Only You (11 page)

“Ex-wife. I’m not sure where she is. Are you ready to order?” He beckoned the waiter with his hand.

Interesting that talking about his wife would shut him down. Did he have unresolved feelings about her? What had happened between them that scarred him so deeply that, as he’d put it, he’d run away from his life? Men like JD didn’t turn their backs on a problem unless there wasn’t a solution.

“Maggie?”

“What?”

“Do you want me to order for you?”

She picked up the menu as the waiter approached the table. “I don’t eat red meat, which I know”—she held up her hand—“is blasphemy. I’ll have the asparagus soup,” she said to the waiter. “And the spinach and blue cheese salad, and one of those lovely mini loaves of bread those people over there have.”

JD laughed. “Very good. I’ll have the filet mignon with the all trimmings. Wine?”

“If you’re having some.”

JD knew exactly what wine he wanted and sent the waiter on his way. She imagined he almost always knew what he wanted. Which made it all the more intriguing that he’d been living in limbo at his brother’s ranch all this time.

“Where are the girls?” JD asked.

“In our room. They’re probably watching some sappy movie on TV.”

“You don’t like sappy movies?” He nodded at the sommelier after he tasted the wine. The man filled their glasses and left the bottle on the table.

“I love sappy movies,” she said.

“But you had other things to do tonight.”

“I might as well have stayed in with them. Cheers.” She raised her wine and drank deeply.

“Maybe you need to rethink your plan.”

“You mean, get married and live happily ever after? Been there. Couldn’t pull it off.” She straightened the linen napkin, moved her wine glass an inch to the right. “I was really lousy at being married to Dominic. He loved to play golf. I loathe the game. I even tried to pretend that I liked it, but apparently, I’m also a lousy actress. He was crazy about my parents’ country club scene. I didn’t like it when I was a kid. I’d beg to stay home with the housekeeper. My opinion hasn’t improved with age, nor has the club itself. Now that I’m thinking about it, he should have married my parents.”

JD burst out laughing. “You’re probably right. Why do you think your marriage breaking down was your fault?”

“That’s easy. I’m always the odd man out. Ask my family. They’ll be only too happy to tell you what a misfit I am. Oh, yum. Look at this lovely bread.” She smiled at JD as she held out the basket of bread the waiter had just set on the table. “You’re lucky that I share.” She didn’t want to talk about her failed marriage or her stressful relationship with her family.

Instead of taking the bread, he reached for her free hand and held it gently in his. “Everyone belongs somewhere, Maggie. You just haven’t found your spot yet.”

Now why would a picture of his house immediately flash in her mind? She knew he’d never sell the house to her, but at least she could pretend it was hers while she furnished it for him.

“Are we going shopping tomorrow?” she asked.

“Do I have to?”

Don’t take it personally
. Most men hated to shop. She hadn’t even known he was in town until an hour ago, so it wasn’t as if he was ruining her weekend.  “No. I’ll e-mail pictures of what I’m looking at for your approval.”

He picked up a piece of bread and broke it open. “I suspect I’ll approve of almost everything you’ll buy for the house.”

“Really?”

He looked up, a frown between his brows. “Yeah.” Then he gave her a surprised look as if he’d just realized the truth of what he’d said.

She beamed across the table at him. “That’s the first time anyone’s ever said that to me. Oh, God,” she exclaimed after tasting the soup the waiter had just placed in front of her. “This soup is to die for.” She smiled again. “This is fun, isn’t it? I’m so glad you happened to be at the bar.”

JD felt a stab of guilt, but dismissed the feeling. He and Claire had decided it was in their best interests to . . . bend the truth a bit. He hadn’t known the girls were going to be in town this weekend, and he did meet with his new clients to discuss the house they wanted to build. What Maggie didn’t know was that Claire, who had an amazing mind for detail, had realized he was in the city as well. When Maggie insisted on going out despite Claire and Sammie pretending to be too tired to go out in an attempt to discourage her, Claire had texted him that Maggie was planning to hit the hotel bar by herself. It had been a simple matter of a phone call to make a last-minute change of venue for his meeting. He’d deliberately sat in a dark booth closer to the back of the bar so Maggie wouldn’t spot him.

Earlier, when she’d walked into the bar, he’d felt as though a horse had kicked him in the gut. She wore a simple, fairly modest black dress that shouldn’t have screamed sex goddess, yet every man in the bar turned to look at her. He’d wanted to punch each and every one of them in the face.

He picked up his knife and attacked his steak. He’d barely been able to stay with his clients and take the time to wind up his meeting. What was happening to him? After so many years of suppressing his feelings, he’d lost control when it came to Maggie and was acting like an idiot. What had she been thinking to let a guy like Sam try to pick her up? JD had been vibrating with anger by the time he’d reached her side at the bar and had been ready to make a huge scene if she resisted going with him.

And then she’d cried, and he’d never felt so damned helpless in his life.

“Wow! You really like steak, don’t you?”

“What?” He looked at Maggie before glancing at his plate. He’d gulped down half his steak yet hadn’t tasted any of it. “Sorry. I’m preoccupied.”

“If you’re preoccupied because you’re mad at me, don’t bother. If you hadn’t come along, I might have gone upstairs with Sam, and I know I would have felt horrible afterward. I’m so disappointed in myself. I thought I was tougher than I am. You were right. I’m going to have to rethink my plan.”

His dark mood lifted. “Have you thought about adoption?”

“Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to know what it feels like to be pregnant.” She leaned across the table. “I think, you know, to have your own child growing inside you . . . well, you can’t beat that. That’s a miracle.”

Maggie pregnant with his child. Holy Christ
. Now
he
was going to cry. He cleared his throat. “You could always go to a sperm bank.”

