One Split Second (34 page)
Authors: Gillian Crook
Woke up feeling ok until the posse came round and I found out from Dr Didn’t, that they COULDN’T do my op on the 17th… . help! I want to scream! He told me I am going to have to wait until 24th because they can’t fit me in on Wed. Christ sake, I explained that surely, I am at my fittest with all my swabs coming back negative, and wouldn’t it be silly not to operate, so as NOT to risk any chance of infection between now and a week Wed. He went on to explain that at this stage in the healing process of the pressure sore, there was a chance that it could heal naturally by itself. OH MY GOD, I could feel depression setting in. If nothing happens before the 25th Dec, then I want to be put into isolation and hibernate over xmas and new year, except to come out for a couple of days when my kids come up. I will get a third, fourth opinion if necessary. At this rate it could be months before this wound is healed and this could be detrimental to the state of my mental health and I will need an urgent appointment to see the hospital clinical psychologist, which may help me in my quest to get some ‘happy pills’ prescribed in order to get me throught this whole friggin depressing episode. (By the way, I’m not really going crazy… . honest!) aah! Get that girl a straightjacket!
Anyway, I suppose I can’t dwell (I could but I ain’t going to). I have asked to speak to Mr Templar and I can’t do anything more than that now, and I had better get to see him. I have decided I will go on the prone trolley, but patients, docs, visitors and anyone that gets in my way should be warned that I really am not a happy bunny. You know I think I must be driving the staff nuts, because I am driving myself nuts. Decided to go through the canteen and see what was going on in there, and I saw a big slob on a bed, and yes it was David, ciggie or joint in one hand and coffee in the other and his headphones on… decided just to wave and carried on in the direction of Mr Templars office. My phone was driving me nuts, keeping indicating that I had a txt to read. I checked my phone and there was a couple from Pete, and basically he was making out that `I am the most important thing, and when I contacted him I brought him back into my life and there he would stay, so if he wanted to worry about me he would, ok, sweetcakes` . . . fuck me… sweetcakes, he has never called me that before… now he is making up new pet names as well. Oh, my good god! I’ve unleashed Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I HAD to send him a txt back, telling him that I hated the name sweetcakes, and that I had only got in touch to say ‘hello, not to start going out again, and that he should be focusing all his attention on Li and the baby as they were now his no.1 priority and responsibility and she was the mother of his child and that I was looking forward to meeting them’, meaning all THREE of them?` I hoped that he might have got the message with that and the fact that I stressed ALL THREE!
Anyway, back to the saga of the Op. It’s Friday night now, and Mr Templar came round and looked at the wound and he was really pleased, and he said if the facial people in the hospital gave me the all clear to getting the tooth done the same day, then he would let me know on Monday when the op might be. See, I have faith in my surgeon, and I’m so glad I left hundreds of messages for him in the end and didn’t listen to Dr Didn’t.
Anyway, I’ve had my little crazy spell today and now I must speak to mum and the kids tonight, and I also need to get hold of Simon over the weekend.
Ok, I’m gonna read Petes txt, and I don’t know what to expect, but from his tone before, I’m just a little bit concerned that he thinks I am back in his clutches… help!
First txt—I’m not going soft, it’s just the old me talking—thats all sweetcakes ha ha, Goofy xx` . . . yeah Pete, ha bloody ha!
Second txt—just read your msg, and my feelings for you haven’t changed, just got myself in predicament at mo. I wl always b here for u Juilliana luv P… xx
He sent both messages 3 times and I’m not convinced that was by accident, in fact I’m pretty sure it was deliberate. Oh Lord, what have I done… I know I keep saying this, but my can is getting larger and my worms are getting fatter and uglier…
Just phoned Barry and both the kiddies are out, and ended up having quite a good conversation with him. I was on the mobile, so it was my turn to say that I had to go, but before I went he wanted to know what I wanted for xmas because he was going shopping tomorrow, so off the top of my head I came out with hats, tops, anything he knows what I would like because he knows me… yikes, what a dumb thing to say after us having been separated for such a long time. Oh dear, my flippin pen is running out, so not only is my writing bloody awful, it is now imprinting through to the next page. I will be back in a mo when I find a pen that works, or I will nick one off the nurses… . So, back to the drawing board. where were we… Barry and the present, oh yes, he should get Casey to buy my present, because she has excellent taste, just like her mother!!
