs around his strong thighs as if I could possibly control his strength with my own. The first of what was sure to be many orgasms took its hold, the slow ember of desire now a wild heat rushing over me as he powered into me.

“I’ll fuck you this way until you beg me to stop. I’ll make you scream, and you’ll feel the memory of me inside you tomorrow. Is that what you want?”

“Yes… yes...” The slow tremble that vibrated through me transformed into a violent shuddering at the uncensored promises falling from his beautiful lips. My physical reaction was answer enough. I kept my gaze trained on his, but struggled to maintain the contact as he found an intense rhythm that was quickly short-circuiting my ability to think beyond my instincts.

He kissed me passionately, tenderness giving way to an urgent fucking of my mouth. I gripped his hair tightly, arching in time with his violent undulations.

“This is me, Maya. Fucking you, loving you.”

He lifted my hips a few inches off the bed, driving into me at an angle that had the room spinning. I cried out, dragging my nails down his arm, unable to control the climax that had taken me over, heart, mind and soul. Our bodies melded together, my pussy tightened down on him. I clung to him, my hands slipping against the sweat on his skin.

I couldn’t let go, every part of me entwined with him. He kept on, burying himself deeply one last time with a strangled groan, my name on his lips. The sound echoed off the walls, disappearing like the lightening of our release.

I shivered at his breath on my neck, the aftershocks of the orgasm flitting through me with the slow return to coherent thought. That had been intense, but he’d certainly delivered on his earlier promise.

He kissed me softly, brushing the hair back from my face.

“Tell me you love me, Maya.”

My jaw tightened. The words rooted in my gut somewhere, tied up by all the confused emotions surrounding our new relationship. I wanted to tell him, but even in this warm post-coital bliss, something held me back. Pride, maybe. Saying it meant forgiving everything he’d put me through, handing over my heart for real. Fully entrusting him with it again. In a way, I already had, but I needed to be able to hold something back, even if it was those three little words.

He held me in his gaze, his blue eyes tired and full of emotion. “Why can’t you say it?”

I relaxed back into the bed, running my finger along the stubble of his jaw.

“Answer me.”

“I’m not ready.” No words were truer. I wasn’t sure when I would be, but I couldn’t give in to his simple request.

He brushed his thumb over my lips. “How about I make love to you until you do?”

My lips went dry, and I licked them. He captured one, sucking it into his mouth, nipping and soothing until I moaned. I tightened my hold around him, and he kissed me deeper, like he was pouring every ounce of love he felt into me.

CAMERON. She’d already left for work when I woke up. I put my suit back on and found my way into the living room. Eli poked his head out from the kitchen.

“Hey.” He waved.

“Sorry, I was just leaving.”

“You want some coffee?”

I hesitated, unsure whether I wanted to risk a post-mortem with her roommate. He seemed good-natured but Maya was giving me enough grief. Coffee sounded good though, and necessary. I’d kept us up most of the night. My body and brain were sluggish, but not enough to regret it.

“Sure, that’d be great actually.”

I tossed my coat down on a chair while Eli tinkered in the kitchen.

My gaze caught on the black notebook resting on the bookshelf. I remembered the way Maya had grabbed it from the table, holding it close to her chest like something precious. Eli appeared beside me then with a large steaming mug.

“Thanks, man.”

“Sure. I figure we all need a little boost this morning.”

I rubbed my forehead. “Uh, yeah, sorry.” The apartment was small, and I had little doubt we’d kept Eli up too. I’d gotten all manner of dirty words pouring from Maya’s lips last night and into the morning except the one admission I’d really wanted from her. God, was she obstinate.

“Whatever.” He shrugged and settled back onto the couch. “Things getting serious with Maya, I take it?”

I moved my coat and sat down in the chair. The steam rose in tiny billows from my cup, disappearing into the air. How could I answer that?

“Getting there. She sure as hell doesn’t make it easy.”

Eli smirked. “She’s a pain in the ass.”

“You’re not kidding.”

“You love her though.”

“I’d like to think that was enough. She’s...” I blew out a breath. “I have no idea what the hell goes on in that mind of hers, Eli. I thought I knew her. I did. I mean, I knew her. Inside and out. The looks, the gestures, I could read her like a book. That’s not all gone, but this fucking warped philosophy she has on relationships is all new.”