Maggie cocked her head and regarded him. “You and your wife never considered having children?”

He tossed his napkin on the table. He wasn’t having this conversation. Not now. Not ever.

“Come.” He held out his hand. “There’s something I want to show you.”

He raced out of the hotel with Maggie in tow. It was a cool night, but the valet brought his car around right away. JD jacked up the heat and started talking about the young couple he’d met who wanted the house of their dreams.

“They have money,” he explained as he drove down one street after another. “Not enough for what they want, but with a few modifications, I might be able to come close to their dream house.”

“It must be so satisfying to take an idea and make it a reality.”

Like having a baby.
Goddamn it
. He didn’t want to think about babies or children. He couldn’t if he wanted to hang on to his sanity.

“Building a house is engineering, pure and simple.”

“Like your house, you mean. I look at your house and I think, wow, there must be a lot of two-by-fours and nails in it,” she said dryly.

He glanced at her. She’d stared at him the whole drive, as if trying to decipher his mood. Good luck with that one. He was all over the board, excited about building this house, terrified she’d ask him more about his relationship with Lydia. What they’d done.

What he didn’t do.

“Perhaps I incorporate a few more concepts, like space and line. Shadow. Light.”

“Really? I’d never have guessed.”

He pulled into an empty lot at the top of the steep street. “This is the lot the Mullers have bought. I wanted to have another look at it.”

“It’s not very interesting.”

Maggie was right. It was just an empty building lot. “It’s on a hillside. That could be fun to play with.”

“You mean build into the hill?”

He frowned. “Or build a one-level house with lots of windows facing east. The next house”—he pointed toward the neighbors—“is far enough below them that they could maintain their privacy. Then design a hanging garden in the back of the house. Use the hill to create waterfalls. Have the entire back wall in windows.”

“Bringing the outside in.”

JD grinned at her. “Exactly.”

“How much does it cost to hire you to design a house?”

His smile faded. “Why?”

“Say I somehow managed to get pregnant, I’d want to settle in one place, have my own home.”

His stomach rolled. Was she asking him to build her a house she’d someday share with another man? Maggie wouldn’t remain single for long. It amazed him she was walking around free now. Her husband had been an idiot not to fight for her.

“You can’t afford me.” He started the car and backed out of the driveway. Maybe it hadn’t been such a great idea to bring her here and talk about his work. But he was excited about designing again, and he’d wanted to share that feeling with someone. Wanted to share it with Maggie.

And he’d do anything to avoid the conversation he knew was becoming inevitable. Tonight he’d jumped in the car and brought her up here to distract her, but Maggie would eventually want to know what had happened in his marriage if they spent more time together. He didn’t think he could face telling her. He was that much of a coward.

They didn’t talk until they arrived back at the hotel. “I’ll walk you to your room,” JD offered.

Maggie gave him a preoccupied smile. “Sure.”

“What floor are you on?” he asked as the elevator door opened.

“Um . . . I don’t know. I forgot my key. Hang on a sec, I’ll ask at the desk.”

He watched her walk across the lobby and talk to the desk clerk. Watched how her deceptively simple dress showed the elegant lines of her body. He wished that things were simple between them, that he could invite her to his room for the night. But there was no point in getting involved with a woman who wanted a baby when he couldn’t deliver, and even if he could, he wouldn’t. He would never, ever have children.

Maggie, with her optimism and joie de vivre, was going to be an incredible mother.

“Are you leaving tomorrow?” Maggie asked as the elevator took them to the fifth floor.

“Later in the day. I’ve got to take care of some things if I decide to take on that house.”

“You’re excited about designing again?”

He hesitated. “Part of me is, yeah. But it’s been over three years, and I’m a little apprehensive. Maybe I’m not as good as I thought I was.” He glanced at her, then away. “Plus, I don’t like that the house is in Salt Lake. I’ll have to be here part time.”

“Are you worried about the ranch?”

The elevator stopped, and he took her elbow as they got off. He needed to touch her, and right now, her elbow was as far as he trusted himself. “The ranch? Not really. Ethan can handle things there.”

“Is he moving to the ranch?”

“Someday,” he hedged. “Ethan keeps his plans to himself, so I don’t know exactly what he wants to do.” He had a good idea of what his brother wanted to happen in his life, but it wasn’t his place to say what that was.

When they stopped at Maggie’s door and she smiled at him, her eyes held a hint of sadness.

“Good night.” She brushed her lips over his cheek and turned to the door, but he wrapped his hand around her wrist and pulled her around to face him.

Before he could change his mind, he dipped his head and tasted her lips. Coffee and mint, an addictive combination. Slowly, he raised his hands and placed them on her hips. He loved her angles, loved how they fit together.

He closed his eyes and sank into her taste and her scent. Addictive wasn’t a strong enough word for her. Mesmerizing. Provocative. Definitely sexy. Her breasts pushed against his chest, and he grew hard, remembering how flushed and aroused she’d looked in his arms their one night together. Her full, generous mouth, soft against his, lured him in deeper than he’d planned or dared.

He’d only meant to kiss her good night. A quick taste, a brush of lips against lips. But as she sighed into his mouth, he tumbled deeper into the taste and feel of her until his heart drummed the resonant, primitive beat of possession and need.

He wanted her. Had to have her.

Now.

“Stay with me tonight,” he begged.

And then her tears were back, and he cursed himself for being a selfish idiot. He didn’t have what she wanted, and to continue on like this would only hurt both of them. They couldn’t go forward from here, and they sure as hell couldn’t go back and undo that they knew they were perfect for each other. But not.

He rested his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I never cry. I’m all mixed up inside. Nothing’s working out like I thought it would. I’m not supposed to fall in love.”