Anyway, Stephen and Ian on tonight and they are gadding about. I have been turned and I’m all ready for bed and doing teeth and it’s only 9.50! Bloody hell, I’m gonna make up for all these early nights when I’m out of hospital, albeit in a wheelchair, and have a blast.
Pete had sent me some more txts and he didn’t sound very happy again. I think the man is starting to worry slightly that he may have told me a bit too much about his shenanigans, perhaps thinking I might be impressed, and I don’t think he has got the response he was hoping for… never mind, I’m not going to say Poor Pete, because it would be a lie, and maybe I do have a little vindictive streak in me!!! Look Out Pete!
In the end, I stayed up till about 3 o’clock and watched some soppy programme about big killer slugs, with Kevin Bacon in it, and it’s called Tremors… . it’s actually quite good, well, I love Kevin Bacon anyway. Oh, god, Sam has been choking and splutting so much tonight, the staff have to keep checking him at intervals to make sure he is ok. Poor guy, I hope he gets some peace in his world and he isn’t suffering… my god, bless everyone I know and love, all the people who help look after me and change me when I’m soiled and to everyone that is putting in a special effort to help with christmas. Goodnight, and I hope it is just that for Sam… . and EVERYONE!
After having a great shower and getting up a bit later, I found out that they actually provide bacon or sausage sandwiches or rolls at the weekend—took me all this time to realise that!! Yeeha! Decided to pig out on a bacon roll… great for my diet I hear you say… yeah, me to? Well, I might be getting fatter, but at least my hair seems to be surviving the test of time. According to some people; hair curly—good; hair straight—lovely; hair pleats—cute; Oh, well, I could be an ugly old cow!! Anyway, Sam seemed to be back to his unconscious state of counting numbers today… it’s a bloody shame… Duncan gets quite tetchy at `Sam` at times, but there is no point, because he can’t help it, and I can sort of understand what Sam might be going through, because when I was in my hallucinogenic state I had no idea that I was in a ward with patients and nurses listening, as far as I was aware, I was in this horrific scary world on my own, apart from my perpetrators! I reminded Duncan that he hated me when I was in my ‘nightmare state’ because he didn’t understand the pain and torment I was going through, and he just thought at the use time that I was doing it for attention. He stopped moaning after that. I’ve just remembered… I did get a bacon buttie once before… just thought I would add that.
Anyway, today I’m not going to go on prone trolley because my tummy is sore and I feel huge! Got chrissy card out, and decided I really should start writing them, but before that I spoke to Marie and she is ok, and mum is coming back down from the Fort with `crusty`, one of the trusty, CRUSTY-TRUSTY (get it!), taxi drivers so I know she will be safe and thank God, she is not coming down on her own on the bus, because then I really worry! Presumably mum will bring pressies down with her and we can wrap them together—that should be fun! Spoke to my darling Simon and he said he will definitely be coming into see me on Monday or Tuesday. We shall wait and see if that materializes Mr Mackenzie—your track record is not that good. Actually, thinking of it… I don’t have a pressie for him. Oh, I suppose I can find out where he is gonna be and send him one there, love em’. Pete seemed a bit happier today; he phoned and said he was going to London in case I couldn’t contact him if his phone was switched off. Mmh, ok Pete, but I shouldn’t think I will worry too much if it is switched on or not!
Why, oh why, do I think about these 3 guys, Pete, who is a scheming nasty aggressive moron; Barry, (who hates Pete, and would go mad if he knew we were in contact), and who is already with someone else and has a baby; and then Simon, who is the ‘nomad’ of the catering industry and one of the most unreliable people I know? But he’s also one of the nicest guys I have ever known.
I would just love to know how I have them all as friends! They are such a mixed bag—though, saying that Barry and Simon are still mates.
I shouldn’t even be contemplating staying in touch with Pete, and if he does come in, I am making a conscious decision that I am not going to maintain contact and erase him from my phone. I have more reason to lose touch now, because this morning he txtd me to say, he could imagine himself pushing me around in the wheelchair and that it wasn’t the wheelchair that people would be seeing, it would be the beautiful and intelligent lady in it, and ‘screw’ anyone that didn’t think so. I am definately going to have to sever ties.
Sam has taken a funny turn and Pauline and Duncan (male nurse—not annoying Dunc), are with him. It really isn’t very nice to have to witness someone who is obviously somewhere that is causing them so much distress. It’s very hard having to witness some things in this unit, and to be honest even though I can’t walk, I still wonder why I am still in this `RCU` (Respiratory Care Unit), which is the room nearest to the nurses station, and can only think that it is maybe because my own proper rehab hasn’t started yet, or, that they are still terrified of me taking another funny turn, or, maybe I breathe some life into what would otherwise be a pretty ‘lifeless’ ward, apart from its little ‘dramas’ now and again. I really don’t think it’s the latter. There are 2 empty beds opposite me, which today, I understand are being kept for ‘emergencies only’, probably if Admissions, has no beds. So, it is only, me and Duncan (who seems to be conscious, most of the time anyway), and Sam and Jim who are on support machines in here! Pretty Depressing, eh?
Casey was on the phone earlier, and she isn’t very happy at the moment, she was saying to me that she was seeing double, was dizzy, couldn’t breathe properly and was scared… my God! after telling her to sit and take deep breaths and to keep talking to me, she calmed herself down, and then started talking to me again; she sounded genuinely upset about having to stay in because she had told her dad the truth about where she was ‘going’. Which was out to see a ‘new boyfriend’ that she was really keen on… . Oh dear, her honesty had just cost her, her ‘date’! No wonder she feels like she can’t talk to her dad, when she gets ‘grounded’ for telling the truth. Jesus. She doesn’t want to have to lie to her dad, and I can understand that. Casey’s a good kid, and honest, and if Barry keeps this up he is going to push her away. She also told me that him and Shonah must have been going through her things, because she heard Shonah telling Barry that the pills they had found in her room were a form of the ‘pill’. What her idiot dad should have known was that they were the pills that she had been given for such severe period pains, and to help her monthly! Bugger shouldn’t have been invading her privacy, he had no bloody right go through her things… that’s really pissed me off. You know, for a liberated guy, Barry acted like a father caught in a time warp, Prick! As usual he bulldozed his way into Casey when he knew she had been complaining to me about how she felt, and proceeded to say that she was over-reacting and not to be so stupid… I swear if Barry had been standing next to me I would have punched him! This is my daughter, a teenager, who is mad at her dad and his girlfriend now, who, if had kept to her story that she was ‘going out for a meal’ could have been out by now, and instead of Barry trying to repay her trust by perhaps, setting a time for her to come home, which would have suited them both… there is now a huge amount of animosity between them, and Casey is getting herself into a terrible state.
I will wait until I see them, and then we can all talk about it together when she KNOWS her mum will be siding with her… (That’s bad, she shouldn’t have to have us siding at all, if it hadn’t been for her stupid, arrogant dad! I txtd them both, saying that they were to put it behind them tonight and just to get to bed… cause that’s where I was, in fact, I am most of the time come to think of it!! Goodnight all my loved ones, and unloved, Barry, Barry who? God, what happened to that Personality Transplant?
What a morning—I must admit it’s nice to wake up with something to look forward to. It was a lovely relaxed day and I knew I had enough time to get ready for when mum arrived. Just before she arrived, Lynn, one of the nurses that I get on especially well with, like Pauline, was on duty, and she wheeled the outgoing phone into the ward for me and told me that Casey was going to be phoning. Whilst she was doing that mum arrived, and she was ‘weighed down’, with all the presents and things she had brought down, and then Crusty appeared with even more stuff… good lord, had Santa’s grotto in the Braehead shopping centre been robbed? Once mum said cheerio to Crusty, and they sorted out a time for mum to be picked up, Lynn stayed and had a chat with mum.
Casey phoned and she was still really upset from last night. Mum could tell from the tone of my voice, that there was something not quite right going on, and when she asked, I told her that Casey was having, ‘father and boyfriend’ troubles… mum was great. I told Casey that I was putting her granny on, and to listen to the ‘words of wisdom and experience’. It was lovely to watch… my mum, her granny, advising my daughter, her grand-daughter, on the way to deal with her father and the ‘could-have-been’ boyfriend. They talked for ages, and one piece of advice to her was that there were ‘plenty more fish in the sea’ and that she was so young and gorgeous, she shouldn’t be worrying, and that her dad is being… well, a dad… and without her knowing it, that in her dad’s eyes she is always gonna be his ‘little girl’, and most dads find it difficult to imagine their ‘little girls’ with boys, let alone, boyfriends. Wise words mother… thank you… Casey told me that granny had brought a smile to her face and she had cheered her up… she couldn’t get over the fact that her granny was giving her advice on men! She did get a bit teary, but in the end she was persuaded by granny to write in a letter to her dad, just how she was feeling, and she agreed she would… Good eh! I love it, and I love them both! I also know that Casey loves it when she knows that I have got visitors, especially granny!
